Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the fandango???

Now, I’m not normally one for fine dining, but if you name your restaurant after a line from my favourite Queen song, then you KNOW I’ll be there with a crown on, bro! So we’re hanging out at Scaramouche, this funky joint at the bottom of a condo, a few blocks away from Av & Dav. It’s a little off the beaten path, but dude, if I lived in that building, I’d eat here every day! (Did I mention they’ve got a pasta bar upstairs???)

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So, we’re starting off with an appy that eats like a meal — the Gnocchi Parisienne, with shredded duck confit. Dude, I loves me some duck confit…and this is body by gnocchi, so you know it’s gotta be good! Plus, you’ve got some nice sauteed mushrooms, a duck foie gras jus and winter greens–but it’s the crunchy Parmesan crumbs that makes it!!!

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Now, so many of the main courses here looked super-cala-fragilistic extra delicious, but you know my tiebreaker is always gonna be bacon, so I just had to go with the bacon-wrapped venison. This gamey deer steak was cooked to perfection, a nice medium rare, with all sorts of stuff on the side, including some big ‘ol shrooms and a nice, spicy mustard. You could put that on a flip-flop, and it would still taste good! Now, the Parmesan fries were extra, but you KNOW we’re paying extra for some cheesy potaters, son!!!

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And of course, even after all this grub… I still had room for dessert!!!

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Say hello to my little friend Milk Chocolate Nougat Bar. This three-piece Oh Henry comes with salted peanut brittle and a side swipe of caramel sauce. Dude, I would swipe right on that sauce–right down my piehole, bro!!!

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Pounding crispy pork knuckles @ Biff’s Bistro

Have you ever had a knuckle sandwich, bro? I don’t mean the kind where you get punched in the kisser… We’re talkin’ pork knuckle, son! They may not put it between bread, but at Biff’s Bistro, this funky French joint on Front Street, they’re frying up and dishing out the best part of the pig, and its hors de la chaine, mec!!!

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OK, now let’s break it down. The pork falls off the bone – they don’t give you a steak knife cuz you don’t even need one! You’ve got some new potatoes, green beans, and sauerkraut, giving it a little saltiness. But man, the crispy pork skin is what makes it, bro! You could put this stuff on a flip-flop (or on top of bad poutine), and it would still taste good!!!

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Of course, after eating every single bite of this pig fist, you KNOW I still had room for dessert! Last time I was here, I had a Bomb.fr slice of chocolate cake, so I had to get an instant replay on that one. This gateau is super-rich, with a toffee sauce, and a whole lotta peanut butter mousse on the side… It’s like Paris by Night in Flavourtown!!!

Breakfast of Champions @ The Wickson Social

Now, I don’t always get up in time for breakfast, but when I do, it’s gotta be legit. So we’re hanging out at The Wickson Social, this funky little joint just offa Yonge Street, where they’ve got some wicked awesome brunch, bro! When I came here for Summerlicious, I had a pork chop that was super-delicious, so you know I’m gonna come back for some back bacon—even if it is six dollars extra.

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But for the main event, we’re talking Banoffee French Toast. It’s bananas (and bananas is good), it’s toffee, it’s nice thick slices of bread with a mascarpone whipped cream—you could put it on a flip-flop, and it would still taste good! And did I mention the duck fat home fries???

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These taters were so hot they put an alligator in yer radiator! You’ve got some nicely seasoned crispy potato, which goes great with back bacon, a little whipped cream, candied banana and French toast—this is the perfect bite right here, bro:

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English-style fish and chips @ The Queen and Beaver

Now, the Queen and Beaver has gotta be the best name for a British pub that I’ve seen in a while…although you might not wanna linger on that mental image for too long. But if you’re looking for a cozy place to have a cheeky pint, you could definitely do worse than this joint–anywhere with Firkin in its name, for starters!

But man, not only is this place serving up a buncha local craft beer, they’ve also got real-deal English pub food. You’ve got bangers and mash, Welsh rarebit, and this all-time pub classic, fish and chips:

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OK, now let’s break it down. The fish is so flaky it falls apart on your forky, with a nice, light batter. And the fries are super-legit — real deal British pub chips. But what makes it are the mushy peas. Mushy whaaa???

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Dude, this stuff is like Baby Food Gone Wild, bro! Man, I’d eat it off a flip-flop–and I don’t even like peas! Now of course, you can’t have real-deal fish and chips without washing it down with a nice stout:

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Now, this ain’t no pint ‘a Guinness, bro! This Black Hand stout from the Satanic beer fiends at Blood Brothers packs an extra punch at 7%. It’s got a little more bitter, a little more flavour…but still goes pretty great with fish and chips!

Christmas teppanyaki dinner @ Matsuda Japanese Cuisine

Dude, the best part of Christmas is definitely Christmas dinner. Any reason to eat so much that your tie-dye sweatpants rip apart is a good time with me. But I’m not really a big fan of turkey, unless it’s smoked BBQ Texas style. So instead, we’re funking it up this Christmas at Matsuda Japanese Cuisine… Who needs turkey when you can have teppanyaki, bro???

