Triple B: Burgers, Bacon & Beer

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Greek burger with Greek poutine

Before the pandemic, I’d sometimes head down to Alexandros on Queen’s Quay for some quick and easy Greek food. It was mostly a takeout spot, although they did have a small front patio that was right on the lake, which wasn’t a bad place to sit in the summertime. So when I found out they had another location downtown on Church Street, you know I had to check it out. Only, instead of ordering a Greek classic like gyros or souvlaki, I went with more of a mashup with this Greek burger and a side of Greek poutine.

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Now, the burger patty had the taste and texture of a frozen burger from like M&M Meat Shop, but then they added Greek toppings like tomatoes, onions, tzatziki and feta cheese, and served it all in a really big bun. I gotta say, the flavour combo works. I mean, it’s like having a gyro, but instead it’s a burger. So I can go for that…

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Now, I have had Greek fries before on the Danforth, and maybe somewhere else, like W Burger Bar or something. But Alexandros is kicking it up a notch with this Greek poutine. You’ve got fries, a classic poutine-style gravy… but with feta instead of cheese curds. Now this gravy was actually more authentic than a lot of the poutines I’ve had in Toronto, and the saltiness of the feta didn’t seem outta place, but the problem was with the fries. They either didn’t cook ’em long enough or hot enough, cuz they were soft, and not crispy. A nice, crispy fry couldda tied this thing together, but now they’re making me wish I ordered a Greek salad — and that’s a crying shame in Flavourtown, bro!!!!!

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TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Double bacon burger with foie gras on top!

It was a sad day in Flavourtown when the Holy Chuck burger joint at Yonge and Wellesley, where I once took down a double-triple cheeseburger, announced it was shutting down on New Year’s Eve. And this wasn’t even due to COVID, but rather thanks to redevelopment, which probably means they’re putting up a fancy condo or something. At least the OG location at Yonge and St. Clair is still serving up some redonkulous burgers, fries and shakes…even if it takes a little longer to get them down my piehole.

So when I heard about this funky new culinary creation, topped with foie gras, maple bacon and truffle oil, you KNOW I had to make mine a double. Say hello to The Holy Duck, bro!!!

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Now, this burger is taking me straight down to Downtown Flavourtown, son! These aged beef patties taste more like steak, cooked medium with a little pink in the middle. You’ve got the richness of the foie gras, a nice little chew from the bacon, and the aroma of truffle oil oozing all over the place. 10 on 10 would eat again! I just wish they couldda made the bacon a little more crispy, like they do on their Bacon, Fudge & Sea Salt Milkshake…

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Now, the good thing about a milkshake delivery in January is you know it’s not gonna melt, bro! This creamy McDreamy had nice little pieces of fudge, and was topped with perfectly crispy bacon. If I was more thoughtful and less hungry, I wouldda broken down the bacon into little bits before going at ‘er…but even still, that ice-cream-dipped bacon was sooo outta bounds!!!

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Now, this order took almost an hour to get here — and it was over 30 minutes in transit, since Uber sent the driver to finish another delivery that was several blocks out of the way. And if there’s one thing that suffered as a result, it was the Italian white truffle fries, which were a slightly soggy glob of potatoes by the time I got ’em. They still tasted pretty good, what with the truffle oil, truffle mayo and the Greek kefalotyri cheese…but the extra time left sitting out definitely did ’em no favours.

Of course, I probably wouldn’t have this problem if I could still order from Yonge & Wellesley, which is much closer to home…but I’m sure the developer will use that space to create some much-needed affordable housing for residents of the area. Yeah, when monkeys fly outta my butt, bro!!! 😆 😆 😆

 

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Double pierogi burger with a side of pierogi poutine!

