Legit lobster BLT @ La Société

So, we’re hanging out at La Société, this funky French bistro on Bloor St. Of course, you’ve got your duck confit, your cassoulet, your beef bourguignon…but for lunch, they’re also serving up a bunch of funky sammies, like a croque monsieur, roasted turkey, and this chicken of the sea, lobster BLT:

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OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got these thick, meaty chunks of lobster in a lemon aioli, with some crispy bacon, crisp lettuce…and I guess there’s a tomato in there somewhere? Comes with a great big cup of fries — with both ketchup AND mayo, bro!!!

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Now, I’m normally more of a ketchup man, but as they say, when in Quebec, ou est la bibliothèque! I guess you could even make your own mayochup, but that might not be such a good idea at lunchtime…

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Speaking of getting mayochup’ed, this place only has two beers on tap — but they’re Kronenbourg and Lagunitas, so, y’know, quality over quantity, bro! This little half-pint will set you back nine bucks, though… Like I said, it’s a fancy French restaurant!!!

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4 crazy rich sandwiches (+squid on a stick!) @ Waterfront Night Market

Dude, you KNOW I’ve got a smile on my face, cuz I’m taking my fat ass to Ontario Place! Last weekend, the happiest place in Ontario played host to the Waterfront Night Market, a culinary pan-Asian invasion of epic proportions! Now, since both Burgermania and the Mac ‘n Cheese Fest moved off the island, I haven’t had much reason to come here, but when I heard about some of the stuff they were serving up, I knew I had to check it out!!!

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Now, I don’t always go out looking for bacon, but it always seems to find me. This sweet, sweet bacon slider from the Filipino bros at Tocino Boys is served on a milk bun with mustard, mayo, garlic butter…and no veggies whatsoever, just the way I like it!!!

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Yeah, it comes on a bun, but this ain’t no hot dog, bro! This bulgogi beef buldog is topped with cabbage, onions, scallions — and for two dollars more I added kim chi and torched cheese… Dude, this is body by torched cheese!!!!!

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This next dish definitely kicks the funkaliciousness up a notch! This Filipino soul food classic from my kamayan kingdom Platito combines plump ‘n juicy fried chicken with a super savoury ube waffle for this crazy take on chicken ‘n waffles — and the best part is, you can eat it with your hands!

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Now, those sandwiches were all magically delicious, but I swear the longest lines at the whole damn festival were for grilled octopus on a stick! Dude, I would eat anything you gotta bite off a big piece of wood, and when they brush it with chili sauce and add some peanuts for garnish, I totally don’t regret not getting the lamb sticks instead…

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Now, the one thing that was pretty messed about this fest is you gotta pay 20 bucks just to enter the beer garden. So, instead I’m slurping down some grapefruit green tea — don’t knock it till you try it, bro!!!

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We’ve also got some Thai iced tea, served in a plastic bag full of ice…cuz that’s even more unfriendly to the environment??

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But even after that decadent meat extravaganza, you KNOW I’ve still got room for dessert, bro! This Hong Kong bubble waffle joint had the longest lines for anything NOT served on a stick, and this s’mores ice cream waffle sandwich was so tasty, even the Tyrannosaurus Rex wants it!!!!

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Just another righteous feast in the Flavourzoac era, dino bro!!!

Chorizo burger & Spanish fries @ Bar Reyna

So, we’re hanging out at Bar Reyna, this funky little Spanish joint right in the heart of Yorkville. Normally, this place is known for tapas, but on weekends, they’re serving up a bunch of funky brunch dishes like baklava french toast, short rib grilled cheese, a Dungeness crab benedict…and this Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa, the chorizo burger:

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This burger is pretty far outta bounds, bro! You’ve got a meaty, spicy chorizo patty topped with muenster cheese, some crunchy lettuce, caramelized onions — and then they put a fried egg on top!? Cierra la puerta trasera!!!

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Now, this burger normally comes with fries, but here we kicked it up a notch with some Spanish fries — you’ve got more chorizo, shaved manchego and a side of chipotle aioli. Trust me, you cannot get enough of this chorizo, bro!!!

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Washed it all down with an Estrella Damn beer from Barcelona. Cuz drinking a Bud Light just wouldn’t feel right…

Beer, Water, and Girl Memes: THERE SUNLYUNETHING
 HATE MORE THAN LYING
 BUD LIGHT WHICHIS WATER
 THATSLYING ABOUT BEING BEER
 funny.

Bacon truffle mac attack @ Prohibition Gastrohouse

So, we’re hanging out at Prohibition Gastrohouse, this funky joint on Eglinton with a badass back patio. Now, this place is supposed to have “TO’s Best Truffle Mac & Cheese” — it even says so on their menu — so you know I gotta come check it out!!!

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Now, they definitely funk it up a notch at this place. Cuz that ain’t macaroni — it’s Pasta di Gragnano, bro! And there ain’t no cheddar cheese here…it’s a blend of Gruyere, emmenthal and that’s my boy blue cheese. Throw in some truffle paste, truffle oil, and for an extra five bucks, you can add bacon. Of course, you KNOW the first rule of Flavourtown is Always Add Bacon!!!

