Author Archives for greedocatucci

About greedocatucci

Guy Fieri only wishes he had my hair.

Making me the most manliest $20 salad of all time

Now, I don’t normally eat salad. It’s definitely not one of the Triple B’s—Burgers, Bacon & Beer. (And there ain’t no Triple S’s, either! Shut the front door, silly!) About the only time I get any green in my diet is when I’m making double-down buffalo chicken burgers and I decide to put some lettuce and tomato on top. Which I don’t always do, mind you. But when I do, I always have a buncha lettuce left over. Cuz hey, I’m not making me some double-down buffalo lettuce burgers!

So, that’s when I go to Longo’s at Maple Leaf Square. Their salad bar is bigger than a five-hundred-thousand-dollar downtown condominium…which you can also find at Maple Leaf Square. And this place has got everything; tuna salad, French-fried potaters, a confused old man looking for insurance—it’s like TheBomb.com! So, here’s what I did. I went down there and made me the most manliest salad of all time. Hold the lettuce—I’ve already got some in the man-fridge.

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OK, let’s break it down. What we’ve got here is some nice cold steak, some salmon, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Real CrabTM, some potatoes, a couple hard-boiled eggs, macaroni salad and one little green thing, y’know, for colour. I tell ya, this salad’ll go pound for pound with anyone! Only problem is, Longo’s charges by the pound, so it cost me 20 bucks. But hey, I’ve still got me a winner winner, steak-salmon-crab-potato-egg-macaroni-salad dinner!

I can still remember my first Old Style Pilsner in Ontario…

(Originally written July 5, 2013)

 

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Old Style Pilsner, aka Vitamin P, aka the Saskatoon Sombrero, has been available in Ontario for a couple months now, after being introduced at The Beer Store with little fanfare.  At least I never heard any fanfare about it–but then again, I’m not from Saskatchewan.

Of course, they don’t carry it at every Beer Store.  My regular spot didn’t have any, so I had to make the trek to Gerrard and that street east of Sherbourne.  But hey, it gave me the opportunity to return some empties, too.

Alas, with six tallboys setting you back $11.25 (if you don’t return any empties), it’s not exactly a budget beer out here.  But with the Stamps and Riders kicking off right about now, I knew I had to drink the Lifeblood of Regina while Calgary runs roughshod over the Roughies.  That being said, I haven’t had this stuff in about eight years, so I don’t even remember what it tastes like.  I hope it’s better than Lakeport…

UPDATE: Calgary somehow managed to lose that game, 36-21. Oh, and for what it’s worth, Pilsner is better than Lakeport.

I liked the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Burger so much, I made mine a double!

When The Works first introduced its Reese PBC burger, stuffed with peanut butter cups, and topped with bacon, onion rings and chocolate, I knew it was only a matter of time before it made a meeting with my mouth. Mind you, the National Post gave it a collective thumbs-down, and Jimmy Fallon called it “a wrong way to eat a Reece’s,” which briefly made me reconsider if I wanted to eat one…so I ended up eating two:

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Make that two patties, anyways. The server was initially unsure what to charge me, as this was an unprecedented first in Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Burger history—no one had ever doubled down on the RPC Burger and lived to tell the tale. In fact, my order took nearly an hour to prepare as the cooks couldn’t stop taking selfies with it, or something. It may or may not have its own hashtag; I dunno, I’m not on Twitter.

