Monthly Archives: January 2017

WINTERLICIOUS 2017: Be vewry vewry quiet…we’re eating wrabbit!

So, we’re hanging out at Bodega on Baldwin St, this funky French joint with a Spanish name. Now, if you’re from Noo Yawk, you’d know that a bodega is a corner store with lotsa cats—but it’s a totally different vibe here. You definitely won’t find a shelf full of Funyuns at this place, son!

What they do have at Bodega are some righteous, real-deal, funky eats. So, we started out with the blue crab cakes, served nice ‘n hot in a crunchy panko breading with a whole lotta ancho mayo on top for a nice added kick. Of course, they only put the mayo on the top cake, so, y’know, I had to distribute it more evenly. No biggie!

But the real reason we’re here is for the rabbit leg served coq au vin style, with scalloped potatoes, pearl onions, mushrooms, carrots and green beans. Now, I hate to say it tastes like chicken, but with the way they prepared it, you definitely get that feeling—it’s like lapin au vin, Jacques Martin! But at the same time, it also kinda has the texture of roast pork. The scalloped ‘taters are super crispy, and you get a nice little bite of mushroom here, a little onion there… This is probably the first time in my life I’ve eaten green beans two days in a row though, bro!

But here’s the real pièce de résistance—unemployment pudding for dessert! This Quebec tradition is served up with maple syrup sauce, a side of ice cream, and a couple blueberries for just a bit of tartness. This dish is so tasty, I’ve got the Unemployment Pudding Blues, bro!!!

WINTERLICIOUS 2017: Turkey sausage party in my mouth, bro!

So, we’re hanging out at Biff’s Bistro, this funky French joint on Front St. E. Normally, this place is pretty fancy-schmancy, but for Winterlicious, they’re serving up three course for just 38 bucks—about the same price as an entrée on their regular menu.

Now, I gotta say, I did not know that velouté was a soup when I saw it on the menu. But hey, when you throw in some Yukon gold potatoes, raclette cheese and a baby gerkin on top, I could eat that off a flip-flop!

On the other hand, I was pretty sure I knew what boudin is—a blood sausage stuffed with rice. But this here is boudin blanc, and they make it with turkey instead. You’ve got a nice, crispy char on the meat, a tasty potato mash, some sauerkraut, green beans and a couple caramelized apples, for a little sugar. Shut the back door!

Of course I still had room for dessert, and I know you’re thinking this is probably the smallest slice of chocolate cake you’ve ever seen. But man, this thing is richer than some of the guys in Trump’s cabinet, with a thick layer of caramel, some toasted oats, and a couple buckthorn berries, for that extra kick. I still couldda eaten a bigger piece though, bro!!!

I dunno bro, but I don’t think we’re in Little India anymore…

So, we’re hanging out at Lake Inez, this brand-new craft-beer Asian-fusion sharing-plates place on Gerrard St, over by Coxwell. Now most joints in this part of town are Lahore Tikka This, Chicken Masala That, Hanging Out Second Avenue Eating Chicken Vindaloo…but this place, this place is totally different. You almost wouldn’t know it’s there—they’ve only got a small sign on the door—and you definitely don’t see it coming, but they’ve really some funky dishes, dude!

Now, I don’t always eat sunchokes, but when I do, I load ‘em up with bacon, green onions and sour cream—baked potato style, bro! The texture is sorta like a potato skin, but they’ve got a nice smokiness, grilled up over Japanese charcoal ‘n all. Pretty sure I could slam 16 of these…but then I wouldn’t have room for the main course!

Now, they call this a Large Sharing Plate, but it’s really just a light snack in Flavourtown. This Vietnamese-style pork chop comes in about 17 pieces, and it’s topped with a caramelized fish sauce, crunchy cashews, and a pineapple/cucumber salsa. It’s pretty different from any pork dish I’ve ever eaten—that flavour profile is honky tonk redonkadonk—but you know I’d eat it off a flip-flop if we weren’t in the middle of January!

Of course, you can’t go to a place that has 18 local craft beers on tap and drink only water, so when visiting Lake Inez, I drink Lake Effect IPA from Great Lakes Brewery. This one packs a punch, at 7%, but it actually wasn’t very bitter, especially for an IPA. Lemme tell ya, it sure tastes nice with a pile of pork and a side of sunchokes, son!

WBK brings back the Double Down for brunch, bro!

Now, one of my all-time favourite fast-food feasts was the KFC Double Down. Those cats took two pieces of the Colonel’s original recipe, put a buncha bacon and cheese in the middle, and served it up sandwich style for maximum crunchaliciousness. But it was only for a limited time, dude!!!

They’ve brought it back once or twice, and I’ve even tried a funky Jamaican-style double down in the meantime, but I was still jonesin’ for my fried chicken fix. So when I heard that White Brick Kitchen in The Annex is serving up its own twisted take on this delicious chicken classic, you know I was all over this one, son! Say hello to my crispy little friend:

Duuuude, there is so much bacon and Swiss cheese on this thing that you can barely see the bottom chicken-bun! And putting a fried egg on top practically guarantees that you can’t eat it with your hands, but this dish is so yuuuge that it’s pretty much impossible to pick up, anyhoo.

