Now, I dunno if you’ve heard about the new Seriously Chicken sandwich at McDonald’s. The one they say is like the Angus beef of chicken? I mean, calling chicken the Angus beef of something is like saying this is the bacon poutine of quinoa salad–that does not compute, bro! But hey, if you call something the Angus beef of anything, I’m probably still gonna end up eating it.
So, they had two options–Tomato & Mozzarella or Guacamole & Jalapeno. Since I’m Guy Fieri’s second cousin thrice removed, you know which one I went for… holy guacamole and holla-atcha-penos, bro! (Don’t mess with Tex Mex!!!!)
Now, lemme tell ya, that’s some crispy chicken, son! In fact, it’s almost more crispy, less chicken. And the fact that they didn’t even try to melt the cheese is a little disappointing. But I’m digging the red onion and fresh lettuce, and the bun is a step up from what you normally get at McDonald’s. Thing is, the so-called guac is like a great green glob of weaksauce–it tastes like nothing. And for a sandwich with Jalapeno in the name, they sure don’t give you very many, cuz I didn’t find any hot peppers until I had eaten most of this burger already:
Whoomp, there it is!
Now, don’t get me wrong, this burger wasn’t bad…but if I’m paying 11 bucks for a fast food chicken sandwich combo, then I think I’m gonna stick with Wendy’s Bacon Queso Chicken Burger. Pour some queso on me, bro!!!
Now, what if I told you there was a hidden burger joint at the back of a sports bar next to the Hockey Hall of Fame? Dude, that’s like having your beef and eating it, too! So when I heard about Hidden Burger, nestled inside The Bottom Line on Front Street, I was all over that like cheese on two flame-grilled patties, broseph!!!
Now, this place serves up burger combos for lunch for just 10 bucks, but for an extra five, you can make it a double. Dude, this is body by double cheeseburger, bro! You’ve got two juicy, melt-aparty patties, a nice gooey smear of cheese, some fresh crisp lettuce, and a bit of kick from the catsup. Fries are nice and crisp, with a buncha pepper on top. I actually ate most of them before taking this picture—there are quite a few to an order!
This place even makes things more secretive by having a weekly secret burger. I dunno if they even tell you what’s in it before you order—that’s pretty outta bounds, bro! But you really don’t need any secret ingredients when you serve up a classic double cheeseburger like this one. It’s by far the best burger I’ve ever eaten out of the back of a sports bar—and you don’t even hafta be put on double secret probation to get it!
So, Toronto Life just did its Top 100 list of the best cheap eats in Toronto–and I KNOW some of these places are pretty legit, like PG Clucks, Flock, Wvrst and Adamson Barbecue. They also include a whole buncha food court places up in Markham and stuff, all serving up meals for less than 10 bucks. While I’m all for eating good in the neighbourhood, I usually spend more money than that at Adamson’s, son!
And hey, it turns out they left one of my go-to, real-deal, dirty-deeds-done-dirt-cheap joints off their list. What if I told you that you could get enough General Tao Chicken for a family of four (people with small stomachs) for just $5.99, bro????
Fusia Asian Kitchen is in a food court in the basement of the Atrium on Bay, just across the PATH from the Greyhound bus station and that Japanese cheesecake creep. They do a few different chicken dishes, which they toss in the wok as soon as you order, but me, I always go straight to the heatlamp, dudeson!
Now, the texture can be a little off sometimes, kinda overly crunchy, and the breading’s falling all over the place. Plus, there isn’t really any sauce here–there’s a reason they don’t call it General Tso, bro. But man, when you’re girl drink drunk at 7:30 on a Tuesday, there’s nothing better than stuffing your face with enough Chinese chicken to choke a chihuahua*!
(*Or at least some guy on TV told me that once.)
Dude, if there’s one thing I love more than Def Leppard, it’s queso, bro! So when I heard that Wendy’s was rolling out not one, not two but three things with queso on ’em, I knew I had to try ’em all. Man, I would even put queso on a Frosty–why is that not on the menu???
