Fast Food Confidential

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Wagyu, the meaning of beef, the way that I want you to dine!!!

Slayer Burger opened its original location in the east end right around the start of Lockdown Number 3, so I never got the chance to check it out. But when I heard they had a second spot on Queen Street East, just South of Heav… erm, East of Broadview, I was all over that like a Dissident Aggressor, bro!!!!

Now, this place has six different burgers to choose from, but you KNOW I had to go with the First Degree Burger. We’re talking Wagyu beef, bacon, foie gras, fried onions, arugula and provolone on a black metal (or more like blackened thrash) charcoal sesame-seed bun, son!!!!!

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Dude, this Angel of Death in Flavourtown is so decadent, you’d hafta be Criminally Insane not to enjoy it! Nice, beefy patty, oozing with cheese, and the signature Slayer sauce gives it a nice little kick. But what really makes it is the bacon. Dude, this is the best bacon I’ve had on a burger in a long time — perfectly thick and crispy, just the way I like it. You KNOW I’m gonna Show No Mercy to this one, bro!!!!!!!!!!!

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But after that Reign in Beef, I gotta Cleanse the Soul with a salad. (Hey, it’s not salad if you yell SLAYER, bro!!!) This Slayed Caesar comes with croutons, real bacon bits and parmesan crisps — dude, this is body by parmesan crisps! And since my Uber delivery bike rider took several Seasons in the Abyss to get here, any fries would haven been as soggy as a Dead Skin Mask by the time they arrived…

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Now, my Slayer Milkshake wasn’t exactly solid after spending 40 minutes in some dude’s delivery bag, but it was still cold ‘n creamy, with a hint of almonds and cherries. Hardening of the Arteries never tasted so good!!!!

 

 

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Angry Shrimp Poke ain’t no joke!!!

When it’s a million degrees outside, the last thing I wanna do is turn on my oven. And if I can find a takeout dish that’s best served cold, all the better! So we’re checking out Poke Guys, this funky little poke place just offa Dundas, where they’re serving up seven different kinds of poke bowls, bro! You can get ’em with salmon, tuna or even tofu, but I knew I had to go with the Angry Shrimp. Dude, Angry Shrimp was the name of my Glenn Danzig cover band, bro!!!!

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The food may be cold, but it’s definitely bringing the heat, son! These sweet and spicy shrimp get an extra kick from the kimchi, with some corn, cucumber and avocado to cool it down (the avocado costs extra though — dude, this is body by avocado!). And did I mention the pineapple???

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While I don’t have a problem with putting pineapple on pizza, it definitely hits different when you pair it with shrimp. You’ve got the sweet with the heat, the acid with the sour and the juice with the succulent seafood… Now, I’m not saying you should put shrimp and pineapple on pizza, but if somebody did, I would probably at least try it.

r/fakehistoryporn - An Italian-American being forced to watch pineapple added to pizza for the first time ever. (1914 Brooklyn, USA)

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Beefy double cheeseburger and cheese fries from The Bullger

Now, when I heard that The Bullger, this funky burger joint at Queen and Parliament, was serving up an eight-dollar double burger with a fried egg on top for the Eggs Anytime deal with Skip the Dishes, I was all over that like beef on a bun, son! They call this the Bull’s Eye, and it totally hits the target!!!

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OK, now let’s break it down. We’ve got two beefy six-ounce patties, topped with mozza cheese, lettuce, onions, mushrooms, and just oozing with donkey sauce…and then they put an egg on top!? Shut the front, back and side doors, bro! Now, this burger was really messy — I definitely needed all the napkins that they gave me! But the patties were on point, and when you get a nice bite of egg, and maybe a couple shrooms, that right there is the golden ticket!!!

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And now we’re kicking it up another notch with some cheese fries, bro! These french-fried potaters are topped with real cheese, and then they put some cheese sauce and donkey sauce on top! The only downside is that, while the top layer is nice ‘n cheesy, the fries underneath are pretty much plain. Ya gotta layer on the cheese sauce, son!!!!!!!!!

