I like my bacon black just like my metal!

So, we’re hanging out at Graffiti’s Bar & Grill, this funky little dive in Kensington Market. Normally, you could expect to hear all kinds of music in this joint–there’s even an old, battered piano–but on Sundays, it’s all about the ‘bangers. And no, I don’t mean bangers ‘n mash, bro!

Black Metal Brunch has been a neighbourhood staple for 13 plus years. The bar’s been blasting out heavy riffs and serving up hearty eats to long-haired freaky people every Sunday since back when Limp Bizkit was still cool…and it looks like their prices are still stuck in 2004, bro! I mean, I’m pretty sure a spread like this will set ya back at least $12.50 at Denny’s:

They call this The Big One, and it’s only nine bucks, son! You’ve got three eggs, two types of bacon–peameal and bacon strips–toast and potatoes, with a couple pieces of fruit for dessert. And this ain’t no skinny sliver of back bacon, bro!!!

Dude, this is like a breakfast blast beat of blasphemy in Flavourtown! The peameal is about the size of a pork chop, the eggs are scrambled up nicely, you’ve got some seasoning on the potatoes, and rye toast that’s about as black as a Norwegian dance party. All that’s missing is the pointy hat!