Destroying DIY Cincinnati 5-way chili during the Super Bowl, bro!

Now, the Cincinnati Bengals might not have won Super Bowl LVI — but as a Seahawks fan, there’s no way in hell I was gonna cheer for the Rams. So I decided to kick my Super Bowl party up a notch with Cincy’s finest culinary creation — 5-Way Skyline Chili. We’re talking spaghetti, kidney beans, chili, onions and cheese, all on one plate, son! Just another light snack in Flavourtown?

cincinnati_chili_ingredients (7)

Now, since we don’t really know how to cook on Triple B, I went and got the five ingredients from my local grocery store. Basically, all that’s left to do is boil the pasta, dice the onion, heat up the chili and drain the beans, and we’re good to go…

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I used about half the box of spaghetti, which was a perfect al dente after 10 minutes. And since I dunno when I’ll ever need kidney beans again, I put the entire can on top. While they did cover the plate perfectly, I probably used too many…

cincinnati_chili_three_way (5)

Now, the chili selection at my local Metro was pretty limited — it was basically just Campbell’s or one other brand, and both of them had beans. As I was pouring it on, I thought a whole can of chili might be too much, but it doesn’t quite cover the plate and gets pretty much absorbed into the other ingredients.

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While I only used about a quarter of the onion I bought at the store, that was plenty of onion to go around. And probably a lot more than I needed, too…

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Final step is to cover the whole thing in cheese, which works for me. While the cheese is cold at the beginning, it does warm up and melt a bit after the first few bites.

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Now, when you do get all the ingredients into one bite, it really comes together. I mean, it’s less like chili, and more like spaghetti nachos, with the onions, beans and cheese adding a bit of southern comfort. The only problem was that I did not get my ingredient ratio right — the last 10-15 bites were mostly just onions and beans, with the odd noodle thrown in. And the cold beans and cold cheese kinda takes away from the hot noodles and chili. But my biggest mistake was not having enough chili to go around. If I ever make this again, I’m gonna need a bigger can…

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And while I did polish off this whole plate of (less than) perfection last night, I am really paying for it today. Let’s just say that, in the words of The Great Cornolio, I need TP for my bunghole right about now…

Image of TP for my bunghole?

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