Seriously, McDonald’s?

Now, I dunno if you’ve heard about the new Seriously Chicken sandwich at McDonald’s. The one they say is like the Angus beef of chicken? I mean, calling chicken the Angus beef of something is like saying this is the bacon poutine of quinoa salad–that does not compute, bro! But hey, if you call something the Angus beef of anything, I’m probably still gonna end up eating it.

So, they had two options–Tomato & Mozzarella or Guacamole & Jalapeno. Since I’m Guy Fieri’s second cousin thrice removed, you know which one I went for… holy guacamole and holla-atcha-penos, bro! (Don’t mess with Tex Mex!!!!)

jalapeno_guacamole_chicken (6)

Now, lemme tell ya, that’s some crispy chicken, son! In fact, it’s almost more crispy, less chicken. And the fact that they didn’t even try to melt the cheese is a little disappointing. But I’m digging the red onion and fresh lettuce, and the bun is a step up from what you normally get at McDonald’s. Thing is, the so-called guac is like a great green glob of weaksauce–it tastes like nothing. And for a sandwich with Jalapeno in the name, they sure don’t give you very many, cuz I didn’t find any hot peppers until I had eaten most of this burger already:

jalapeno_guacamole_chicken (14)Whoomp, there it is!

Now, don’t get me wrong, this burger wasn’t bad…but if I’m paying 11 bucks for a fast food chicken sandwich combo, then I think I’m gonna stick with Wendy’s Bacon Queso Chicken Burger. Pour some queso on me, bro!!!

Double Secret Cheeseburger, bro!

Now, what if I told you there was a hidden burger joint at the back of a sports bar next to the Hockey Hall of Fame? Dude, that’s like having your beef and eating it, too! So when I heard about Hidden Burger, nestled inside The Bottom Line on Front Street, I was all over that like cheese on two flame-grilled patties, broseph!!!

hidden_double_cheeseburger (7)

Now, this place serves up burger combos for lunch for just 10 bucks, but for an extra five, you can make it a double. Dude, this is body by double cheeseburger, bro! You’ve got two juicy, melt-aparty patties, a nice gooey smear of cheese, some fresh crisp lettuce, and a bit of kick from the catsup. Fries are nice and crisp, with a buncha pepper on top. I actually ate most of them before taking this picture—there are quite a few to an order!

hidden_burger_fries (4)

This place even makes things more secretive by having a weekly secret burger. I dunno if they even tell you what’s in it before you order—that’s pretty outta bounds, bro! But you really don’t need any secret ingredients when you serve up a classic double cheeseburger like this one. It’s by far the best burger I’ve ever eaten out of the back of a sports bar—and you don’t even hafta be put on double secret probation to get it!

It’s a bacon mac ‘n cheese grilled cheese burger, bro!!!!

So, we’re hanging out at MELTwich, this friendly neighbourhood sandwich shop on Richmond Street in downtown Toronto. Now, YOU KNOW this is body by grilled cheese, and they aim to please with all sorts of cheesy sammies, son! You’ve got a chicken club, a steak melt, chipotle tuna…even a goat cheese ‘n mushroom melt, bro! But dude, anytime there’s a burger on the menu, I’m probably gonna order it. This here’s the Monster Melt, and it’s a graveyard sm…elt?

monster_melt_burger (9)

OK, so maybe that doesn’t rhyme, but nothing rhymes with funkalciousness, bro! This honky-tonk redonkadonk mouth candy has got bacon, it’s got lettuce, pickles, onions, tomatoes–and oh yeah, mac ‘n cheese between two grilled cheese sandwich buns! The last time I saw this much mactastic cheesaliciousness, I was at the Mac ‘n Cheese Festival, homes!

Now, I gotta say, this burger was pretty darn messy. There’s really nothing to hold the mac attack together, so it pretty much just slid out of the back of the bun, and I had to scoop it up with a fork. But man, that patty was on point, nicely seasoned, the veggies were fresh and crisp, and that chipotle sauce added a nice little kick. The grilled cheese buns weren’t pretty, but they got the job done!

Man, this has gotta be in the top three grilled cheese burgers I’ve ever had. But of course, it’s not nearly as outta-bounds as the one at the top of the list! Can I get a little Metallica to go, bro???

Holy smokey German beer!

Now, I’m no stranger to smoked food. I’ve had smoked chicken, smoked turkey, smoked wings, smoked corned beef, smoked ribs, smoked sausage, smoked brisket…and even a Scandinavian smokehouse platter! But smoked beer was a whole ‘nother story–up until last night.

