Now, I don’t usually go to Montana’s, unless it’s like AYCE ribs or AYCE fajitas or something, cuz they’re waaaaaay out in the suburbs and I don’t wanna drive the Camaro on the 401, bro! Turns out they actually are doing AYCE ribs right now, and I was just about to rack ’em up…but then I saw this tasty two-hander in Flavourtown, the Grilled Cheese Cheeseburger:
Man, this sandwich is like two great things rolled into one thing! The patty’s thick and nicely grilled, you’ve got a bed of lettuce between two grilled-cheesy Louise-y buns. There’s supposed to be some bacon in there, and sriracha ketchup, but you don’t really taste it. What you do get is a whole buncha crispy Cajun onion strings. Dude, this is body by crispy Cajun onion strings!!!!
Now, that mighta looked like a pretty big burger to you, but it’s really just another light snack in Flavourtown! Let’s just say, if this joint ever had AYCE burgers, I could probably pound 4-5 of these… Sheeeet son, somebody at Montana’s betta get on that one–if I had my little way, you KNOW I’d eat burgers every day!!!!
(Picture this, but with burgers.)
So, when when that big storm hit Toronto a couple weeks back, I didn’t give a crap, cuz we’re chillin’ like a villain in the U.S. Virgin Islands, bro! Man, this place has everything: sandy beaches, Painkillers, flip-flops, wild donkeys walking down the street… it even has a Wendy’s (in St. Thomas, anyways)! But instead of slamming down a Baconator, we’re hanging out on the island of St. John, at this funky little brewpub called the Tap Room, where they’ve got this killer blue cheese burger named after one of my all-time favourite movie characters. You’re My Boy Bleu — that’s literally what it’s called!
Dude, this burger totally reeks of funkaliciousness!!!! You’ve got a medium-rare patty that’s as thick as a hockey puck, oozing with blue cheese crumbles… But then we get to the best part–homemade bacon onion jam! I’m about to bacon jam this straight down my piehole, bro!
Of course, we are hanging out at a craft beer bar–so you KNOW I’m not drinking gin and juice! St. John Brewers is the local beermonger, and this Tropical Mango Pale Ale is their best-seller. It’s a little malty, a little hoppy, with a nice mango finish that’s like a Buffalo Soul-jah for your tastebuds, Bro-b Marley!!!
Of course, I can’t eat just one potato chip, and I ain’t drinkin’ just one craft beer, neither! This here Toasted Coconut Brown Ale is not too heavy, just a little sweet, with a bit of a coconut aftertaste. Man, if I pound a few more of these, I might be going streaking…
Now, I know what you’re thinking… What would a place with a name like Wallace possibly know about tacos, bro??? And hey, I hear ya. Not gonna lie, I wasn’t so sure myself. But after pulling some core mussels at the Wallace Gastropub last summer, I knew their seafood was pretty legit–so we’re heading back for Taco Wednesdays (yes, Wednesdays), where they’re serving up three fully loaded flour tortillas for just $10.95!!!!
Now, for that price, you could get chicken or fish, but a legit shrimp taco is something you definitely don’t see every day. And lemme tell ya, these babies bring the heat! You’ve got some mixed greens, cilantro, cheese and add-your-own guac, but man, it’s all about the shrimp, son! These big ‘n meaty sea creatures are served up in a sneaky spicy chipotle sauce that’ll make you order another beer or two. Good thing they’ve got some pretty decent craft beers on tap…
Speaking of things you don’t see every day, this Muskoka Black Raspberry Thunder IPA combines the tarty sweetness of raspberries with the slight hoppiness of a not-too-bitter pale ale. And at $7.50 a pint, you can probably drink enough of these that you’re totally taking the TTC home, bro!!!!
Now, I only made it out to one funky joint for Winterlicious this year, cuz I was somewhere on a beach, Dierks Bro-ntly! But I figured if I was only gonna do one place for Winterlicious, it was gonna be this funky steakhouse right in the heart of Yorkville. We’re gettin’ some, gettin’ some at STK, son!
