Crushing craft beers and feasting on food trucks @ the CNE

Now, you KNOW I love to chow down at the CNE bro–like that one time when I demolished an all-in-one chicken/veal/eggplant parm sammy, and still had room for a chocolate Philly steakclair for dessert. But maybe the best time to go to the Ex is the second last weekend, when they’ve got a food truck frenzy and a craft beer festival, all rolled into one on Princess Street.

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So, I started out by grabbing some deep-fried cheese curds from some Flavourtown royalty at The King of Curds. About the only way you could possibly make poutine better is by deep-frying it, so this is pretty much the best thing ever, bro!!!

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When it comes to the booze, they give you tokens for $2.50 that get you one sippy cup each. Since there were about eight different breweries, I got to try pretty much everything that wasn’t wine or cider. Because why drink wine or cider when you can have a Farmers Daughter Blonde Ale from Whitewater Brewing Co???

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Now, Big Rock is just about my favourite local craft brewery, and they’re funking it up with the Bellyflop, an apricot grisette that tastes like summer in a glass. Dude, calling this beer a flop is like saying Biodome isn’t the best movie of all time, bro!!!

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Now, I’m not sure what a Boshkung is, but it totally tastes delicious. This Happy Camper Irish red ale is basically the Billy Elliot of alcoholic beverages, bro!!!

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Now, I’ve never been to Hawaii, but I own, like, 17 Hawaiian shirts, so you know I’m all over this Hawaiian Style IPA from Spearhead, son!

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So, after pounding four beers, you know what time it is? Taco Time, bro! This Captain Crunch Fish Taco from Food Dudes comes fully loaded with guacamole, pickled red cabbage, smoked sour cream, hot sauce, scallions, tomatoes and a whole lotta cilantro. No actual Captain Crunch though, but how awesome would that be???

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We’re going back to the beer with probably the best name of the day–Useless Crayon White IPA from Market Brewing. Now, the white crayon might be the most useless in the box, but when it comes to brewskis, I could use a few more of these!

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Now, that last beer had the best name, but this one here is the funkiest of the bunch. Can you say Maple Buttertart Ale, bro? Sawdust City’s got the maple and the buttery taste all in a glass–whoa-oh-oh it’s magic!!!

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And finally, we’re ending things on a light, crisp, refreshing note with Muskoka Summerweiss. It’s like the Feel Good Hit of the Summer in Flavourtown, bro!

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But you KNOW that after eight beers, two tacos and a whole buncha cheese curds, we’ve still got room for dessert, bro! So we’re heading into the Food Building for this festival of funk in Flavourtown–the Heartbreak S’More. You’ve got a hot and tender fried chicken breast, topped with toasted marshmallows and graham cracker crumbles, between chocolate-dipped buns, with another marshmallow on top!!!??? Dude, this dish should get an Oscar for Best Fried Chicken in a Supporting Role!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Real-deal poutine from a food truck, bro!

Today might be the last day of food truck weather in Toronto this year. It’s been warm and sunny for the past few, but the temperature’s gonna drop, it’s supposed to rain, and I’m not sure how long I wanna be waiting outside for poutine in the cold (although I have done it before, bro). So it’s high time to hit up a local institution for maybe the last time in 2017, son!

Now, this place doesn’t even have a name, but it’s been setting up shop outside Nathan Phillips Square for the past 20+ years. There are actually two food trucks that usually park side-by-side…you’ll know this one by the big sign for “monster” chili fries. But why have chili fries when you can have poutine, bro???

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Now, I know you’re thinking how could poutine from a food truck possibly be legit? So, let’s break it down. The fries are hot ‘n crispy, the curds are chunkalicious, and the sauce is on point. So many places put beef gravy on poutine, but if this ain’t d’la vraie sauce en canne, then it’s pretty damn close. And it’s only $6.50 for a large–you won’t get that kinda deal at Smoke’s, son! Of course, in this case, you gotta BYOM: Bring Your Own Meat, bro!

