Monthly Archives: February 2018

Pounding 40 40-cent wings at The Pint!

So we’re hanging out at The Pint, this massive new sports bar just a Darwin Barney groundout away from the Rogers Centre. If you can’t make it to the game, this place seems like a pretty good place to watch it, with like 57 TVs, a whole buncha sports photos, and 40 different kinds of wings, bro! And on Wing Wednesdays, those wings are just 40 cents each!!!!

This means you can get one regular order of wings (10 wings, or a pound) for four bucks, but at that price, I don’t want just 10 wings—I can probably eat at least 40!

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Now, they don’t let you do one flavour per wing—instead it’s one flavour per pound. So I started off with some Kansas City BBQ wings along with a pound of Montreal Spiced. The KC wings had a little smoke, and quite a bit of heat, while the dry-rubbed Montreal wings were crispy, crunchy and just a little spicy.

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After eating 20 wings to start, I knew I still had room for more, so I doubled down with some Guinness BBQ wings and some Pineapple Curry wings. The Guinness wings tasted like they put Bull’s Eye Guinness BBQ sauce on them, which is not an unpleasant flavour.

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But the pineapple curry might have been my personal favourite. You’ve got some sweetness from the pineapple sauce, and a pretty good hit of curry powder…I could probably polish off 40 of these alone! (Maybe next Wednesday?)

 

Beach Hill Smokehouse: A Texas-style BBQ joint…inside a Toronto housing co-op???

So, we’re hanging out at Beach Hill Smokehouse, this brand-new BBQ joint that just opened up in the east end. This place is a short walk from Main St Station, or an even shorter walk from the Danforth GO Station, in case you wanna come in from Oshawa or something. And you might wanna do that, if you love beef brisket, bro! Lemme tell ya, this might not be the best Texas-style BBQ joint I’ve been to, but it’s the most authentic Texas-style BBQ experience you’ll get in Toronto. All that’s missing is some good ol’ country music…

But when it comes to the menu, there’s very little they don’t have: beef brisket, turkey, pork ribs, chicken, beef ribs (only on Thursdays and Saturdays) and all the sides like beans, coleslaw, potato salad and mac ‘n cheese. They might be sold out of some stuff sometimes—but not by 2 p.m., like that other place in town. These guys keep on smokin’ throughout the day, which means they might not have ribs at 6:30, but they’ll have ‘em again at 7 (which explains why I didn’t get any ribs).

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Instead I went with the Lockhart, their take on a traditional Texas BBQ sandwich. You’ve got both sausage and brisket on a bun, with some pickles, onions and raw jalapenos from the condiment bar. There’s a nice, fresh bun here, packed with chewy, tender brisket and a nice juicy snap from the hot link.  Not too bad for 10 bucks! And then I added another hot link on the side, along with some mac ‘n cheese, cuz you never turn your back on mac ‘n cheese, Stampede Bro!!!

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Like I said, this is the real-deal Texas-style meal. The prices even reflect the fact that BBQ is meant to be working man’s food, which is what you’ll find down south. (And yeah, they’re at the bottom of the Main-Gerard Housing Co-Op, not in the middle of Queen St W or something.) We’re talking 7 bucks for a half chicken, 9 bucks for ribs, 11 bucks for brisket. All the food you see here plus a bottled water and a couple bucks for the tip jar, and I’m going home completely not-hungry for just 25 bones, bro!!!

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But yeah, like most good Texas BBQ joints, you’re gonna hafta wait in line. The food’s at the back counter, and the line goes right through the middle of the room, so at least you’re probably not waiting outside. At 6 p.m. on a Friday, that line was a good 35-40 minutes long…but that’s still nothing compared to when I went to Franklin BBQ down in Austin!

FLAVOURTOWN OLYMPICS: This Juicy Lucy is for Johnny Shusty!!!

They’re already calling it the Miracle on Ice 2018–so says the Canadian curling commentators, anyways. A couple years back, 10 guys tried out for the U.S. National Curling Team, four guys got cut…and then they formed their own Team of Rejects, beat the other two teams and made it to the Olympics. But this story’s just getting started, son!

