Breakfast of Champions @ The Wickson Social

Now, I don’t always get up in time for breakfast, but when I do, it’s gotta be legit. So we’re hanging out at The Wickson Social, this funky little joint just offa Yonge Street, where they’ve got some wicked awesome brunch, bro! When I came here for Summerlicious, I had a pork chop that was super-delicious, so you know I’m gonna come back for some back bacon—even if it is six dollars extra.

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But for the main event, we’re talking Banoffee French Toast. It’s bananas (and bananas is good), it’s toffee, it’s nice thick slices of bread with a mascarpone whipped cream—you could put it on a flip-flop, and it would still taste good! And did I mention the duck fat home fries???

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These taters were so hot they put an alligator in yer radiator! You’ve got some nicely seasoned crispy potato, which goes great with back bacon, a little whipped cream, candied banana and French toast—this is the perfect bite right here, bro:

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That’s a hunka hunka burning waffles, bro!

Now, I don’t normally eat waffles unless there’s fried chicken involved. But here at Old School, this funky little joint on Dundas West, they’ve got this brunch dish that’s a festival of funk in Flavourtown—the Elvis Waffle is in the building:

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OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got this big ol’ fluffy waffle, chopped in four, covered with “I can’t believe it’s not peanut butter,” drizzled with caramel, and then they take a couple deep-fried bananas, and add bacon? Dude, it’s like I’m caught in a trap and I can’t walk out cuz I can’t stop eating this, Dwight Bro-kam!!!!

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Now, the waffles are cooked perfectly, the bacon is on point (although I couldda used at least twice as much bacon), but the deep-fried bananas are what makes it. Crunchy on the outside, gooey on the inside, I could eat that off a flip-flop! Dude, these bananas are bananas…and bananas is good!!!!

Slaying the best Sunday brunch buffet in Mississauga…

So, we’re back in Port Credit, hanging out at the “Best Sunday Brunch in Mississauga” (according to themselves, anyways), where we’re scarfing down bacon, beef and breakfast tacos–that’s like three of the four essential food groups right there, bro! This is Breakwater Restaurant:

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Now, we’re going all around the world with this first plate: mushroom pizza, breakfast taco, shrimp roll and two kids of salad: potato AND pasta! (Hey, I don’t always eat salad bro, but as long as it’s not all green stuff, we’re good.) The breakfast taco was super-messy; one bite and the egg yolk sprayed all over my face like goat semen at a testicle festival. But the shrimp roll was the best thing on this plate, by far!

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Next up, we’ve got a flaky croissant, deep-fried fish with tartar sauce, a waffle with strawberries, some home-fried potatoes, a couple pepperonis, for added colour, and a whole buncha bacon–because why settle for sausage when you can stuff your face with bacon, bro???

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Of course, I couldn’t wait any longer before hitting up the carving station, son! We’ve got some roast beef, mushroom medley (served cold, unfortunately), foccacia with hummus and a few breakfast sausages, just to make it a two-meat plate. The beef was a little too well-done, but still pretty tasty…

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And hey, you can’t hit up a Sunday brunch buffet without taking a trip to the omelette station. This egg-on-egg action is crammed with ham, mushrooms, onions, tomatoes and cheddar. Plus a whole pile of bacon on the side. Dude, this is body by bacon!!!!

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And YOU KNOW we’ve still got room for dessert, bro!!! There’s a piece of carrot cake, blueberry flan, a double-dose of chocolate square and some chocolate pudding/mousse, with a two-bite brownie and a giant blackberry. It’s like research in motion…heading straight down my piehole!!!!

Beef brisket bacon breakfast burger @ Craft Brasserie

Now, I don’t always get up in time for brunch, but when I heard that Craft Brasserie was smoking their own bacon, curing their own peameal and making a breakfast burger outta beef brisket, I figured I had to come check it out. This Liberty Village basement brewpub has also got 120 craft beer taps, including a whole buncha limited edition special guest beers. So basically, I’m gonna be moving to Liberty Village tomorrow.

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Dude, this burger is so far outta bounds, it ran into the stands and took out an ice cream man! You’ve got a nice, thick and juicy brisket patty, topped with smoked Gouda, onion rings and that Bomb.ca bacon. Dude, I would braid that bacon into a flip flop, put it on my feet, walk 5,000 miles, then eat it…and it would still taste good!!!!

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Of course, one does not go to a funky joint like the Craft Brasserie and order a chocolate milk. So, we’re starting off with this Bavarian Breakfast Wheat beer, a strong Hefeweizen from Silversmith in the Niagara region. It’s a bit like Blanche de Chambly, but a little less fruity, and a lot more alcoholy.

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But even after pounding a few of these, I’ve still got room for some liquid dessert. This breakfast stout from Town Brewery, straight outta Whitby, is called Breakfast at Timothy’s. And it’s kinda like drinking coffee…if coffee was a beer.

Black Sabbath for brunch, bro!

So, we’re hanging out at Parallel, this funky, post-industrial joint on Geary Ave, just a reverberating tritone away from the Rehearsal Factory jam space. Now, this place is serving up all kinds of Middle Eastern classics: hummus, falafel, shakshuka…but what really caught my eye was the Black Sabbath.

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Dude, this is the eggs benny of doom, bro! You’ve got two poached eggs on rye bread, but instead of hollandaise, they smother it in this black tahini, which has a super-strong sesame flavour, equal parts smooth and sludgy, like an Electric Funeral in Flavourtown. I’m not sure it goes all that well with eggs and tomatoes, since it tends to dominate everything on the plate…just like how Black Sabbath crushes everything in its path.

Beef brisket for brunch, bro!!!

So, we’re hanging out at Smith, this funky little joint up around Church and Wellesley. Even though the name of this place doesn’t really stand out, they sure pack ’em in on the weekends for brunch, with dishes like pistachio waffles, huevos rancheros, smoked salmon benedict, and this meaty monstrosity in Flavourtown, the beef brisket hash:

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OK, let’s break it down. What you’ve got are big, meaty chunks of braised brisket, marinated for two days, on a bed of potatoes with poached eggs, cheddar cheese and pico de gallo. This place takes Denny’s and kicks it up about three notches! The beef is super tender, you’ve got a little yolk porn going on, and the potatoes are big ‘n hearty–I even had to cut some of ’em in half!

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Now, just cuz we’re eating brunch, doesn’t mean I don’t still have room for dessert. Especially when they’ve got these homemade doughnuts…Dude, this is body by homemade doughnuts! These Timbits on steroids are topped with apple cinnamon sugar, and come with a side of lemon cream–I’d put that on a flip-flop!!!

This supersized Caesar will wake you dafuq up!

So, we’re hanging out at Kelly’s Landing, this funky Front St. joint where I once scarfed down some first-line tacos before a Leafs loss. But did you know they’re also open for brunch, bro? From 11 till 3 on weekends, they’re waking you up with bennies, French toast…and this massive monstrosity, The Landing Cure:

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Dude, this is like a traffic cone of vodka in Flavourtown! You’ve got 2 ounces of Absolut with Caesar mix, a lobster tail, a thin slice of pizza, a chunk of jalapeno Havarti cheese and a whole buncha veggies—it seems they’ve omitted the bacon though???

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Now, in case you didn’t get your lobster fix already, they’re also serving up this Bomb.ca lobster benny. You’ve got real-deal Atlantic lobster meat, poached free-range eggs and béarnaise sauce on multi-grain with a whole lotta avocado on the side. It also comes with a salad, but we don’t need to talk about that. You DON’T need a bun to bite this benny lava, bro!!!!

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