Triple B: Burgers, Bacon & Beer

It’s a sour… It’s a stout… No, it’s both, bro!!!!

Now, I’ve had more than a few stouts in my time — from a Canadian Breakfast Stout to a black currant ice cream stout for dessert. But this beer, right here is definitely kicking it up a notch. They call it Black Sow’r Stout, from Oast House Brewers out on Niagara-on-the-Lake, and I’ve never had a stout like this before…

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Now, this may look like your average, run-of-the-mill dark beer, but here’s where things get ridiculous. They put lactic acid bacteria in the kettle to give it that tart, funky tangyness of a gose…but you’ve still got the roast, smokey, chocolatey taste at the end. I don’t know how they do it, but they sure do it good — I’ve got the choo-choo-train, bro!!!

Beef brisket on a burger @ Marben

Now, it goes without saying that burgers and brisket are two of my favourite things…but when you put one on top of the other, that’s when the magic happens! So, we’re hanging out at Marben, this funky gastropub on Wellington with a not-so-secret speakeasy downstairs. I actually had their famous beef-brisket burger in slider size at Burgermania last year, but now the full-sized version is running wild on you, brother!!!!

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OK, so maybe this burger ain’t packing 24-inch pythons — it looks pretty puny in my massive man-mitts… But the flavours are definitely still there. You’ve got an Angus beef patty, cooked to a nice medium-rare, topped with aged cheddar, braised brisket and Branston pickle on a beef-fat brioche bun? Dude, Beef Fat Brioche was my karaoke nickname in college!!!!

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Of course, we’re not about to wash down this bad boy with a herbal mint tea! Instead, I chugged a couple of Ochames, a green tea IPA from Burdock. You do get a bit of that smooth tea flavour, with some hazy citrus hoppiness, coming in at just under 7%. I would soooo drink this for breakfast, bro!!!!!!!

This Drake Burger betta be coming with no strings!!!!

So, we’re hanging out at the Drake One Fifty, this funky joint in downtown T-dot-O. Now, I’ve already tried the venison, and we’ve even been here for brunch, but this time I’m here for one reason only — the Drake Burger.

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This is one badass piece of beef, bro! Patty is cooked to a perfect medium, with chewy bacon, aged cheddar, lettuce, red onion and Russian dressing, all served up on a milk bun. It started from the bottom, and it’s heading straight down my piehole, bro!!!!!!!!

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Washed it all down with a UPA — that’s a Union Pearson Ale from the righteous bros at Henderson Brewing…the hops are strong with this one, son! Man, I chugged this brewski faster than you can get to the airport!!!!!!!!!

Double the bacon, double the cheese & triple the beer @ The Aviary

So, we’re hanging out at The Aviary, this funky little brewpub and sports bar in the Canary District. This place is brewing up their own beer and serving up all kinds of killer sammies, like this funkalicious version of an old-school diner classic, the Banquet Burger:

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OK, now let’s break it down. This baby’s got lettuce, it’s got tomato, onions and pickles, with not one but two kinds of bacon — bacon strips AND peameal, bro! And this thing’s just covered in cheese. It comes with American already on it, but I paid extra to add provolone…and it was soooo worth it — cheese explosion on Aisle Piehole, son!!!

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Now, when it comes to side dishes, the guy asked me if I wanted chili cheese fries. Dude, this is body by chili cheese fries!!!!! These spuds are smothered in queso, with a meaty chili that comes with some big ol’ kidney beans. I’d put that on a flip-flop!

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Of course, we can’t go to a place that brews its own beer and order a strawberry mint kombucha! This here’s Aloha Friday, a hibiscus pale ale from their in-house Longslice Brewery. This brew is nice and refreshing, with 40 IBUs, and a nice fruity kick at the end. Not a bad way to start a weekend!

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For dessert, we’re tapping into one of their guest taps and chug-a-lugging an Anderson Pumpkin Ale. This ain’t no PSL, bro! This warm, hearty brewski has a nice cinnamon-stick kick at the end… I definitely wouldn’t throw it in the trash!!!

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But that’s not all, folks! We’re ending the evening with Hopsta la Vista, a strong (6.5%), hoppy (69 IBU) IPA from Longslice. Think I might hafta call it a night after this one…but you KNOW I’ll be back, bro!!!!!!

Funky French/German sausage feast @ Le Sélect Bistro!