This Bacon Queso Burger was honky-tonk redonkadonk! You’ve got Wendy’s fresh, never frozen beef, some thick strips of bacon, purple onions and a nice slab of that queso sauce. And this ain’t no shitty stadium nacho cheese, neither–it’s got a bit of a kick, with some diced jalapenos in there and everything!
But man, the Bacon Queso Chicken was even better, bro! Pretty much anytime you combine bacon and breaded chicken, you know it’s gonna be good, but the cheese sauce really kicks it up a notch! Now, if only you could get a Bacon Queso Spicy Chicken sandwich…
Now, the move with the Bacon Queso Fries is to let the cheese melt in, adding that extra level of cheesiness to the dish. It wouldda been better if they had broken up the bacon a bit more, but when you get a big ol’ chunk of bacon on your fork, that’s pretty much the perfect bite, right there:
Dude, after devouring all that food, I don’t think I’d have room for that Bacon Queso Frosty anyways…
Ever since I first read about the Flamin’ Hot Cheetos epidemic in the States, I have wanted to get my hands on these hot, crunchy flavour nuggets… But they were illegal in Canada—until now. Luckily, Taco Bell has smuggled a whole bunch over the border, and they’re cramming them into their latest culinary creation, the Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Crunchwrap Slider. But you know with these only available for a limited time, I couldn’t just eat uno, or dos, or tres or even cuatro… No, we’re talking cuatro cinco, cinco, seis, son!
That means five, in case you’ve forgotten the feel-good hit of the summer of ‘98. And tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1999 with these cheesy, beefy, crunchy, spicy, outta-bounds, Bomb.ca, honky-tonk redonkadonk orbs of Mexican flavour goodness! Shut the back, front and side doors, bro!
OK, let’s break it down. You’ve got your ground-beef taco meat, your cheese and sour cream, some south of the border hot sauce, straight outta the packet, and then a ton of crunch from the Cheetos, all wrapped in a flour tortilla and baked under a panini taco press. I have never tasted anything so crunchy since that time I crushed four Naked Chicken Chalupas, bro! And I can totally relate to the crack-like properties of the Flamin’ Hot Cheetos—even after finishing five of these, I still had a craving for more!!!!
Duuuude, does it even get any more Canadian than this!!!???? You’ve got a Made in Canada burger chain, serving Canadians from coast to coast since 1959, rolling out a limited edition homage to one of the greatest culinary creations in Canadian history. Shut the back door, eh?
Do not adjust your monitor settings, son! They really do take a flame-grilled Angus burger, stick some GFC–gravy, fries & curds–on it, and then top it anyway you want it (if that’s the way you need it)! This burger is on a journey to the centre of my piehole–don’t you stop believin’, bro!!!!
Of course, you can’t order an Ultimate Canadian Bacon Poutine Burger with a side salad. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal in at least two or three provinces. So I went all in and doubled my bet with a side of bacon poutine. Cuz why settle for just one poutine when you can have two, eh????
Now, I haven’t been to KFC since they ditched the Double Down, but when I heard they were serving up a new Kentucky Flatbread in a box with a buncha other stuff for five bucks, I was all over that like Guy Fieri freebasing chicken base and garlic salt, bro!
Now, this box don’t look like much when you pop the hood, but on the inside, you’ve got popcorn chicken, fries, a chocolate chip cookie, and this finger lickin’ monstrosity in Flavourtown:
Now, even though this sammy came pre-wrapped, the chicken tender was nice and hot when it hit my face. You’ve got a nicely seasoned strip of the Colonel’s Original Recipe, some shredded lettuce and pepper mayo, all inside a cold, crusty bread vessel! OK, so it’s no Jamaican jerk patty double down, but at five bucks a pop, that’s a better deal than I get from my chicken-base-and-garlic-salt vendor, broski!!!
IT’S EVEN GLUTEN-FREE!!!!