(Originally written September 25, 2011)
Because I haven’t met any other die-hard Stamps fans in my now 13 years of living in Toronto, I have to find ways to keep myself amused–and intoxicated–when my team’s on TV. Thus, I’ve come up with my own CFL drinking game. The rules are simple: when the opposing team scores a touchdown, I down a beer. But it can’t be just any old beer–I have associated each team in the league with a particular brand. Here’s how it breaks down:
BC Lions: Kokanee. “Glacier fresh tasting Kokanee, it’s the beer out here!” Because as much as a Lions score puts a bad taste in my mouth, I still don’t wanna drink crackhead piss.
Deadmonton Eskishmoes: Big Rock Grasshopper. Whenever the Stamps meet the Eskies in the Battle of Alberta, I gotta go with the best-tasting Alberta beer that’s available in Toronto. (Still hafta try that Wild Rose IPA…)
Saskatchewan Roughriders: Old Style Pilsner, what else?
Winnipeg Blue Bombers: Labatt Blue. If I have to explain this one to you, you probably think the sky is clear.
Hamilton Tiger-Cats: I used to drink Steelback when the Stamps played the Tabbies, but when they went belly-up last year, I decided not to switch to Steeler, even if it’s advertised at Ivor Wynne. (You can only buy that stuff in hobo-sized 950 ml cans, anyways.) Instead, I’ve switched to Tiger Beer, a pale lager from Singapore that’s actually quite tasty. And yes, I do have a few of these in the fridge for today’s Touchdown Atlantic contest.
Ottawa Redblacks: Dinner Jacket O’Red IPA. Hey, it has an O for Ottawa and the word “red” in its name, and it comes in a black can adorned with the kind of outfit that Gros Jos would wear.
Montreal Alouettes: Molson Dry. Because you haven’t been Montreal drunk until you’ve double-fisted half-a-dozen two-dollar Molson Drys at Les Foufones Electriques. When you’re singing along to Bon Jovi, Mononc’ Serge and some French songs you’ve never heard before at 2 am, that’s Montreal drunk.
Toronto Argonauts: Steamwhistle. Even though the Argos aren’t very good, I like to drink the best Toronto beer when they play my team. Mind you, I only go through one sixer of Steamwhistle a summer, since I tend to attend the Stamps @ Argos game in person–and they don’t even serve it at Rogers Centre, which is right next to their freakin’ brewery!
Looking forward to the start of a new CFL season this year!
UPDATE 06/24/18: Looks like Dinner Jacket O’Red IPA has been discontinued–it’s no longer listed on the LCBO website. This year, I’m trying out Black Creek Brewing’s Canadian Frontier Bitter Ale as my Ottawa REDBLACKS beer…but I’m open to suggestions for a more fitting beverage.