Dude, we’re hanging out at Le Sélect Bistro, this funky French joint just south of downtown Chinatown that’s been cranking it out and dishing it up since 1977 — it’s like the Plastic Bertrand of Flavourtown! And with a brunch menu serving all kinds of French comfort-food classics, you KNOW Ça plane pour moi, bro!!!!

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This here’s their choucroute garnie a l’Alsacienne, a quadruple pork party from the German border. You’ve got chunks of bacon, pork hock, and not one, but two kinds of sausages — Strasbourg and Montbeliard, served up on a bed of sauerkraut. But the housemade dijon mustard is what makes it!!!!!!!

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Bro, I would sooo put that on a flip-flop! And of course, because it’s 5 o’clock in France, we’re washing it down with a Belgian beer:

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Now, any beer with both “Grim” and “Bergen” in its name and you know it’s gonna be evil! I first had this double amber at Bodega, and it actually went down a bit smoother this time… A couple more of these and I’d be on my way to kill Euronymous!!!

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Of course, even after scarfing down four kinds of pork and practically a pound of sauerkraut, you KNOW I still had room for dessert. This mini dark chocolate mousse was topped with fresh berries and served with a passionfruit cookie — so at least I got one serving of fruit today.

These ain’t yer grandpappy’s Buffalo wings, bro!

So we’re hanging out at Big Ditch Brewing Company, this funky craft brewpub in the city that put the Buffalo in Buffalo wings. But at this joint, they don’t just toss ‘em in Frank’s Red Hot and butter – they’ve got a secret ingredient, their Hayburner IPA.

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Now, these wings are super-crispy, straight outta fryer and very lightly sauced, with a side of blue cheese – dude, this is body by blue cheese! I went with mine medium, after the server said the only guy who likes ‘em hot is a fireman who burned off all the nerves in his tongue. I gotta say, there was not a whole lotta heat here…but I still hosed ‘em down with a couple beers, bro!

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This is a pint of Lemon-Lime Pineapple Breeze, a seasonal special from their not-quite-winter menu. You’ve got a light, fruity, crushable wheat ale with pineapple juice, lemon zest and dry hops, for that little extra kick.

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Now, after pounding that plate of wings, I still had room for some liquid dessert! This Cinnamon Apple Amber Ale is brewed with apple cider, cinnamon, allspice, oatmeal and brown sugar, and tastes pretty much the way it sounds. Still better than last year’s Mill St. Christmas beer, though!

This double cheeseburger isn’t quite a slam dunk…

So, we’re hanging out at Dunk Burgers & Chocolate, this funky little joint that just opened up on Queen St, a couple blocks west of Bathurst. Dude, this body is 50% burgers and 50% chocolate, so you KNOW I had to come check it out — and everything on the menu was 50% off for the first two weeks!!!!!!!!!

Now, this place has got 10 different burgers and chicken sammies to choose from — not even counting the Beyond Meat burger. This was the hardest decision I had to make all week, but I ended up going with the Got Cheddar, with its deep-fried pickles, over The O, which is topped with onion rings. I just don’t think I can get a better onion ring than the ones I had in Buffalo a couple weeks ago, bro!!!

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Now, they definitely don’t shortchange ya on the cheese — and they also go pretty heavy on the BBQ sauce. But I was expecting some crispy, crunchy, pickle spears…and instead I got a couple pickle chips, which did not seem to have come Straight Outta Fryer. And hey, I get that they’re new, but they broke the First Rule of Flavourtown — when I asked to add (beef) bacon, they told me they were all out!!! 😮 😮 😮

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Also, it’s probably worth mentioning that you can’t order any regular French-fried potaters here — they either had sweet potato waffle fries or home fries, which were described to me as “potato wedges” but are clearly more like your friendly neighbourhood hash browns. Don’t get me wrong, I would eat hash browns for breakfast, brunch, and post-Van-Halen-concert snack…but this might be the first time I’ve ever had ’em for dinner?

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OK, so that burger might not have been as baller as Kawhi throwing down on Giannis, but they’re definitely kicking it up a notch for dessert. This here’s the Cookie Monster, and it’s yummy, yummy, yummy in my tummy, son! You’ve got cookies, you’ve got brownies, you’ve got ice cream topped with not one, not two, but three kinds of Belgian chocolate drizzle!? Shut the front, back AND side doors, bro! Next time I’m coming here, I think I might skip right to dessert…

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