I fought the steak, and the steak won!

One of the most intimidating culinary challenges in Toronto is The Hail Mary at Real Sports Bar and Grill: a 67 oz steak, pound of fries and pound of slaw. Only five people have finished, and a few folks have probably died trying. Now, I’ve eaten some pretty crazy things in my day, including a garbage plate, a Bypass Burger (with bacon!) and a week’s worth of nachos, so I thought I was up to the test…

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I guess I was expecting this to be just one huge steak, but really, it was more like a four-pound roast. You could feed an entire family with this, bro! I mean, this steak was so big that it was still raw in the middle after being cooked for elevenfinity hours. I actually had to send it back so they could warm it up some more!!!

Now the deal with this challenge is that you hafta finish in an hour. They even kept a security guard at my table with a timer to make sure I wasn’t cheating. But after I got to the uncooked centre within five minutes, they had to call timeout and stop the clock. I’m not sure if that was a good thing. Sure, I couldda scarfed down some slaw or stuffed my face with fries, but my strategy was to go after the steak first, since it required the most chewing. The fries and slaw could wait!

real_sports_steak (1)

You know when you’ve eaten too much, and you can’t really taste or chew your food? Yeah, that was me after half an hour. My stomach still felt fine, but my mouth was about ready to throw in the towel. I then discovered that putting some slaw in my mouth at the same time helped the steakicine go down, since it was easier to chew the slaw…but I was well off my blistering initial pace at that point. I couldda pulled a Kobayashi and gulped down a buncha H2O to get the food down into mah belly…but I didn’t wanna die of autoasphyisteakshun. (I’ve heard it’s the silent killer!)

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In the end, I finished about two-thirds of the meat and three-quarters of the slaw. I hardly even touched the fries, though. The good news is that they gave me the rest to go, so I’ve got enough leftovers for two normal-sized lunches. In case you’re wondering, this is what a pound of fries looks like:

pound_of_fries (1)

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11 thoughts on “I fought the steak, and the steak won!

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