Legit lobster BLT @ La Société

So, we’re hanging out at La Société, this funky French bistro on Bloor St. Of course, you’ve got your duck confit, your cassoulet, your beef bourguignon…but for lunch, they’re also serving up a bunch of funky sammies, like a croque monsieur, roasted turkey, and this chicken of the sea, lobster BLT:

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OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got these thick, meaty chunks of lobster in a lemon aioli, with some crispy bacon, crisp lettuce…and I guess there’s a tomato in there somewhere? Comes with a great big cup of fries — with both ketchup AND mayo, bro!!!

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Now, I’m normally more of a ketchup man, but as they say, when in Quebec, ou est la bibliothèque! I guess you could even make your own mayochup, but that might not be such a good idea at lunchtime…

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Speaking of getting mayochup’ed, this place only has two beers on tap — but they’re Kronenbourg and Lagunitas, so, y’know, quality over quantity, bro! This little half-pint will set you back nine bucks, though… Like I said, it’s a fancy French restaurant!!!

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This bacon-wrapped BLT dog is a slice of trailer park paradise!

Now, there’s a whole buncha country bars on Broadway, but Paradise Park Trailer Resort has gotta be the most Red-red-red-red-red-redneck of ‘em all! This place has got a hillbilly band playing on top of a muscle car, local craft beers in plastic cups—not to mention 6-dollar pitchers of Natty Light—and has all kinds of killer redneck fast food, like this culinary creation, the Paradise BLT Dog:

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Ok, so here’s the deal. They take an all-beef wiener, wrap it in bacon, and deep fry it, then serve it up in a bun with lettuce, tomato and mayo. It’s like BLTs Gone Wild, bro!!!

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Of course, you can’t scarf down a deep-fried, bacon-wrapped hot dog with a side salad, so we went with the chili cheese fries. Nothing wrong with taters, meaty chili and all kinds of processed queso, bro!

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Washed it all down with a Portly Stout by local brewer Turtle Anarchy. First time I’ve ever drank a stout in a solo cup…and it was magically delicious!!!

Snakes & Lattes?? More like Snakes & Brewskis, bro!!!

There’s nothing better than drinking some beers and playing some board games, bro! So we’re hanging out at Snakes & Lattes, this massive underground gamer heaven on College St, just a nacho run away from Sneaky Dees. This place has got just about every board game you can think of…oh, and their beer menu ain’t bad, either!

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So, we’re starting off with a Cheval Blanc, a nice, citrusy wheat beer from Brasseurs RJ in Montreal. Who needs orange juice when you can have witbier, bro???

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Now, like Johnny Cash once sang, “The beer I had for breakfast wasn’t bad, so I had one more for dessert.” And when it comes to dessert beer, it doesn’t get much better than a Brown Cow, this funky little milk stout from Calabogie Brewing. If Guinness had a baby with Lions Winter Ale, it might taste something like this!

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Now, I don’t know about you, but when I drink beer, I also like to eat bacon. So this Challah BLT, with bacon, lettuce and tomato on toasted challah bread, served with a side of home fries, that oughtta do the trick!!!

(Oh, and I totally kicked ass at Hungry Hungry Hippos, bro!!!)

FINAL FOUR FOOD: Feedin’ my Frankenstein at Alice Cooper’s restaurant!

Now, when I heard that Alice Cooper had his own sports bar just a Randy Johnson seagull-destroying fastball from Chase Field, you know I had to be there with bell-bottoms on, bro! This place has got gold records on the wall, NHL hockey(!) on the big screen, and even a signed photo of the 1993 Montreal Canadiens. Not even making this up, mon frère!

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And even though Randy Johnson mighta hung up his ugly-ass purple jersey a few years back, they’ve still got a 22-inch hot dog in his honour called The Big Unit. Whenever one of these bad boys comes outta the kitchen, they ring a bell, and everybody yells “Big Unit!” It’s like a grand slam home run in Flavourtown, son!

But as appealing as shoving a 22-inch sausage straight down my piehole might sound, it didn’t seem like such a good idea at 11 am. So instead, I went with the Welcome to My Nightmare Nachos:

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These chips were topped with cheese sauce, jalapeños, cheese and Alice’s signature Nightmare chili–which was much more bean than beef. And the cheese-sauce to real-cheese ratio was about 3-to-1, which was a bit of a bummer bro! These nachos were not the stuff that dreams are made of…

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Of course, one does not simply walk in to Alice Cooper’stown and only eat nachos! Now, I coulda gone with the No More Mr. Nice Guy Chicken Pasta, or the School’s Out for Summer St. Louis Style Ribs, but instead I opted for the Billion Dollar BLT, baby!

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This classic, simple dish helped cleanse my palate after all the chili n jalapeños and nacho cheese. Just a basic BLT, but with a whole pile of crispy bacon, cooked perfectly, on Texas Toast…or so they say. If that’s Texas Toast, then I’m Yokozuna, son! More like Texas Toast on a diet! But the Ballad of Dwight French Fries were Super Duper Alice Cooper crispy n delicious, and this dish won’t set ya back a cool billion–it’s only $9.99, my little bronies!

And hey, you gotta love a place that plays Spoonman by Soundgarden, Judith by A Perfect Circle and Rush’s Tom Sawyer all within a half hour. I was air-drumming like Neil Peart on Percocets, dude! Not a single Alice Cooper song on the stereo the entire time I was there, though!!!!

This might be the best BLT in Toronto…

Now, if I was to build a culinary empire around just one ingredient, it would hafta be bacon–cuz hey, it takes several great ingredients to make a burger, right? Now, I’ve already been to Bacon Nation a buncha times, but there’s this funky little joint on Ossignton where they don’t just put bacon in every dish, they build every dish around bacon!

That’s right, at Rashers, they’ve got no less than a dozen different bacon sammies to choose from. And while I kinda just wanted to drop 120 bucks and order one of everything, I figured I had to go with their take on a traditional diner classic: the BLT. But this ain’t just any old BLT, cuz it’s got house-made beer mayo, bro!!!

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OK, now let’s break it down. For starters, they put this thing on a warm ciabatta bun–there ain’t no dry white toast here, Elwood! The lettuce is fresh and crispy, you get a nice juiciness from the tomato, and I could probably pound a pint of that beer mayo, bro! But the star of the show has gotta be the bacon. Just look at how thick it is! And they cook it just right, so that it’s not too crispy, but not too chewy either. I’m trying to think of a time that I had a better bacon sandwich…but I’m drawing a blank. Hey, you know what they say: so much bacon, such little brain cells, broseph!!!!