And man, this chicken is totally on point. It’s super crispy, with a great seasoning in the breading. Bacon is the perfect texture–not too chewy or too crunchy–and then you’ve got the cheese, which starts melting into the chicken, and the egg yolk running back to Saskatoon like Burton Cummings on a three-day bender… This dish is so money, I dunno how the KFC across the street is even still in business, bro!

Now, at 21 bucks, it’s also by far the most expensive thing on the brunch menu, and I’m pretty sure I couldda gotten two KFC Double Downs for that price–but after eating WBK’s version, I honestly don’t think I could go back to Kentucky. Unless they bring back the Zinger Double Down though, cuz that shit’s too legit to quit, yo!

We’ve got both kinds of duck here: confit AND breastern!

So, we’re hanging out at Le Batifole, this cozy neighbourhood French joint just a couple blocks from East Chinatown, and they’ve definitely got some funkalicious dishes. Escargot, cassoulet, steak béarnaise…but when I heard that they’re serving up both kinds of duck, well, cue up the theme from Rawhide, cuz we’re countin’ em out and ridin’ em in, Elwood!

OK, now let’s break it down. The duck breast was fatty, chewy, rich and zesty, thanks to the creamy apple brandy sauce. You’ve also got some confit apples on the side for the extra sweetness. The confit was juicy, moist and chicken-leg tender, although it didn’t quite have that crispy skin. But they made up for it with the extra-crispness of these big fat fries, bro!

Now dude, these have gotta be some of the best fries I’ve had in a while. Super-thick and crunchy, nicely seasoned, with a solid terragon aioli—and they definitely don’t short-change ya! I’m not sure I really needed to eat all these French-fried potaters…but I definitely don’t regret it, either!

But you know I still had room for dessert…and their gourmandises are totally Instagram-worthy. They call this one the boule de neige, and it’s like a creamy snowball right in the kisser in Flavourtown. You’ve got a light, fluffy meringue swimming in English cream, and then some craisins and a gooseberry on top. I almost felt bad about eating this little guy’s face off…but it was totally worth every bite, bro!!!!

Buffalo-style Thanksgiving with Fieri sauce, son!

Now, for me, a pound of Buffalo wings is just a light snack, but when I came across these turkey wings at the grocery store, I figured I wouldn’t hafta pound as many to be fully in my belly. And dude, Longo’s was selling these in pairs for less than two bucks a pop, so you know I had to go all Eddie Money and take some home tonight!

Now, this picture isn’t as zoomed in as you think–these wings are like chicken wings on steroids, son! I was wondering how long to cook ’em; some sites said a couple hours at 350, but I wouldn’t even spend a couple hours watching Metallica in concert, so I turned the heat up to 425 and put ’em in for 20 minutes a side:

But of course, it isn’t Buffalo without the wing sauce. And there’s only one wing sauce this side of the Anchor Bar that’s heading straight down my piehole, dude. I could literally eat this stuff off a flip-flop…but hey, it’s winter boot season, bro!

After tossing the wings in the sauce in a metal bowl, I threw ’em down with some jalapeno pita chips and an ice-cold Landshark Lager, the really-just-a-dolphin of beers:

Now, this meal was so outta bounds, it was wider right than Scott Norwood! The wings were super-tender, nice kick from the sauce, and the chips were crunchalicious…although even less spicy than a Wendy’s chicken sandwich. But who needs spicy chips with spicy wings, anyways?

Well OK, this guy does. Next time, I’ll hafta get Miss Vicky’s instead!

It’s like Jimmy Buffet in a can, bro!

So, last time I was in Vegas, I walked by Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville at the Flamingo casino…but I did not go inside, cuz I was on my way to Guy Fieri’s funkalicious Vegas kitchen. (I did go to the Flamingo for the brunch buffet though, bro!)

But a couple weeks back, I was hitting up the beer section of my local LCBO for a case of Coors Light, when I spotted a big ol’ display of Jimmy Buffet brand Landshark Lager…so, you KNOW I had to try it:

Now, they only sell this stuff in tallboy cans, which is optimal for a little stab ‘n chug action, son! It says it’s an “Island Style Lager”—but to me, it tastes kinda Mexican, like Sol or Tecate. And at just 4.6%, I could probably chug about seven or eight of these before I’m wasted away again in Margaritaville!!!!

Hey, I’m pretty sure it’s five o’clock somewhere, dude!

