How to make beef ribs at home

I fucking love beef ribs, bro!!!! Whether it’s eating them for breakfast at a ribfest, a whole whack of them for 19 bucks at Smoke Bourbon, or finding them on special at one of the many great BBQ joints all over this city, if you’re asking “Where’s the beef?” the answer is straight down my piehole, son! But one thing I’ve never done was try to make them at home. So when I saw beef ribs on special at Longo’s, I figured I’d give’r a go. Here’s how that all went down:

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OK, so first of all, I found this recipe on the internet for insane-in-the-membrane beef ribs, so I knew it had to be good. The recipe says to boil ’em for 20 minutes while you preheat the oven and prepare the sauce. But I ain’t got stuff like red wine, brown sugar or curry powder ’round here, so instead, I reached for my old friend Bull’s-Eye. It’s the official sauce of the Stampede, son!

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But this ain’t any old BBQ sauce–it’s Guinness BBQ sauce, bro! Pretty sure I bought this on St. Patty’s Day on the way home from Pogue Mahone, cuz the seal was already broken ‘n shit…but it’s all good in the Flavourhood, homes!

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So, once the ribs came out of the pot, I smothered ’em in enough Guinness sauce to drown an Irishman, then stuck ’em in the oven for half an hour. The recipe said to pour the remaining sauce overtop, but since I didn’t measure, that just meant more saucy goodness for me!!!

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So now, here comes the fun part. At this point, these ribs have taken me 50 minutes to prepare, and I’m so hungry I could eat a flip-flop with nothing on it, and it would still taste good! Alas, these ribs weren’t quite the stuff that legends are made of. I shouldda cut the fat off the back first, and probably didn’t need to cook them so long–but that’s not to say I didn’t lick my plate clean like KISS with no makeup, bro!

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