Now, I’ve had some funky pierogis in my day, but when I heard that Burgers n’ Fries Forever, this cool little joint on John St, was serving up a pierogi burger AND pierogi poutine — for a limited time only — you KNOW I was all over that like cheese in potato, bro! And when it comes to the burger, you know I gotta make mine a double…

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Now, there ain’t actually any pierogis on this burger — instead, it’s more of a deconstructed pierogi, with mashed potatoes, onions, cheddar cheese and a whole helluva lotta sour cream. Like half the sour cream ended up on my hand, bro! I also paid a couple bucks extra to add beef bacon (the only kind of bacon they had) cuz the First Rule of Flavourtown is Always Add Bacon!

Now, meat and potatoes is a classic combo, so there’s nothing wrong with that at all, but I think if this burger had more mash, and less sour cream, it would make for a better pierogi-eating experience.

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Speaking of pierogi-eating, this pierogi poutine really kicks it up a notch! They replace the fries with these little mini cheese pierogis, which are melt-in-your-mouth goodness. And then they add gravy, cheddar cheese, beef bacon, green onions and a whole boatload of sour cream. Again, the flavour distribution could maybe be a bit better (maybe things got moved around in the delivery process), but when you get a bite with that pierogi, some cheese, bacon and just a bit of sour cream, that is the real deal, right there!!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Who needs a BLT when you can have a PLT, bro?

Now, back when I lived in The Annex, I knew that Insomnia was the place to go for brunch, and even during Second Lockdown, they open for takeout at 9 a.m. so you can get your brunch on. This place is serving up legit dishes like Challah French toast, huevos rancheros and off-the-hook chicken and waffles, but when I saw the General PLT, I was all over that like Run DMC on a Sucka MC, son!!!!

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OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got not one, but two slices of peameal bacon on a milk bun, topped with a fried egg, cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato and a garlic donkey sauce — it’s like a five-star breakfast in Flavourtown! Plus it comes with a side of homefries and a salad…for some reason.

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These fried potaters are smothered in their Legendary Sauce, which is sorta like a house-made ketchup. Plus, I paid a dollar more to add bacon bits, cuz the first rule of Flavourtown is Always Add Bacon, bro!!! Man, this meal was so good, I even ate all the salad — but next time, if I could swap it for a side of sausage, y’know, that would be great…

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Who needs Migos when you’ve got migas???

Now, the last time I had huevos migas, this Tex Mex take on breakfast nachos, was in Austin — actually, it was at the airport, son! I never expected to find this dish in Toronto…so when I heard that Lady Marmalade, this funky breakfast/brunch joint on Broadview, had migas on the menu, you KNOW I was gonna twist it like it’s stir fry, bro!!!!!

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Basically, you’ve got every part of a balanced breakfast, right here. We’re talking scrambled eggs, sausage, cheese, rice, beans, pico, nachos…plus I paid 4 bucks extra for a buncha bacon, cuz the first rule of Flavourtown is Always Add Bacon! Now, when I had this dish in Texas, the tortilla chips were mixed right in, but in this order, they came served separately in a paper bag — which probably prevents them from getting soggy on the way over, I suppose.

Dude, this was one of the most filling breakfasts I had in a long time…and you KNOW I left no crumb behind, bro!!!!!!!!

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TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Take me down to the Paradise City, where the lamb is lean and the beef is juicy…

Now, when I heard that my main man Jason Momoa was munching on Ozzy’s Burgers, this funky little joint in Kensington Market, you KNOW I had to check it out, bro! They might not have any bat head burgers or Crazy Train fries, but when I found this sandwich, named after a Guns ‘n Roses classic, I wasn’t gonna wait till midnight to start the show!!!

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They call this burger Paradise City, and it’s like a Slash guitar solo in Flavourtown! You’ve got a lamb patty on top of a beef patty, with not one, but two kinds of cheeses — cheddar AND Havarti — plus peppers, onions, lettuce, tomato, pickles and a spicy BBQ sauce! Man, this burger’s so juicy, I’m gonna need some extra napkins…

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TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Fully loaded waffles from Starving Artist

Now, I don’t always get out of bed in time for breakfast, but the good news is I don’t even hafta get out of bed to order delivery, bro! So when I heard that Starving Artist, this funky, all-day brunch joint, was serving up fully loaded potato waffles, you KNOW I had to check it out!!!

