Monthly Archives: January 2021

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Can we have pierogis for breakfast?

Dude, this is body by pierogis! I could eat these bad boys for breakfast, lunch and dinner — I even ate 24 of them at once. But I don’t think I’ve ever had pierogis for breakfast before. So when I heard there was this place called Pepe’s Perogies that had breakfast pierogis on the menu, you KNOW I had to check ’em out, bro!

I’m not really sure what happened here, though. The menu said perogies (that’s how they spell it) topped with scrambled eggs, bacon and cheese — which sounds like my idea of a balanced breakfast — but they were also swimming in some sorta brown sauce, that tasted like something you might get with pulled pork. Now, the pierogies themselves were actually pretty tasty — pillowy soft and chewy, clearly boiled, but not fried — but that sauce didn’t leave a great taste in my mouth. Who puts BBQ sauce on pierogis, bro????

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!!!

Dude, this is body by fried chicken, bro! You KNOW I like my chicken fried, cold beer on a Friday night, pair a jeans that fit just right, and the radio uuuuuuup, so when I heard that Flame & Smoke, this funky little food container down around Dundas and Bathurst, was serving up a Winner Winner Chicken Dinner — it even says so on the menu — I was all over that like Zac Brown on a beanie, bro!!!!

Now, this chicken only comes one way, and that’s extra crispy. Both pieces were boneless, like they do at Uncle Ray’s or at Union Chicken, except this chicken is even more crunchalicious, bro!!!

Now, this chicken dinner comes with coleslaw ‘n cornbread, but for a few dollars more, you can upgrade to a mac ‘n cheese bite, which is definitely the way to go. Super crunchy, creamy, with a marinara sauce on the side… I could slam, like, seven of these, son!!!

Now, I easily couldda crushed twice as much chicken…but that just means I’ve still got room for dessert. And we’re talking deep-fried cheesecake, crunchy on the outside, with a soft ‘n chewy centre. I’m all over that like Kid Rock on a tube sock! The only thing that would make this meal better was if the food had been a little warmer when it got to me…but I guess it is, like, -10 outside, so, y’know, I get it.

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Japanese sandos on torched buns, bros!

Now, when it comes to sandos, this blog ain’t just about burgers. Whether we’re taking hot dogs, fried chicken or pulled pork, it’s all good in the hood, bro! So when I heard that Kinka Izakaya had started a spinoff serving up Japanese Aburi Bunz, you KNOW I had to check it out…

They call this The OG Aburi, and it’s a gangster of love in Flavourtown. You’ve got a nice, beefy hot dog on a bed of cabbage in a torched bun, topped with bonito flakes, shredded seaweed and a garlic donkey sauce — I’d put that on a flip-flop!

Up next, we’ve got The Fire Cracker, with four chunks of spicy chicken karaage on top of crunchy coleslaw that barely fit inside the bun, son! With a name like Fire Cracker, I was a little worried about the heat, but it’s more Buffalo chicken than Nashville Hot. Although the last couple bites had a bit more of a kick — I guess there was a little more sauce on that one piece…

Of course, I WOULD like fries with that, but these ain’t yer everyday taters, bro. These Tokyo Wedges are topped with bonito flakes, seaweed, Japanese curry sauce and more donkey sauce. Like I always say, if there’s anything better than donkey sauce, it’s even more donkey sauce, broseph!!!!!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: 2-for-1 dim sum, son!!!

Now, the dim sum snobs all over this city will tell you that for real-deal, authentic dim sum, you gotta go up to Markham or Richmond Hill. But hey, those places are in lockdown just like we are, and it’s not like they deliver all the way to Downtown Flavourtown. On the other hand, I’ve had some pretty decent dim sum downtown at Dim Sum King, so when I heard they were doing a two-for-one special on Uber Eats, I had to get two of everything.

We’re starting off with two containers of Mashed Chicken Cream Corn Thick Soup, which is like Chinese chicken soup for the soul, son! Now, I probably didn’t need to eat two orders of this, but hey, when they’re two for one, that’s what I call a Good Deal, Jimmy Bro Yang!!!

Now, these Deep Fried Shrimp Rolls don’t need much of an explanation. It’s crispy like a spring roll, but on the inside, there is only shrimp. Man, I could scarf at least six of these…which just so happens to be how many are in this 2-for-1 order, bro!!!

