Frozen butter chicken poutine—what will Loblaws come up with next!?

Now, I only go to the Maple Leaf Garden Loblaws like once a year, on Easter Sunday, cuz it’s the only grocery store that’s open. And they’ve always got some funky finds I never see anywhere else. Last year, I scored some wild boar, and even tried frozen microwavable Chili’s. (It probably wasn’t any worse than regular Chili’s.) But this year, I spotted something so honky-tonk redonkadonk it made all those other dishes go redneck crazy, bro! It’s Quebec meets Indian in a box—PC frozen butter chicken poutine!

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So basically, there are three elements to this dish. You’ve got your fries and your sauce, which you heat up at 425 for 25-30 minutes, and then your curds, which you’re supposed to let thaw, conveniently, for 25-30 minutes. They say to combine everything in a bowl, but I ain’t got a bowl that’s big enough, so I had to put it all in this big ol’ dish, which is like a culinary hubcap in Flavourtown:

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Now, this dish actually came together better than I thought. The fries were nice and crispy, the curds were warm enough to melt, although they didn’t really squeak, and the butter sauce was pretty much on point. The chunks of chicken were, well, edible at least, although they didn’t really add that much in terms of texture or flavour. But hey, while I won’t be opening a frozen wing of the Poutine Hall of Fame anytime soon, I will say that this was just as good as I expected, if not better. It’s definitely not the worst thing I ever ate out of a box—that would have to be Swanson Hungry-Man Cheeseburger, bro!

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I’m high on loving these deep-fried cinnamon apple rings!

So, we’re hanging out at the Holiday Fair in the Square, where they’ve got ice skating, kiddie rides and games, a life-sized cut-out of Ryan Gosling and a funky sock vendor…but you know I’m here for the food trucks, dude! I mean, there’s Poutine Supreme, Bacon Nation, Chimney Stax—and this bro-country gospel hymnal: The Holy Grill.

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Now, you know that sign stopped me in my flip-flop tracks, but I was on my way back from a shopping spree at Walmart and I hadn’t even had lunch yet, so the deep-fried cinnamon apple rings would hafta wait till dessert. And if there’s one thing that can make me wait for deep-fried cinnamon apple rings, it’s poutine. Especially when it’s all dressed up with no place to go except straight down my piehole, bro!

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Man, this butter chicken poutine is packed to the max with so much flavour, you almost forget about the bird. You’ve got shredded chunks of chicken in a rich, creamy butter sauce on top of fries, with both cheese curds AND feta cheese crumbles…and then there’s a crunchy purple cabbage slaw, scallions and crispy onion bits on top! You don’t normally get this much tasty stuff on a little cardboard tray, bro!

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But this is the moment we’ve all been waiting for. They take these thinly sliced apples, envelop them in a chewy, crunchy batter, and then put so much cinaminaminamon on ‘em you couldn’t eat it with a spoon! This dish is too legit to quit—and you get five rings for five bucks!? That’s like a highway robbery in Flavourtown, son! I think I could only eat three of these and not be full…