My jerk chicken wrap brings the boys to the yard!

So, check it out. We’re chilling like a villain in the courtyard at Brookfield Place, where they’ve got this local, real-deal, farm-fresh summer market on Wednesdays. There’s these little stalls serving up sausage, veggies and cheese, but the one that everyone lines up for is the Jamaican stand. Not only have they got patties, but they’re funking it up with this double dose of deliciousness–the jerk chicken roti wrap:

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Dude, this is like Caribana in my mouth, bro! You’ve got a multi-layered blanket of cornmeal goodness with some thick chunks of chicken and potato on the inside. The bird is nice and tender, with a good kick, but not too spicy. Washed it down with a ginger beer, which didn’t really soothe my soul–the fizz from the bubbles only put more fire in my wire!!!

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These real-deal Colombian arepas are like narcos en mi boca!

Man, I can’t wait for Season 3 of Narcos on Netflix, bro! But the badass show won’t be back until September, and I still needed my Colombian street food fix. It turns out there’s this funky little food stand on Dundas called Cookie Martinez that’s serving up some killer arepas, empanadas, ceviche and sodas all the way from Colombia. This shit’s TheBomb.ca, bro!!!

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Now, two of these slammin’ cornbread sammies will only set ya back 10 bucks, so you don’t hafta decide between beef and chicken when you can have both! I started out with el pollo loco, which is made to order with carrots and peppers in a chewy cornbread shell that’s steamed on site. The chicken’s nice and warm, with a great texture, and a bit of pico de gallo to cool things off. Winner, winner, chicken arepa dinner!!!!

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Unfortunately, my beef sammie was a little too fall-aparty. The wax paper was sticking to the shell, and when I pulled it off, I took half the cornbread with me. But that’s not to say I didn’t shove all of this delicious mess straight down my piehole–that’s why god invented napkins, bro!!!!

Chickity Thailand, smoked BBQ chicken!

It was hotter than Sriracha outside today, so we’re back at Adelaide Eats before they shut ‘er down at the end of next week. Now, one the funkiest, hottest stalls in this joint is Cassia Northern Thai BBQ. And this ain’t yer grandpa’s pad thai, bro! This place is smoking their own meats on-site, and serving it up in a plastic cup–I’m about to spend one night in Bangkok with this lemongrass chicken!!!!

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Dude, this bird is THE WORD! The meat is so smokey it can prevent forest fires, and it comes with a nice, crispy skin. Then you’ve got a crunchy green papaya salad and some sticky rice on the side, all washed down with a home-brewed iced tea. It’s like a festival of funk in Flavourtown!!!!

This jerk duck doesn’t suck!

So, it’s another beautiful day in the Flavourhood, and we’re back at Adelaide Eats for some real-deal street food. Dude, they’ve got this Jamaican stand, and when I hear they not only had jerk pulled duck, but they were putting it on poutine…then you know we be jammin’, bro!!!!

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Now, I gotta say, this was NOT some of the best poutine in my life. The fries were thin and crunchy, the cheese curds were cold and most of the jerk gravy ended up at the bottom of the box. Plus, what the funk is up with that white sauce!?

But man, that jerk duck definitely didn’t suck! Good texture, nice chew and just a little bit of a kick. I could put this on a flip-flop, and it would still taste good!

Run to the tacos, bro!!!!

So, we’re hanging out at Budweiser Stage last weekend, where Iron Maiden is bringing the noise and these pulled pork tacos are bringing the funk, courtesy of the Rancho Relaxo food truck:

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OK, let’s break it down. The pulled pork is cooked perfectly, melts in your mouth. You’ve got sour orange, achiote and a crunchy coleslaw on top. And you know I threw down a whole buncha Cholula on top, papi chulo!

Hey, three tacos for 12 bucks maybe ain’t the best deal in the barrio, but it actually cost me less than that lone can of Corona in the background… You know it’s sad but true!

(Whoops, wrong concert, bro!!!!)