Monthly Archives: August 2018

Real-deal deep-fried dumplings @ Tibet Kitchen

So we’re hanging out on Queen St in Parkdale, where they’ve got like seven or eight Tibetan restaurants in just a couple blocks. Some of these places looked pretty funky, like Escape Goat or the Yak Cafe, but the only one with a legit backyard patio is Tibet Kitchen.

Now Tibetan food is a lot like Chinese, mixed in with some Indian, but what they’re most known for is dumplings–they call ’em momos, bro! And at this funky joint, you can get ’em all kinds of different ways: steamed, boiled, pan-fried, sizzling…but I had to go with the deep-fried Amdo Momos–dude, I’d eat just about anything if it’s deep-fried!!!!

OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got a crispy, crunchy ball of flavour, stuffed with seasoned beef and onions. They serve ’em up in an eight-pack–for just 10 bucks, bro!–and they taste pretty good with just a little dab of chili sauce on top.

Speaking of chili, these Tibetan chili fries are TheBomb.ca! They’re super saucy, but not very spicy, with some nice bites of cilantro mixed in. Vive le Tibet libre!

Eating all the AYCE sushi @ Spring Sushi

Now, I don’t always eat sushi, but when I do, I eat all that I can. So, we’re hanging out at Spring Sushi, this funky joint that’s waaaay downtown at Yonge and Dundas. Now, there is so much stuff on their menu that you can be fully completely without eating a single piece of fish…but where’s the fun in that, son?

So, we’re starting off with a Fearsome Foursome of Flavourtown–BBQ eel in a cone, a deep-fried salmon croquette, a super-spicy salmon roll and then a piece of beef sushi–dude, I didn’t even know that was a thing!!!

But hey, not all sushi has to have fish in it, like this sweet potato pie roll on the left, and the chicken teriyaki roll on the right. But these ain’t even the funkiest rolls I’ve had tonight…

They call this a Las Vegas roll, and it’s a high roller baby! You’ve got sashimi, cream cheese, crab meat and avocado all rolled into one–and they give you five to an order, bro!!!

But right here, right now, we’re about to kick it up a notch with this Hawaii roll. Apple, mango, crab and avocado, plus a sticky coating of bean curd and plum sauce make this a sweet treat that can’t be beat!!!!

But you know we’re not nearly done yet, bro! We’ve got shrimp tempura, we’ve got calamari, we’ve got takoyaki…all heading straight down my piehole!!!!

Oh, did you want chicken? Well, here’s some chicken katsu…

Or how about a chicken skewer?

And hey, I’m not gonna go to a joint like this and NOT eat steak…

…along with some sweet ‘n sour pork, and eel-fried rice!

But you KNOW we’re saving the best for last, so say hello to my little friend, bacon-wrapped shrimp:

Man, I couldda slammed 17 of these…but then I wouldn’t have room for dessert:

Dude, these deep-fried bananas are bananas…and bananas is good!!!!

Crushing craft beers and feasting on food trucks @ the CNE

Now, you KNOW I love to chow down at the CNE bro–like that one time when I demolished an all-in-one chicken/veal/eggplant parm sammy, and still had room for a chocolate Philly steakclair for dessert. But maybe the best time to go to the Ex is the second last weekend, when they’ve got a food truck frenzy and a craft beer festival, all rolled into one on Princess Street.

So, I started out by grabbing some deep-fried cheese curds from some Flavourtown royalty at The King of Curds. About the only way you could possibly make poutine better is by deep-frying it, so this is pretty much the best thing ever, bro!!!

When it comes to the booze, they give you tokens for $2.50 that get you one sippy cup each. Since there were about eight different breweries, I got to try pretty much everything that wasn’t wine or cider. Because why drink wine or cider when you can have a Farmers Daughter Blonde Ale from Whitewater Brewing Co???

Now, Big Rock is just about my favourite local craft brewery, and they’re funking it up with the Bellyflop, an apricot grisette that tastes like summer in a glass. Dude, calling this beer a flop is like saying Biodome isn’t the best movie of all time, bro!!!

Now, I’m not sure what a Boshkung is, but it totally tastes delicious. This Happy Camper Irish red ale is basically the Billy Elliot of alcoholic beverages, bro!!!

Now, I’ve never been to Hawaii, but I own, like, 17 Hawaiian shirts, so you know I’m all over this Hawaiian Style IPA from Spearhead, son!

So, after pounding four beers, you know what time it is? Taco Time, bro! This Captain Crunch Fish Taco from Food Dudes comes fully loaded with guacamole, pickled red cabbage, smoked sour cream, hot sauce, scallions, tomatoes and a whole lotta cilantro. No actual Captain Crunch though, but how awesome would that be???

We’re going back to the beer with probably the best name of the day–Useless Crayon White IPA from Market Brewing. Now, the white crayon might be the most useless in the box, but when it comes to brewskis, I could use a few more of these!

Now, that last beer had the best name, but this one here is the funkiest of the bunch. Can you say Maple Buttertart Ale, bro? Sawdust City’s got the maple and the buttery taste all in a glass–whoa-oh-oh it’s magic!!!