After losing four of their first six games, Team USA reels off six in a row, beating Canada not once, but twice, and defeating Team Sweden for their country’s first ever gold medal in curling. Dude, that’s so gangster, it’s like that time when 3rd Bass beat down Henry Rollins, bro! In honour of John Shuster and the rink from Duluth Curling Club, I’m about to throw down one of Minnesota’s greatest culinary creations, the Juicy Lucy burger:

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OK, I’ve never been to the 5-8 Club or Matt’s Bar in Minneapolis, so the best cheese-stuffed cheeseburger I’ve ever had was at Royal Meats, this massive meat palace just a raised double takeout away from the Rogers Centre. They call it the Royal Deluxe, and they don’t just put beef in this burger–it’s got pork, it’s got veal, and then it’s stuffed with ham and goat cheese, bro! I’m gonna hurry, hurry hard this one straight to the button…and by the button, I mean straight down my piehole!!!

READ MORE: It’s a pig, cow and goat burger, bro!!!!

FLAVOURTOWN OLYMPICS: Pounding some German brewskis, bro!!!

Dude, Germany beat Sweden at hockey!? Men’s hockey!!!??? Man, that never happens! I mean, the last time Germany won anything was…actually, I can’t even think of a time when Germany won. Talk about a major upset–and a righteous reason to break out the German smoke beer, bro!

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Dude, so we’re hanging out at Laylow, this cozy craft beer joint on College, where they’re serving up some Maerzen Schlenkerla smokebeer, straight outta Bamburg! This brew is rich, dark and smokey, and about eight bucks a bottle at the bar. Now, I dunno about the game tomorrow, but I’m guessing these tasty brewskis won’t be the only Germans getting pounded by some Canadians!!!!

READ MORE: Holy smokey German beer!

FLAVOURTOWN OLYMPICS: This French duck breast is only second best!

Oh man, was that was one helluva ice dance last night, or what? Virtue and Moir, the greatest ice dancers of all time, had to make an epic comeback after the French team of Papadakis and Cizeron came out and set a new world record. Papadakis had a major wardrobe malfunction in the free skate, but it still looked like they were gonna win gold…until Tessa and Scott came through in the clutch and set an even newer world record. Boom goes the ice-dance-amite!!!!

Man, it’s gotta suck knowing that you’re one of the greatest, but someone else is just a bit better than you. That’s kinda like being the duck breast in this delicious duck double down, bro!

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Don’t get me wrong, I love duck breast just as much as the next broseph, but for me, duck confit is where it’s at. So, when I heard that Le Batifole, this friendly neighbourhood French joint on Gerrard, was combining them both into one iconic French duo, I was so into that like a Macron handshake, mec! But even though the breast was succulent and juicy, I still had to give it to the confit on this one. It scored higher marks in technical execution, son!

READ MORE: We’ve got both kinds of duck here: confit AND breastern!

FLAVOURTOWN OLYMPICS: Bite these bitter balls, bro!!!

The Dutch continue to dominate in long track speed skating, winning six of the eight races in the Olympics so far–and more than one medal in three different distances. Hell, the only Canadian to win anything is actually a Dutchman–he moved here four years ago when he couldn’t make the Dutch team. Speed skating is definitely their national sport…and this right here is their national snack. We’re talkin’ bitterballen, bro!

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These round mounds of Flavourtown are deep-fried and crispy, stuffed with beef and cabbage. (You could get a vegetarian version, but why?) They come five to an order for $7.75 at Borrel, this friendly neighbourhood Dutch bar on the Danforth. Or you can get 10 for 15 bucks. Man, I’m pretty sure I could slam at least 17 of these, but I wanted to save room for this threaded beef sandwich:

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They call this stuff draadjesvlees, and it’s the breakfast of speed-skating champions. What you’ve got is seasoned beef, cooked low ‘n slow till you can pull it apart, then served up on a fresh bakery bun with some coleslaw on top. It’s pretty much the pulled pork of beef sandwiches. Rumour has it that Sven Kramer choked in the 10K cuz he didn’t eat enough draadjesvlees!

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But you KNOW we’ve still got room for dessert, bro! They call these poffertjes, and they’re practically pancakes on steroids…if steroids made round things smaller. (Oh, wait!) These fluffy buckwheat nuggets are covered in butter and icing sugar, and served up by the plateful. I’d give ’em the gold medal in long track speed-eating!

FLAVOURTOWN OLYMPICS: Slaughtering some Czech schnitzel, son!

