Fried chicken taco + surf ‘n turf fries @ Panamerican Food Festival

So, we’re hanging out at the Panamerican Food & Music Festival, this funky little fiesta at Yonge Dundas Square. Now, in a place like this, you know there’s gonna be a ton of tacos, but I was looking for the funkiest, chunkiest taco I could get my hands on…and I think I found it:

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This Korean fried chicken taco from the funky bunch at GOGI packs a whole stick of chicken with a tangy sauce in with kimchi, lettuce, scallions and a little crema, for that extra creaminess. Now, you can bite the chicken right off the stick, until you get to the middle, then it gets a little messy. But hey, if it ain’t messy, it ain’t tasty, bro!!!

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Of course, you KNOW I can’t eat just one taco, bro! So I stopped off next door for some Mar & Tierra (Sea & Earth) Fries from El Trompo Movil. This is like Mexican Poutine Gone Wild! The fries are hot ‘n crispy, you’ve got that south-of-the-border flavour with the crema ‘n guac, shrimp are cooked perfectly, and then there’s these small pieces of steak scattered around, along with little balls of shredded cheese. Probably one of the most outta-bounds versions of poutine I’ve ever had — all that’s missing is some killer queso fundido on top!!!

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Now, they don’t actually serve beer at this festival, so I had to settle for a watermelon smoothie…straight from the melon! Dude, this is like the most fruit I’ve had all month!!!

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But even after all that funky food and drink, you KNOW I’ve still got room for a churro, bro! Dude, there’s always room for churros!!!

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Eating all the tacos @ HotMess

So, we’re hanging out at HotMess, this funky little Tex-Mex joint on College St. When I was here last year, I chowed down on some real-deal Frito pie and a super-spicy patty melt. But now we’re back for Taco Tuesday, where every single one of their hard-shell tacos are just five bucks…which means I’m gonna hafta try all seven!!!

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We’re starting off with the cheeseburger taco, which piles dill pickle, shredded lettuce and southwest sauce on top of your classic beef taco — ground beef, pico de gallo and cheddar cheese. This taco was super-crunchy, and so messy that I needed to go in with a fork to pick up all the extras that fell onto the tray!

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This is the Original Beef, which is a lot less fancy, but just as tasty. You’ve got the tomato, cheddar cheese, and a whole lotta lettuce — at least I’m eating my veggies today!!!

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Now, the Taco Beef kicks it up a notch with some jalapenos, beans, guacamole and buttermilk ranch — dude, this is body by buttermilk ranch!!!!

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But now we’re switchin’ gears to chicken! This Margarita Chicken taco adds some freshness with mango — you’ve also got guac, goat cheese and more of that buttermilk ranch… I’d put it on a flip-flop!!!!

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Speaking of fruity, this chorizo taco throws down some roasted pineapple, bro! Now, this ain’t my first pineapple taco rodeo — it often comes with tacos al pastor, but adding it to chorizo makes my mouth go “Yeah, bro!!!!”

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I told you I was getting my veggies tonight! This vegan street-corn taco is topped with all kinds of carrots — that’s gotta be at least two servings, right there…

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Now, we’re saving the spiciest for last, son! This Hot Chicken taco kicks it up a notch with jalapeno beans, Monterrey Jack and some Valentina hot sauce — I’m gonna hafta chug a coupla beers after this one!!!

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Speaking of beers, this place has got all kinds of local craft cans, bro! Sure, you could get a Modelo for five bucks, but why do that when you can have a Sunfest Cerveza from Anderson Ales? This light, crisp Mexican lager is kinda like Corona, but without the sour aftertaste. I could butt-chug a whole buncha these!!!

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Now here’s one from waaaay out in left field — Left Field Brewery, bro! This WHIP Pina Colada Smoothie IPA is brewed with pineapple, coconut, lactose and vanilla… I’d like to keep mine under 2.00.

4 crazy rich sandwiches (+squid on a stick!) @ Waterfront Night Market

Dude, you KNOW I’ve got a smile on my face, cuz I’m taking my fat ass to Ontario Place! Last weekend, the happiest place in Ontario played host to the Waterfront Night Market, a culinary pan-Asian invasion of epic proportions! Now, since both Burgermania and the Mac ‘n Cheese Fest moved off the island, I haven’t had much reason to come here, but when I heard about some of the stuff they were serving up, I knew I had to check it out!!!

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Now, I don’t always go out looking for bacon, but it always seems to find me. This sweet, sweet bacon slider from the Filipino bros at Tocino Boys is served on a milk bun with mustard, mayo, garlic butter…and no veggies whatsoever, just the way I like it!!!

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Yeah, it comes on a bun, but this ain’t no hot dog, bro! This bulgogi beef buldog is topped with cabbage, onions, scallions — and for two dollars more I added kim chi and torched cheese… Dude, this is body by torched cheese!!!!!

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This next dish definitely kicks the funkaliciousness up a notch! This Filipino soul food classic from my kamayan kingdom Platito combines plump ‘n juicy fried chicken with a super savoury ube waffle for this crazy take on chicken ‘n waffles — and the best part is, you can eat it with your hands!

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Now, those sandwiches were all magically delicious, but I swear the longest lines at the whole damn festival were for grilled octopus on a stick! Dude, I would eat anything you gotta bite off a big piece of wood, and when they brush it with chili sauce and add some peanuts for garnish, I totally don’t regret not getting the lamb sticks instead…

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Now, the one thing that was pretty messed about this fest is you gotta pay 20 bucks just to enter the beer garden. So, instead I’m slurping down some grapefruit green tea — don’t knock it till you try it, bro!!!