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These bad boys are topped with everything you want on a baked potato — sour cream, chives, cheddar and bacon! I also paid extra to add avocado, bringing even more creaminess to the party….and it is a party in my mouth, bro, believe me! You also get a choice between fruit salad, potato salad or maple beans, as well as a non-optional green salad. At least, I didn’t see any way to remove the salad from my order. Hey, you don’t win friends with salad, bro!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Cow Tipper with One Ring to Rule Them All…

Dude, Clerks II was my second-favourite Clerks movie, so when I found out that Kevin Smith was bringing Mooby’s to Toronto as a pop-up, you KNOW I had to check it out, bro! Of course, I couldn’t actually go there, cuz we’re in Lockdown II, so I put on my Canadian tuxedo and ordered from Skip the Dishes, son!

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I wouldda just ordered a Skinny Calf with Cheese and a Diet Coke, but I didn’t see it on the menu… so instead I went for their classic double cheeseburger, the Cow Tipper. This was like a donkey show in my mouth, bro!

What we’ve got here are two well-done beef patties with American cheese, pickles and just a little bit of lettuce, along with Mooby’s sauce, which tastes a lot like mustard. Bun was not toasted, so it kinda melted into the meat. Still a pretty decent double cheeseburger, but I was almost looking forward more to the sides…

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Now, the Cow Tipper Burger Meal comes with your choice of sides — but I HAD to go with the Pickle Fuckers, bro! These deep-fried pickles were hot ‘n juicy, and you could finish them in less than four bites!!!

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But because this is body by deep fried things, I ordered another side, some Onion Rings to Rule Them All. Dude, this burning ring of onion looks even better than the one from that scene in the movie! Now, there is only one return — and it’s not of the King, it’s of the Jedi! — but I would eat these at least five times, Bil-bro Baggins!!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: It’s all about the bacon corn fritters, son!

Now, when I heard that Leslieville Pumps, this funky BBQ joint in The Beaches, was listed as one of Toronto’s best BBQ joints AND Toronto’s best patios, you KNOW I had to check it out, bro! But the patio will hafta wait till warmer weather, cuz this time, we’re ordering delivery…

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This here’s their Southern Beef Brisket sandwich, and it’s meaty, beaty, big and bouncy, bro! You’ve got these big, thick chunks of brisket on a fresh bakery roll with some crispy onions, a bit of mustard and a tangy BBQ sauce. This sandwich wouldda been a bit warmer if I lived a bit closer, but it was still mighty tasty!!!

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But now it’s time for one of the most honky tonk redonkadonk side dishes we’ve seen on Triple B. These bacon corn fritters are like Hush Puppies Gone Wild in Flavourtown, son! You’ve got 5 great balls of dough, filled with fresh corn and smoked bacon, with a green creole sauce on the side. Yes, they cost a bit extra, but they’re soooo worth it, bro!!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: After this chicken sandwich, who needs Popeyes?

Now, I’m familiar with a whole lotta burger joints in this city, but when I come across one I haven’t tried yet, you KNOW I gotta check it out, bro! So I heard about this funky little joint in The Annex serving up an African take on burgers and fried chicken, and they deliver on Uber, so I’m definitely gonna order from Aunty Lucy’s Burgers!

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They call this The Nima Sandwich, and if it goes anywhere Nima face, Imma hafta eat it, bro! You’ve got a boneless battered chicken thigh, topped with garlic sauce and just a bit of lettuce on a potato roll. And then they’ve got this mango scotch bonnet hot sauce, which adds a bit of a kick without melting your face off. Dude, I could slam at least three of these!!!

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But let’s not sleep on the fries, now. These spuds are hot ‘n crispy, and go great with some ketchup. Plus, they give you a pretty decent-sized bag of ’em for like four bucks… That’s like a five-finger discount in Flavourtown!!!

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