Now, they don’t shortchange ya on the bacon,  but if I got one complaint, it’s not very crispy. Nice chew on the noodles, a whole lotta creaminess — the blue cheese really cuts through everything else. If you like your cheese blue, this is the dish for you!!!

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Now, this place has also got a pretty good craft beer selection — and all their draft beers are $5.75 from 5 to 7, son! This here’s a Vagabond IPA, from my punk rock bowling buddies at BrewDog. It’s not as strong or as hoppy as your average IPA, but still has a nice, crisp taste. I could pound, like, 17 of these!!!

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Now, you’re looking at a craft beer legend right here — Anchor Steam, from the Bay Area. This OG of steam beers is woody, minty, big and bouncy…and probably too much flavour for your average light-beer drinker!

SUMMERLICIOUS 2019: Tacos & burgers & churros… Yeah bro!

So, we’re hanging out at Craft Beer Market, where they’re serving up a few of my favourite things for Summerlicious — we’re talking tacos, we’re talking ’bout burgers, we’re talking churros for dessert…and oh yeah, craft beer!!!

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These cubano street tacos come two to an order, but you could almost stuff all of this into one double-shell taco. (I didn’t, though.) You’ve got pulled pork, fried onions, cilantro and a citrusy mustard mojo — shut the back door, bro!

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For the main event, we’re going Classic Burger — two beef patties, pickles, lettuce, tomato, special sauce… Of course, I paid a buck fiddy to add bacon, cuz the first rule of Flavourtown is always add bacon!!!

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Now, for dessert we’re talking churros, sprinkled with icing sugar and sprayed with an imperial-stout infused Nutella. But you KNOW that’s not the only alcohol heading straight down my beerhole, bro!!!

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This Shaggin’ Wagon IPA from Stray Dog is like a boogie van in Flavourtown! It’s got a nice citrus kick, but not too hoppy at 55 IBU…and it kinda sneaks up on you at 6.4%.

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This Electric Unicorn White IPA is basically my spirit animal…if my spirit animal was a beer. It’s surprisingly smooth for 75 IBUs, and at 6.5%, it’s also not for wimps!!!

SUMMERLICIOUS 2019: Big, beefy burger @ Batch

Now, I’m no stranger to paying 38 bucks for a burger, so when I saw that Batch was serving up its signature Batch burger, plus two other courses, for just 23 dollars, I was all over that like beef on a bun, bro! Their Summerlicious menu starts off with apps like salad, tomato soup, peas on toast…or these fishy flavour nuggets in Flavourtown, fried squid:

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This I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-calamari comes served on a bed of basil and a smoked tartar sauce, and the breading’s got a bit of a kick. They were quite tasty, but aren’t calamari supposed to be round?

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Now, me and this burger are a match made in Flavourtown Heaven, aka Austin, Texas. Patty is nice and thick, cooked to not-quite medium, and topped with swiss cheese, pickles and a bit of lettuce — the meat to veggie ratio on this bun is just the way I like it. And then you’ve got a great big pile of some of the thickest fries I’ve even seen — these are like three-bite French fries, bro!!!

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Now, you know the first rule of Summerlicious is “Always save room for dessert,” and I’m definitely gonna go with the most chocolatey thing on the menu:

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This chocolate tart was packed with dark-chocolate richness and some hazelnut crunch, but I don’t really get the frozen orange stuff on top. (Mine was a little pulpy.) Still, I gotta say, it totally satisfied my sweet tooth!!!

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Of course, because Batch is a craft brewpub, you KNOW I’m not gonna order a Coors Light, bro! This Creemore Springs Boundless IPA was a nice balance of hops and citrus, with just a little bit of sweetness at the end. Maybe they couldda poured some of this on that chocolate tart instead…

3 meats, 1 bun @ Black Hog BBQ

Now, I don’t always go looking for BBQ — sometimes, BBQ just finds me. We’re hanging out in downtown Frederick at Black Hog BBQ, this local chain with three locations in Maryland. This place has been serving up all kinds of smoked meat since 2007, but I’m only gonna eat here once, so I gotta make sure to get as many as I can shove down my piehole, bro!!!

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So, we’re starting off with an order of BBQ pork fries — these are like cheese fries gone wild in Flavourtown! They take fresh-cut potatoes, smother ’em in cheddar, and then pile bacon and pulled pork on top??? Shut the front, back and side doors, bro!!!

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But now it’s time for the main event. They call this sammy the Triple Meat Mofo, and it’s a baaaad muthafucka! You’ve got beef brisket, pulled pork, country ham, swiss cheese, grilled onions and BBQ mayo, all stuffed between two buns. The beef was nice and tender, the pork was fall-aparty…but that country ham is what makes it, with the thickness to break up this flavour volcano!All this and a side of ooey, gooey mac and cheese for just $12.50!? Don’t tase me, bro!!!

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Of course, when you’re in Frederick, you’re in Flying Dog Country, so I had to check out this little feel-good hit of the summer, Numero Uno Mexican Lager. This light, easy-drinking beer is brewed with agave and lime zest, so it’s packing a lot more flavour than a Corona. And believe it or not, but after the pork fries, the three-story sammy, mac ‘n cheese and a couple of these, I actually did NOT have room for dessert!!!!!!!