I’m about to go all Asterix and Obelix on this wild boar, bro!!!!

Man, the last time I had wild boar, I think I got it on sale at Loblaws. And while that sanglier was super-legit, I knew I could probably do better if I didn’t have to cook it. So when I heard that Reign, this new funky joint in the Royal York Hotel, had a wild boar chop on the menu, I was all over that like Getafix on a pot of magic potion, son!!!!

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Man, this was probably the best pork chop I’ve had since that one at Hogtown Smoke that’s not even on the menu anymore! This lil’ piggy is cooked to a perfect medium, and it’s going wee wee wee all the way straight down my piehole! You’ve also got some fingerling potaters and green onions, nothing too fancy. There are not enough veggies here to steal the show from the meat, which is just the way it should be!

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Washed it all down with a Royal York Apiary Ale, this beer brewed with honey from the roof of the hotel — it don’t get more locavore than that, bro!!!

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Of course, you KNOW we still had room for dessert! This chocolate coffee tart was like Pies Gone Wild — you’ve got all kinds of chocolately goodness, with espresso, a white chocolate ganache and some crunchy toffee — I would put that on a flip-flop!!!!

Holding out for a gyro @ Messini Authentic Gyros

Now, we’ve already been all up and down Greektown, chowing down on octopus at Soulas, licking up lamb chops at Mezes, and destroying some quail — with a side of Greek fries — at Astoria, not to mention slaughtering several souvlaki sticks at Taste of the Danforth. But when it comes to gyros, the classic shaved meat off a spit, we were holding out for the real-deal, three-course meal at Messini Authentic Gyros.

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Now, when you order a gyros plate at Messini, it comes with a starter Greek salad, which is about 50% feta, with pieces of onions, tomatoes and green peppers underneath — we don’t need no stinkin’ lettuce, son! But the cheesiness does not stop here…

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Now, if I had known I was getting a salad to start, I might not have ordered the cheese balls. Nah, just kidding — this is body by cheese balls, bro! These tirokroketes are deep-fried and crunchy, with hot, cheesy goodness oozing out into my mouth — shut the front, back and side doors!!!!

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But now it’s time for the main event. This plate comes with your choice of pork, chicken, or the traditional lamb/beef blend, which is where it’s at. You also get slices of tomato, onions, a pile of beefy french fries and some freaky tzatziki. For a dollar more, you can get the “open faced” plate, which comes with pita bread, so you can make your own personal pan pitas, like so:

messini_gyros_pita (9)Man, all that’s missing is some more of that feta!!!

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Now, after destroying that lineup of Greek deliciousness, I actually did NOT have room for dessert! But I did wash it down with a coupla Eza Premium Pilseners, straight from the old country…

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Killin’ it ‘n grillin’ it @ Gyubee Japanese Grill

So, we’re hanging out at Gyubee Japanese Grill, this funky Japanese BBQ joint that just opened on Dundas a few weeks back. Man, this place has got all the meats — short rib, brisket, pork belly, sausage…even beef tongue, son! But what makes it are the shrimp:

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Dude, it’s not every day that I get to literally throw shrimp on the barbie — and I didn’t even hafta drink a Foster’s, Australian for beer, to do it! The all-you-can-eat dinner menu is just $35.99 on weekends (a bit less during the week), and with all that food, you KNOW I’m gonna need an extra large Sapporo, bro!!!!

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Funky French/German sausage feast @ Le Sélect Bistro!

Dude, we’re hanging out at Le Sélect Bistro, this funky French joint just south of downtown Chinatown that’s been cranking it out and dishing it up since 1977 — it’s like the Plastic Bertrand of Flavourtown! And with a brunch menu serving all kinds of French comfort-food classics, you KNOW Ça plane pour moi, bro!!!!

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This here’s their choucroute garnie a l’Alsacienne, a quadruple pork party from the German border. You’ve got chunks of bacon, pork hock, and not one, but two kinds of sausages — Strasbourg and Montbeliard, served up on a bed of sauerkraut. But the housemade dijon mustard is what makes it!!!!!!!

