(Originally written December 19, 2013)
Now, one sign of a good poutine is a thick, meaty fry, so when McDonald’s announced it was adding poutine to its menu–following in the footsteps of Wendy’s, Burger King, and most other fast-food franchises in this country–it seemed like pretty much the worst idea ever. After all, McDonald’s renowned salt-rockets are about as thin a fry as you’ll find in a cardboard pouch. Dump a small bag of cheese curds and some not-warm gravy on top, and you get this:
You’ll notice that the curds aren’t remotely close to melting. That’s cuz they took ’em straight out of a sealed plastic bag and pumped some cold gravy on top. I mean, I wasn’t expecting sauce en canne, but at least Burger King keeps its poutine sauce warm enough that it actually melts the cheese. All this stuff did was make my thin, yet deadly, fries soggy–which is kinda gross. In any case, the curds had good flavour, but they didn’t exactly squeak in my mouth. And what was up with that gravy!? Man, I’d even take KFC’s artery-busting lumps of doom over this. You can really tell that McDonald’s has never used gravy on any other menu item before, put it that way.
Of course, I didn’t have high hopes for this dish; I was really only trying it in the name of science. Cuz hey, there are really only three types of people who buy McDonald’s: students, the homeless and parents of small children. Let’s just say that if this serves as your kids’ first taste of poutine, they’ll probably never want to eat it again…
…which just means more crise cardiaque sur une assiette for the rest of us.