What to do when you can’t decide between rotisserie chicken and fried chicken

So, we’re hanging out at The Chickery, this funky little chicken shack just baby steps from the Sick Kids Hospital. Now, this place has got both kinds of chicken: rotisserie and fried, and sometimes, you just can’t choose. That’s why they give it to you both ways with this delicious dish, The Chickery Sampler:

OK, let’s break it down. What you’ve got here are two buttermilk chicken fingers, a chicken feather, mac ‘n cheese, kale caesar salad, buttermilk ranch sauce…and beneath all of that madness, a quarter-chicken white. That’s a whole lotta food, dude! Now, I know what you’re thinking–what the cluck is a chicken feather? It’s this thing, right here:

Now, while the chicken fingers were plump and juicy, the feather is a whole different bird, bro. This chicken strip is super-thin and extra crispy, with a salty sprinkling of Parmesan. Still goes great with the buttermilk ranch sauce, though!

And I gotta say, the sides were pretty legit. The kale caesar salad was so crisp and tasty, you wouldn’t even know there was kale mixed in with the romaine. And hey, that’s the way I like to eat kale–blended in so well you don’t even know it’s there. The mac ‘n cheese had a nice crispy breadcrumb coating, but it couldn’t decide whether it was supposed to be a hot or a cold dish, and came out a little lukewarm. I think next time I might try a different side, like some cornbread or the smashed garlic potater…

But of course, we haven’t even gotten to the best part yet. This rotisserie chicken is like sweet dreams on Elm St. The bird was so moist and juicy, it’s making my mouth water just looking at the picture! And while the seasoning was similar to Swiss Chalet, they don’t usually serve ’em up this fresh, bro!

Man, this place is like the best of both worlds. It takes KFC and Swiss Chalet out back, slaughters em, and serves ’em up with a side caesar salad, son!!!!!!

LITTLE TOKYO: The best way to eat Uncle Tetsu’s Cheesecake

Since the last time I ate Uncle Tetsu’s cheesecake, just over a year ago, the man has really expanded his operation. He’s now got Uncle Tetsu’s Matcha Cafe right next door, and he’s opened up another shop at Union Station…so the guy’s pretty much got the public transportation market covered. But the crown jewel in Tetsu’s Toronto empire is around the corner and a couple blocks up the street. We’re talking Uncle Tetsu’s Japanese Angel Cafe, bro!

This funky joint takes up the entire second floor at 191 Dundas West, and it’s a lot bigger than you think. The waitresses are all dressed up in maid outfits, and they’re serving up more than just coffee and cheesecake… Check out this righteous dish–Japanese chicken ‘n waffles, bro!

Now, I should probably tell you this delish dish ain’t on the menu. Well, it is, but it’s actually two separate dishes. See, I ordered their chicken karaage appetizer and the cheddar & maple waffle from their lunch menu, but I asked ’em to bring both out at the same time. So, I put one on top of the other, poured the side sauce all over the place, and a new dish was born. I call this one the Triple J: Juicy Japanese Jams, bro! Maybe if enough people ask for it by name, it’ll become the new house specialty. 😉

But YOU KNOW I not gonna not leave room for dessert at this place–cuz their cheesecake is literally from outer space! They call this the Lunar Cheesecake, and it’s kinda like a New York cheesecake, except you can only get it in Toronto. And man, there is so much chocolate here bro that I ain’t even complaining they didn’t give me a bigger piece. Now, I know nobody lines up outside Tetsu’s original cheesecake factory anymore, but man, I would wait for this one even longer than Mumford and Sons!

“Tokyo, you are cleared for landing…straight down my cakehole!!!!”

LITTLE TOKYO: It’s like sushi on steroids, bro!

Now, I may not be the world’s biggest sushi fan, but I loves me some burritos, so if you put the two together, then I shouldn’t have any problem with that. And over at Rolltation, this funky little joint in Little Tokyo, they’ve found a way to turn burritos Japanese that would make Kirsten Dunst jealous!

Basically, this stuff is like sushi on steroids. They’ve got six different rolls to choose from, whether you want beef, chicken, veggie, or seafood, son! Now, I couldda gone for a classic salmon, or maybe a wasabi tuna, but you know that if there’s beef on the menu, then I’m about to shove it straight down my piehole. Say hello to my little friend kimchi beef burrito:

Man, we’ve got all kindsa ridiculous flavours rolled up in here. First of all, there’s a hunka, hunka Korean beef, then you’ve got a nice tang from the kimchi, some crunchy carrots and lettuce, cold asparagus, kidney beans and avocado, bro! Now, you’d think some of this stuff would need to be warmed up–at least the meat, anyways–but since sushi, like revenge, is a dish best served cold, it actually comes together quite nicely.

And hey, one of my biggest burrito pet peeves is when you get all the meat on one side, and the veggies on the other, so it’s impossible to find that perfect bite. But here, the meat is distributed evenly, so while you might end up with three bites of asparagus at once, or a whole mouthful of avocado, at least there’ll be some beef in there, too.

Now, for $12.99, this is quite a bit pricier than, say, Burrito Bandidos, but it’s definitely something you don’t see every day…like Kirsten Dunst in a schoolgirl outfit:

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