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About greedocatucci

Guy Fieri only wishes he had my hair.

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Who needs butter chicken when you’ve got butter lamb?

Now, I loves me a good AYCE Indian buffet — but something tells me we won’t be seeing any buffets anytime soon. So, to satisfy my craving for Indian food, I came across this funky joint on Parliament called Butter Chicken Factory. This place was named Best Butter Chicken in Toronto by both BlogTO and Toronto.com in 2016, so you know if there’s one thing I gotta order, it’s gonna be…butter lamb. Wait, what???

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Now, if there’s one thing I love even more than AYCE buffet, it’s gotta be lamb. I have scarfed down so many lamb dishes right here on Triple B, bro! I’ve even had Indian-style lamb before…but until now, I didn’t even know that butter lamb was a thing. But for just one dollar more than the butter chicken, you KNOW I had to check it out!!!

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OK, so I actually made a plate of rice, rather than ordering it from the Factory. I mean, why would I pay for rice when I’ve got more than enough to eat at home? Dude, I like butter chicken and all, but swapping the chicken for lamb really kicks it up a notch. You’ve got a nice, creamy, buttery tomato sauce, and then the added richness of the lamb just makes it taste that much better!

Man, that sauce is so good, I’d eat it off a face mask! And I gotta say, the sauce-to-meat ratio here was about 3-to-1. I mean, I still got about a dozen pieces of lamb — but there was so much sauce, it was spilling off the side of the plate! Good thing I’ve got a buncha bread to soak it up, though…

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Maaan, this garlic naan is like a culinary lifesaver in Flavourtown! This chewy bread temple tastes good on its own, even better with the sauce, or you can do how they do in India — just rip it and grip it, bro!!!!!!

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TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: It’s a burger made outta lobster, bro!!!!

I know yesterday was National Burger Day — I had like 75 people tag me on Instagram, bro! But for me every day is Burger Day, and that’s why we’re celebrating Friday with a lobster burger from Lobster Burger Bar, this funky joint on King St West. Now, I’ve had some massive lobster rolls before, and even a burger with lobster on top, but a burger made outta lobster? This I gotta see!

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They call this the Halifax Lobster Burger, and it’s waaaay better than those nachos at the Scotiabank Centre, son! You’ve got a five-ounce Atlantic lobster patty, with mozza and white cheddar baked right in, plus lettuce, tomato and a whole lotta mayo. And of course, I paid 3 bucks extra to add bacon — dude, the Number One Rule of Flavourtown is Always Add Bacon!!!!

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Now, when it comes to sides, I couldda gone with fries, or maybe some sweet potato spuds. But when I saw the poutine, you KNOW I had to try it. I was a little disappointed to see the skinny little matchstick fries, but you know what? Even though the curds were kinda melty by the time I dug in, they still had that squeak, and the gravy was the closest thing I’ve had to proper sauce en canne in a while. On the scale of one to redonkuluous, it’s no Poutine Mountain, but for a side dish at a seafood joint, this poutine’s pretty legit!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: You ululate, I ululate, we all ululate for Halal Guys!!!

In case you didn’t know, The Halal Guys made a name for themselves as one of the most popular food trucks in New York City, before branching out all over the world. They’ve had one in Toronto for a couple years now, right around Yonge and Wellesley, but I never got the chance to check it out…until now!

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At this place, their menu is nice and simple — you can order chicken, gyros or falafel, either on a pita or in a platter. Now you KNOW I went with both kinds of meat, bro — chicken AND gyros!!!

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OK, now let’s break it down. The meat is clearly carved off a spit shawarma-style, and then piled on top of a whole lotta veggies, like carrots, lettuce, tomato, onions, jalapenos and green peppers. You get a nice kick from the hot sauce and the garlicky white sauce — man, I only used one packet of white sauce, and I got it all over everything!!!

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Now, the trick with this dish is to layer the meat so that you’re not just left with a big pile of lettuce and carrots at the end. But man, when you smother it in white sauce, even lettuce and carrots taste pretty gangster! And did I mention I’ve still got a whole ‘nother packet? Man, I’m gonna spread some white sauce on everything I eat now — that sauce is the boss, hoss!!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Softshell crab sammy + sticky chicky wings

Now, you really can find just about any kind of food in this city — even with all the restaurants shut down for dine-in. So tonight, I was craving Vietnamese bar food — I’m talking real-deal banh mi, maybe with some sticky Asian wings, and a nice IPA to wash it all down? Yes, there is a place for that, just north of College St in Little Italy… this is Pinky’s Ca Phe!

