This burger’s so baller, it might make you miss your connection…

Now, I gotta say, it had been a little while since I flew Air Canada outta Pearson to the States, up until last month. That dinky little lounge that was around the corner and down the stairs has now been fully renovated, all shiny and new, and it’s even got its own funky little burger joint — The Burger Federation!

Now, they ain’t serving up no Big Macs here, not even Five Guys. Instead, they’ve got burgers and sammies with local and international connections, like The Roncy, Chicken Schnitzel, or this one-way ticket to Flavourtown, the French Connection:

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OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got not one, but two kinds of beef here–roast beef and Angus. Plus, there’s some creamy, melty chunks of brie, a super-secret “federation sauce,” and they even hide a couple Hickory Sticks in there, for that extra crunch…

Dude, this burger is so dope that I’d take a plane to Buffalo just so I could crush a couple more of these…as long as there’s some wings waiting when I land, bro!

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Dumping a dozen juicy soup dumplings straight down my piehole!!!

So, we’re hanging out at Juicy Dumpling, this funky little joint that just opened up in the Dragon City Mall, right in the heart of Chinatown. Now this place has got both kinds of soup dumplings: steamed AND fried, and at just $2.99 for a six-pack, you know I’m gonna do both, bro!!!

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We’re starting with the steamed soup dumplings, with a nice, tender wrapper hiding diced pork and soup broth. Now, most soup dumplings are so big that you can scoop some of the soup out, but man, I can just eat these ones in one bite!

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Now, I liked the steamed dumplings and all, but I think I gotta go with the fried. That crispy texture really kicks it up a notch! Plus, it’s not every day you can eat fried soup, dude!!!

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Now, this place is also serving up all sorts of side dishes, from Chickity China chicken wings to my personal favourite, deep-fried dough. (That is literally what it says on the menu board.) Dude, this is body by deep-fried dough, bro! It tastes like a churro without the sweetness, and three big sticks of it was only like $2.50… Shut the back door!!!

Back bacon portobello kangaroo burger @ W Burger Bar

Now, kangaroo is not something you see every day–especially up here in Canada. Although I’ve had a kangaroo sausage at Wvrst before, and some grilled kangaroo mac ‘n cheese a couple years back…but a kangaroo burger? That’s definitely kicking it up a notch!

So, we’re hanging out at W Burger Bar, this funky little joint that’s right next to Fran’s at Yonge and College. This place is all about the burgers, but it’s not just beef. They’ve got a lamb burger, chicken burger, turkey burger, bison burger, wild boar burger, elk burger…and oh yeah, a kangaroo burger, too:

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Not only are their burgers outta bounds, but they let you pick all your toppings, too! So, along with the standard lettuce, tomato, onions and pickles, I funked it up with some salsa, some tzatziki…and then I paid a couple bucks more for back bacon and portabello mushrooms. Dude, this is body by back bacon and portabello mushrooms!!!!

And I gotta say, this was one the top five burgers I’ve had this year. The patty was thick and juicy, the back bacon added a nice chew, you had the creaminess from the tzatziki, a little crunch from the onion… All that and a side of Greek fries, bro!

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Now, this side dish was a hot mess in Flavourtown. You’ve got these shoestring fries, which were salty enough already, and then you add feta, olives and Greek dressing!? Dude, I just about salted myself! But you know what they say, if it ain’t salty, it ain’t tasty…

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Of course, you KNOW those salty fries are gonna make me wanna chug about 57 beers, bro–like this Confederation Amber Ale from Flying Monkeys. Cuz you can’t have a kangaroo burger without some Flying Monkeys, amirite???

Focu Meu, that’s some tasty pizza!!!!

So, we’re hanging out at Terroni, this funky fresh Italian joint on Yonge St, just a tallboy’s toss from the big ol’ train station LCBO. This place has got three floors serving up hand-made pasta and real-deal pizza — they’ve got no less than 29 pizza pies to pick from! Now, it’s hard to choose between so many great pies, but this one, the Focu Meu (pronounced pretty much how you’d think), was practically calling my name:

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OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got tomato sauce and mozzarella, with some spicy nduja sausage, fried eggplant and then a whole buncha shaved parma on top. Cuz what pizza doesn’t need more cheese, please? You definitely get a nice kick from the sausage, but that fried eggplant is what makes it, bro!!!

