Monthly Archives: August 2017

NASHVILLE NOSH: I had a BBQ stain on my white t-shirt…

So, we’re hanging out at Martin’s Bar-B-Que Joint, this real-deal smokehouse just three blocks and the truth from the Country Music Hall of Fame. This place is a local legend, with three floors of brews ‘n cues, and they’re serving it up from the smoker all day and all of the night!

They call this the Big Brother Platter, and you KNOW he’s watching you, bro! You’ve got beef brisket, you’ve got dry-rubbed spare ribs, and your choice of two sides–in this case coleslaw and a cornbread pancake. The brisket is nice ‘n fatty, the ribs are super smoky, and the pancake is breakfast for lunch, but what makes it is the white sauce, son!

This creamy, garlicky goodness goes great with brisket, it works with ribs…you could even put it in a jug, and I’d pop-a-top and chug-a-lug it all day! It will totally leave a stain on yer t-shirt, though…

NASHVILLE NOSH: You know I like my chicken fried, cold beer on a Friday night…

Just got back from Nashville, and boy, is my mouth tired! We’ll be sharing some of Music City’s funkiest eats over the next two weeks–starting with this local taste sensation, son!

So, we’re hanging out at Party Fowl, the official hot chicken joint of the Tennessee Titans. And this place is funking it up with hot chicken poutine, hot chicken nachos, and this delicious pairing, the Chicken B&B:

So, they take a boneless chicken breast, do it up hot chicken style, and pair it with three sugary pillows of deep-fried goodness–I’m talkin’ bout beignets, bro!

Now, the thing with hot chicken is that it’s not an overpowering kick–more like a slow burn. The first couple bites are no problemo, but then the heat builds as you go along. I only got the mild, which was still plenty spicy–I can’t imagine what the Poultrygeist tastes like!

At least these beignets took a bit off the heat off. These warm dough pockets were smothered in powdered sugar and drizzled with a bourbon glaze for just a bit of a kick. I could definitely eat these all day, dude!!!

Now The Stillery on 2nd Ave does have a hot chicken sandwich, but they’re also kicking it up a notch with this hot chicken pizza. Man, it may not be in the original recipe, but I’m a big believer that putting bacon on everything makes it taste better…and you can’t go wrong with the amount of bacon on this here pie, bro!

And of course, if you’re eating hot chicken, you’ll wanna cool it down with an ice cold beer. And what better beerski than Chicken Scratch, a refreshing pilsner from local brew house Little Harpeth. Why did the chicken cross the road? To head straight down my beerhole, broski!!!!!

Smokin’ some wings @ 420 Smokehouse

Happy 420, dudes! We’re hanging out at 420 Smokehouse, this friendly neighbourhood bar & grill appropriately located at 420 Parliament Street. (And here you was thinking this joint was a head shop!) Now, this place does NOT do Texas-style barbecue—there ain’t no beef brisket on the menu, bro! But if you’re into chicken ‘n ribs, they’ve got you covered. And they’re serving up a pound of smoked wings for just 12 bucks:

Now, I’ve had some smoked chicken wings before where you really get a ton of smoky flavour—but that’s not the case here. After taking ‘em outta the smoker, they stick these ones in the deep fryer…which is how you’re normally supposed to make wings, anyways. And while it sounded like it would be awesome, the 420 Wellington Ale BBQ sauce didn’t add much of a kick. I’d say these wings were pretty much on par with St. Louis Bar & Grill.

But hey, on the plus side, they’re serving up pints of Pickup Truck Pilsner for just 6 bucks until 7 pm! You KNOW there’s something ‘bout a truck, bro!!!!

All-you-can-grab Ethiopian eats, bro!

So, we’re hanging out at Abyssinia Restaurant, this funky, family Ethiopian joint on the Danforth. Now, I’ve never been to Ethiopia, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night–and I’d take this righteous grub over a free continental breakfast any day of the week!

OK, so here’s the deal. You take a spin of this flavour wheel of funkaliciousness in Flavourtown, and where it stops, nobody knows, bro! This is a whole cornucopia of deliciousness right here. You’ve got lamb, you’ve got beef, you’ve got lentils, greens and split peas, all prepared in a variety of ways with a whole buncha different flavours and spices. And you know what the best part is? They don’t give you a fork, or a knife, not even a spoon. Instead, you scoop it all up with some spongy injera bread. It’s like Spongebob Breadpants in Flavourtown, heading straight down my piehole!

Sure, things might get a little messy sometimes…but if it ain’t messy, it ain’t tasty, bro!!!!

Bud & a burger, bro!

