Daily Archives: March 2, 2016

Pizza History Week: Domino’s gives new meaning to food porn

(Originally written May 2, 2013)

Always wanted to see how pizza was made, but unwilling to work for minimum wage?  If so, you just might be Italian, and you also might be interested in Domino’s latest innovation—a live webcam.  That’s right, if you get off on watching some pencil-necked geek toss dough in the air, you no longer need to pay for a monthly subscription to 2girls1crust.com.  Simply log on to dominoslive.com for some hot, crusty, doughy action!

As Forbes reports, “CEO J. Patrick Doyle called his company’s test ‘a logical extension’ of its efforts to boost ‘transparency’ over the last few years.”  Because if your pizza’s not ready in 30 minutes, you can type some dirty talk into the chat window, y’know, like “Show me the sausage,”  “Where’s the beef?”  or “Take off the mushrooms—I’m deathly allergic!”  (Hey, to some people, that’s a turn-on.)

Domino’s new strategy comes as arch competitor Pizza Hut unveiled its latest innovation to drive lazy-loser retention.  According to Forbes, “Pizza Hut upped the ante in the industry’s crucial digital milieu by unveiling a pizza-ordering app within Microsoft’s Xbox gaming system.”  That’s right, you can now order pizza without even pausing.  You’ll still hafta get up to pay the delivery guy, which might be a good time to empty out your piss bottle, while you’re at it.