Now, everybody knows you can’t have nachos without that ooey, gooey, disgustingly delicious cheese sauce, right? That’s a major nacho no-no, bro! But in Halifax, some Doofus McDorkstick decided to boost arena profits by only serving chips and salsa…and people are pretty cheesed off about it.
As Halifax Mooseheads season ticket holder Joey Maxwell told the CBC, “I thought it was B.S. that they didn’t offer the cheese anymore. I don’t understand the need to subtract something that makes something more edible.” You and me both, broseph! I could eat that cheese off a flip-flop, and it would still taste good!
The GM of Halifax’s Scotiabank Centre, where the Mooseheads play, said they switched to a new concession-stand company last season. He pretends this is no big deal. “We go through the menus on an annual basis,” he told CBC Mainstreet. “This year we just happened to run with chips and salsa.” Suuuure. That’s like Guy Fieri saying “This year, I just happened to go on a roadtrip.” No way Jose!
Not only that, but they replaced the cheese with mild salsa. My main main Joey Maxwell ain’t havin’ none of it, either. “It’s just mild. There’s not really any spice. The cheese kind of gave it the spice and now you’re getting rid of it and it’s perplexing to me,” he said. He says he’s boycotting the concession stand, and he’s even started sneaking his own Tex Mex cheese blend into the games:
Dude, this guy is like the Commissioner of Snackfood in Flavourtown! But I’m going to take his boycott even further. Now, you know I’m rolling out all over this country, looking for the greatest burgers, bacon and beer…but I won’t be setting foot in Halifax until cheese justice is restored. I don’t care if The Tragically Hip is jamming with Kid Rock at the grand opening of Guy Fieri’s Halifax Seafood Shack—I will not show up unless I can put some freakin’ cheese on my freakin’ chips, son!!!!!