Now, since there’s no such thing as too much shrimp, I also doubled down on some Pan Fried Chives & Shrimp Cakes. These deep-fried dumplings were just stuffed with shrimp, alongside enough green onions to make sure I got at least one serving of veggies this week.

Of course, you can’t have dim sum without siu mai, you guys! These steamed pork/beef dumplings stayed nice ‘n warm in the plastic containers…except maybe toward the end, since, y’know, I was eating like 27 other things at once.

Now, I didn’t really have room for dessert, but I figured that a coupla fortune cookies couldn’t hurt. And it turns out my fortune came true — “You will be taking a giant dump soon!”

Just another socially distanced meal for one in Flavourtown, son!!!!!!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: $80 lobster dinner, delivered!

Now, it’s been a long time since I’ve been to the Maritimes, but I know Atlantic lobster is the good stuff. So when I heard that Rodney’s Oyster House, a local seafood institution since 1987, was serving up a full 1.5-lb Atlantic lobster supper, you KNOW I was all over that like Anne on Green Gables, bro!!!

Now, you’re probably wondering, how do they even deliver a cooked lobster, anyways? Well, they double-wrap it in aluminum foil before putting it in a takeout box…and surprisingly, this actually works, keeping this hero in a half shell nice ‘n warm.

And man, this was one tasty crustacean, son! I cracked open the claws, tore into the tail and sucked all the meat outta the little teats — cuz you KNOW Imma get my money’s worth! This baby was tender, succulent, steamed to perfection with some fresh lemon and drawn butter on the side. Now, unlike the real-deal Atlantic lobster suppers in the Maritimes, they don’t give you unlimited salad and bread — I mean, it’s not like they can send the delivery guy back to make a second, or third (or fourth, or fifth…) trip. All you get on the side is a box of potato wedges — but dude, this is body by potato wedges!!!

This pile of P.E.I.’s second-most-famous export goes pretty good with ketchup, but they actually tasted even better when I squeezed some leftover lemon juice on top. And I washed ‘er all down with a can of Canuck, this Great Lakes IPA that’s not too heavy, or too hoppy — it tastes just right with seafood. And while they gave me two lobster forks and lobster bibs, you KNOW this is just dinner for one in Flavourtown, son!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Meaty steak sandwich from Cumbrae’s

Now, I’ve never been to Satriale’s Pork Store, Tony Sopra-bro, but I figure that if you order a sandwich from a butcher shop, it’s gotta be pretty good. So when I heard that Cumbrae’s, this meat market on Queen Street, was serving up sammies on Uber Eats, you KNOW I had to check it out!

This ain’t yer average steak sandwich, son! We’re talking dry aged striploin, piled onto a bun, with some cheddar cheese, crispy onions and cabbage slaw. And there’s a ton of meat in this sandwich, too — I feel like you get at least six ounces. Not sure if it’s supposed to be served warm, cuz it definitely wasn’t, but this was probably the best cold steak sandwich I’ve ever had, bro!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Double bacon burger with foie gras on top!

It was a sad day in Flavourtown when the Holy Chuck burger joint at Yonge and Wellesley, where I once took down a double-triple cheeseburger, announced it was shutting down on New Year’s Eve. And this wasn’t even due to COVID, but rather thanks to redevelopment, which probably means they’re putting up a fancy condo or something. At least the OG location at Yonge and St. Clair is still serving up some redonkulous burgers, fries and shakes…even if it takes a little longer to get them down my piehole.

So when I heard about this funky new culinary creation, topped with foie gras, maple bacon and truffle oil, you KNOW I had to make mine a double. Say hello to The Holy Duck, bro!!!

Now, this burger is taking me straight down to Downtown Flavourtown, son! These aged beef patties taste more like steak, cooked medium with a little pink in the middle. You’ve got the richness of the foie gras, a nice little chew from the bacon, and the aroma of truffle oil oozing all over the place. 10 on 10 would eat again! I just wish they couldda made the bacon a little more crispy, like they do on their Bacon, Fudge & Sea Salt Milkshake…

Now, the good thing about a milkshake delivery in January is you know it’s not gonna melt, bro! This creamy McDreamy had nice little pieces of fudge, and was topped with perfectly crispy bacon. If I was more thoughtful and less hungry, I wouldda broken down the bacon into little bits before going at ‘er…but even still, that ice-cream-dipped bacon was sooo outta bounds!!!

