I survived the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (more calories than you can milkshake a cheese fry at!)

Right now, The Burger’s Priest has 12 Ontario locations, which means they won’t hafta add calorie counts to their menus next year—the law only kicks in for chains with 20 spots in the province. And that’s probably just as well, cuz I don’t even wanna know how many calories I consumed today:

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is available on The Priest’s secret menu, and costs $25.29. What you’ve got here are two cheeseburgers and two cheese-stuffed mushrooms served between two grilled-cheese sandwiches. Dude, this burger is cheesier than a Poison reunion tour with Enuff Z’Nuff and Firehouse opening!

But the cheese doesn’t stop there, son! These chili cheese fries are covered in a rich, meaty chili, topped with shredded cheddar. Just warm enough that the cheese melts on top, and just enough heat that I had to reach for a Riggs and Murtaugh milkshake:

This lethal weapon goes down smooth and creamy, equal parts ebony and ivory. If Danny Glover were to drink this, he’d revoke its diplomatic immunity!