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Now, they don’t serve beer at The Bullger, so I pulled this bad boy outta the fridge. Hustle Over Hype is a crushable pale wheat ale that doesn’t really have the citrusy kick of a wheat beer or the hoppiness of an IPA. But it does have an old-timey boxing dude fighting a hop monster on the can, bro!!!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Four fried chickens and a Coke

Dude, PG Clucks was serving up fried chicken sandwiches before fried chicken sandwiches was cool, bro! This place started out as a takeout window in the Royale Theatre, but when Birreria Volo opened next door, you could order their sandwiches right to your table, washed down with some killer craft beer. Of course, everything is takeout and delivery nowadays, and they’ve even opened a second location on Queen St West, but the OG in Little Italy is still closest to me. So, when I found out they were serving up 2-for-1 fried chicken on Uber Eats, I was all over that like John Belushi on a mission from God, Blues Bro!!!!

Now, you won’t get any chicken wings or chicken legs here — it’s all boneless, bro! Their two piece chicken + one side meal gave you the option of half regular, half Nashville Hot, so I ended up with two pieces of each. They also came with smokey chili and buttermilk ranch sauce…so I saved the smokey chili for the mild pieces. Chicken was nice ‘n crispy, and the boneless factor made it easy for dipping. I wouldn’t fill up on just one order, but 2-for-1 seemed just right for a light lunch in Flavourtown.

Now, their Nashville Hot Chicken wasn’t nearly as spicy as the stuff I’ve had in Nashville — or the best Nashville hot chicken in Toronto, for that matter. But while I loaded up on the buttermilk ranch — dude, this is body by buttermilk ranch — it still had a pretty decent kick. I may or may not have been all Johnny Cash on the toilet after, put it that way…

On the side, I went with macaroni salad, which was probably just the right amount — once you double it, anyways. The creaminess took a bit of the edge off the Nashville Hot, and it’s always good to have another bite in between. One two-piece order is just a light snack in Flavourtown, but when you double down, it’s at least enough for lunch, son!!!

 

 

 

 

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: This smoked duck sushi burrito is a Flavourtown fusion three-way!!!

Dude, I can’t even remember the last time I used Ritual — probably sometime before the pandemic started. But for a limited time, they are taking 50% off your first order at certain restaurants, up to $10, which is perfect for lunchtime. And since it’s warm outside now, I figured I might as well take advantage of one of the few things we’re actually allowed to leave the house for and pick up some takeout instead of having it delivered to me for a change.

So, there’s this funky little joint called Mi’hito Sushi Laboratory serving up Japanese/Mexican fusion from four locations across Toronto and Mississauga. This place has got everything: sushi tacos, sushi burritos, poke bowls and so many rolls to choose from. But when I saw the Spicy Samurai Duck burrito, I was all over that like duck on rice, bro!!!

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OK, now let’s break it down. What we’ve got here is smoked duck breast, served cold, with a mix of cabbage, red pepper, seaweed, mandarin orange and a cucumber dill dressing leaking out all over the place. This thing was super messy, bro! I don’t think I’ve ever had duck served cold before, but you still got a nice, rich, meaty texture. But this is a situation where all the meat is on one side, and the veggies are on the other, so you gotta take two bites before you chew, son!!!

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Of course, you KNOW I couldn’t get Japanese/Mexican takeout and NOT order a fried chicken taco, bro! This chicken is super-crunchy, karaage-style, but also seems to be served cold, with lettuce, cabbage, corn, edamame, green onions, and one lonely piece of avocado hanging out the end. Now, this wouldn’t be the best fried chicken taco I’ve ever had, but at 50% off, it only cost me like 2 bucks, and I can go for that…

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: 2-for-1 fish sandos, son!!!

