Monthly Archives: April 2021

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Totally PHOsome Vietnamese triple beef combo!!!

Dude, you KNOW this is body by beef, bro! So when I found out that PHOsome, this funky little Vietnamese joint on Parliament Street, was serving up a $15 combo with three different kinds of beef, I was all over that like rice on noodles!!!

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We’re starting off with a fistful of grilled beef rolls, served with lettuce, mint, carrots, bean sprouts and vermicelli noodles, with some house fish sauce on the side. Dude, this is like Spring Rolls Gone Wild, bro! Probably the most veggies I’ve ate all week, but when you wrap ’em up with beef…man, I could eat, like, three orders of these!!!

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Up next, we’ve got a couple of steak skewers. Meat was super tender, with a light teriyaki sauce, along with some shaved carrots and onions, which I ended up dumping in my pho, for extra flavour…

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Now, this soup had some assembly required. The broth came steaming hot in a plastic container, while the rest of the ingredients were in a separate takeout box. Oh, and it was BYOB — bring yer own bowl, bro! You had to get down, get down and stir it all around to give the rice noodles a chance to separate, while the beef brisket was pre-cooked, and didn’t need to be heated up. You’ve also got a nice crunch from the onions, withe the basil and coriander kicking it up a notch. I also dumped my leftover fish sauce from the beef rolls into the broth, which made it super-tangy towards the end…

Dude, this soup alone will normally set you back 11 bucks, so getting it with two starters for 15 is like a five-finger discount in Flavourtown! Of course, it was closer to 25 bucks when you add the taxes, fees and delivery tip…but even at that price, it’s a pretty PHOsome deal, bro!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Super spicy chicken biryani!!!

Now, it’s been over a year, and I gotta say, all these takeout and delivery dishes are starting to add up. I mean, once you add all the service fees, delivery fees, taxes and tips, you end up spending like 40 bucks just for a medium pizza, bro! So when I come across a place with some great, everyday deals, you KNOW I gotta get in on it. King Palace Restaurant has been dishing out Indian food across from the Toronto Reference Library for decades, and even in the era of Uber Eats, you can still get meat with rice and a drink for just 12 bucks, bro!!!!

This chicken biryani was exactly 12 bucks, coming in hot and tasty — delivery took just 30 minutes. Now, whenever I order Indian food, I always ask for mild. Dude, I dig the flavour, but can’t really handle the heat. (Let’s just say I’m a Whiter Shade of Pale, Bro-col Harum!!!) But this place doesn’t give you the chance to choose your spice level, which means that the food is…probably not mild. The first few bites didn’t seem too bad, and that mint yogurt sauce probably helped, but after a while, I was really feelin’ the Bern. I’m gonna be in a whole House of Pain tomorrow, bro — Peptocopter to the rescue!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: This really nice burger needs some really big rings!!!

Now that Toronto is into State of Emergency No. 3 like a bad Lou Bega number, let’s just say I’m not getting a lot of exercise these days. So when I saw that The Irv, this funky little joint in Cabbagetown, was serving up a Dad Bod Burger, I was all over that like a fat dad on a Smartie, son!!!

These are a few of my favourite things, right here. You’ve got blue cheese, bacon strips, caramelized onions and a whisky-glazed BBQ sauce, all on top of a thick, juicy patty. This burger is sooo outta bounds, it almost held a gathering of more than 10 people, bro!!!

The only thing that brings it down a bit is the thin, weak bun that was completely soggy by the time I opened the box. So instead of a 10/10, it’s maybe like a 9…

Now, when I saw you could upgrade from fries to house-cut onion rings for just two dollars more, I was all over that like a fat dad in a Speedo, bro! And man, these were like, seriously, some of the best onion rings in Toronto. They give you about a full onion’s worth, with a thick, doughy batter that really kicks things up a notch! I mean, like there are 3-4 bites of onion ring for every bite of burger in this takeout box…not that I’m complaining!!!

Man, the last time I had rings this good was in Buffalo…but who knows when I’ll even be allowed to go to Buffalo again, bro??? 😦 😦 😦

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Super-crunchy mac ‘n cheesy!!!