So, we’re hanging out at Bud Stage, where my bud Chris Stapleton is taking the stage with Brent Cobb and Margo Price. This place used to be a Molson venue, but now it’s sponsored by the King of Beers. I don’t always drink Budweiser, but a beer and a burger for $21.75 ain’t bad, right?

WRONG! This patty was about as thin as McDonald’s, and basically just as tasty. Even with pickles, onions and green olives on top, we’re a long ways from Flavourtown here. I have literally had a better burger at the ACC, bro!!!!

Seriously, McDonald’s?

Now, I dunno if you’ve heard about the new Seriously Chicken sandwich at McDonald’s. The one they say is like the Angus beef of chicken? I mean, calling chicken the Angus beef of something is like saying this is the bacon poutine of quinoa salad–that does not compute, bro! But hey, if you call something the Angus beef of anything, I’m probably still gonna end up eating it.

So, they had two options–Tomato & Mozzarella or Guacamole & Jalapeno. Since I’m Guy Fieri’s second cousin thrice removed, you know which one I went for… holy guacamole and holla-atcha-penos, bro! (Don’t mess with Tex Mex!!!!)

Now, lemme tell ya, that’s some crispy chicken, son! In fact, it’s almost more crispy, less chicken. And the fact that they didn’t even try to melt the cheese is a little disappointing. But I’m digging the red onion and fresh lettuce, and the bun is a step up from what you normally get at McDonald’s. Thing is, the so-called guac is like a great green glob of weaksauce–it tastes like nothing. And for a sandwich with Jalapeno in the name, they sure don’t give you very many, cuz I didn’t find any hot peppers until I had eaten most of this burger already:

Whoomp, there it is!

Now, don’t get me wrong, this burger wasn’t bad…but if I’m paying 11 bucks for a fast food chicken sandwich combo, then I think I’m gonna stick with Wendy’s Bacon Queso Chicken Burger. Pour some queso on me, bro!!!

Everything INCLUDING the kitchen sink fries, bro!!!!

So, we’re hanging out at Hogtown Smoke, this friendly neighbourhood BBQ joint in the Beaches. Now, I heard this place is serving up one of the funkiest starters in town, a redneck take on poutine that’s totally honky-tonk redonkadonk–Kitchen Sink Stacked Fries!

OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got some hand-cut, french-fried potaters, topped with pulled pork, cheese, coleslaw, BBQ sauce and a whole buncha root-beer baked beans. It’s like a culinary gangbang in Flavourtown, heading straight down my piehole! But wait, how did that piece of beef get in there???

We’re talking brontosaurus bone beef rib, bro! Cuz you KNOW those fries was just a small side dish! This marvelous meat sensation tips the scales at 1 pound, 8 ounces–that’s like a culinary food baby in Flavourtown! Dude, this was so much food I almost didn’t finish it. But almost only counts in horseshoes and hand-grenades, son!!!!

NO FRY LEFT BEHIND, BRO!!!!

My jerk chicken wrap brings the boys to the yard!

So, check it out. We’re chilling like a villain in the courtyard at Brookfield Place, where they’ve got this local, real-deal, farm-fresh summer market on Wednesdays. There’s these little stalls serving up sausage, veggies and cheese, but the one that everyone lines up for is the Jamaican stand. Not only have they got patties, but they’re funking it up with this double dose of deliciousness–the jerk chicken roti wrap:

Dude, this is like Caribana in my mouth, bro! You’ve got a multi-layered blanket of cornmeal goodness with some thick chunks of chicken and potato on the inside. The bird is nice and tender, with a good kick, but not too spicy. Washed it down with a ginger beer, which didn’t really soothe my soul–the fizz from the bubbles only put more fire in my wire!!!

Is this the best pad thai in Toronto?

So, we’re hanging out at Bua Thai, this cozy little Thai joint right at the corner of Av & Dav. This place has got all kinds of curries, satays, soups and fried rice, but for me, it’s all about the pad thai. Now, I’ve never been to Thailand, but I was rockin’ out to “One Night in Bangkok” last night, bro! Check out this funky jam:

Now, the portions aren’t yuuuge, but this is still a real-deal, full-course meal, bro! You’ve got some steaming hot rice noodles, a couple giant shrimps, some chicken, tofu, bean sprouts, green onion, egg and peanuts–the gang’s all here! And I never eat tofu otherwise, but put it in pad thai, and it’s too legit to quit!!!

All the flavours are here, and they’re on point. It’s like monsoon season in my mouth, bro! Probably one of the top five pad thais I’ve had–and I think I’ve had about five pad thais, so it’s definitely right up there.

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