Like I said, it’s 2-for-1 week on Uber Eats till May 24, which means I don’t just get to try new things…I get to try two new things, bro!!! Like Uncle Bill’s Fish and Chips, this funky seafood joint that opened up late last year, with locations at the foot of Yonge Street and another one in Etobicoke. Now, I dunno if this is an actual restaurant, a ghost kitchen, or somebody frying fish in the back of a boat — hey, their downtown address is right where Captain John’s used to be — but either way, when they’re serving up two-for-one fried fish sandwiches for 11 bucks, I really don’t care where they’re coming from!!!

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They call this Bill’s Giant Fillet of Fish, and it’s quite a handful in Flavourtown! You’ve got some nice, beer-battered haddock, topped with American cheese and tartar sauce on a pretty decent bun. Veggies? We don’t need no stinkin’ veggies, bro!!! Fish is light and flaky, and I like that the cheese has some time to melt into it when you order it to go. I only wish I had ordered like a side of fries or something, cuz I wasn’t really full even after I doubled down…

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Now, they don’t serve brewskis at Uncle Billy’s, so instead I grabbed one from the fridge. Mango Fett is a wicked awesome New England IPA from People’s Pint, straight outta The Junction. And no, it ain’t brewed with mangoes, but the combo of lactose, Citra and Michigan Copper hops give it a nice fruity, hoppy taste. All that’s missing is some chowdah!!!

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TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Korean fried chicken on Detroit-style pizza

I’ve been a big fan of Detroit-style pizza, ever since we visited the OG, Buddy’s, in the Big D a couple years back. Since then, it’s totally become a trend, with funky joints popping up all over Toronto like 8mile Pizza and Gianna’s Patties and Pies. But when this joint called Ace’s Pizza opened up earlier this year, you KNOW I had to check it out, cuz they’re serving up this pie in the sky that you won’t find anywhere in the Motor City — we’re talkin’ Korean fried chicken pizza, son!!!!

Now this ain’t your typical KFC — not even the kind you’d find at Yonge & Finch. It actually tastes more like General Tso’s, or at the least the cheap ‘n cheerful version I used to get at the food court. It’s a little sweet, not too crispy, with just a touch of heat. But I kinda wished they’d chopped it up a bit more — those big ol’ chunks of chicken don’t really stay on top of the pizza, especially after you bite into it. The corner pieces weren’t too bad, but the middle pieces were especially messy:

And yes, there is kimchi on that pizza too, which has gotta be a first for me. But even in the bites that didn’t have any chicken, the cheese and sauce was pretty tasty. I feel like I could order a pepperoni, supreme or even Hawaiian next time, and it would be TheBomb.ca. As for the Korean Fried Chicken, though, it’s kinda like when you’re really baked, and ya put chicken nuggets on top of a takeout pizza. I mean, these are both good things on their own, but they just don’t really go together, if ya smell what I’m cookin’…

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Sucking on chili dogs at the back of Fancy Franks…

Today is Opening Day for the Blue Jays…although they were in New York today, and will play their “home games” in Florida until at least the end of May. Since it looks like we won’t be heading down to the ballpark anytime soon, we’re bringing the ballpark home with some real-deal Coney Island chili dogs from Francy Franks.

Suck on THIS chili dog, John Bro-gar Bro-llencamp! We’ve got a 100% beef wiener topped with meaty chili, chopped onions and mustard in a warm ‘n toasty bun. And you KNOW I didn’t eat just one, bro!!!

But that’s not all, folks! We’re kicking things up another notch with some chili poutine! This dish is like Chili Cheese Fries Gone Wild — with real-deal cheese curds to top it off. There is even some gravy on here, but it mostly either absorbed into the meat or settled at the bottom. And hey, this dish actually held up OK in delivery!

Now, we won’t have the CN Tower in the background on Opening Day, so instead we’re drinking a beer with the CN Tower on it — Divercity Helles Lager from Lost Craft. And hey, the Jays actually came back in extra innings to beat the Yanks!!!! Can I get a Helles Yeah, bro????

