I came, I saw, I tasted tons of great Toronto eats!

Last time I was at Fort York was for a War of 1812 re-enactment, presented by the Conservative Party of Canada. (I played General Harper Lee.) But this time was a lot tastier. We’re talking Taste of Toronto, an all-day, four-day foodfest serving up some of the best dishes from all over this city.

Now as soon as I walked in and saw a long-haired dude roasting lamb on a spit, I knew that I was in the right place. They’re serving it up righteous-style with bulgar salad and some freaky tzatziki, dude!

Now, I don’t always eat salad, but when I do, I make sure it’s got roast pork, crispy pork skin, peanuts and pickles on top. This Indonesian dish brings the heat like Doc Halliday in his prime!

How do you make ribs even better? Cook ’em in a root beer sauce, toss some corn nuts on top and smother with a nice jalapeno puree. This dish was equal parts crunchy and munchy!

Speaking of root beer, I’ve wanted to try Mill Street’s boozy version ever since I first heard about it in a back alley behind an A&W. (Don’t ask me what I was doing in a back alley behind an A&W.) And I gotta say, they really nailed it. The carbonation is spot on, nice fizz to it, and while it tastes a lot like root beer, it’s also got a good rummy, boozy, kick. I would smuggle six of these into a youth soccer game…and I don’t even have kids!

Speaking of cool refreshment, this one goes straight down…to Mexico. Can you say avocado popsicle, bro? Man, this would go great with some frozen nachos!

Of course, it wouldn’t be a food fest without some winner, winner fried-chicken dinner. This two-piece combo is served Taiwanese style with some red hot chili peppers and two kinds of dipping sauce. Can’t stop me Flea, I’m addicted to this chicken!

Now, when I was a kid, I ate so much calamari at the Olive Garden that I think they even named an octopus after me. But I never had it inside a bamboo charcoal bun…until today.

Speaking of burgers, I heard that the Richmond Station serves up a mean one. They stuff it with short rib and serve it medium-rare with beet chutney and aged cheddar on a milk bun. I wouldn’t normally pay 10 bucks for half a slider–pretty sure I could eat 12 of these–but in this case, it was worth every nickel (y’know, cuz we don’t have pennies anymore)!

Now, most people would probably stop there, but most people don’t have a tattoo of Guy Fieri on their lower back. And you know Guy would go crazy for these real-deal burnt ends, served up on a wafer made out of sticky rice. Dude, this is body by burnt ends on a sticky-rice wafer!

Now, the first time I went to Kintori Yakitori, they didn’t knock my socks off. But this time, I went with the squid. Cuz whether it’s grilled or deep-fried, you really can’t go wrong with calamari, chico!

You know I saved the best for last, bro. This had to be the funkiest dish at the festival, and I found it. Say hello to my little friend porchetta pizza, with flor di latte, asparagus, a poached egg yolk and fresh basil:

Dude, I haven’t eaten this much food since I scarfed down 17 tacos last weekend! And I’ve still got room for BBQ tonight, cuz that’s how I roll…literally. I just tucked my legs in and made like Randy Bachman all the way down to the subway, son!