Monthly Archives: January 2021

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Double bacon burger with foie gras on top!

It was a sad day in Flavourtown when the Holy Chuck burger joint at Yonge and Wellesley, where I once took down a double-triple cheeseburger, announced it was shutting down on New Year’s Eve. And this wasn’t even due to COVID, but rather thanks to redevelopment, which probably means they’re putting up a fancy condo or something. At least the OG location at Yonge and St. Clair is still serving up some redonkulous burgers, fries and shakes…even if it takes a little longer to get them down my piehole.

So when I heard about this funky new culinary creation, topped with foie gras, maple bacon and truffle oil, you KNOW I had to make mine a double. Say hello to The Holy Duck, bro!!!

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Now, this burger is taking me straight down to Downtown Flavourtown, son! These aged beef patties taste more like steak, cooked medium with a little pink in the middle. You’ve got the richness of the foie gras, a nice little chew from the bacon, and the aroma of truffle oil oozing all over the place. 10 on 10 would eat again! I just wish they couldda made the bacon a little more crispy, like they do on their Bacon, Fudge & Sea Salt Milkshake…

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Now, the good thing about a milkshake delivery in January is you know it’s not gonna melt, bro! This creamy McDreamy had nice little pieces of fudge, and was topped with perfectly crispy bacon. If I was more thoughtful and less hungry, I wouldda broken down the bacon into little bits before going at ‘er…but even still, that ice-cream-dipped bacon was sooo outta bounds!!!

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Now, this order took almost an hour to get here — and it was over 30 minutes in transit, since Uber sent the driver to finish another delivery that was several blocks out of the way. And if there’s one thing that suffered as a result, it was the Italian white truffle fries, which were a slightly soggy glob of potatoes by the time I got ’em. They still tasted pretty good, what with the truffle oil, truffle mayo and the Greek kefalotyri cheese…but the extra time left sitting out definitely did ’em no favours.

Of course, I probably wouldn’t have this problem if I could still order from Yonge & Wellesley, which is much closer to home…but I’m sure the developer will use that space to create some much-needed affordable housing for residents of the area. Yeah, when monkeys fly outta my butt, bro!!! 😆 😆 😆

 

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Take a bao (or three), bro!

Now, I once put an entire Peking Duck between steamed buns, son, so when I heard about Mean Bao, this funky little chain serving up steamed buns all over this city, you KNOW I had to check it out! They might not have duck, but they’ve got two kinds of chicken, three kinds of pork…and unfortunately the one I ordered from was all outta beef, but they do have it on the menu, too.

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We’re starting off with the classic pork belly bao. This bad Momofuku in Flavourtown is super unctuous, with a nice kick from the hoisin, a coupla cucumbers and the bun just melts in your mouth. Eat your heart out, David Chang!!!

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Now it doesn’t get much more Toronto than this — jerk chicken inside a Chinese bun, son! The pulled chicken has a decent kick, but not too spicy, and there’s a whole pile of cool, creamy coleslaw on top. We be jammin’ this straight down de piehole, mon!!!

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And now we’re about to funk it up another notch. This Sloppy Jones bao is sorta like a Sloppy Joe, except with ground pork instead of beef. And it sure lives up to its name! While the other two baos stayed together, this one had stuff falling out all over the place — the bun even broke across the bottom, making it sloppy AF. But you know what I say, if it ain’t messy, it ain’t tasty, bro!!!!!!!

 

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Roast beef dinner from The Portuguese Chicken Guys!

Now, I know what you’re thinking: isn’t ordering roast beef from a place called The Portuguese Chicken Guys kinda like getting a burger at Swiss Chalet? Well, you may be right, I may be crazy, but this just may be the piece of beef you’re looking for, Billy Bro-el!!!!

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OK, now let’s break it down. We’ve actually got two large pieces and a couple smaller slices of oven-roasted beef, which is cooked well done but still pretty tender, served atop a pile of Portuguese rice with about a pound of potatoes on the side — and these taters are face-meltingly hot, bro! Hot sauce on the side gives it a little extra kick, and of course, I couldn’t order Portuguese beef without a Portuguese bun, son!

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This super-sized dinner roll was nice ‘n flaky, with a crusty outside and a soft, chewy centre. This would make for the perfect sandwich, if I had any leftovers — but when do I ever have any leftovers, bro???

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Even after scaling that Portuguese meat mountain, I still had some room for dessert — but one of these flaky, creamy, custard-y Portuguese tarts oughtta do’er!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Double pierogi burger with a side of pierogi poutine!

Now, I’ve had some funky pierogis in my day, but when I heard that Burgers n’ Fries Forever, this cool little joint on John St, was serving up a pierogi burger AND pierogi poutine — for a limited time only — you KNOW I was all over that like cheese in potato, bro! And when it comes to the burger, you know I gotta make mine a double…

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Now, there ain’t actually any pierogis on this burger — instead, it’s more of a deconstructed pierogi, with mashed potatoes, onions, cheddar cheese and a whole helluva lotta sour cream. Like half the sour cream ended up on my hand, bro! I also paid a couple bucks extra to add beef bacon (the only kind of bacon they had) cuz the First Rule of Flavourtown is Always Add Bacon!

Now, meat and potatoes is a classic combo, so there’s nothing wrong with that at all, but I think if this burger had more mash, and less sour cream, it would make for a better pierogi-eating experience.

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Speaking of pierogi-eating, this pierogi poutine really kicks it up a notch! They replace the fries with these little mini cheese pierogis, which are melt-in-your-mouth goodness. And then they add gravy, cheddar cheese, beef bacon, green onions and a whole boatload of sour cream. Again, the flavour distribution could maybe be a bit better (maybe things got moved around in the delivery process), but when you get a bite with that pierogi, some cheese, bacon and just a bit of sour cream, that is the real deal, right there!!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Who needs a BLT when you can have a PLT, bro?

Now, back when I lived in The Annex, I knew that Insomnia was the place to go for brunch, and even during Second Lockdown, they open for takeout at 9 a.m. so you can get your brunch on. This place is serving up legit dishes like Challah French toast, huevos rancheros and off-the-hook chicken and waffles, but when I saw the General PLT, I was all over that like Run DMC on a Sucka MC, son!!!!

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OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got not one, but two slices of peameal bacon on a milk bun, topped with a fried egg, cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato and a garlic donkey sauce — it’s like a five-star breakfast in Flavourtown! Plus it comes with a side of homefries and a salad…for some reason.

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These fried potaters are smothered in their Legendary Sauce, which is sorta like a house-made ketchup. Plus, I paid a dollar more to add bacon bits, cuz the first rule of Flavourtown is Always Add Bacon, bro!!! Man, this meal was so good, I even ate all the salad — but next time, if I could swap it for a side of sausage, y’know, that would be great…