Happy Mother’s Day from a jacked-up Colonel Sanders!

Have you ever fantasized about making sweet, sweet love to a bucket of the Colonel’s Original Recipe? OK, I guess that would be pretty weird. But Mother’s Day is actually KFC’s biggest selling day of the year, and this year, they’re setting hearts on fire with these Tender Wings of Desire:

Now, this has gotta be the hottest thing to come outta KFC since the Zinger Double Down, dude! OK, let’s break it down. Lady Madeline Parker runs away from her douchebag hubby, who doesn’t even lift, bro! She finds herself swept into the 24-inch pythons of The Colonel, a handsome sailor with a mysterious past, and must choose between the tenderness of Original Recipe and the fiery passion of Extra Crispy. It’s a king-sized calamity in Flavourtown!

This book comes free with a $20 Fill Up, but if for some reason, you don’t want to scarf down 17 pieces of finger-lickin’ fried chicken, you can also order it on Amazon.

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