Now, when I heard this joint was serving up double-smoked Applewood bacon as an appetizer, you KNOW I was all over that like fat on pork, bro! This steak-sized piece of back bacon totally reeks of unctuousness, with a balsamic BBQ sauce, holy shiitake shrooms and some red hot chili peppers, for that extra kick. Give it away, give it away, give it away now!!!!
Of course, we’re still saving room for the main event. This 8 oz strip was definitely on the well-done side of medium rare, but it still had some nice juices, with mashed potatoes, black trumpet mushrooms, and onions two ways–agrodolce and crispy-fried. Dude, this is body by agrodolce, bro!!!
Now, this chocolate brownie was pretty outta bounds. You’ve got rich, moist chocolate, dulce de leche ice cream, dehydrated raspberries and a maple bourbon sauce??? Shut the front, back and side doors, son!!!!
Man, if I had a million dollars, I’d open up a sports bar and smokehouse. I mean, you’ve got BBQ in the smoker, sports on the big screen–what else do you need in life? Well, when I found out a place like this already existed, up around Yonge and Sheppard, I knew I had to check it out…
Rally Sports Bar is a pretty classy joint, with a solid lineup of local craft beer. And they’ve got brisket and pulled pork and ribs, oh my! — although the first two only come in sandwich form. You can also put pulled pork on a burger, with this mighty in-house classic, The Monster:
OK, so what you see is pretty much what you get. Two nice ‘n thick beef patties, with just a bit of pink in the middle, sandwiching some tangy, saucy, unctuous pulled pork–and then they put deep-fried onions on top??? That’s like a game-winning triple play in Flavourtown! The fries on the side are pretty legit, sorta like Swiss Chalet on steroids…and you know I’m gonna need a couple ice cold beers to wash this all down!
Now, I had never even heard of Shillow Beer Co. before, but when I saw that Rally had a brew called Beer Snob on the menu, I pretty much had to try it. This Belgian rye ale has the fruity taste of Unibroue’s Blanche de Chambly, but with a bit more of a kick at 6%. I wouldda definitely slammed a few more of these…but this was the only can they had left!!!
You know me, if there’s two things I like, it’s Italian food…and putting big round things in my face. The bigger the better, bro! So when I heard that Scaddabush, this funky local Italian chain, was serving up some massive meatballs, I knew I had to check it out. They call this one the Straight Up Meatball—and they’re definitely not kidding!
So, you’ve got a great big pile of meat, served on a crostini, with tomato sauce, a three-cheese blend and some fresh basil? Shut the back door! I could probably pound half a dozen of these…but then I wouldn’t have room for pizza:
This smoked bacon and egg pie is like breakfast, lunch and dinner…all rolled into one! You’ve got thick chunks of bacon, not one, but two fresh cracked eggs, some mushrooms, and these red hot chili peppers, cuz we prefer the shade. This is one messy pizza, with the egg running all over the place – but you know what I say, if it ain’t messy, it ain’t tasty!!!!
Now, I don’t always get up in time for breakfast, but when I do, it’s gotta be legit. So we’re hanging out at The Wickson Social, this funky little joint just offa Yonge Street, where they’ve got some wicked awesome brunch, bro! When I came here for Summerlicious, I had a pork chop that was super-delicious, so you know I’m gonna come back for some back bacon—even if it is six dollars extra.
But for the main event, we’re talking Banoffee French Toast. It’s bananas (and bananas is good), it’s toffee, it’s nice thick slices of bread with a mascarpone whipped cream—you could put it on a flip-flop, and it would still taste good! And did I mention the duck fat home fries???
These taters were so hot they put an alligator in yer radiator! You’ve got some nicely seasoned crispy potato, which goes great with back bacon, a little whipped cream, candied banana and French toast—this is the perfect bite right here, bro: