Author Archives for greedocatucci

About greedocatucci

Guy Fieri only wishes he had my hair.

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: $80 lobster dinner, delivered!

Now, it’s been a long time since I’ve been to the Maritimes, but I know Atlantic lobster is the good stuff. So when I heard that Rodney’s Oyster House, a local seafood institution since 1987, was serving up a full 1.5-lb Atlantic lobster supper, you KNOW I was all over that like Anne on Green Gables, bro!!!

rodney's_oyster_house_takeout (16)

Now, you’re probably wondering, how do they even deliver a cooked lobster, anyways? Well, they double-wrap it in aluminum foil before putting it in a takeout box…and surprisingly, this actually works, keeping this hero in a half shell nice ‘n warm.

rodney's_atlantic_lobster (18)

And man, this was one tasty crustacean, son! I cracked open the claws, tore into the tail and sucked all the meat outta the little teats — cuz you KNOW Imma get my money’s worth! This baby was tender, succulent, steamed to perfection with some fresh lemon and drawn butter on the side. Now, unlike the real-deal Atlantic lobster suppers in the Maritimes, they don’t give you unlimited salad and bread — I mean, it’s not like they can send the delivery guy back to make a second, or third (or fourth, or fifth…) trip. All you get on the side is a box of potato wedges — but dude, this is body by potato wedges!!!

rodney's_potato_wedges (5)

This pile of P.E.I.’s second-most-famous export goes pretty good with ketchup, but they actually tasted even better when I squeezed some leftover lemon juice on top. And I washed ‘er all down with a can of Canuck, this Great Lakes IPA that’s not too heavy, or too hoppy — it tastes just right with seafood. And while they gave me two lobster forks and lobster bibs, you KNOW this is just dinner for one in Flavourtown, son!!!

rodney's_lobster_aftermath (6)

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Meaty steak sandwich from Cumbrae’s

Now, I’ve never been to Satriale’s Pork Store, Tony Sopra-bro, but I figure that if you order a sandwich from a butcher shop, it’s gotta be pretty good. So when I heard that Cumbrae’s, this meat market on Queen Street, was serving up sammies on Uber Eats, you KNOW I had to check it out!

cumbrae's_steak_sandwich (13)

This ain’t yer average steak sandwich, son! We’re talking dry aged striploin, piled onto a bun, with some cheddar cheese, crispy onions and cabbage slaw. And there’s a ton of meat in this sandwich, too — I feel like you get at least six ounces. Not sure if it’s supposed to be served warm, cuz it definitely wasn’t, but this was probably the best cold steak sandwich I’ve ever had, bro!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Double bacon burger with foie gras on top!

It was a sad day in Flavourtown when the Holy Chuck burger joint at Yonge and Wellesley, where I once took down a double-triple cheeseburger, announced it was shutting down on New Year’s Eve. And this wasn’t even due to COVID, but rather thanks to redevelopment, which probably means they’re putting up a fancy condo or something. At least the OG location at Yonge and St. Clair is still serving up some redonkulous burgers, fries and shakes…even if it takes a little longer to get them down my piehole.

So when I heard about this funky new culinary creation, topped with foie gras, maple bacon and truffle oil, you KNOW I had to make mine a double. Say hello to The Holy Duck, bro!!!

holy_duck_burger (6)

Now, this burger is taking me straight down to Downtown Flavourtown, son! These aged beef patties taste more like steak, cooked medium with a little pink in the middle. You’ve got the richness of the foie gras, a nice little chew from the bacon, and the aroma of truffle oil oozing all over the place. 10 on 10 would eat again! I just wish they couldda made the bacon a little more crispy, like they do on their Bacon, Fudge & Sea Salt Milkshake…

bacon_fudge_milkshake (10)

Now, the good thing about a milkshake delivery in January is you know it’s not gonna melt, bro! This creamy McDreamy had nice little pieces of fudge, and was topped with perfectly crispy bacon. If I was more thoughtful and less hungry, I wouldda broken down the bacon into little bits before going at ‘er…but even still, that ice-cream-dipped bacon was sooo outta bounds!!!

