So, we’re hanging out at Barque Smokehouse, this cozy neighbourhood joint on Roncesvalles in the west end. Now, I’ve had a whole buncha funkalicious, bananas, shut-the-back-door BBQ in this city, but they say Barque is too legit to quit, so I had to hammerdance on over to check it out.
I gotta say bro, they had me at “Nice throat.” Belle Gueule is one of my favourite Quebec beers, but you never ever see it over here. Not only did Barque have it on tap, it even came in its own glass! They hit that one so far outta bounds it took out a popcorn vendor, dude!
Now, it’s hard to pick a favourite among so many great meats, but if you get the Smoker’s Choice platter, they’ll give you some of everything: pulled pork, beef brisket, baby back ribs—all that and a chicken thigh, son! But that’s not all; it even comes with appetizers, side dishes and desserts. Now, I had something similar at Carbon Bar a little while back, and there was nothing going on but the meat. But while you end up paying nine dollars more, Barque gives you enough food for a family of four…as long as one of them has a small appetite and lets me eat the rest. (I ate about six ribs alone, son!)
But we ain’t even close to the main course yet, homeslice! We’re kicking things off with this crunchalicious salad. Man, this salad has got everything: napa cabbage, red peppers, carrots, cucumbers and crushed cashews—crikey! As far as salads go, this is pretty legit. All that’s missing is some bacon, or some tater tots or something…
Ain’t no thang but a chicken wing, mang! These smoked wings are super-legit. They’ve got a really great five-spice dry rub and come with a creamy curry dip that’s money like Steph Curry at the three-point line. Whoever came up with that one is like my saucy saviour, son!
Here comes the meat, all dressed in heat…
So not only do we get some superhero, rockstar smoked meat, but you know every superhero needs a sidekick, and this one comes with two of them. Say hello to my little friend Barque Fries Deluxe:
Dude, this is like Taco Bell’s Fries Supreme, except you don’t hafta yell “Fire in the hole!” before eating. You’ve got nacho cheese, sour cream, tomatoes and green onions. Now what would really take this dish to the next level is if they put some beef brisket on top—I would eat that off a flip-flop, hombre!
The second sidekick is a shady character by the name of crispy cauliflower. Now, I guess that cauliflower doesn’t cost, like, 200 bucks a head anymore, cuz it feels like I’ve eaten a fuckton of funky cauli lately. But unlike some of its cauliflower cousins, this dish wasn’t deep-fried, but it came with a nice combination of cashews, chilies and cilantro for that extra crunch.
Put it all together, and that’s quite a bit of food. Of course, I still went back for seconds, and even thirds. And you don’t even hafta ask if there’s still room for dessert…because dessert is actually included!!!!
Dude, this is one of the best food deals I’ve had in this city since that time I ate at Trump Restaurant for Winterlicious. They don’t make ‘em much greater than this, bro!!!!!!!!11111