Now, I know what you’re thinking–you probably couldn’t pay me to eat a veggie burger, bro! But with all the vegans saying that the Beyond Meat burger was the best burger ever, and even some of my meatatarian compadres giving it the thumbs-up…I figured I’d at least give it the old Burger State University try.
And here’s the thing: this veggie burger actually tastes pretty good. This might be the best veggie burger I’ve ever had–but I can’t even remember the last time I had a veggie burger. While it’s nowhere near the pantheon of all-time greatest burgers, the patty is a lot like a beef burger you would get at A&W or at Harvey’s, which are both places I don’t go very often, but if you bought me a Beyond Meat burger from there, and didn’t tell me it was vegan, I would still scarf it down, son!
Of course, because I didn’t want to get toooo healthy, I ordered mine with a side of poutine. This gravy-soaked disasterpiece was…still better than McDonald’s, I guess?
Dude, it’s been a while since I hung out around Gerrard and Pape, but just past Gerrard Square there’s a whole buncha places that I’ve never seen before. You’ve got Grinder for coffee, Blackjack BBQ, Chula Taberna for Mexican food…and this funky little joint named after a Thin Lizzy tune–they’ve even got a portrait of Phil Lynott behind the bar–this is Poor Romeo, bro!
Now, this place normally has 10 craft beers on tap–but they sold out of the Clutch APA right after I got there. Instead, I went with Hazed and Confused, this citrusy Vermont IPA from Muskoka Brewery. It totally went well with the 70’s rock soundtrack–we’re talking Aerosmith, Nazareth and The Cars, bro. Party at the Moontowner!!!!
Now, that last beer was pretty funky, but this one definitely kicks it up a notch! This Blood Orange Saison from Collingwood Brewery tastes like an Italian soda…but at 7.5%, it really sneaks up on ya!
Now, when it comes to grub, they’ve got a classic double burger, a pork loin, bacon and avocado sammy…and even a cornbread salad. But when I saw the chorizo con papas gorditas, I knew where this was going–dude, this is body by gorditas, senorita! You’ve got sausage, potato and queso fresco inside two round orbs of crusty deliciousness. These boys are back in town…and heading straight down my piehole!!!!
So, we’re hanging out at The Broadview Hotel, this funky boutique hotel that used to be a strip club on Queen St E. Now, I never went to Jilly’s, but it looks they’ve really spruced the place up! And the crown jewel that has got everyone and their cousin getting married up here is the rooftop patio. Check it out, bro!
Now this place is more known for cocktails, but they’ve still got a few beers on tap, like A Tout le Monde, this funky saison collab between Unibroue and Megadeth. Now, this beer is a little fruitier than what I’d expect from a heavy metal legend…but then again, this is Dave Mustaine we’re talking about!
Now, you know if I’m drinking beer, there’s a pretty good chance I’m eating fried chicken. These chicken chunks were nice and tender, super crispy…but they only put the sauce on the ones in the middle for some reason???
Now, I’m a pretty big fan of fried chicken and waffles. Dude, this is body by fried chicken and waffles! So, when I heard that Otto’s Bierhalle, this funky German joint on Queen West, was doing it up schnitzel-style, I was all over that like a Mexican fan on South Koreans at the World Cup! (Wait, too soon???)
Now, instead of giving you one great big waffle, they throw down a four-pack of mini Belgian quarters. The waffles are nice and fluffy, with a bit of syrup on top. Chicken is super moist, not too crispy, goes good with gravy–although I did ask ’em for some hot sauce instead. And it comes with a side pomegranate-spinach salad. I guess I gotta eat that too?
Of course, you don’t go to a German beer hall and sip on a Corona, bro! This here’s Munich Gold, a funky fresh pilsner from Hacker-Pschorr. Dude, this brew’s so legit, even the glass speaks German!!!!!
Now, I don’t usually eat at Montana’s unless I’m eating all I can. I totally slayed some AYCE fajitas last year, but now it’s time for something even better. Can you say all you can eat ribs, bro???
Now, they’re definitely no Adamson Barbecue when it comes to ribs, but these pork bones are still pretty tasty. They’ve got a nice smoke ring on ’em, equal parts melt-in-your-mouth and stuck-in-your-teeth. Dude, I could polish off about 4-5 racks of these bad boys… Oh wait, I just did!
Truth be told, I probably couldda finished off a few more…but I didn’t wanna trouble ’em for another bucket.
So, we’re hanging out at Fired Up, this funky house of grilled meat way out in Port Credit. Dude, this place is part steakhouse, part BBQ joint, with steaks, ribs, chicken, salmon, burgers…and like a couple pasta dishes or something. Now, the cowboy ribeye caught my eye, and I heard their ribs are bomb diggity dawg, but I figured I’d go with the lamb chops, cuz this is the stomach that never ends, right here bro!
So, they give you four chops to an order, with a side of fries, garlic mash…or like some vegetables or something. I actually didn’t go fries here, but the mashed potaters were just fine. And who needs veggies when it’s served with a side Caesar salad?
Believe it or not, but I actually ate all this green stuff. Cuz hey, as long as there’s bacon, croutons and grated parma, I can go for a side salad sometimes.
Now, being that we’re in Port Credit ‘n all, I had to wash this down with some local brewskis, bro. This Old Credit Pale Pilsner definitely had a nice little kick to it, and it was only five bucks a pint! Apparently, you can buy this stuff at the LCBO, but only in Mississauga or Etobicoke…
Now, when I see all the lines at Dagu Rice Noodle, I’m like “Why, bro?” I mean, who lines up for soup—especially when you can get the exact same thing at Fudao Noodle House, this funky little joint in Chinatown, for less time and less money. (I liked that other place better back when it was Bareburger!)
So here’s the deal. You pick a broth, and they give you 10 toppings, plus all the noodles you can slurp, for like 10 bucks, bro! And this place has everything: you’ve got shrimp, you’ve got sausage, you’ve got mushrooms, egg and corn, along with the meat in the middle…and it all goes into the pot!
Now me, I went with the shredded pork and pickled cabbage broth, and it was pretty tasty. The meat cooks up real quickly, so you just grab a spoon and dig in! Of course, you’re supposed to grab some chopsticks too, but I never really learned to use those properly…Dude, I would just stick my face in the bowl if it didn’t mess up my spray tan, bro!!!!