Now, this order took almost an hour to get here — and it was over 30 minutes in transit, since Uber sent the driver to finish another delivery that was several blocks out of the way. And if there’s one thing that suffered as a result, it was the Italian white truffle fries, which were a slightly soggy glob of potatoes by the time I got ’em. They still tasted pretty good, what with the truffle oil, truffle mayo and the Greek kefalotyri cheese…but the extra time left sitting out definitely did ’em no favours.

Of course, I probably wouldn’t have this problem if I could still order from Yonge & Wellesley, which is much closer to home…but I’m sure the developer will use that space to create some much-needed affordable housing for residents of the area. Yeah, when monkeys fly outta my butt, bro!!! 😆 😆 😆

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Take a bao (or three), bro!

Now, I once put an entire Peking Duck between steamed buns, son, so when I heard about Mean Bao, this funky little chain serving up steamed buns all over this city, you KNOW I had to check it out! They might not have duck, but they’ve got two kinds of chicken, three kinds of pork…and unfortunately the one I ordered from was all outta beef, but they do have it on the menu, too.

We’re starting off with the classic pork belly bao. This bad Momofuku in Flavourtown is super unctuous, with a nice kick from the hoisin, a coupla cucumbers and the bun just melts in your mouth. Eat your heart out, David Chang!!!

Now it doesn’t get much more Toronto than this — jerk chicken inside a Chinese bun, son! The pulled chicken has a decent kick, but not too spicy, and there’s a whole pile of cool, creamy coleslaw on top. We be jammin’ this straight down de piehole, mon!!!

And now we’re about to funk it up another notch. This Sloppy Jones bao is sorta like a Sloppy Joe, except with ground pork instead of beef. And it sure lives up to its name! While the other two baos stayed together, this one had stuff falling out all over the place — the bun even broke across the bottom, making it sloppy AF. But you know what I say, if it ain’t messy, it ain’t tasty, bro!!!!!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Roast beef dinner from The Portuguese Chicken Guys!

Now, I know what you’re thinking: isn’t ordering roast beef from a place called The Portuguese Chicken Guys kinda like getting a burger at Swiss Chalet? Well, you may be right, I may be crazy, but this just may be the piece of beef you’re looking for, Billy Bro-el!!!!

OK, now let’s break it down. We’ve actually got two large pieces and a couple smaller slices of oven-roasted beef, which is cooked well done but still pretty tender, served atop a pile of Portuguese rice with about a pound of potatoes on the side — and these taters are face-meltingly hot, bro! Hot sauce on the side gives it a little extra kick, and of course, I couldn’t order Portuguese beef without a Portuguese bun, son!

This super-sized dinner roll was nice ‘n flaky, with a crusty outside and a soft, chewy centre. This would make for the perfect sandwich, if I had any leftovers — but when do I ever have any leftovers, bro???

Even after scaling that Portuguese meat mountain, I still had some room for dessert — but one of these flaky, creamy, custard-y Portuguese tarts oughtta do’er!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Double pierogi burger with a side of pierogi poutine!

Now, I’ve had some funky pierogis in my day, but when I heard that Burgers n’ Fries Forever, this cool little joint on John St, was serving up a pierogi burger AND pierogi poutine — for a limited time only — you KNOW I was all over that like cheese in potato, bro! And when it comes to the burger, you know I gotta make mine a double…

Now, there ain’t actually any pierogis on this burger — instead, it’s more of a deconstructed pierogi, with mashed potatoes, onions, cheddar cheese and a whole helluva lotta sour cream. Like half the sour cream ended up on my hand, bro! I also paid a couple bucks extra to add beef bacon (the only kind of bacon they had) cuz the First Rule of Flavourtown is Always Add Bacon!

Now, meat and potatoes is a classic combo, so there’s nothing wrong with that at all, but I think if this burger had more mash, and less sour cream, it would make for a better pierogi-eating experience.

Speaking of pierogi-eating, this pierogi poutine really kicks it up a notch! They replace the fries with these little mini cheese pierogis, which are melt-in-your-mouth goodness. And then they add gravy, cheddar cheese, beef bacon, green onions and a whole boatload of sour cream. Again, the flavour distribution could maybe be a bit better (maybe things got moved around in the delivery process), but when you get a bite with that pierogi, some cheese, bacon and just a bit of sour cream, that is the real deal, right there!!!!

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