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Now, I slay pizza the same way I crush potato chips–you bet yer ass I don’t eat just one, son! So, say hello to my little friend San Giorgio, an old school pie topped with hot calabrese salami and mushrooms. Dude, Hot Calabrese Salami was my stripper name in college…although I’d rather be shoving this pizza straight down my piehole!!!!

Sinking some sushi boats @ Fune

Now, I don’t usually eat sushi, so if I’m at a sushi joint, then you know it’s gotta be something funky. And lemme tell ya, Fune, this downstairs joint in the Entertainment District, is completely funkalicious. You can always order off the menu, but what makes it fun are the sushi boats that go around, with a buncha different dishes. Like a box of chocolates, you never quite know what you’re gonna get…but if you see something you like, you’d better grab it, cuz you don’t wanna miss the boat!!!

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Spicy shrimp with rice? Don’t mind if I do!

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You know I’m always down for sushi pizza — crispy, crunchy and magically delicious!

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Dude, this fish was so fresh, it had a dice in the mirror!!!

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Shrimp on top of sushi??? You can’t top that!

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You know I could always go for some creamy avocado, bro!!!

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How bout some with the avocado on top???

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Now, this dish was completely ridiculous. They take some sushi rolls and pour enough panko on em to choke a tuna! But man, I definitely scooped up every last breadcrumb off this plate…

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They gave this one a nice sear with a blowtorch… Dude, this is body by blowtorch!!!

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Turns out, this wasn’t actually ice cream…

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Avocado, crab and fish eggs — oh my!

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These ones were just straight up avocado!

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Check out the lines on that one!

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Yuuup, even more creamy avocado goodness!

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Of course, I still had room for dessert. Still not sure what this thing is, but it had a spongy, pancake texture with a Fig Newton kinda filling. I would try it again.

Now, in all that commotion back there, I’m not sure whether I had 15 plates of sushi, or only 14…

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Let’s go back to Tennessee…you and me!

So, we’re hanging out at Tennessee Tavern, this funky, dingy dive bar serving up Eastern European food deep in the heart of Parkdale. Now, this place does have live country music some weekends, but it’s mostly known as a dining destination–even if it looks like your Polish grandfather’s basement. Man, this place knows all the hits: cabbage rolls, smoked fish, kielbasa, schnitzel, pierogis–they’ve even got ćevapi, for all you Serbians in the house.

Now me, I couldn’t decide between schnitzel and pierogis, so I decided to do both:

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So, we’re starting off with pierogis. This plate of pillowy Polish goodness comes garnished with bacon and green onions, with a big ol’ mound of sour cream–dude, this is body by sour cream–and you can get six for just seven bucks, bro! Man, that’s less than a pint of Molson Canadian at most places…and these actually taste good!

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Now, this super-sized veal schnitzel is about as big as the plate–that’s why they put the mustard in a jar lid on top. And dude, this might be some of the crispiest, crunchiest schnitzel I’ve ever munched. It ain’t no Sign of the Schnitzel Queen, but it’s still pretty doggone delicious!

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Now, when it comes to beer, there ain’t no Molson Canadian here, bro! Instead, they funk it up a notch with Pilsner Urquell on tap along with a whole buncha outta-bounds craft brewskis, like Don’t Kill My Vibe, a tangy peach Berliner from Stone City Ales–all the way from Kingston, Ontario. This beer’s so hip it ain’t even tragic, and you don’t even need a 50 Mission Cap to slam six or seven of these…although they tapped out the keg after I chugged my second one, son!

Beef tacos two ways @ Grand Electric

So, we’re hanging out at Grand Electric, this funky little taco joint deep in the heart of Parkdale. Man, this place has everything: fish tacos, shrimp tacos, chicken tacos, carnitas tacos…even cauliflower tacos, for some strange reason. But when I saw they were serving up not one, but two types of beef tacos, I was all like “Uno dos tres, quatro cinco, cinco seis,” white guy!

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So, we’re starting off with the beef cheek, piled with onions, cilantro and a spicy serrano chile salsa. Dude, these tacos are loco en la cabeza, homes! Maybe not as loco as la cabeza at Seven Lives, but there’s no shame in being the second-best beef cheek taco in this city, right?

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But then they kick it up a notch with la costilla, beef short rib tacos. The meat is perfectly cubed, with a nice tenderness, and you’ve got pretty much the same toppings, cept I added some chipotle sauce to this one cuz dude, I would eat that off a sombrero, bro!!!