TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Who needs Migos when you’ve got migas???

Now, the last time I had huevos migas, this Tex Mex take on breakfast nachos, was in Austin — actually, it was at the airport, son! I never expected to find this dish in Toronto…so when I heard that Lady Marmalade, this funky breakfast/brunch joint on Broadview, had migas on the menu, you KNOW I was gonna twist it like it’s stir fry, bro!!!!!

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Basically, you’ve got every part of a balanced breakfast, right here. We’re talking scrambled eggs, sausage, cheese, rice, beans, pico, nachos…plus I paid 4 bucks extra for a buncha bacon, cuz the first rule of Flavourtown is Always Add Bacon! Now, when I had this dish in Texas, the tortilla chips were mixed right in, but in this order, they came served separately in a paper bag — which probably prevents them from getting soggy on the way over, I suppose.

Dude, this was one of the most filling breakfasts I had in a long time…and you KNOW I left no crumb behind, bro!!!!!!!!

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TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Bibimbap, you don’t stop!

Now, I’m a pretty big fan of Korean food, whether we’re talking fried chicken, rice hot dogs or toilet-themed desserts. But the last time I had bibimbap was actually at a Japanese joint…so you know I’m overdue for some real-deal Korean comfort food, bro! And Kimichi Korea House, this funky little joint on Dundas, is doing it up right, with 13 different bibimbaps to choose from!!!

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Now you know me, I had to go with bulgogi! This thinly sliced beef is nice ‘n tender, on a bed of rice and veggies, with some spicy gochujang sauce that I poured overtop. I also paid a buck fiddy to add a fried egg — dude, this is body by fried eggs!

Plus, you get a whole buncha little side dishes at no extra charge, like kimchi, sprouts, miso soup and cold potatoes. You KNOW I’m all about that meat and potatoes, bros!!!

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TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: You don’t need no blindfold for this Bird Box, bro!!!

Now, this is body by fried chicken, so when I found out about this new chicken joint called Bird Box on Dundas West, you KNOW I’m not gonna drive below 50 miles per hour to get there — Speed is still my favourite Sandra Bullock movie, bro!

Now, this place has everything: chicken sandwiches, chicken wraps, chicken fingers, chicken ‘n waffles — with no less than 30 different sauces to choose from! But as soon as I saw the Drunk and Chicks on the menu, you KNOW I was gonna take this Drunk Girl home, Chris Jan-son!!!

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Dude, this is like Hangover Breakfast Poutine Gone Wild in Flavourtown! You’ve got some nice, crispy fries, with real-deal cheese curds, and then they add chicken gravy, bacon, and not one, not two, but three chicken strips and a fried egg on top. So, it’s time to answer the age-old question, what goes down my piehole first, the chicken or the egg?

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While every part of this poutine was pretty tasty, there’s no question that the chicken is the star of the show. These house made strips put the tender in chicken tender, with nice ‘n juicy white meat. Man, next time I order this, I need to get a side of chicken strips, they were that good!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Crab cake on a bun, son!

Now, I’m no stranger to crab cakes, but I don’t usually think of them as takeout food. So when I found out that Fresco’s, this funky fish ‘n chips shack in Kensington Market, was serving up a real-deal crab cake po boy, you KNOW I had to check it out, bro!!!

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What we’ve got here is not one, but two crabby patties, stacked up and coming in hot, with some cheddar cheese and coleslaw on a bakery bun. There’s nothing wrong with that at all, son! Now, this dish is supposed to come with fries, but for a few dollars more, I funked it up a notch with some deep-fried pickles:

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These bad boys were pretty much on par with the Pickle Fuckers I ordered from Mooby’s a couple weeks back. Hot, crispy and juicy, with a side of chipotle for a little extra kick. I could slam at least 20 of these, bro!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Short rib grilled cheese? Yes please!

If grilled cheese isn’t the ultimate comfort food, then it’s definitely right up there. So when I found out that Bar Reyna, this funky Spanish joint, was serving up a short rib grilled cheese — but only at their King St location — you KNOW I had to check it out, bro!