Now, in case you’re a pagan, a wiccan or an Israelite with an appetite, the good news is that most Asian restaurants in Toronto are open on Christmas Day. But this ain’t just any ol’ Asian restaurant. This funky Japanese joint is serving up everything on its grilled teppanyaki menu for $38.99 — and you can even go back for seconds!!!

You’ve got steak, you’ve got chicken, you’ve got duck, you’ve even got grilled tofu and bacon-fried rice…plus an entire sushi menu at your disposal. Now, I’m not gonna fill up on sushi when I can be eating steak. But I had to give these wasabi mussels a try:

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This was definitely different from any seafood dish I’ve ever had. These mussels were as cold as ice, ice baby, with so much wasabi that I felt it in my face. Did not see that coming! Of course, I couldn’t just order one thing from the sushi menu, so I dived right in to the deep-fried section, with some super shrimp tempura and calamari:

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Now, I dunno if this pic even does it justice, but this shrimp was so long, it belongs in an ExtenZe commercial, bro! And there were about five or six more where this one came from–they definitely don’t short-change you!

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The first thing to come off the grill was seafood. The grilled flounder was legit, the jumbo shrimp were literally on fire, but this flame-grilled Atlantic salmon was the best part of waking up (at 8 pm). Fish was super flaky, with a great teriyaki glaze… I could definitely go for more of these!!!

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Now, here’s something I’ve never had at a teppanyaki joint before. They take this duck breast, thinly sliced and cooked up nice on the grill. What the duck? I think I musta ate at least 17 pieces of this stuff!!!

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Now, the first rule of Flavourtown Food Fight Club is that everything tastes better with bacon, bro! This includes bacon-fried rice, which they make right in front of you on the grill. There were some other delicious dishes too, like chicken teriyaki, beef short ribs, and thin, stringy mushrooms wrapped in bacon…but let’s cut straight to the main event, the top choice ribeye steak:

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Now, even the raw cuts of meat looked super tasty, but once they slice ‘n dice em and serve ’em up, I bet they taste even better. I haven’t put this many pieces of meat in my mouth since that one time, at beef camp…but you KNOW I still had room for dessert, bro!!!

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Dessert is also all you can eat, which means you don’t have to choose between ice cream, chocolate pudding and deep fried bananas…you can have all three! Or four, or five, or six, or seven–calories don’t count on Christmas Day, dude!!!

Italian Christmas feast @ Salto Restaurant & Bar

Now, I’ve never been to Christmas dinner in Italy, but I’ve heard Italians like to eat…so we’re hanging out at Salto Restaurant & Bar, this funky little joint right at the end of Ossington, where they’re serving up a righteous Italian spread for the Triple B Kristmas Krew. You’ve got pizza, you’ve got pasta, you’ve got roast potatoes, chicken, and even salad…not that I saved any room for salad, though!!!!

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They call this paisano pizza pie Christopher, and you can call me not late for dinner! You’ve got sausage, meatballs, and two kinds of peppers — red and banana! Hey bada-boom, bada-bing!!!

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Of course, you can’t expect me to eat only one piece of pizza, so I had to dive head first into this meat lover’s paradise, El Tomasso. Italian sausage, soppressata AND pepperoni!? Shut the back door, bro!!!

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Speaking of meat, this rigatoni & meatballs had such massive mounds of meat that I had to cut some of them in half! What is this, Boston Pizza???

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Now, here’s another Italian classico — fettuccine alfredo! Super-creamy pasta in my mouth-o, bro!!!

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Now, I don’t normally eat chicken unless it’s battered and fried, but this mushroom chicken was super tender, creamy, goes good with a nice bite of roasted potatoes… Man, I could eat this all day. In fact, I already went back for a second plate:

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Dude, I had to get the pizza with bacon on it… Pizza with bacon on it was my nickname in gym class–don’t ask, bro!!!

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Of course, you KNOW I still had room for dessert, though… This house-made tiramisu hit the spot like Rocky knocking out Ivan Drago!!!!

Meatballs vs. risotto balls @ Pizzeria Libretto

Now, everybody knows that if you want real-deal Italian pizza in downtown Toronto, you gotta go to Pizzeria Libretto. Man, they’ve got all the meats–spicy salami, pepperoni, prosciutto di parma, nduja sausage…even their duck confit pie is too legit to quit!!!

But today, I’m not here for pizza–I’m about to chow down on some balls, bro! And at this funky joint, they’ve got both kinds…meatballs AND risotto balls, aka arancini. Dude, this is body by arancini!

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They actually bring out the rice balls first, which come three to an order, stuffed with stracciatella and smoked scamorza. Try saying that three times fast! But man, the cheese is what makes it, though. It’s ooey, gooey, about to go kablooey all over my face, bro!!!!

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Now, it’s time for some meaty magic. These Round Mounds of Flavourtown are served on a bed of tomato sauce and whipped ricotta, with some peccorino romano oozing out from the inside. That’s right, both kinds of balls are stuffed with cheese. It’s like you’ve got yer Balls Two the Wall, man!!!