Tag Archives: Boston Pizza

Turkey dinner on a pizza, bro!!!!

Now, I don’t always eat turkey, but when I heard that Boston Pizza was putting turkey dinner on a pizza, I knew my Christmas dinner plans were set, son! You’ve got rotisserie turkey, some chunks of stuffing, a rosemary cream sauce and enough green onions to feed Booker T and the MGs…but the gravy is what makes it!

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Dude, if you think gravy on pizza is weird, you clearly haven’t had vegan poutine pizza before, bro! In this case, it goes pretty great with the meaty hunks of turkey and all that rosemary — I might not put it on a flip-flop, but I will put it straight down my piehole!!!!

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And the best part is that it comes with not one, but two Toblerone bars — cuz you KNOW I’ve still got room for dessert!!!!!!

I survived Boston Pizza’s Smoky Mountain Spaghetti and Meatballs (1,760 calories, 2,820 mg sodium)

Man, I can’t even remember the last time I’ve been to Boston Pizza. I mean, they make it so easy to finger-cook at home that you don’t even hafta set foot in the store! But hey, they’ve got one down on Front Street that’s just a meatball’s throw away from where the Jays play, and speaking of meatballs…

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What do you get when you make a mean spaghetti Bolognese, and then put three massive meatballs on top? You get Smoky Mountain Spaghetti and Meatballs, bro! And yes, ol’ Smoky is covered with cheese—shredded cheddar, son!

OK, let’s break it down. The pasta is cooked perfectly—noodles were still steamy as they hit my mouth. The sauce is a walk on the mild side, but they make up for it with a nicely-seasoned meatball that’s got a bit of a kick. These balls are so big, bro, that I had to cut ‘em in quarters—quarters!—before I shoved em down my piehole. And I’ve scarfed many a meatball in one bite, so that’s saying something!!!

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Now, I gotta say, I was pretty full after eating this. The plate is so big, I almost tried to slide headfirst. But then I mighta got beaned at my next at-bat—Marcus Stroman was glaring at me the entire time:

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Just in case you were wondering who El Patron of the Jays’ staff is…

Can one man survive five of Ontario’s unhealthiest meals?

You may not have heard about it yet, but a new Ontario law will force restaurants with more than 20 locations to include calorie counts on their menus, starting next year. They’ll also be forced to “flag” items that are high or very high in sodium. Some people want them to go even further, by putting a food wheel on the menu, including sodium, sugar and saturated fat. Man, I could spin that thing for hours—here’s hoping I land on saturated fat!

Now, we’ve still got another seven months before these rules kick in, but why wait till 2017 to increase your calorie count? Me, I’m starting next week, with five of Ontario’s unhealthiest meals. Keep checking this page for updates as I chow down all week!

Sunday: Milestones’ Prime Rib Hash (1,990 calories, 1,770 mg sodium)

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Now, I know hash is usually made up of whatever’s left in the fridge after a big family dinner, but I still wanna know who came up with this recipe—seems like somebody went on a tequila bender with Anthony Bourdain till 2 am.

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Monday: Boston Pizza’s Smoky Mountain Spaghetti and Meatballs (1,760 calories, 2,820 mg sodium)

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These balls are so big, bro, that I had to cut ‘em in quarters—quarters!—before I shoved em down my piehole. And I’ve scarfed many a meatball in one bite, so that’s saying something!!!

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Tuesday: Jack Astor’s Spicy Shrimp Fajitas (1,305 calories, 3,481 mg sodium)

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Honestly, my only complaint about this dish was the mini tortillas they were served with. I like eating my fajitas like a wrap, not a taco, bro! That being said, I still finished five of them…

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Wednesday: The Keg’s sesame tuna (582 calories, 3,928 mg sodium)

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The Keg’s sesame tuna is more like a light snack, with only 582 calories. But this dish more than makes up for it in sodium. Health Canada says we should only eat 1,500 mg of sodium a day, so I got almost three times my daily dose in just one meal, bro!

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Friday: The Burger’s Priest’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (I don’t even wanna know!)

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What you’ve got here are two cheeseburgers and two cheese-stuffed mushrooms served between two grilled-cheese sandwiches. Dude, this burger is cheesier than a Poison reunion tour with Enuff Z’Nuff and Firehouse opening!

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