white_truffle_fries (2)

Now, this order took almost an hour to get here — and it was over 30 minutes in transit, since Uber sent the driver to finish another delivery that was several blocks out of the way. And if there’s one thing that suffered as a result, it was the Italian white truffle fries, which were a slightly soggy glob of potatoes by the time I got ’em. They still tasted pretty good, what with the truffle oil, truffle mayo and the Greek kefalotyri cheese…but the extra time left sitting out definitely did ’em no favours.

Of course, I probably wouldn’t have this problem if I could still order from Yonge & Wellesley, which is much closer to home…but I’m sure the developer will use that space to create some much-needed affordable housing for residents of the area. Yeah, when monkeys fly outta my butt, bro!!! 😆 😆 😆

 

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Take a bao (or three), bro!

Now, I once put an entire Peking Duck between steamed buns, son, so when I heard about Mean Bao, this funky little chain serving up steamed buns all over this city, you KNOW I had to check it out! They might not have duck, but they’ve got two kinds of chicken, three kinds of pork…and unfortunately the one I ordered from was all outta beef, but they do have it on the menu, too.

pork_belly_bao (4)

We’re starting off with the classic pork belly bao. This bad Momofuku in Flavourtown is super unctuous, with a nice kick from the hoisin, a coupla cucumbers and the bun just melts in your mouth. Eat your heart out, David Chang!!!

jerk_chicken_bao (12)

Now it doesn’t get much more Toronto than this — jerk chicken inside a Chinese bun, son! The pulled chicken has a decent kick, but not too spicy, and there’s a whole pile of cool, creamy coleslaw on top. We be jammin’ this straight down de piehole, mon!!!

sloppy_jones_bao (6)

And now we’re about to funk it up another notch. This Sloppy Jones bao is sorta like a Sloppy Joe, except with ground pork instead of beef. And it sure lives up to its name! While the other two baos stayed together, this one had stuff falling out all over the place — the bun even broke across the bottom, making it sloppy AF. But you know what I say, if it ain’t messy, it ain’t tasty, bro!!!!!!!

 

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Roast beef dinner from The Portuguese Chicken Guys!

Now, I know what you’re thinking: isn’t ordering roast beef from a place called The Portuguese Chicken Guys kinda like getting a burger at Swiss Chalet? Well, you may be right, I may be crazy, but this just may be the piece of beef you’re looking for, Billy Bro-el!!!!

portuguese_roast_beef (9)

OK, now let’s break it down. We’ve actually got two large pieces and a couple smaller slices of oven-roasted beef, which is cooked well done but still pretty tender, served atop a pile of Portuguese rice with about a pound of potatoes on the side — and these taters are face-meltingly hot, bro! Hot sauce on the side gives it a little extra kick, and of course, I couldn’t order Portuguese beef without a Portuguese bun, son!

portuguese_bun (5)

This super-sized dinner roll was nice ‘n flaky, with a crusty outside and a soft, chewy centre. This would make for the perfect sandwich, if I had any leftovers — but when do I ever have any leftovers, bro???

portuguese_tart (4)

Even after scaling that Portuguese meat mountain, I still had some room for dessert — but one of these flaky, creamy, custard-y Portuguese tarts oughtta do’er!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Double pierogi burger with a side of pierogi poutine!

Now, I’ve had some funky pierogis in my day, but when I heard that Burgers n’ Fries Forever, this cool little joint on John St, was serving up a pierogi burger AND pierogi poutine — for a limited time only — you KNOW I was all over that like cheese in potato, bro! And when it comes to the burger, you know I gotta make mine a double…

double_pierogi_burger (14)

Now, there ain’t actually any pierogis on this burger — instead, it’s more of a deconstructed pierogi, with mashed potatoes, onions, cheddar cheese and a whole helluva lotta sour cream. Like half the sour cream ended up on my hand, bro! I also paid a couple bucks extra to add beef bacon (the only kind of bacon they had) cuz the First Rule of Flavourtown is Always Add Bacon!

