Oh man, was that was one helluva ice dance last night, or what? Virtue and Moir, the greatest ice dancers of all time, had to make an epic comeback after the French team of Papadakis and Cizeron came out and set a new world record. Papadakis had a major wardrobe malfunction in the free skate, but it still looked like they were gonna win gold…until Tessa and Scott came through in the clutch and set an even newer world record. Boom goes the ice-dance-amite!!!!
Man, it’s gotta suck knowing that you’re one of the greatest, but someone else is just a bit better than you. That’s kinda like being the duck breast in this delicious duck double down, bro!
Don’t get me wrong, I love duck breast just as much as the next broseph, but for me, duck confit is where it’s at. So, when I heard that Le Batifole, this friendly neighbourhood French joint on Gerrard, was combining them both into one iconic French duo, I was so into that like a Macron handshake, mec! But even though the breast was succulent and juicy, I still had to give it to the confit on this one. It scored higher marks in technical execution, son!
The Dutch continue to dominate in long track speed skating, winning six of the eight races in the Olympics so far–and more than one medal in three different distances. Hell, the only Canadian to win anything is actually a Dutchman–he moved here four years ago when he couldn’t make the Dutch team. Speed skating is definitely their national sport…and this right here is their national snack. We’re talkin’ bitterballen, bro!
These round mounds of Flavourtown are deep-fried and crispy, stuffed with beef and cabbage. (You could get a vegetarian version, but why?) They come five to an order for $7.75 at Borrel, this friendly neighbourhood Dutch bar on the Danforth. Or you can get 10 for 15 bucks. Man, I’m pretty sure I could slam at least 17 of these, but I wanted to save room for this threaded beef sandwich:
They call this stuff draadjesvlees, and it’s the breakfast of speed-skating champions. What you’ve got is seasoned beef, cooked low ‘n slow till you can pull it apart, then served up on a fresh bakery bun with some coleslaw on top. It’s pretty much the pulled pork of beef sandwiches. Rumour has it that Sven Kramer choked in the 10K cuz he didn’t eat enough draadjesvlees!
But you KNOW we’ve still got room for dessert, bro! They call these poffertjes, and they’re practically pancakes on steroids…if steroids made round things smaller. (Oh, wait!) These fluffy buckwheat nuggets are covered in butter and icing sugar, and served up by the plateful. I’d give ’em the gold medal in long track speed-eating!
The puck is about to drop between Team Canada and the Czechs, so here’s a sneak preview of the game…in schnitzel form. (Let’s just say the Czechs get slaughtered!) We’re hanging out at Schnitzel Queen, this funky little schnitzel joint on Queen St E.
Now, there are a lotta Olympic countries that eat schnitzel, from Germany to Austria, Switzerland to Slovakia–but the owner of this joint is half-Czech and they’ve even got Czechvar on tap. So if you’re looking to slam down a few brews before the big game, you’d better hurry over there, cuz they’re only open till 10 pm!
There might be some other places that serve schnitzel in this city, but they’re probably not as big as this one. Dude, half of this sandwich would be a full meal for a starving Czech hockey player, but you know it’s just a light snack in Flavourtown, bro! They call this one the Schnitzel King, and it’s got bacon, onions, sauerkraut, lettuce and cheese. All parts of a balanced Canadian powerplay, Wojtek Bro-Ski!!!
So, Canada kicks off the men’s hockey tournament against the Swiss tomorrow, but me, I’m still celebrating after we kicked their ass in mixed doubles curling. I was like hurry, hurry, hard all the way home, big bad broseph!!!!
So now we’re hanging out at Bier Markt, this funky Euro craft beer joint on King Street West. Man, this place has everything: weiner schnitzel, smoked gouda, even some duck wings, bro! But you know I’m here for one reason only. We already beat the Swiss, and now it’s time for fondue:
They call this one The Big Cheese, and it’s cheesier than that upcoming Poison reunion tour, bro! You’ve got Raclette, you’ve got Emmental and some white wine, along with potatoes, pretzels and baguette bread for dipping. The only thing missing was an ice cold brewski–oh, wait!!!
Now, I don’t always drink beer from Vancouver, but when I do, I prefer Lions Winter Ale. This seasonal slobberknocker looks like a red beer, but it’s got this totally chocolately taste that would make Count Chocula’s head spin. Man, Team Canada could probably slam a few of these…and still beat the Swiss tomorrow, bro!!!
Right now, Norway is leading the way at the 2018 Olympics with nine medals–seven of them in cross country skiing or ski jumping. (They don’t call it nordic combined for nothing, dude!) For the Norwegians, dominating these disciplines is a piece of cake–make that Kvæfjordkake:
This Norwegian national dessert glides through your mouth like Maren Lundby on a ski jump, bro! Basically, you take meringue, and top it with cream and almonds, with a couple extra layers of cream inside. This super-creamy cake dreamy also goes great with a Kissmeyer Nordic Pale Ale after some smoked fish and chicken, like they’re serving up at Karelia Kitchen!
Dude, you KNOW I love the Olympics, bro! You’ve got curling, you’ve got two-man luge–and my personal favourite, the ice dance. So now that the Olympics are underway in PyeongChang, I’m gonna be chowing down on delicious dishes from every country that should win at least a few medals. (No Olympic Mad Eats from Russia, bro!!!) Starting off with this funky chicken from the host country:
Now, if you’ve ever walked down the yellow brick road also known as the PATH in Downtown Toronto, you may or may not have seen this place. Right as you’re about to head out of 121 King Street, there’s this funky little Korean stand on the corner called Hoga–you might notice the lineup. People go nuts for this stuff! Man, they’re serving up all kinds of Korean and Asian eats, from bulgogi to katsu, kimchi to japchae. But my personal favourite is this kickin’ Korean chicken.
It’s got enough heat to wake you up in time for the short-track speedskating semi-finals, but it won’t wipe you out–unlike certain Korean short-track speedskaters. And dude, all this food is still only about seven bucks after tax. You won’t get that kinda screamin’ deal at the athletes’ village!
Welp, that’s another Winterlicious in the books, and this year might have been the best one yet. Over the past two weeks, we chowed down on Brazilian BBQ, deep-dish pizza, beef brisket pie and a winner, winner steak dinner. But I just might be saving the best for last with one of my favourite comfort-food classics. I’m talking chicken ‘n waffles, son!
So, we’re hanging out at Insomnia, this funky little date night/brunch spot in The Annex. Man, I used to slam some pulled pork benedicts when I lived in this hood, bro! But since I’ve been gone, they’ve started putting it on a taco:
Now, I can’t say this was the best taco I’ve ever had. It wasn’t even the best pulled pork taco I’ve ever had. I’m a little hot and cold on this dish…because the dish was a little hot and cold. The pork was warm, but the slaw, and some of the toppings were cold as ice, ice baby. I’m not willing to sacrifice our love over this one, son!
But lemme tell ya, they more than made up for it with the main course. The boneless chicken thighs were plump ‘n juicy, you’ve got just the right amount of purple slaw, some sweetness from the honey maple butter, and a little bit of hot sauce. The waffles were the perfect vessel to guide this dish straight down my piehole, bro! You KNOW I scarfed it all down, and still had room for dessert!
Now, this piece of chocolate cake wasn’t quite as impressive as the one at Wildfire Steakhouse, but it was still a pretty decent-sized slice. There’s gotta be at least three layers of chocolate here, and then you’ve got some chocolate sauce on the plate and white chocolate swirls on top… There is nothing wrong with that, at all!