Holy peanut butter jalapeno bacon cheeseburger, Batman!!!

So, we’re hanging out at Allen Burger Venture, this funky little joint on Allen St, right in the heart of the cool part of Buffalo. If your favourite craft beer dive bar only played punk rock and new wave and had 14 different burgers – without counting the non-beef ones – on the menu, it would be this place. And you know me, I had to go with the funkiest of the funky bunch…this is burger number five, Lou Bro-ga!

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Now, this has gotta be the most outta-bounds burger I’ve had since I ordered the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup burger, and made mine a double! You’ve got the salty creaminess of the peanut butter, some heat from the hot peppers, a nice chewy bacon, and a thick and juicy patty – and then you throw down some white cheddar!? Shut the back door!!!

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But the funk train don’t stop there, son! These are some of the biggest, breadiest, crunchiest onion rings I’ve ever seen – and they’re beer-batted in Olde English 800, maybe the one beer I might not drink over Molson Canadian. It sure tastes good on some rings though, bro!!!!

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And when it comes to beer, there ain’t no Canadian here! (They do have Labatt Blue Light though, for some reason.) Instead, you’ve got 24 taps of local craft beer, and even more in cans! This here is Nosferatu, a bloody red ale from Great Lakes Brewing – not the one from Etobicoke, but the one in Cleveland. And rather than the bitter taste of a Crazy Canuck, this brew actually reminds me more of Arch Brewing’s Dinner Jacket O’Red IPA, which used to be my Ottawa Redblacks beer…except that they don’t make it anymore. 😦

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BBQ chips on a burger!? Brilliant!!!!

We’re hanging out at The Hat on Jasper, the oldest bar in downtown Edmonton. This place has been slinging drinks since 1912, and while they’ve got signature cocktails and draft beers, they also happen to be known for their burgers, like this crunchalicious sandwich, the Mad Hatter:

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Now, what makes this one so insane is they put both barbecue chips and barbecue ranch dressing on it, along with bacon and some hearty Havarti. The patty is nice and thick, a good chewy texture on the bacon, but when you bite into one of those chips, it really kicks things up a notch!!!!

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Of course, you KNOW I’m not gonna walk into a fine establishment such as this and order a ginger ale. Instead we’re going with Yellowhead Premium Lager from local craft brewery Yellowhead. I’m told that Yellowhead is to Edmonton what Big Rock is to Calgary, but I gotta say that down here, we’ve got stronger beer…

Demolishing The Pint Tower Burger…double cheeseburger with bacon, pulled pork and a grilled cheese sammy!!!

So, we’re hanging out at The Pint Public House, this massive sports bar just steps from the CN Tower. Last time we were here, I destroyed four orders of 40-cent wings…but this time, I’ve got an even bigger challenge ahead of me. It seems this joint is serving up a tower of it’s own. This is The Pint Tower Burger:

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OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got a thick ‘n juicy bacon double cheeseburger, topped with pulled pork, with a grilled cheese sandwich in the middle. It might not be as friggin’ huge as the Go Chuck Yourself, as deadly as The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, or as messy as the 20 Napkin Burger, but it’s still gotta be the most outta-bounds, honky-tonk redonkadonk bacon burger I’ve conquered in the last six months:

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Man, I can barely wrap my hand around this thing–nevermind my jaw! But the meat is super-tender, you’ve got some nice bites of bacon, and a whole pile of tangy pulled pork. The grilled cheese would still be pretty tasty even if it wasn’t being crushed by all that beef, and the bun is about as soggy as a wet nap under all that juicy, meaty goodness… Dude, this is probably enough food to feed a family of four–or just another light snack in Flavourtown:

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(I didn’t even need 20 napkins for this one, son!!!!)

Toronto Christmas Market Beer @ Mill St Brew Pub

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…which means I’m diving head-first into the Stocking Stuffer Ale, son! We’re hanging out at the Mill St Brew Pub, right in the heart of the Distillery District, where the Toronto Christmas Market was kicking off last Friday. Don’t get me wrong, I might go for a mulled wine or a winter whiskey and save some room for a giant pretzel or two, but I’m mostly just here for the beer, bro!!!

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This bold and creamy Christmas ale is inspired by all your favourite holiday desserts. You’ve got caramel, nutmeg, with a bit of raisins and figs… It’s like a liquid Christmas pudding in Flavourtown! And of course, since the name of this blog isn’t Candy Canes, Mistletoe and Beer, you KNOW I gotta go for a bacon cheeseburger, bro!!!

