Brews with a View @ Broadview Hotel

So, we’re hanging out at The Broadview Hotel, this funky boutique hotel that used to be a strip club on Queen St E. Now, I never went to Jilly’s, but it looks they’ve really spruced the place up! And the crown jewel that has got everyone and their cousin getting married up here is the rooftop patio. Check it out, bro!

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Now this place is more known for cocktails, but they’ve still got a few beers on tap, like A Tout le Monde, this funky saison collab between Unibroue and Megadeth. Now, this beer is a little fruitier than what I’d expect from a heavy metal legend…but then again, this is Dave Mustaine we’re talking about!

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Now, you know if I’m drinking beer, there’s a pretty good chance I’m eating fried chicken. These chicken chunks were nice and tender, super crispy…but they only put the sauce on the ones in the middle for some reason???

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Chicken schnitzel & waffles @ Otto’s Bierhalle

Now, I’m a pretty big fan of fried chicken and waffles. Dude, this is body by fried chicken and waffles! So, when I heard that Otto’s Bierhalle, this funky German joint on Queen West, was doing it up schnitzel-style, I was all over that like a Mexican fan on South Koreans at the World Cup! (Wait, too soon???)

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Now, instead of giving you one great big waffle, they throw down a four-pack of mini Belgian quarters. The waffles are nice and fluffy, with a bit of syrup on top. Chicken is super moist, not too crispy, goes good with gravy–although I did ask ’em for some hot sauce instead. And it comes with a side pomegranate-spinach salad. I guess I gotta eat that too?

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Of course, you don’t go to a German beer hall and sip on a Corona, bro! This here’s Munich Gold, a funky fresh pilsner from Hacker-Pschorr. Dude, this brew’s so legit, even the glass speaks German!!!!!

Crushing some All You Can Eat Ribs @ Montana’s

Now, I don’t usually eat at Montana’s unless I’m eating all I can. I totally slayed some AYCE fajitas last year, but now it’s time for something even better. Can you say all you can eat ribs, bro???

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Now, they’re definitely no Adamson Barbecue when it comes to ribs, but these pork bones are still pretty tasty. They’ve got a nice smoke ring on ’em, equal parts melt-in-your-mouth and stuck-in-your-teeth. Dude, I could polish off about 4-5 racks of these bad boys… Oh wait, I just did!

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Truth be told, I probably couldda finished off a few more…but I didn’t wanna trouble ’em for another bucket.

I’m all fired up for these lamb chops!

So, we’re hanging out at Fired Up, this funky house of grilled meat way out in Port Credit. Dude, this place is part steakhouse, part BBQ joint, with steaks, ribs, chicken, salmon, burgers…and like a couple pasta dishes or something. Now, the cowboy ribeye caught my eye, and I heard their ribs are bomb diggity dawg, but I figured I’d go with the lamb chops, cuz this is the stomach that never ends, right here bro!

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So, they give you four chops to an order, with a side of fries, garlic mash…or like some vegetables or something. I actually didn’t go fries here, but the mashed potaters were just fine. And who needs veggies when it’s served with a side Caesar salad?

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Believe it or not, but I actually ate all this green stuff. Cuz hey, as long as there’s bacon, croutons and grated parma, I can go for a side salad sometimes.

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Now, being that we’re in Port Credit ‘n all, I had to wash this down with some local brewskis, bro. This Old Credit Pale Pilsner definitely had a nice little kick to it, and it was only five bucks a pint! Apparently, you can buy this stuff at the LCBO, but only in Mississauga or Etobicoke…

Hot ‘n funky noodle soup @ Fudao Noodle House

Now, when I see all the lines at Dagu Rice Noodle, I’m like “Why, bro?” I mean, who lines up for soup—especially when you can get the exact same thing at Fudao Noodle House, this funky little joint in Chinatown, for less time and less money. (I liked that other place better back when it was Bareburger!)

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So here’s the deal. You pick a broth, and they give you 10 toppings, plus all the noodles you can slurp, for like 10 bucks, bro! And this place has everything: you’ve got shrimp, you’ve got sausage, you’ve got mushrooms, egg and corn, along with the meat in the middle…and it all goes into the pot!

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Now me, I went with the shredded pork and pickled cabbage broth, and it was pretty tasty. The meat cooks up real quickly, so you just grab a spoon and dig in! Of course, you’re supposed to grab some chopsticks too, but I never really learned to use those properly…Dude, I would just stick my face in the bowl if it didn’t mess up my spray tan, bro!!!!

SUMMERLICIOUS 2018: French menage a trois @ Cafe La Gaffe

So, we’re hanging out at Cafe La Gaffe, this funky little French bistro in Baldwin Village. This is another place with tons of Summerlicious options, but I decided to stick with a trio of French classics here–and I definitely wasn’t disappointed!

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So, we’re starting off with some escargot, bro! These slippery little snails are swimming in garlic butter and going whee, whee, whee all the way down my piehole!!!

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Now, I’m definitely no stranger to roasted duck legs, but this has gotta be one of the top five duck confits I’ve ever had! The meat is super-tender, fall-off-the-bone, and that brandy cream sauce is outta bounds, bro! Man, I could probably eat six or seven of these…or however many legs that ducks actually have.

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But you know the drill, we’ve still got room for dessert, dude! This creme brulee was crackly on top, creamy on the bottom, with a couple nice bites of blueberries and a cherry on top! Who needs whipped cream when you’ve got burnt cream, mon cheri???

SUMMERLICIOUS 2018: Steak AND lobster for 33 bucks, bro!!!!!!!

If you’re looking for the best deal on a real-deal three-course meal at Summerlicious, look no further than Sambucas on Church. Now, at most places, you’re lucky if you get more than three or four entrees to choose from–and even luckier if you can actually find ’em on the regular menu.

But at this funky joint, they’ve got no fewer than 11 Summerlicious mains, and they ain’t holding back, either–filet mignon, rack of lamb, and both steak AND lobster, bro! And did I mention that there’s two other courses, and it’s all just 33 bucks???? Shut the front, back, side, top, rear, port and starboard doors, Sailor Broon!!!!

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Now, speaking of the sea, we’re starting off with a whole pile of PEI mussels. These clammas from another mamma are meaty, beaty, big and juicy–there ain’t no Substitute here, son! Then again, a whole buncha mine didn’t open…but I guess that just helped me save more room for steak (and lobster)!

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My motto’s always been why settle for one thing when you can eat two things, and this dish definitely doesn’t disappoint, dude! Steak is cooked to a nice medium rare, the lobster tail is nice and chewy, and you’ve got a whole pile of veggies and mashed potatoes…I guess I gotta eat those too, eh?

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Now, even though I kinda just ate two meals, you KNOW I’ve still got room for dessert–and there’s no shortage of dessert choices at Sambucas, either! You’ve got creme brulee, truffle cheesecake, and three different kinds of Tartufo–but this here chocolate lava cake has got my name on it:

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