In any case, this was quite the culinary adventure. The chocolate and peanut butter melt right into the patties, and it’s the saltiness of the PB that really dominates. The onions give it a bit of a kick, and the bacon adds a nice chew, while the additional chocolate really makes more of a mess than anything. I will say that eating two patties stuffed with Reese’s made me feel like I consumed half a cow. And there may or may not be a napkin shortage at The Works now:

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Much to my dismay, Guy Fieri’s salsa verde tastes nothing like hairspray…

(Originally written November 21, 2014)

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Picked this bad boy up at my local grocery store.  While I wouldn’t normally pay, like, eight bucks for a jar of hot sauce, this isn’t your ordinary green salsa, no sir!  You’ve got the creaminess of the xanthan gum, a nice tang from the dextrose and yeast extract, and the “natural fire roast flavor,” which adds a nice kick.  This salsa is so “money” it’s green!  (It actually says that on the other side of the jar.)  And while I wouldn’t put it on a flip-flop, it’s still pretty bananas–and bananas is good!  Can you say “Winner Winner, Fridge Pizza Dinner?”

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Let’s break it down, here.  You’ve got some mini pita bread, warmed up in the microwave, slathered in Guy’s special sauce, with a buncha Parmesan cheese dumped on top.  Shut the front door!  OK, so it ain’t no chicken base ‘n garlic salt…but this dish was still better than those cold pork tacos I had at Guy’s American Kitchen and Bar!

(More on those later…)

Hickory Sticks are the greatest chips of all time

(Originally written May 6, 2013)

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Maaaaan, I loves me some Hickory Sticks!  I first tasted this salty snack back in junior high, when I realized they were cheaper than your average bag of chips in the vending machine.  Sure, the bag might be smaller, but it’s hardly lacking in hickory-smoked flavour.  People used to pay to watch me eat hickory sticks.  No, really.

Let’s just say that wherever I go, I single-handedly make sure that the nearest grocery store has lotsa Sticks on the shelves.  When I found out that the one next door didn’t stock ’em, I made the three-block trek to stock up on Sunday–hence the three bags in this photo.

OK, so I suppose that with 270 calories, 17 grams of fat and 420(!!!) milligrams of sodium per 50 grams of chip, it’s not the healthiest snack in the world.  But hey, today is International No Diet Day, so I’ll be chowing down without shame–like I do almost every day, for that matter. 😉

Finally got me some of that Chinese cheesecrack!

For many months now, there have been long lineups in front of the Greyhound bus terminal—and no, these folks aren’t waiting for the 8:15 to Niagara Falls. Since last February, Uncle Tetsu has been serving up cheesecakes right next to the bus station, and at 10 bucks a pop, they’re much cheaper than bus fare to Buffalo (where you can probably buy non-cheesy crack for 10 bucks a pop).

But sheeet son, I wouldn’t wait in line for KISS tickets, much less some little cake in a cardboard box—so I waited until winter, when I could just waltz right in there and buy one. And yes, yer only limited to one per person. Who says this guy isn’t looking after your cholesterol ‘n all that good stuff?

uncle_tetsu (2)(Let’s face it, you probably wouldn’t let ol’ pancake head here babysit your kids.)

The actual cheesecake is about as round and as flat as Uncle’s melon, and in case you aren’t creeped out yet, they even stamped his mug on the cake itself:

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So, what do I think about this sugary delicacy that’s making the Asian schoolgirls in this city all goo goo for Pikachu? Well, here’s a newsflash for ya: it tastes like fucking cheesecake. Cheese, eggs, cream, the whole nine yards. I think it’s a little too firm for my liking, and I’d probably put something on top to give it that extra kick, like chocolate sauce, or nacho cheese…but hey, at least I’ve got something to eat for breakfast for the next couple days.

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An ode to the Subway Prime Rib Melt…

(Originally written November 5, 2014)

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O Prime Rib Melt, shall I compare thee to a regular sub?

Thou art more tasty and more flavourful,

Though this past October otherwise fucking sucked,

And your limited-time offer hath all too short a date;

Sometime too hot your Subway oven burns,

And often the sandwich artist can’t understand simple instructions,

But when I unwrap your melty sandwichness,

You need no introduction;

But thy eternal deliciousness shall not fade,

Nor lose possession of your prime rib,

Until thine offer dost runneth out,

And I’ll probably never eat at fucking Subway again!!!!

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