And finally, we’re ending things on a light, crisp, refreshing note with Muskoka Summerweiss. It’s like the Feel Good Hit of the Summer in Flavourtown, bro!

But you KNOW that after eight beers, two tacos and a whole buncha cheese curds, we’ve still got room for dessert, bro! So we’re heading into the Food Building for this festival of funk in Flavourtown–the Heartbreak S’More. You’ve got a hot and tender fried chicken breast, topped with toasted marshmallows and graham cracker crumbles, between chocolate-dipped buns, with another marshmallow on top!!!??? Dude, this dish should get an Oscar for Best Fried Chicken in a Supporting Role!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One night in Bangkok and we’re eating nachos!

Now, if you wanna find a place that has Happy Hour after 7 pm, head to the Financial District, where all the bankers working for the weekend are long, long gone on a Friday night. At REDS Wine Tavern on Adelaide, they’re serving up five-dolla wines, Muskoka half-pints and gin and tonics–but only after seven, bro!

Now, I don’t normally drink wine, so I went with a Muskoka Detour Session IPA. And you know beer goes with nachos like peroxide on a Fieri, so I’m slamming down some Bangkok nachos, son!!!

OK, now check out this funky melody in Flavourtown. You’ve got some roasted chicken, lime crema, queso and chili sauce, topped with onions, cilantro and sesame seeds, all on a cripsy wonton? Shut the back door, bro!

Now what goes better with Bangkok nachos than some lobster guacamole? You’ve got Nova Scotia lobster, smothered in guajillo chilies, on top of creamy avocado…dude, you could put that on a hip-wader, and it would still taste good!!!

Tacos and spring rolls and ceviche… Oh Mai!

So, we’re hanging out at Mai Bistro, this funky little family joint in the West West End–we’re talkin’ bout Etobicoke, bro! Now this place takes Latin food, they take Asian food, they put the lime in the coconut and mix it all up! With so many of my favourite foods on their tapas menu, I almost don’t know where to start… Oh yeah, how bout with some curry lamb spring rolls?

Dude, this dish is like a Bollywood Kung Fu double feature in Flavourtown! You’ve got the richness of the curry, wrapped up in a deep-fried wonton, and dipped in chili sauce??? Shut the back door!!!

Now, at this place, they’ve got both kinds of calamari: grilled AND fried! But why grill anything when you can deep-fry it, dude???

And now, it’s totally time for tacos, bro! These shrimp tortillas are grilled with chipotle, and then they throw down some mango, avocado and pico de gallo… It’s a party in my piehole!!!

Of course, you KNOW we’ve still got room for dessert–and we’re chowing down on some ceviche, son! Who needs chocolate cake when you’ve got shrimp and crab???

Now, up to this point we’ve had some Mexican, we’ve had Italian, an Indian/Chinese fusion and Peruvian. So why not end off with some Japanese fried chicken karaage? It’s around the world in 80 bites, bro–and it’s all right here, at Mai Bistro!!!

That’s a hunka hunka burning waffles, bro!

Now, I don’t normally eat waffles unless there’s fried chicken involved. But here at Old School, this funky little joint on Dundas West, they’ve got this brunch dish that’s a festival of funk in Flavourtown—the Elvis Waffle is in the building:

OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got this big ol’ fluffy waffle, chopped in four, covered with “I can’t believe it’s not peanut butter,” drizzled with caramel, and then they take a couple deep-fried bananas, and add bacon? Dude, it’s like I’m caught in a trap and I can’t walk out cuz I can’t stop eating this, Dwight Bro-kam!!!!

Now, the waffles are cooked perfectly, the bacon is on point (although I couldda used at least twice as much bacon), but the deep-fried bananas are what makes it. Crunchy on the outside, gooey on the inside, I could eat that off a flip-flop! Dude, these bananas are bananas…and bananas is good!!!!

I’mma Slamma Jamma some Indian lamba!!!

Dude, you KNOW how much I love lamb, bro! Whether it’s lamb chops, lamb ribs, lamb shank or a Lamb, Sea and Air Burger, it’s all heading straight down my piehole. Now, I’ve had Greek lamb, Persian lamb and BBQ lamb before, but Indian lamb? That’s all new to me!

So we’re hanging out at Aanch Modernistic Indian Cuisine, this funky little joint just a lamb stampede away from the Rogers Centre on Wellington St W. This place is serving up all kinds of Indian classics–butter chicken, tandoori chicken, chicken vindaloo…but why eat chicken when you can have the Crowne Lamb?

Dude, this Aussie lamb shoulder is marinated overnight in Indian spices–you know the spice is right, Bob!–and served with a vindaloo curry mustard and a coriander mint sauce. The lamb is fall-apart tender, melt-in-your-mouth goodness, with a nice little kick from the raw purple fun-ions, and a sad shaved-carrot and lettuce salad. But who cares about salad, right????