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Bro, I would sooo put that on a flip-flop! And of course, because it’s 5 o’clock in France, we’re washing it down with a Belgian beer:

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Now, any beer with both “Grim” and “Bergen” in its name and you know it’s gonna be evil! I first had this double amber at Bodega, and it actually went down a bit smoother this time… A couple more of these and I’d be on my way to kill Euronymous!!!

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Of course, even after scarfing down four kinds of pork and practically a pound of sauerkraut, you KNOW I still had room for dessert. This mini dark chocolate mousse was topped with fresh berries and served with a passionfruit cookie — so at least I got one serving of fruit today.

Real-deal ricotta gnocchi @ The Eaton Centre, bro!!!!

So, the other day I’m at the Eaton Centre, stocking up on warm socks for winter, when I walked past the Samsung Experience Store and saw a sign for the Samsung Chef Experience. Turns out that Chef Craig Harding from La Palma, home of the 100-layer lasagna, was whipping up some ricotta gnocchi with sausage and chilies…so you KNOW I had to come check it out!!!

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These tasty cheese nuggets in Flavourtown were hand-rolled and cut, brought to a boil and then finished in a pan with some dandelion greens — shut the back door!!!

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OK, now let’s break it down…

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Dude, this gnocchi was gn-yummy in my gn-tummy! You had the perfect spongy texture of the cheesy dumplings, with a bit of bitterness from the greens, nice crispy bites of sausage and a whole lotta fresh parma on top… You KNOW I went back for seconds, son!!!!!!!!!!!

Fried chicken ‘n fried calamari @ Eastside Social

So, we’re hanging out at Eastside Social, this funky little joint on Queen St E that’s kickin’ it East Coast style with all kinds of seafood. You’ve got octopus, ceviche, crab cakes, poke…and these crunchy onion rings of the sea, fried calamari:

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Not gonna lie, this was some of the best calamari I’ve ever had. The squid just melts in your mouth like buttah! Batter is crispy, but not too heavy, you’ve got some zest from the lemon, and a nice chimichurri aioli. I would put that on a flip-flop!!!

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Of course, because one fried thing deserves another, we’re going with the fried chicken. These weren’t the biggest pieces of bird I’ve ever had, but throw in a chipotle hot sauce and a nice potater salad, and I definitely can’t complain…

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This double cheeseburger isn’t quite a slam dunk…

So, we’re hanging out at Dunk Burgers & Chocolate, this funky little joint that just opened up on Queen St, a couple blocks west of Bathurst. Dude, this body is 50% burgers and 50% chocolate, so you KNOW I had to come check it out — and everything on the menu was 50% off for the first two weeks!!!!!!!!!

Now, this place has got 10 different burgers and chicken sammies to choose from — not even counting the Beyond Meat burger. This was the hardest decision I had to make all week, but I ended up going with the Got Cheddar, with its deep-fried pickles, over The O, which is topped with onion rings. I just don’t think I can get a better onion ring than the ones I had in Buffalo a couple weeks ago, bro!!!

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Now, they definitely don’t shortchange ya on the cheese — and they also go pretty heavy on the BBQ sauce. But I was expecting some crispy, crunchy, pickle spears…and instead I got a couple pickle chips, which did not seem to have come Straight Outta Fryer. And hey, I get that they’re new, but they broke the First Rule of Flavourtown — when I asked to add (beef) bacon, they told me they were all out!!! 😮 😮 😮

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Also, it’s probably worth mentioning that you can’t order any regular French-fried potaters here — they either had sweet potato waffle fries or home fries, which were described to me as “potato wedges” but are clearly more like your friendly neighbourhood hash browns. Don’t get me wrong, I would eat hash browns for breakfast, brunch, and post-Van-Halen-concert snack…but this might be the first time I’ve ever had ’em for dinner?

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OK, so that burger might not have been as baller as Kawhi throwing down on Giannis, but they’re definitely kicking it up a notch for dessert. This here’s the Cookie Monster, and it’s yummy, yummy, yummy in my tummy, son! You’ve got cookies, you’ve got brownies, you’ve got ice cream topped with not one, not two, but three kinds of Belgian chocolate drizzle!? Shut the front, back AND side doors, bro! Next time I’m coming here, I think I might skip right to dessert…