Holy peanut butter jalapeno bacon cheeseburger, Batman!!!

So, we’re hanging out at Allen Burger Venture, this funky little joint on Allen St, right in the heart of the cool part of Buffalo. If your favourite craft beer dive bar only played punk rock and new wave and had 14 different burgers – without counting the non-beef ones – on the menu, it would be this place. And you know me, I had to go with the funkiest of the funky bunch…this is burger number five, Lou Bro-ga!

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Now, this has gotta be the most outta-bounds burger I’ve had since I ordered the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup burger, and made mine a double! You’ve got the salty creaminess of the peanut butter, some heat from the hot peppers, a nice chewy bacon, and a thick and juicy patty – and then you throw down some white cheddar!? Shut the back door!!!

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But the funk train don’t stop there, son! These are some of the biggest, breadiest, crunchiest onion rings I’ve ever seen – and they’re beer-batted in Olde English 800, maybe the one beer I might not drink over Molson Canadian. It sure tastes good on some rings though, bro!!!!

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And when it comes to beer, there ain’t no Canadian here! (They do have Labatt Blue Light though, for some reason.) Instead, you’ve got 24 taps of local craft beer, and even more in cans! This here is Nosferatu, a bloody red ale from Great Lakes Brewing – not the one from Etobicoke, but the one in Cleveland. And rather than the bitter taste of a Crazy Canuck, this brew actually reminds me more of Arch Brewing’s Dinner Jacket O’Red IPA, which used to be my Ottawa Redblacks beer…except that they don’t make it anymore. 😦

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Man, this was the best 38 dollar cheeseburger I’ve ever had!!!

What’s the most you’ve ever paid for a burger, bro? Now, I’m no stranger to great big burgers — you could say I’ve had a few in my day. But they don’t usually cost more than 25 bucks…and that’s if they’ve got six patties stacked between three grilled cheeses.

But now we’re hanging out at BlueBlood Steakhouse, this funky, old-school steak joint inside of Casa Loma. This place has got beef from all over the place — Japan, Australia, Alberta…including some real-deal Wagyu. Dude, I’m not gonna pay 200 bucks for a six-ounce Wagyu filet, though — that’s more like a snack, not a steak! But when I saw they had a Wagyu steakburger for $38, I figured I could go for that… But I gotta get some more beef in me first:

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Now, the great thing about this beef short rib ravioli is that they don’t stuff it with short rib — they put the beef on top. More beef for your buck, bro! And this meat is braised until it pretty much falls apart… it even tastes good with peas, and I don’t even like peas!!!

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But now it’s time for the main event. In this corner, you’ve got Wagyu beef, topped with perfectly melted cheese, some crispy onion rings, lettuce and tomato, all inside a brioche bun. It’s a little lighter, and more flavourful, than your typical burger, but still has a nice thickness to it. Oh, and it comes with some of the biggest fries I’ve ever seen in my life. Normally, I can eat four or five fries in a handful…but these fries are so huge, I could only eat one in five bites!!!

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Now, after eating a couple pounds of potatoes, I didn’t know if I had room for dessert. But man, their baked Alaska is on fire — literally!!!

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This Blowtorch Betty in Flavourtown is set ablaze with flaming overproof rum, singeing its meringue shell. On the inside, you’ve got dark chocolate ice cream and strawberry sorbet, with some raspberries and chocolate truffles. Probably the best 28-dollar dessert I’ve ever had!!!

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Killer grilled cheese cheeseburger @Montana’s, of all places…

Now, I don’t usually go to Montana’s, unless it’s like AYCE ribs or AYCE fajitas or something, cuz they’re waaaaaay out in the suburbs and I don’t wanna drive the Camaro on the 401, bro! Turns out they actually are doing AYCE ribs right now, and I was just about to rack ’em up…but then I saw this tasty two-hander in Flavourtown, the Grilled Cheese Cheeseburger:

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Man, this sandwich is like two great things rolled into one thing! The patty’s thick and nicely grilled, you’ve got a bed of lettuce between two grilled-cheesy Louise-y buns. There’s supposed to be some bacon in there, and sriracha ketchup, but you don’t really taste it. What you do get is a whole buncha crispy Cajun onion strings. Dude, this is body by crispy Cajun onion strings!!!!

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Now, that mighta looked like a pretty big burger to you, but it’s really just another light snack in Flavourtown! Let’s just say, if this joint ever had AYCE burgers, I could probably pound 4-5 of these… Sheeeet son, somebody at Montana’s betta get on that one–if I had my little way, you KNOW I’d eat burgers every day!!!!

(Picture this, but with burgers.)

Seoul Shakers’ got my soul shakin’ with some funky Korean fusion!

So, we’re hanging out at Seoul Shakers, this funky little Bloordale Village dive where they’re mixing up Mexican, Korean and comfort food classics, like kimchi cheeseburgers and gojuchang tacos al pastor in an old dingy diner that’s so outta bounds, it’s got Tom Jones above the Wu Tang on the jukebox!

Now, you may NOT play the Travis Tritt right above the 2Pac here, but you CAN chow down on some sweet ‘n spicy soy-glazed deep-fried eggplant…so I guess that’s good enough???

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Now, I don’t always eat eggplant, but if you do it up like this, I would eat it every day. You’ve got sweetness, you’ve got spicy, you’ve got crispy and crunchy, with a side of bell peppers, scallions, and a little chili oil for that extra kick. Kick out the Korean jams, bro!!!!

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Now, these signature Seoul Shakers wings definitely kick the heat up a notch. You’ve got a crispy onion batter and a Thai-style chili/garlic/soy glaze, with some sesame seeds, hot peppers and cilantro. And it’s not just spicy hot–I almost burned my digits when I picked this one up!!!

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These Roast Kimchi Chopped Cheese sliders might be this joint’s signature dish, and it’s totally funkalicious. You’ve got a chopped ground beef patty topped with roast kimchi, lettuce, pickles, onions, cheese and special sauce. And they’re serving ’em up in two sizes: Biggie (four to an order) and Smalls (two per order). Man, can I do like a Big Pun and get seven of these????

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But the hip to the hop don’t stop there, bro! The hits keep coming with this cast-iron roasted Cornish hen served on Korean sweet rice porridge, with sides of pickles, onions and potatoes. And believe it or not, but this chicken’s so tender you can slice right through it with chopsticks — they won’t even give you a knife if you ask for one!

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Now, you might be sippin’ on soju and juice at a joint like this, but this is body by craft beer, bro, so I’m going straight for an ice cold Blood Light, an evil pale ale from my Satan-hailing homeboys at Blood Brothers Brewing. Dunno the IBUs on this one, but it’s definitely not too hoppy. Why make it a Bud Light when you can make it a Blood Light???

Bud & a burger, bro!

So, we’re hanging out at Bud Stage, where my bud Chris Stapleton is taking the stage with Brent Cobb and Margo Price. This place used to be a Molson venue, but now it’s sponsored by the King of Beers. I don’t always drink Budweiser, but a beer and a burger for $21.75 ain’t bad, right?

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WRONG! This patty was about as thin as McDonald’s, and basically just as tasty. Even with pickles, onions and green olives on top, we’re a long ways from Flavourtown here. I have literally had a better burger at the ACC, bro!!!!