Now, at times like these, I needs me some comfort food — and there’s nothing more comforting than mac ‘n cheese, son! So when I found what I’m guessing is a ghost kitchen called Talk’s Mac serving up five different kinds of mac up on the corner of Bloor and Church, I was all over that like Scottie Pippen at the free-throw line — you KNOW the Mailman don’t deliver on Sundays, bro!!!

This here’s the Crispy Fried Mac, topped with dried onions and jalapenos. As you can see, the toppings come in separate containers, and then you dump ’em on top, for a nice, crunchy bite like this:

Now, they use a thicker kinda noodle, which adds more texture to the bite. Nice and creamy, with a bit of a kick from the dried hot peppers. I also added a bit of hot sauce to kick it up a notch. If there’s one downside to this dish, it’s that it only comes in one size — there wasn’t even an option to order a large — which means I definitely had room for this cheese biscuit:

Dude, this biscuit slays Red Lobster’s, Bro-once! It’s softer, fluffier and doesn’t fill you up, buttercup! Next time, I’m gonna order a whole basket of these…and maybe ask for an extra-large upgrade on the mac ‘n cheese?

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Final Four fusion food feast!

Now, the last time Gonzaga was in the Final Four, I flew to Phoenix, Arizona for all the festivities. But this year, I can’t even cross the border without isolating for 14 days…and who wants to spend 14 days in Indiana!? So while I had to watch Jalen Suggs hit one of the greatest shots in NCAA Tournament history at home, at least I didn’t go hungry, bro!

Kinka Izakaya, this funky Japanese joint on Church St, is serving up a March Madness special that was meant for two…but it’s really just a light snack in Flavourtown. You’ve got two pounds of wings with fries, salmon oshizushi, takoyaki and gyoza dumplings, along with a six-pack of Sapporo to help the medicine go down. And since I had another 40% offer from Uber Eats, I took almost 30 bucks off — which means Gonzaga wasn’t the only winner, winner, chicken dinner last night!!!!!

Of course, we gotta start with the wings. These babies were nice ‘n crispy, with a Taiwanese-style crunchy batter. They came in two flavours, Original or Spicy, and since I figured a Japanese joint probably wouldn’t be dishing out face-melting heat, I went with the Spicy…and I was right. A decent little kick, but nothing two outrageous. I could easily slam two takeout boxes of these without being bound by wild desire the next day…

Now, these deep-fried gyoza dumplings were a nice little side dish. They’re basically two-biters, and you get four to an order, so they’re not gonna fill you up, buttercup. Pretty sure they were vegan, though — I’m like, where’s the beef, bro???

This was not my first time tackling takoyaki, the Japanese fried dough balls with a piece of octopus inside. These ones were very saucy, which left ’em a little soggy — but you KNOW I still put all them balls in my mouth, bro!!!!

Now, while you might not find gyoza dumplings or octopus balls at your local sports bar, I can still dig them as game-day eats — pretty much anything that’s battered and deep-fried will do it for me! But now, this is something that I’d never think to order for the big game… salmon oshizushi, or pressed sushi, with layers of fish squished together on top of some rice. Now, there was nothing wrong with this dish at all, it’s just that next time I’m watching sports, I don’t see myself chowing down on sushi. But hey, if you put it in a combo meal, I mean, it’s not like I won’t eat all of it…

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Sucking on chili dogs at the back of Fancy Franks…

Today is Opening Day for the Blue Jays…although they were in New York today, and will play their “home games” in Florida until at least the end of May. Since it looks like we won’t be heading down to the ballpark anytime soon, we’re bringing the ballpark home with some real-deal Coney Island chili dogs from Francy Franks.

Suck on THIS chili dog, John Bro-gar Bro-llencamp! We’ve got a 100% beef wiener topped with meaty chili, chopped onions and mustard in a warm ‘n toasty bun. And you KNOW I didn’t eat just one, bro!!!

But that’s not all, folks! We’re kicking things up another notch with some chili poutine! This dish is like Chili Cheese Fries Gone Wild — with real-deal cheese curds to top it off. There is even some gravy on here, but it mostly either absorbed into the meat or settled at the bottom. And hey, this dish actually held up OK in delivery!

Now, we won’t have the CN Tower in the background on Opening Day, so instead we’re drinking a beer with the CN Tower on it — Divercity Helles Lager from Lost Craft. And hey, the Jays actually came back in extra innings to beat the Yanks!!!! Can I get a Helles Yeah, bro????

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