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OK, now let’s break it down. You ain’t got no Kraft singles here — we’re talkin’ Gruyere, with braised beef, caramelized onions and a grainy mustard on crispy, toasted bread, with your choice of fries or salad. Let’s just say I didn’t choose salad… But the fries were thin, and already pretty soggy on arrival. So maybe salad would travel better, bro?

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TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Take me down to the Paradise City, where the lamb is lean and the beef is juicy…

Now, when I heard that my main man Jason Momoa was munching on Ozzy’s Burgers, this funky little joint in Kensington Market, you KNOW I had to check it out, bro! They might not have any bat head burgers or Crazy Train fries, but when I found this sandwich, named after a Guns ‘n Roses classic, I wasn’t gonna wait till midnight to start the show!!!

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They call this burger Paradise City, and it’s like a Slash guitar solo in Flavourtown! You’ve got a lamb patty on top of a beef patty, with not one, but two kinds of cheeses — cheddar AND Havarti — plus peppers, onions, lettuce, tomato, pickles and a spicy BBQ sauce! Man, this burger’s so juicy, I’m gonna need some extra napkins…

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TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: That’s a whole lotta torta, bro!!!

Now, I’ve been known to crush a torta or two in my time, so when I heard that El Charro, this funky Mexican joint at Danforth and Broadview, was serving up not one, not two, not three, not four, but five different tortas, you KNOW I had to check it out! But I couldn’t decide which one to get, so I ended up ordering la Charra, which is like the Meat Mountain of tortas, stuffed with everything but the kitchen sink, son!!!

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This mucho meat monstrosity comes with breaded chicken, breaded beef, al pastor pork, chorizo and eggs… and then they add brown beans, guacamole, onions, tomatoes and cheese. The sandwich was still nice and warm after coming all the way from Greektown, although the bread was starting to fall apart under all that meat. Dude, this belongs in the dictionary next to “sandwich that eats like a meal” — I feel like I could almost skip dinner after destroying this bad boy!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Fully loaded waffles from Starving Artist

Now, I don’t always get out of bed in time for breakfast, but the good news is I don’t even hafta get out of bed to order delivery, bro! So when I heard that Starving Artist, this funky, all-day brunch joint, was serving up fully loaded potato waffles, you KNOW I had to check it out!!!

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These bad boys are topped with everything you want on a baked potato — sour cream, chives, cheddar and bacon! I also paid extra to add avocado, bringing even more creaminess to the party….and it is a party in my mouth, bro, believe me! You also get a choice between fruit salad, potato salad or maple beans, as well as a non-optional green salad. At least, I didn’t see any way to remove the salad from my order. Hey, you don’t win friends with salad, bro!!!

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: There’s pizza sauce on his sweater already…

Now, I’m no stranger to Detroit-style pizza, and you KNOW Eminem is my favourite rapper, bro, so when I heard about this funky little joint called 8mile Pizza, doing takeout and delivery, I definitely had to check it out!

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This here’s the Oh Canada! and it’s like the national anthem of Flavourtown. You’ve got pepperoni, bacon and mushrooms, with the sauce on top — cuz that’s how they do it in the Big D — and then they add some house-made ranch, for that extra creaminess. Dude, this is body by house-made ranch! Who needs mom’s spaghetti when you can have pizza, son???

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: That’s one baaaad motherclucker!

Now, even after demolishing four Popeyes fried chicken sandwiches, I’ve still got a need…a need for fried chicken, bro! So when I heard that Storm Crow Manor, home of the Dungeon Burger, had opened up a fried-chicken ghost kitchen called MotherCluckers, I knew I had to get that mothercluckin’ chicken in my mothercluckin’ mouth, Samuel L. Jack-son! And what better way to do it than with chicken and biscuits???

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Their Chicken & Biscuits Dee-Luxe comes with one chicken thigh, extra-crispy, two soft, buttery biscuits, and a big ol’ side of gravy in a separate container. Plus, I rolled the dice and paid three bucks more for some chickpea fries with a side of donkey sauce. Dude, I’d put that shit on everything!

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Now, those biscuits were TheBomb.gov, the chickpea fries were nice and doughy, and the chicken was plenty tasty…but this meal only comes with one piece of it. What the cluck, bro???