Of course, even after slaying all those lamb chops, I’ve still got room for dessert. And here we’re definitely kicking it up a notch outta bounds with this Indian after-dinner delicacy: Kesar Elaichi Rasmalai. These sweet little milk dumplings are served cold, swimming in cream, and garnished with pistachios, bro! It’s like Cottage Cheese Gone Wild in Flavourtown!!!!

This cider walks right through the door, bro!

Now, I don’t always drink cider, but when I do, it’s named after my second-favourite Perry Farrell band (Pornos for Pyros FTW, bro!) like this one, Jane’s Addiction from Brickworks Ciderhouse on Queen St:

Dude, this dry perry with wildflower honey is like a Ritual de lo Habitual in Flavourtown! Not too sweet, not too bitter, it finds the right mix between dry and fruity–kinda like the lyrics of “Ain’t No Right.”

Of course, you KNOW I’m not gonna pound some Jane’s Addictions with a cucumber salad, bro! Instead, I’m stage-diving face first into these Blue Cheese Cider Mussels, with apple cider blue cheese cream, bacon and a side of apple cider vinegar fries. Now, I’ve chowed down on some funky fries before, but apple cider vinegar fries??? Shut the back door!!!!

Slaying the best Sunday brunch buffet in Mississauga…

So, we’re back in Port Credit, hanging out at the “Best Sunday Brunch in Mississauga” (according to themselves, anyways), where we’re scarfing down bacon, beef and breakfast tacos–that’s like three of the four essential food groups right there, bro! This is Breakwater Restaurant:

Now, we’re going all around the world with this first plate: mushroom pizza, breakfast taco, shrimp roll and two kids of salad: potato AND pasta! (Hey, I don’t always eat salad bro, but as long as it’s not all green stuff, we’re good.) The breakfast taco was super-messy; one bite and the egg yolk sprayed all over my face like goat semen at a testicle festival. But the shrimp roll was the best thing on this plate, by far!

Next up, we’ve got a flaky croissant, deep-fried fish with tartar sauce, a waffle with strawberries, some home-fried potatoes, a couple pepperonis, for added colour, and a whole buncha bacon–because why settle for sausage when you can stuff your face with bacon, bro???

Of course, I couldn’t wait any longer before hitting up the carving station, son! We’ve got some roast beef, mushroom medley (served cold, unfortunately), foccacia with hummus and a few breakfast sausages, just to make it a two-meat plate. The beef was a little too well-done, but still pretty tasty…

And hey, you can’t hit up a Sunday brunch buffet without taking a trip to the omelette station. This egg-on-egg action is crammed with ham, mushrooms, onions, tomatoes and cheddar. Plus a whole pile of bacon on the side. Dude, this is body by bacon!!!!

And YOU KNOW we’ve still got room for dessert, bro!!! There’s a piece of carrot cake, blueberry flan, a double-dose of chocolate square and some chocolate pudding/mousse, with a two-bite brownie and a giant blackberry. It’s like research in motion…heading straight down my piehole!!!!

Slammin’ souvlaki sticks @ Taste of the Danforth

Bro, anybody who knows Toronto knows that the Danforth is the place to go for real-deal Greek food. You’ve got all these funky joints like Astoria, Mezes, Pan on the Danforth… You could probably eat souvlaki for an entire month without stopping at the same place twice. And hey, if you like souvlaki, then Taste of the Danforth is totally the best weekend for it–everybody’s killin’ it and grillin’ it outside on the sidewalk from Friday to Sunday, son!

Of course, this year’s maybe a bit different after some fuckhead decided to shoot a buncha people on the Danforth a couple weeks back. But you know down here we’re Souvlaki Strong–I would put that on a t-shirt and wear it, bro!!!

The ceremonial first souvlaki of the weekend comes from Asteria Restaurant (not to be confused with Astoria House down the street). This three-dolla chicken stick is iller than a three-dolla bill–tender, juicy, melt in your mouthy, straight off the grill, son!!!

Now, this ain’t souvlaki, but I’m still gonna shove this skewer straight down my piehole. Katsu Sushi’s serving up some deep-fried squid on a stick, bro!!!

Now, when you’re down on the Danforth, you can’t just stick-en with the chicken. This pork souvlaki from Anestis Taverna was four bucks, plus it comes with bread. Dude, the bread is the word!!!

Now, here’s a classic Greek dish done differently. These Phi Slamma Jamma lamb chops from Sushi Delight are marinated in a Japanese teriyaki. They’re supposed to be two for six dollars, but they gave me three cuz I’m baaaaad to the bone, bro!

Now, I’ve been to Greenwood Smokehouse before for a super-stacked sammy, so when I saw ’em selling brisket on the street, I knew their meat can’t be beat! This beef was nice and tender…but maybe a bit too much sauce, though?

Now, it was getting a little late at this point, but I’m holding out for a gyro till the end of the night! Hunter’s on the Danforth was just taking the gyro meat off the grill when I stopped by, so you know it’s hot ‘n fresh. Dude, this is like a total eclipse of my mouth, Bro-nnie Tyler!!!!

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