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Now, you gotta love the old-school takeout boxes and sandwich bags — that tells me this joint is legit! These sticky wings are glazed in a garlic fish sauce, with some fried garlic for that extra vampire-killing goodness. Only spice here comes from the garnish, with pickled chilies and fresh holla-atcha-penos — I definitely needed a cold beer to beat that heat!

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Now, at this joint they’re taking your traditional banh mi — a great, chewy baguette, with pickled carrots, daikon and cilantro — and then they’re adding an extra-special ingredient: deep-fried, crunchalious, soft-shell crab! Man, you do not see that crustacean very often this far north of Baltimore… and that smoked oyster donkey sauce and chili jam really kick it up a notch!!!!

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Now, this place isn’t just serving up some righteous bar food — they’re also delivering real-deal beers, done dirt cheap! This $6 tallboy hazy session IPA is a collaboration between Henderson Brewing and the Society of Beer Drinking Ladies; nice and hoppy, with a citrusy, grapefruit finish. And, at just 4% it sure is sessionable — I could crush, like, 17 of these, son!!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: We’re taking poutine to the extreme!!!

Now, if there’s one food group I could eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner, it’s gotta be poutine. And there’s no shortage of funky poutineries all over this city — even during lockdown, bro! Like Poutine Mountain, this pop-up kitchen in the 6ix Food Hall, that’s serving up poutine so outta bounds, they gotta dare you to eat it:

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This I Dare You poutine is like a 2 a.m. drunk dial in Flavourtown, bro! You’ve got french fries, mozza cheese, mozza sticks, a piece of fried chicken, and then a buncha pepperonis at the bottom. The menu said there were chicken tenders, but I actually think the pepperoni works better, cuz it lets me do this:

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Now, I gotta say right off the bat that there are no cheese curds in this poutine, which is kinda like a cardinal sin in Flavourtown. But when you get some fries, some gravy, a bit of cheese, half a mozza stick and then a pepperoni on top, that’s pretty much the perfect bite, bro!!!!

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Now, on the other hand, the fried chicken was a bit of a miss with this dish. I’m not used to eating fried chicken with a fork, so pulling pieces of chicken off to stack on top of the FCG — fries, cheese ‘n gravy — did not go so well. But hey, while none of the ingredients were perfect, or even very good, when you put ’em all together, it’s pretty much what the doctor ordered after back-to-back-to-back virtual happy hours, bro-rantine king!!!!

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TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Hot dog for breakfast? Don’t mind if I do…

Y’know, if there’s one thing I’ve been missing the most during The Great Restaurant Shutdown of 2020, it’s brunch. I mean, I’ve ordered everything from mac ‘n cheese to Pekin duck to go, but I didn’t see any places doing brunch deliveries…not until I came across Ramona’s Kitchen, this funky little joint inside the Annex Food Hall, that’s serving up all three meals of the day — with a special brunch menu on weekends.

Now, we’re not just talking French toast and eggs benny, bro — this place is offering all kinds of funkaliciousness, like a green egg omelette, schnitzel benedict and this sausage party in Flavourtown, the Morning Frankfurter:

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Now, this has gotta be one of the most off-the-hook hot dogs I’ve ever had. You’ve got a thick, all-beef wiener, topped with scrambled eggs, holy guacamole, cheddar cheese slices, cherry tomatoes and some great big strips of bacon, all swimming in a spicy donkey sauce. This dog was super messy, but you know what I say — if it ain’t messy, it ain’t tasty!!!

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Now, I don’t wanna sleep on the fries, either. These fresh-cut taters tasted just like something you’d get from a chip truck, and they were still hot and crispy when I started shoveling them down my piehole, cuz the streets were so quiet on Sunday morning that my order was barely 20 minutes from start to finish, making it the fastest delivery since this whole shutdown started!!!

Man, I know there are so many other funky joints offering takeout and delivery all over this city…but I might hafta order from here again, maybe even before restaurants reopen. That chicken schnitzel benny sounds soooo outta bounds, bro!!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: It’s like Steak ‘n Potatoes Gone Wild in Flavourtown!!!