Now, meat and potatoes is a classic combo, so there’s nothing wrong with that at all, but I think if this burger had more mash, and less sour cream, it would make for a better pierogi-eating experience.

bff_pierogi_poutine (36)

Speaking of pierogi-eating, this pierogi poutine really kicks it up a notch! They replace the fries with these little mini cheese pierogis, which are melt-in-your-mouth goodness. And then they add gravy, cheddar cheese, beef bacon, green onions and a whole boatload of sour cream. Again, the flavour distribution could maybe be a bit better (maybe things got moved around in the delivery process), but when you get a bite with that pierogi, some cheese, bacon and just a bit of sour cream, that is the real deal, right there!!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Who needs a BLT when you can have a PLT, bro?

Now, back when I lived in The Annex, I knew that Insomnia was the place to go for brunch, and even during Second Lockdown, they open for takeout at 9 a.m. so you can get your brunch on. This place is serving up legit dishes like Challah French toast, huevos rancheros and off-the-hook chicken and waffles, but when I saw the General PLT, I was all over that like Run DMC on a Sucka MC, son!!!!

general_plt_sandwich (20)

OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got not one, but two slices of peameal bacon on a milk bun, topped with a fried egg, cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato and a garlic donkey sauce — it’s like a five-star breakfast in Flavourtown! Plus it comes with a side of homefries and a salad…for some reason.

insomnia_homefries (8)

These fried potaters are smothered in their Legendary Sauce, which is sorta like a house-made ketchup. Plus, I paid a dollar more to add bacon bits, cuz the first rule of Flavourtown is Always Add Bacon, bro!!! Man, this meal was so good, I even ate all the salad — but next time, if I could swap it for a side of sausage, y’know, that would be great…

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Ringin’ in the new year with a rack of ribs!

Waaay back in February, when it looked like 2020 was gonna be just another year, I destroyed some beef ribs at a funky BBQ joint called Smoque N’ Bones. So, now that we’re hoping that 2021 will be just another year, I am ending 2020 with some baby back ribs, also from Smoque N’ Bones. This place was offering up a new year’s special of a full rack and two sides for 73 bucks, which is almost twice as much as the KISS PPV NYE concert…but at least it doesn’t start at 1 in the afternoon. Cuz you KNOW I’m gonna rock ‘n roll all nite and eat ribs every day, bro!!!!!!

baby_back_ribs (26)

These bones were still smokin’ when my order arrived after about 40 minutes. Lots of char, but not too much sauce — although the BBQ sauce on the side had a nice little kick. I went with mac ‘n cheese and sweet potato fries on the side, and they definitely give you a full container of taters!

sweet_potato_fries (4)

These waffle fries were nice ‘n crispy, with a side of chipotle donkey sauce, son. You could put that on a flip-flop, and I’d still eat all of it!!!!

smoque_mac_cheese (5)

This mac was Mac Daddy, with a sharp-dressed-man white cheddar and some garlic-herb bread crumbs. They don’t really give you a lot, compared to the rest of the food, but that just means more room for ribs, bro!!!

smoque_n_bones_aftermath (2)

Now that’s what I call a new year’s countdown in Flavourtown!!!!!