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We’ve also got some Thai iced tea, served in a plastic bag full of ice…cuz that’s even more unfriendly to the environment??

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But even after that decadent meat extravaganza, you KNOW I’ve still got room for dessert, bro! This Hong Kong bubble waffle joint had the longest lines for anything NOT served on a stick, and this s’mores ice cream waffle sandwich was so tasty, even the Tyrannosaurus Rex wants it!!!!

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Just another righteous feast in the Flavourzoac era, dino bro!!!

It’s a steak… It’s a bacon… No, it’s porchetta and eggs, man!!!

Now, I’m no stranger to steak and eggs, and you know this is body by bacon – it’s right there in the name of the blog, bro! But when I heard that Figo, this modern Italian place on Adelaide, was serving up porchetta and eggs for brunch, you know I had to duck into the nearest phone booth and change into my pig-eating costume!!!!

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OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got some super-crispy pork, cooked in their wood-fired oven, with these perfectly fried eggs – don’t break the yolk, bro! Salsa verde adds a bit of a kick, and I swear to King Diamond that’s the second time a restaurant has made me eat arugula this month. It was very… arugul-ey, I guess?

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We’re washing it all down with a spicy Figo Caesar, made from Ketel One, Clamato, Tobasco, lime juice, Wor-chester-chester-shire and then some salsa verde for an added kick. I stuck the jalapeno garnish in there right away, and I gotta say, it was pretty spicy. Now where’s the raisins when I need ‘em???

Portuguese-style steak frites @ Via Norte

You know me, this is body by steak, bro! You can put steak on anything, and it would still taste good – as long as it’s not well done. And I’m no stranger to steak ‘n eggs for breakfast, but I don’t usually eat steak for dinner with a fried egg on top. That’s how they do it in Portugal, though, and at Via Norte, this classy joint right at the corner of College and Dovercourt, they’re serving up bistoque like they do back home.

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Now, this might not be the first rule of Flavourtown, but somewhere in the rulebook it says that when you eat at a Greek restaurant, you gotta have flaming cheese, and when you’re at a Portuguese place, you start with flaming sausage. This fire-grilled chorizo is nice and crispy, but I actually like the blood sausage even better:

via_norte_sausages (5)That’s right, they’ve got two sausages for the price of one, son!!!

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But now it’s time for the main event. This steak was cooked to a nice medium rare, and you get some nice bites of egg without it being too runny. The home fries were pretty legit, and there’s a couple of pickled veggies, you know, for that one serving of vegetables. Not the biggest or the best steak I’ve ever had, but it gets the job done.

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Actually, I’d probably say the same thing about Sagres, this pilsner beer straight outta Portugal. It’s a little maltier than, say, Steam Whistle, but it doesn’t overpower you or anything.

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Of course, after stuffing my face with sausage and steak, you KNOW I’ve still got room for dessert, bro! They didn’t have any triple chocolate cake, but this white chocolate flan, with some sweet streaks of sauce and a few fresh blueberries, might be the healthiest thing I eat all week – unless you count the pickled veggies.

Chorizo burger & Spanish fries @ Bar Reyna

So, we’re hanging out at Bar Reyna, this funky little Spanish joint right in the heart of Yorkville. Normally, this place is known for tapas, but on weekends, they’re serving up a bunch of funky brunch dishes like baklava french toast, short rib grilled cheese, a Dungeness crab benedict…and this Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa, the chorizo burger:

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This burger is pretty far outta bounds, bro! You’ve got a meaty, spicy chorizo patty topped with muenster cheese, some crunchy lettuce, caramelized onions — and then they put a fried egg on top!? Cierra la puerta trasera!!!

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Now, this burger normally comes with fries, but here we kicked it up a notch with some Spanish fries — you’ve got more chorizo, shaved manchego and a side of chipotle aioli. Trust me, you cannot get enough of this chorizo, bro!!!

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Washed it all down with an Estrella Damn beer from Barcelona. Cuz drinking a Bud Light just wouldn’t feel right…

Beer, Water, and Girl Memes: THERE SUNLYUNETHING
 HATE MORE THAN LYING
 BUD LIGHT WHICHIS WATER
 THATSLYING ABOUT BEING BEER
 funny.

Bacon truffle mac attack @ Prohibition Gastrohouse

So, we’re hanging out at Prohibition Gastrohouse, this funky joint on Eglinton with a badass back patio. Now, this place is supposed to have “TO’s Best Truffle Mac & Cheese” — it even says so on their menu — so you know I gotta come check it out!!!

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Now, they definitely funk it up a notch at this place. Cuz that ain’t macaroni — it’s Pasta di Gragnano, bro! And there ain’t no cheddar cheese here…it’s a blend of Gruyere, emmenthal and that’s my boy blue cheese. Throw in some truffle paste, truffle oil, and for an extra five bucks, you can add bacon. Of course, you KNOW the first rule of Flavourtown is Always Add Bacon!!!

Now, they don’t shortchange ya on the bacon,  but if I got one complaint, it’s not very crispy. Nice chew on the noodles, a whole lotta creaminess — the blue cheese really cuts through everything else. If you like your cheese blue, this is the dish for you!!!

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Now, this place has also got a pretty good craft beer selection — and all their draft beers are $5.75 from 5 to 7, son! This here’s a Vagabond IPA, from my punk rock bowling buddies at BrewDog. It’s not as strong or as hoppy as your average IPA, but still has a nice, crisp taste. I could pound, like, 17 of these!!!

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Now, you’re looking at a craft beer legend right here — Anchor Steam, from the Bay Area. This OG of steam beers is woody, minty, big and bouncy…and probably too much flavour for your average light-beer drinker!