(Originally written September 25, 2011)
Because I haven’t met any other die-hard Stamps fans in my now 11 years of living in Toronto, I have to find ways to keep myself amused–and intoxicated–when my team’s on TV. Thus, I’ve come up with my own CFL drinking game. The rules are simple: when the opposing team scores a touchdown, I down a beer. But it can’t be just any old beer–I have associated each team in the league with a particular brand. Here’s how it breaks down:
BC Lions: Kokanee. “Glacier fresh tasting Kokanee, it’s the beer out here!” Because as much as a Lions score puts a bad taste in my mouth, I still don’t wanna drink crackhead piss.
Deadmonton Eskishmoes: Big Rock Grasshopper. Whenever the Stamps meet the Eskies in the Battle of Alberta, I gotta go with the best-tasting Alberta beer that’s available in Toronto. (Still hafta try that Wild Rose IPA…)
Saskatchewan Roughriders: Old Style Pilsner, what else?
Hamilton Tiger-Cats: I used to drink Steelback when the Stamps played the Tabbies, but when they went belly-up last year, I decided not to switch to Steeler, even if it’s advertised at Ivor Wynne. (You can only buy that stuff in hobo-sized 950 ml cans, anyways.) Instead, I’ve switched to Tiger Beer, a pale lager from Singapore that’s actually quite tasty. And yes, I do have a few of these in the fridge for today’s Touchdown Atlantic contest.
Ottawa Redblacks: Dinner Jacket O’Red IPA. Hey, it has an O for Ottawa and the word “red” in its name, and it comes in a black can adorned with the kind of outfit that Gros Jos would wear.
Montreal Alouettes: Molson Dry. Because you haven’t been Montreal drunk until you’ve double-fisted half-a-dozen two-dollar Molson Drys at Les Foufones Electriques. When you’re singing along to Bon Jovi, Mononc’ Serge and some French songs you’ve never heard before at 2 am, that’s Montreal drunk.
Toronto Argonauts: Steamwhistle. Even though the Argos aren’t very good, I like to drink the best Toronto beer when they play my team. Mind you, I only go through one sixer of Steamwhistle a summer, since I tend to attend the Stamps @ Argos game in person–and they don’t even serve it at Rogers Centre, which is right next to their freakin’ brewery!
Winnipeg Blue Bombers: Labatt Blue. If I have to explain this one to you, you probably think the sky is clear.
Looking forward to the start of a new CFL season this year!