 

 

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Filipino fried chicken from Jollibee

When Jollibee first opened in Scarborough and Mississauaga, I heard people waited in line for, like, three hours, bro. But since the downtown Toronto location opened just a couple weeks ago, right in the middle of Second Lockdown, I could just walk right in and order right away…

jollibee_fried_chicken (1)

While they do have some other stuff on the menu, this place is known for fried chicken, so we gotta start there. I got a three-piece meal with fries, and one of the pieces was spicy, just to try it. Nice, crunchy breading while the chicken was hot ‘n juicy. The spicy piece had a bit of a kick, with all the seasoning salt on the skin, so I had to take a few sips of their signature pineapple juice…

jollibee_pineapple_juice (3)

Hey, it’s probably healthier than soda pop, right?

jollibee_yumburger (7)

Now, they didn’t have the Amazing Aloha Yumburger, topped with pineapple and bacon, at this location, so I had to settle for a regular Yumburger with Cheese. And it was pretty basic — beef, cheese, and a whole lotta mayo. The patty tasted like a Salisbury steak, so I’m guessing that if you order the burger steak with gravy, it’s probably the same thing. I shouldda known not to order a burger at a fried chicken joint, anyways…

peach_mango_pie (9)

Of course, you KNOW I’ve still got room for dessert, bro, and that means it’s peach mango pie time. This soft, breaded treat was still warm after I scarfed down everything else, and the super-sweet filling was super tasty! Man, I’d eat this over McDonald’s any day!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Turducken dinner for one, son!!!

Now, Christmas dinner in Flavourtown is NOT just your typical turkey, bro! Last Christmas, I gave you some turkey dinner pizza, but this year, we’re kicking things up a notch. When I heard that Richmond Station, home of that famous burger, was dishing out a takeout turducken dinner, I was all over that like boom, tough-actin’ Tinactin, John Madden!!!!

richmond_station_turducken_feast (25)

OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got a roast turducken — which is a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey — topped with garden sage gravy, a Cran-Marnier sauce, and sides of scalloped potatoes, carrots, cabbage and a chunka chunka brioche stuffing! Plus, there’s a curly kale and Brussels sprout salad, along with a yule log cake for dessert — shut the front, back AND side doors, bro!!!!!

richmond_station_turducken (10)

This bird is soooo the word, bro! Not really sure where the turkey ends and the duck and chicken begin, but it’s super-tender, unctuous and rambunctious! The gravy adds a nice kick, you’ve got some tartness from the cranberry, and the stuffing just melts in my mouth. I would eat this eight days a week!!!!

kale_brussels_sprout_salad (11)

Now, I gotta say that a kale and Brussels sprout salad would not be my first choice, or even my sixteenth or twentieth choice, bro. But when you add the raisins, shaved ham, cheddar cheese and sunchoke donkey sauce, then it’s pretty badass. If I could only get them to add ham and cheese next time I go to Planta

saint_of_circumstance (4)

Now, you KNOW the name of this blog ain’t Burgers, Bacon & Egg Nog, so we’re chasing this turducken with Saint of Circumstance, a triple-hopped, unfiltered, citrus blonde from Collective Arts. At 4.7%, it’s the perfect light beer for this heavy feast — and hey, in 2020, we’re all just a Victim of Circumstance, Bro-an Jett!!!

turducken_feast_dessert (12)

But you bet yer ass I’ve still got room for dessert — and that means cracking open another beer. I don’t always drink stout, but when I do, it’s usually after dinner. And this Brown Cow milk stout from Calabogie Brewing hits the spot with a nice little kick of chocolate and espresso…

richmond_station_yule_log (24)

When I first bit into the yule log cake, I was like, dude, this is like an After Eight on steroids! Nice creamy, minty flavour with a chewy, chocolately shell. I think I did a decent job of laying down the plum compote, but they give you so many chocolate crumbs that it would take a pro pastry chef to make them all look pretty — or at least a bigger plate, anyways. But hey, you can never have too much chocolate, bro!!!

turducken_feast_aftermath (10)

And the best thing about this dinner was it came precooked, so it only took 25 minutes to prepare. Who needs to spend all day on a turkey when you can just pop a turducken in the oven, son? I was even finished eating by 7:30, which means I’ve still got time to watch Die Hard AND Die Hard 2 before the clock strikes midnight… Cuz you know it ain’t Christmas until Hans Gruber falls from Nakatomi Plaza, Bro-ce Willis!!!!!!!!!

1 2 87