This is northern style barbecue, bro!

Now, I thought I’d had every kind of barbecue I could find in this city, but have you ever had Scandinavian smoked meat, bro? Cuz that’s what’s on the menu at Karelia Kitchen, this funky, homestyle joint on Bloor Street, just a couple blocks west of Dufferin. Their Smokehouse Platter has got smoked salmon, it’s got smoked trout, pork loin, chicken and all kinds of pickled veggies—dude, I even ate some pickled pumpkin!

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(Pickled pumpkin FTW!)

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Now, when you’ve having Scandinavian BBQ, you can’t just wash it down with a Coors Light. This here is Kissmeyer Nordic Pale Ale, from Beau’s Brewing. So, this funky Danish brewmaster is hanging out with the Beau’s boys in Eastern Ontario, and they create this crazy, hoppy, fruity brew that’s goes perfect with smoked trout, son!

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Of course, even after polishing off a plateful of food from the fjords, you know I still had room for dessert! And at this place, that means a massive slice of Kvæfjordkake, the national cake of Norway. You’ve got all kinds of crazy flavours going on here, bro! They take a sponge cake, put some meringue on top, then dress it with almonds, and a side of fresh berries and vanilla cream. This will fix your Transilvanian Hunger, Fenriz!

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12 BEERS OF CHRISTMAS: Beau’s Tom Green Beer

For the 12th beer of Christmas, my Trudeau gave to me…

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…Beau’s Tom Green Beer!

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It may say Royal City on the glass, but this one is brewed by Beau’s, bro! (Blame it on The Only Cafe…) This rich ‘n milky stout actually has Canada’s funniest comedian’s face on the bottle, and I’m sure it goes great with sausages…but I wouldn’t know, because I had it with a back bacon sandwich. (Again, it’s all The Only Cafe’s fault!)

On the plus side, The Only Cafe lets you bring your own food, so next time, Imma slam one of these babies down with a foot-high Subway sammich!

(I might need just a little more lettuce, though…)

READ MORE: TORONTO BEER WEEK: This beer is brought to you by Tom Green

TORONTO BEER WEEK: This beer is brought to you by Tom Green

So, we’re hanging out at The Only Café, this funky neighbourhood joint on the Danforth, just an Auston Matthews slap shot away from Donlands Station. This place is one of the original craft beer bars in Toronto, and they’ve been serving it up for more than 30 years, to boot! They’ve got 24 taps of fine local goodness—but tonight, they’re all about the Beau’s.

The local craft brewery just turned 10 years old, and to celebrate, they’re taking over 10 of the taps at The Only for one night only. You’ve got all kindsa funky local brews, from their most popular Lug Tread to a 10.5 percenter called Two Tonnes of Fun. More like two tonnes of wastey-faced, bro! So instead, I went with The Tom Green Beer, which is actually made in the image and likeness of Tom Green:

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Much to my dismay, this beer isn’t actually green—but rather, it’s blacker than a banker’s heart. A milk stout that looks like Guinness, but it’s a bit more creamy, and less coffee. Now, I really woulda loved to scarf down some sausages with this brew, but The Only has a very limited menu (except when it’s brunch time), so I had to settle for back bacon instead.

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There’s certainly nothing fancy about this sammy, son. You’ve got back bacon, cheese and some pickles on the side. They make it all in a sandwich press behind the bar, so it’s very DIY. But they did say you can bring in food from outside, so maybe next time I’ll try that funky fried-chicken joint just a couple doors down…