I dunno if they eat BBQ in Germany, but smoked beer is actually a pretty big thing. See, there’s this brewery called Schlenkerla that uses beechwood-smoked barley in not one, not two, not three or four or five or six but seven signature brews! And you don’t even hafta go all the way to Bamberg to get it, cuz they’re serving it up at Laylow, this friendly neighbourhood brewpub at College and Dufferin, son!!!

Marzen_Smoke_Beer (4)

Dude, this beer is blacker than a Spinal Tap album cover! And it’s got a nice smokey richness to it. You know the bartender broseph had me sold when he said it smells like bacon–and it really does! You can buy ’em online in the bottle for 1.80 Euros, but at Laylow, it’ll cost ya $8.50. Hey, shipping’s a bitch, bro!!!!

Pour some queso on me (in the name of cheese)!!!

Dude, if there’s one thing I love more than Def Leppard, it’s queso, bro! So when I heard that Wendy’s was rolling out not one, not two but three things with queso on ’em, I knew I had to try ’em all. Man, I would even put queso on a Frosty–why is that not on the menu???

bacon_queso_burger (2)

This Bacon Queso Burger was honky-tonk redonkadonk! You’ve got Wendy’s fresh, never frozen beef, some thick strips of bacon, purple onions and a nice slab of that queso sauce. And this ain’t no shitty stadium nacho cheese, neither–it’s got a bit of a kick, with some diced jalapenos in there and everything!

bacon_queso_chicken (6)

But man, the Bacon Queso Chicken was even better, bro! Pretty much anytime you combine bacon and breaded chicken, you know it’s gonna be good, but the cheese sauce really kicks it up a notch! Now, if only you could get a Bacon Queso Spicy Chicken sandwich…

bacon_queso_fries (10)

Now, the move with the Bacon Queso Fries is to let the cheese melt in, adding that extra level of cheesiness to the dish. It wouldda been better if they had broken up the bacon a bit more, but when you get a big ol’ chunk of bacon on your fork, that’s pretty much the perfect bite, right there:

bacon_queso_fries (13)

Dude, after devouring all that food, I don’t think I’d have room for that Bacon Queso Frosty anyways…

Beer soup, beer dough, BBQ…and beer

So, we’re hanging out at Liberty Commons, this funky, modern, Big Rock brewpub in Liberty Village. Now for me, Big Rock is the official Battle of Alberta beer, so when I heard they were bringing a brewpub out east, I knew I had to come check it out! And since it’s Summerlicious, right now they’re serving up a three-course prix fixe menu for 28 bucks–and you can bet yer bottom dollar every dish has beer in it, bro!!!

beer_can_chicken_soup (7)

We’re starting off with this funky take on a comfort-food classic, beer can chicken noodle soup. This dish actually comes inside a topless can of Citradelic IPA, and they pour it into the bowl right in front of you. The massive, meaty chunks of chicken had some great flavours going on, but what really makes it is the beer broth–which, if you asks me, kinda tastes like Big Rock Traditional, albeit in soup form. You know I lapped up every last drop, dude!!!

big_rock_bbq_plate (2)

But of course, our main course was The Commoner’s Smoke Plate–beef brisket, ribs, coleslaw, tater salad and cornbread, with a side of Big Rock BBQ sauce. Now, this wasn’t the best BBQ I’ve had in Toronto–there can be only one Adamson’s, son! The brisket had a nice flavour and texture, but it was cold as Vanilla Ice and had some yuuuge chunks of fat in there. The ribs were really dry and tough, like someone left ’em in the smoker too long. You definitely needed to add some sauce. But still, even bad BBQ is better than a meatless meat sandwich, right bro?

big_rock_beervertails (4)

Now for dessert, they’re serving up these funky little beer balls called Beer-ver-tails. They deep-fry beer dough and top it with cinnamon sugar, served with a side of maple cream. The only way it could get any more Canadian was if they had Burton Cummings sing the national anthem before it hits your plate!!!!

Harvey’s Bacon Poutine Burger is like Canada Day on a bun!!!!

Duuuude, does it even get any more Canadian than this!!!???? You’ve got a Made in Canada burger chain, serving Canadians from coast to coast since 1959, rolling out a limited edition homage to one of the greatest culinary creations in Canadian history. Shut the back door, eh?

harveys_poutine_burger (6)

Do not adjust your monitor settings, son! They really do take a flame-grilled Angus burger, stick some GFC–gravy, fries & curds–on it, and then top it anyway you want it (if that’s the way you need it)! This burger is on a journey to the centre of my piehole–don’t you stop believin’, bro!!!!

harveys_bacon_poutine (7)

Of course, you can’t order an Ultimate Canadian Bacon Poutine Burger with a side salad. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal in at least two or three provinces. So I went all in and doubled my bet with a side of bacon poutine. Cuz why settle for just one poutine when you can have two, eh????