Author Archives for greedocatucci

About greedocatucci

Guy Fieri only wishes he had my hair.

Finally got me some of that Chinese cheesecrack!

For many months now, there have been long lineups in front of the Greyhound bus terminal—and no, these folks aren’t waiting for the 8:15 to Niagara Falls. Since last February, Uncle Tetsu has been serving up cheesecakes right next to the bus station, and at 10 bucks a pop, they’re much cheaper than bus fare to Buffalo (where you can probably buy non-cheesy crack for 10 bucks a pop).

But sheeet son, I wouldn’t wait in line for KISS tickets, much less some little cake in a cardboard box—so I waited until winter, when I could just waltz right in there and buy one. And yes, yer only limited to one per person. Who says this guy isn’t looking after your cholesterol ‘n all that good stuff?

uncle_tetsu (2)(Let’s face it, you probably wouldn’t let ol’ pancake head here babysit your kids.)

The actual cheesecake is about as round and as flat as Uncle’s melon, and in case you aren’t creeped out yet, they even stamped his mug on the cake itself:

uncle_tetsu (5)

So, what do I think about this sugary delicacy that’s making the Asian schoolgirls in this city all goo goo for Pikachu? Well, here’s a newsflash for ya: it tastes like fucking cheesecake. Cheese, eggs, cream, the whole nine yards. I think it’s a little too firm for my liking, and I’d probably put something on top to give it that extra kick, like chocolate sauce, or nacho cheese…but hey, at least I’ve got something to eat for breakfast for the next couple days.

uncle_tetsu (1)

An ode to the Subway Prime Rib Melt…

(Originally written November 5, 2014)

prime_rib

O Prime Rib Melt, shall I compare thee to a regular sub?

Thou art more tasty and more flavourful,

Though this past October otherwise fucking sucked,

And your limited-time offer hath all too short a date;

Sometime too hot your Subway oven burns,

And often the sandwich artist can’t understand simple instructions,

But when I unwrap your melty sandwichness,

You need no introduction;

But thy eternal deliciousness shall not fade,

Nor lose possession of your prime rib,

Until thine offer dost runneth out,

And I’ll probably never eat at fucking Subway again!!!!

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