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Now, the way they describe the Top Shelf Stout Burger on the menu sounds pretty amazeballs. Charbroiled chuck burger, Otttawa Valley vintage cheddar, double smoked pork belly and a Cobblestone Stout aioli!? Shut the back door! But objects in the rearview mirror may appear closer than they are, Meat Broaf. The patty was a little too charred, that “double smoked pork belly” was really just two sad strips of bacon, and there were so many pickle spears on this thing that I had pickle breath for the rest of the night. But hey, I guess it drowns the beer?

They call this the 20 Napkin Burger…but I only needed 12.

So, we’re hanging out at Craft Beer Market, the massive craft beer hall right downtown on Yonge St. I went here once before to see the wonderful Wizard of Gose, but this time I’m back for the burger. I’ve heard they’ve got a bunch of funky ones, but this one here’s their Marky Mark. Say hello to the 20 Napkin Burger, bro!

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Dude, this has gotta be the biggest burger I’ve had all month! You’ve got two burger patties, topped with bacon, some beer-can chicken and this messy cheese sauce oozing all over the place. Plus, they put another slider on top, in case you’re not quite full yet. They actually took a bunch of my napkins away before I could take this picture, but let’s just say it was pretty messy:

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Of course, you KNOW I didn’t scarf this down with a side of soda water… This ain’t Burgers, Bacon & Diet Coke, bro! Instead, I went with a Peachy Keen Milkshake IPA from the renegades of funkaliciousness at Lake of Bays:

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This boozy creamsicle was on my beer bucket list, bro! You’ve got a huge hit of peaches, with a slight, not too hoppy IPA finish. And there might not be any soft-serve in here, but it’s sure got a nice ‘n creamy head!

I’m about to goo goo g’chew this Walrus Burger!

So, we’re hanging out at Walrus Pub and Brewhall, this funky downtown joint that just opened at Bay and Wellington a few weeks back. Now I like pubs, and I like beer halls, so you put ‘em together and it’s gotta be great, right?

Well, for a place with Brewhall in its name, I gotta say their draught list ain’t all that special—especially when you’ve got places like Craft Beer Market and King Taps close by. Mind you, The Walrus is classier than Craft and much more spacious than King Taps, although it seems to be lacking in the patio department. But hey, its mascot is pretty sweet:

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I ended up going with the Henderson Food Truck Ale, which was a little malty, but not overpowering. I think it would go nicely with some taco truck fajitas… It also didn’t taste too bad with this burger:

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No walruses were harmed in the making of this sandwich—the burger’s just named after the joint, is all. Instead you’ve got some thick, juicy ground beef patties, American cheese, lettuce and bacon on a potato bun. Of course, I made mine a double. You gotta pay extra for the bacon, but that’s not even a question, bro!

While the patties were meaty, beaty, big and bouncy (whoops, wrong British Invasion band!) and the cheese was nice and melty, the bacon was actually undercooked and chewy. Maybe I gotta kick in an extra buck for crispy bacon???

WINTERLICIOUS 2018: That’s a big ol’ messy burger, bro!!!

Now the Cactus Club is pretty big out west–I’m pretty sure Vancouver runs on Cactus Club, bro! But like a lot of these chains that started off in B.C. or Alberta (Earl’s, Joey’s, Moxie’s), they fancy it up when they hit Toronto. Like their location at First Canadian Place, right in the heart of the Financial District. This place has a rooftop patio that’s open all year round–cuz it’s got a heater and a roof of it’s own! And for Winterlicious, they’re warming things up with burgers, chicken sammies…and like a salad, or something.

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But you don’t win friends with salad, bro, so instead I started off with some butternut squash ravioli. These squares of flavour were super creamy, with a whole buncha shredded parma on top. They only give you two, but of course, the best is yet to come…

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They call this the Feenie Burger, and it’s like a nuclear meltdown in Flavourtown! You’ve got smashed Angus beef, topped with cheddar and a whole buncha mushrooms. Then just add bacon, pickles, a little lettuce and tomato. And then they’ve got this tangy concoction that’s a mix of red relish, mayo, ketchup and mustard! Half the sauce ended up on my lap, but hey…if it ain’t messy, it ain’t tasty, Charles Bro-son!!!

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Now, have you ever said to yourself “Man, I feel like an Oh Henry, but with a dab of caramel, a scoop of ice cream and some little chocolate Smarties for dessert?” Well, today’s your lucky day, bro! I could maybe go for a King Sized next time, though… Dude, this is body by Oh Henry!!!!!