May be an image of 1 person, dessert and text that says '06 STONECOLD CREAM STEVE ICE CC STDN O Austin 3:16 says: just whooped your ice."'

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Born in Arizona, moved to Babylonia… Funky Tut’s Street Food, son!!!

Now, we have savoured flavours from all over the world on Triple B, but one that we’ve never had before is Egyptian. So when I heard about Tut’s Egyptian Street Food, this funky little joint at King and Portland, you KNOW I had to check it out, bro!!!!

This place is serving up seven different sammies, about half the size of a hot dog, and since I’ve never eaten Egyptian before, I pretty much wanted one of everything that isn’t vegan. Good thing they have a thing called the Tut’s Plus Combo, which gives you four sammies and a side for $19.99. Now that’s what I call winner, winner, Egyptian dinner — or make that Egyptian lunch!!!

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We’re starting off with the Egyptian Falafel, two great balls of fibre topped with tahini and coriander. This dish not only smells amazing, but it tastes delicious too…and technically, I guess it actually is vegan. My bad, bro!

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Now, while these might all look like little hot dogs, this here sammich is the closest thing to an actual hot dog. We’re talkin’ grilled beef sausage, topped with caramelized onions and a mustard mint sauce. Take me out to the ball game, bro!!!!!

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Now batting third, we’ve got grilled kofta, a Middle Eastern meat stick topped with tahini and parsley. But what really kicks it up a notch is a pair of pickles, giving things a nice little extra tang.

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But now we’re gonna kick it up another two or three notches with something I’ve never had in a sandwich before — pan-fried beef liver, bro! Now, this meat tasted kinda like the shredded beef you’d put in a taco, and the lime wedge added a nice little bit of acid. Plus, there’s some more tahini on top — dude, they put that shit on everything!!!

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With this combo, you also get a choice of sides — tomatoes, pickles or fries. Can you guess which one I went with? These french-fried potaters are seasoned with Dukka, an Egyptian blend of herbs and spices. At first, I was like, this little fistful of fries isn’t gonna be enough for four sandwiches, but it turns out I got about two fries for every bite… Now that’s some culinary rocket science in Flavourtown!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: 2-for-1 beef brisket Big Macs, bro!!!!

So, technically restaurants are open — for outdoor dining only — in Toronto now, but the rule says you can only eat with people from the same household. Well, the Triple B Krew doesn’t live together — we ain’t no smelly hippies, bro! — so until they let us go back to 10-person pods, like they did last year, I’m just gonna keep ordering enough takeout food for two people…and then eating it all by myself. 😉

Good thing that Uber Eats is doing 2-for-1 deals right now with a buncha local restaurants, like Wichcraft, this funky sandwich joint on Bloor West. (Not to be confused by a place with the same name in NYC, apparently.) This place has got all kinds of 2-for-1 specials going on, like shrimp po boys, fried chicken sandwiches and even veggie burgers. But when I saw the Smoked Brisket Big Mac, I knew this mac attack was heading straight down my piehole, bro!!!

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Now, they say that it’s smoked brisket, but the texture and flavour is more pot roast than Texas BBQ. Still makes for a pretty tasty sammy, though, with lettuce, cheese, onions, pickles and a special sauce that came on the side (even with two sammies, I only used like half the container). But what really makes it are the pickles — these ain’t no skinny, wimpy, fast-food pickles, — we’re talkin’ thick, crunchy, hockey pucks of flavour, which really give this sandwich a big boost!

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Now, what goes better with a brisket Big Mac than some mac ‘n cheese? They even make it with rigatoni for that extra-thick noodle action, son! But here’s where I dun goofed. Instead of ordering the mac as a separate item, I added it as a side with my brisket sandwich. And since they give you two sammies when you order one, I ended up with two sides of mac ‘n cheese…which weren’t 2-for-1, so I had to pay for both. But that’s not to say I didn’t eat both sandwiches AND both mac ‘n cheeses — you KNOW this is just a light lunch in Flavourtown, bro!!!

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