Now, back when Assembly Chef’s Hall first opened, one of the first places I visited was Cherry St Bar-B-Que for some legit beef brisket. But now that it’s summertime, and they’ve got the sweet side patio, with an Airstream trailer serving up craft beer, I’ve come back…this time for some real-deal ribs:
Now, a half rack of these babies will set ya back about 25 bucks, but they’re nice ‘n thick and meaty. Thing is, they aren’t really warm at 7 pm–they cook ’em earlier in the day, and leave ’em under plastic wrap. So the move might be to get ’em to go, and warm ’em up at home. Oh, and you might wanna grab some potato salad, too:
Dude, this Potatopalooza is a slam dunk of funk in Flavourtown! These spuds are all seasoned up Greek style, with a buncha dill, and some purple onions on top. I don’t normally eat salad, but I would eat this off a flip flop!!!!
Because I didn’t get enough tacos for Christmas, I headed back to Assembly Chef’s Hall, where they’ve got a funky little joint that’s hand rolling the corn tortillas and grilling up the beef, lamb and fish. At Los Colibris, these tacos go for about seven bucks a pop, but you can’t just expect me to eat one taco, bro!!!
Man, this lamb barbacoa is so far outta bounds, it ended up on the other side of the wall!!! It’s like what you get when you cross roast lamb with pulled pork–a total taste sensation! Pretty sure I could slam, like, seven of these…but then I wouldn’t be able to sample the other tasty taco offerings:
This beef alambre is giving me hambre, hombre! You’ve got the tender grilled beef, with bell peppers, onions, cilantro and salsa that’s practically baked into the shell. Man, this taco is totally messy, and you KNOW if it ain’t messy, it ain’t tasty, bro!!!!
This baja fish taco is about to swim straight down my piehole! You’ve got a crispy battered fish with a nice, crunchy slaw–and then I dumped a whole buncha chipotle sauce on top. Cuz I’m in love with chipotle, bro!!!
The Assembly Chef’s Hall is now fully operational, with a buncha new food stands just opening up yesterday. And this is definitely the one I was waiting for, right here. I’ve never been to Cherry St Bar-B-Que before, cuz it’s in the middle of nowhere, but I can tell you that their food is straight outta Downtown Flavourtown. Here’s the beef right here, heading straight down my piehole!!!
Man, this brisket is too legit to quit! You’ve got some big, meaty slices with just the right amount of fat. The meat is super-tender, melt-in-your-mouth, with that real-deal smoky flavour. The onions, pickles and holla-atcha-penos on the side make it a fully balanced breakfast, bro! They only had brisket and pulled pork on opening day, but I’m told they’ll be doing turkey and ribs too…so you know I’ll be back, like, seven times a week!!!!!!!
Now, fried chicken is just about the best kind of fast food there is–especially when you get it at a gas station in Cleveland. As far as I’m concerned, every real-deal food court needs a fried chicken joint, and the Assembly Chef’s Hall checks that box with Love Chix.
This funky chicken shack is serving up winner, winner chicken dinner with seasonal sides sold separately, but for the same price, you can also get it in sandwich form, like so:
OK, let’s break it down. You’ve got a crispy breaded fried chicken with a honey hot sauce that’s equal parts heat and sweet. There’s also a great big glop of tangy mayo, some scratch-made slaw and just a couple greens, for presentation. Between the hot sauce and the mayo, I totally destroyed a couple napkins slamming this sammy down my piehole, bro! I gotta say, it’s pretty tasty…but it’s also 15 bucks, so there’s that.
This funky new food court just opened downtown in the Google building on Richmond St. Now, whenever there’s a new food court in town, you KNOW I’m not far behind—but you won’t find any Mickey D’s or KFC here, bro! Instead, they’ve got these fancy eateries from all over the city offering scaled down versions of their menu in a fast-food format. Assembly Chef’s Hall is outta bounds!!!
Now, pizza is probably one of my most favourite things in the world. Dude, this is body by pizza, bro! So it figures that the very first place I’d frequent in the food court would be this funky joint, Goodson Pizza. They’ve got a full service restaurant on Queen St W, but over here, they’re doing what they do best, serving up a handful of scratch-made, real-deal, Italian-style pies. They even stretch the dough out on the counter right before your eyes!
Now this here is my personal pan favourite, the spicy sopressata. You’ve got a nice base from the San Marzano tomatoes, some ooey, gooey bites of flor di latte, and a whole buncha cured Italian meat, bro! Crust is not too chewy, not too crispy, and there’s a nice little kick from the chili oil. This is definitely the best pizza you’ll ever get at a food court—it puts a horse’s head in Sbarro’s bed, mafi-bro-so!!!!