The puck is about to drop between Team Canada and the Czechs, so here’s a sneak preview of the game…in schnitzel form. (Let’s just say the Czechs get slaughtered!) We’re hanging out at Schnitzel Queen, this funky little schnitzel joint on Queen St E.

Now, there are a lotta Olympic countries that eat schnitzel, from Germany to Austria, Switzerland to Slovakia–but the owner of this joint is half-Czech and they’ve even got Czechvar on tap. So if you’re looking to slam down a few brews before the big game, you’d better hurry over there, cuz they’re only open till 10 pm!

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There might be some other places that serve schnitzel in this city, but they’re probably not as big as this one. Dude, half of this sandwich would be a full meal for a starving Czech hockey player, but you know it’s just a light snack in Flavourtown, bro! They call this one the Schnitzel King, and it’s got bacon, onions, sauerkraut, lettuce and cheese. All parts of a balanced Canadian powerplay, Wojtek Bro-Ski!!!

READ MORE: Siiiign of the Schnitzel Queen – stuff your face and eeeeeat!

FLAVOURTOWN OLYMPICS: First we beat the Swiss, then we eat fondue!

So, Canada kicks off the men’s hockey tournament against the Swiss tomorrow, but me, I’m still celebrating after we kicked their ass in mixed doubles curling. I was like hurry, hurry, hard all the way home, big bad broseph!!!!

So now we’re hanging out at Bier Markt, this funky Euro craft beer joint on King Street West. Man, this place has everything: weiner schnitzel, smoked gouda, even some duck wings, bro! But you know I’m here for one reason only. We already beat the Swiss, and now it’s time for fondue:

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They call this one The Big Cheese, and it’s cheesier than that upcoming Poison reunion tour, bro! You’ve got Raclette, you’ve got Emmental and some white wine, along with potatoes, pretzels and baguette bread for dipping. The only thing missing was an ice cold brewski–oh, wait!!!

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Now, I don’t always drink beer from Vancouver, but when I do, I prefer Lions Winter Ale. This seasonal slobberknocker looks like a red beer, but it’s got this totally chocolately taste that would make Count Chocula’s head spin. Man, Team Canada could probably slam a few of these…and still beat the Swiss tomorrow, bro!!!

FLAVOURTOWN OLYMPICS: Norwegian national cake @ Karelia Kitchen

Right now, Norway is leading the way at the 2018 Olympics with nine medals–seven of them in cross country skiing or ski jumping. (They don’t call it nordic combined for nothing, dude!) For the Norwegians, dominating these disciplines is a piece of cake–make that Kvæfjordkake:

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This Norwegian national dessert glides through your mouth like Maren Lundby on a ski jump, bro! Basically, you take meringue, and top it with cream and almonds, with a couple extra layers of cream inside. This super-creamy cake dreamy also goes great with a Kissmeyer Nordic Pale Ale after some smoked fish and chicken, like they’re serving up at Karelia Kitchen!

READ MORE: This is northern style barbecue, bro!

FLAVOURTOWN OLYMPICS: Wicked awesome underground Korean chicken, bro!

Dude, you KNOW I love the Olympics, bro! You’ve got curling, you’ve got two-man luge–and my personal favourite, the ice dance. So now that the Olympics are underway in PyeongChang, I’m gonna be chowing down on delicious dishes from every country that should win at least a few medals. (No Olympic Mad Eats from Russia, bro!!!) Starting off with this funky chicken from the host country:

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Now, if you’ve ever walked down the yellow brick road also known as the PATH in Downtown Toronto, you may or may not have seen this place. Right as you’re about to head out of 121 King Street, there’s this funky little Korean stand on the corner called Hoga–you might notice the lineup. People go nuts for this stuff! Man, they’re serving up all kinds of Korean and Asian eats, from bulgogi to katsu, kimchi to japchae. But my personal favourite is this kickin’ Korean chicken.

It’s got enough heat to wake you up in time for the short-track speedskating semi-finals, but it won’t wipe you out–unlike certain Korean short-track speedskaters. And dude, all this food is still only about seven bucks after tax. You won’t get that kinda screamin’ deal at the athletes’ village!

READ MORE: I found this underground Korean food joint in the PATH, and it’s pretty amazing

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