Iberico Pork Secreto: It’s like a pork secret handshake in Flavourtown…

Normally, when I go to a fancy steakhouse like Vela, this new funky joint on Portland Street, I’m probablt gonna order the steak. But it turns out this place doesn’t have any steaks bigger than 12 ounces — which is literally a light snack in Flavourtown — so when I saw Iberico Pork Secreto on the menu, I kinda wanted in on the secret:

Now, it may be a mystery as to what part of the pig pork secreto comes from — somewhere between the neck and the shoulder, apparently — but its taste is pretty outta bounds. It’s kinda like a cross between boneless ribs and a nice ribeye steak, grilled up steakhouse style with a hearty romesco sauce and a whole lotta shishito peppers, blistered on the grill for that extra smoky kick. Man, there were almost more peppers than pieces of meat…but I still ate everything but the stems, son!!!!

Speaking of stems, this meal started off with an order of crispy maitake mushrooms, deep-fried to perfection with a chipotle ranch dip… Dude, I would put that on a flip-flop, and I’m not even wearing flip-flops!!!!

We washed it all down with some Ransack the Universe, a heavy (6.8%), hoppy (85 IBUs) IPA from my homeboys at Collective Arts. Man, that might be some of the best artwork I’ve ever seen on a beer can…

And you KNOW we’ve still got room for dessert, bro! This brownie stack was absolutely delectable, with a double dose of brownies topped with salted caramel, candied pecans and a scoop of cocoa sorbet. This honestly might be the best dessert I’ve had in 2021 — dude, it’s like the KFC Double Down of desserts, bro!!!!!!1!!!