Now, you know we love burgers and fries right here on Triple B — it’s even in the name, bro! But sometimes, I want something a little more elevated. We’re talking steak sandwich, and maybe some tater tots, but kick it up a notch, with bacon and cheese? Luckily, Knuckle Sandwich, this funky little joint on Coxwell, a flew blocks north of the Danforth, has got just what the good doctor ordered!!!!

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Now, this order took over 15 minutes just to deliver…but it was definitely worth the wait! This steak sandwich was super-slow-mo scrumptious, son!!!

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Now, by the time my delivery got here, the steak was a little more than medium, but the meat was still pretty tender. Topped with chimichurri, crispy onions and a garlic donkey sauce on a nice crusty roll — I was actually kinda full after just eating this half! But you KNOW I’ve always gots room for tots, bro!!!

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These loaded potatoes totally kick it up a notch with green onions, cheddar cheese and ranch dressing, plus they’ve got these great big chunks of bacon — there’s no baby bacon bits here, bro! That’s like almost all the food groups in Flavourtown…all we’re missing is alcohol and gravy!!!!

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TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: This is mac daddy mac ‘n cheese, son!!!

Now, who doesn’t love mac ‘n cheese, bro? Whether they’re serving it up at an old-school British pub, inside a grilled cheese burger, or at a full-fledged festival, you KNOW I’m always down to clown, Charlie Brown! And when I heard about this funky little mac shack just offa Ossington, Bobbie Sue’s Mac + Cheese, I definitely had to get me some!!!

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This here’s the Blue Buffalo Mac, and it’s totally mac-tastic! You’ve got some big ol’ pieces of pulled chicken, a buncha blue cheese, and some tender noodles, served up in a box big enough for an 8″ personal pizza! I don’t think I’ve ever been so full for 15 bucks, bro — not since the AYCE sushi at Kyoto House, anyways…

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TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: This burger’s gonna knock me out!

Now, I’ve had some pretty crazy burgers right here on Triple B. We’re talking double, triple, all the way up to six patties, and even some with grilled-cheese sandwich buns, son! So when I heard that Knockout Chicken, this funky, boxing-themed chicken and burger joint in Kensington Market, was serving up a burger so big that it came with extra napkins, so big that they couldn’t even close the takeout box, then you KNOW I had to order it. This is The Greatest:

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Dude, this burger is kinda like when you take a KFC Double Down, and then you double down again. You’ve got two beef patties, two great big pieces of fried chicken, slathered in their sweet ‘n tangy KO sauce, and stuffed between two grilled cheese buns. As you can see, it’s a real fistful of dynamite!!!!

Now, the app said this burger comes with beef bacon, so either there’s a beef bacon shortage going on, or they just forgot to put it on. But with no veggies to be found, it was just round after round of meat connecting straight with my jaw. Chicken was definitely the star of the show, but the beef was pretty good, too. Only problem was that once I got half way through, the sandwich started falling apart — the grilled cheese buns just couldn’t hold everything together. But I wasn’t gonna thrown in the napkin until I went all 15 rounds, bro!!!!

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Man, I already feel like I need a nap. It’s gonna be lights out pretty soon…

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Cinco de Mayo tacos from El Trompo

Now, we started this Corona madness by drinking Guinness on St. Patty’s Day, and in a similar way, we’re celebrating Cinco de Mayo with some takeout tacos. Now, there’s no shortage of taco joints in this city, even if they’re not all doing delivery, but I gotta say El Trompo had some of the best prices I found for anything on Uber Eats. I mean, I don’t think I’ve spent less than 20 bucks on an order since this shutdown started — so when they’re serving up five tacos for $13.50, I definitely can’t complain!

Mind you, these weren’t just any old tacos — we’re talking beef tongue, son!!!

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Now, you KNOW I love lengua, bro! It’s got a distinct texture, kinda like well-done roast beef, all chopped up with no place to go. The onions add a nice little crunch, there’s some citrus from the lime, and the salsa roja gave a bit of a kick…but then I kicked it up a notch with a few drops of the pineapple scotch bonnet sauce leftover from Patois. And lemme tell ya, a few drops is all you need — that shit’s spicy, son!!!!