Tag Archives: chili cheese fries

Mexican Burger @ a German-themed college bar?

So, we’re hanging out at Ein-Stein Bierhalle, this funky basement dive bar on College, right across the street from U of T. This joint has been slinging drinks and serving up pub grub since 1996…but I’d never been here before. Hey, I didn’t go to to the University of Toronto — I graduated Fieri Cum Donkeysauce from Flavourtown Culinary Academy, bro!!!

Now, this place has got all the classics like piled high burgers, 10 kinds of wings, and 7 different poutines. I kinda wanted to try the Hangover Poutine, but since I’m not even drunk yet, I went with the Mexican Burger:

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OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got your traditional burger toppings like lettuce, tomato, onions and pickles, but they also smother it with cheddar cheese, salsa, and pile on a whole buncha holla-atcha-penos (which actually cost extra, for some reason). So really, this burger is about as Mexican as this place is German…although they do keep Warsteiner and Weihenstephaner in the fridge.

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Of course, I couldn’t go to a funky joint with 7 different poutines and order a side salad, son! These chili cheese fries hit the spot with a nice balance between beans, beef and cheese — but even on their own, the fries would be pretty good. Now, if you could get ’em with sausage and a fried egg on top, that would be Hangover Poutine Gone Wild in Flavourtown!!!!

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I gotta give ’em credit for having a pretty decent craft beer selection, too. Instead of one of the German beers, I went with this Love Potion Number Nein, a Side Launch Hibiscus Sour. I had literally never seen this beer before, bro! But if you like ’em sour, tart ‘n fruity, then this is your jam!!!

Double the bacon, double the cheese & triple the beer @ The Aviary

So, we’re hanging out at The Aviary, this funky little brewpub and sports bar in the Canary District. This place is brewing up their own beer and serving up all kinds of killer sammies, like this funkalicious version of an old-school diner classic, the Banquet Burger:

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OK, now let’s break it down. This baby’s got lettuce, it’s got tomato, onions and pickles, with not one but two kinds of bacon — bacon strips AND peameal, bro! And this thing’s just covered in cheese. It comes with American already on it, but I paid extra to add provolone…and it was soooo worth it — cheese explosion on Aisle Piehole, son!!!

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Now, when it comes to side dishes, the guy asked me if I wanted chili cheese fries. Dude, this is body by chili cheese fries!!!!! These spuds are smothered in queso, with a meaty chili that comes with some big ol’ kidney beans. I’d put that on a flip-flop!

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Of course, we can’t go to a place that brews its own beer and order a strawberry mint kombucha! This here’s Aloha Friday, a hibiscus pale ale from their in-house Longslice Brewery. This brew is nice and refreshing, with 40 IBUs, and a nice fruity kick at the end. Not a bad way to start a weekend!

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For dessert, we’re tapping into one of their guest taps and chug-a-lugging an Anderson Pumpkin Ale. This ain’t no PSL, bro! This warm, hearty brewski has a nice cinnamon-stick kick at the end… I definitely wouldn’t throw it in the trash!!!

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But that’s not all, folks! We’re ending the evening with Hopsta la Vista, a strong (6.5%), hoppy (69 IBU) IPA from Longslice. Think I might hafta call it a night after this one…but you KNOW I’ll be back, bro!!!!!!

This bacon-wrapped BLT dog is a slice of trailer park paradise!

Now, there’s a whole buncha country bars on Broadway, but Paradise Park Trailer Resort has gotta be the most Red-red-red-red-red-redneck of ‘em all! This place has got a hillbilly band playing on top of a muscle car, local craft beers in plastic cups—not to mention 6-dollar pitchers of Natty Light—and has all kinds of killer redneck fast food, like this culinary creation, the Paradise BLT Dog:

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Ok, so here’s the deal. They take an all-beef wiener, wrap it in bacon, and deep fry it, then serve it up in a bun with lettuce, tomato and mayo. It’s like BLTs Gone Wild, bro!!!

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Of course, you can’t scarf down a deep-fried, bacon-wrapped hot dog with a side salad, so we went with the chili cheese fries. Nothing wrong with taters, meaty chili and all kinds of processed queso, bro!

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Washed it all down with a Portly Stout by local brewer Turtle Anarchy. First time I’ve ever drank a stout in a solo cup…and it was magically delicious!!!

I’ve got a need…a need for BEEF!

So we’re hanging out at Top Gun Steak, this funky little burger joint in Kensington Market. They may not have Tom Cruise on the wall or Kenny Loggins on the stereo, but this place is serving up a whole buncha burgers and steak sammies inspired by the biggest box office smash of 1986. We’re heading right into the danger zone with this one, Goose-bro!

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They call this beefcake Maverick, and it’s just a bitchin’ pair of shades away from flying straight down my piehole. You’ve got a double cheeseburger, topped with havarti, grilled onions, lettuce, tomato–and even a hunka grilled pineapple on top. But wait, one of these patties is lamb!!!??? Shut the back door, bro!!!

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Of course, every burger pilot needs a sidekick, and these chili cheese fries put Goose to shame! You’ve got a rich, meaty chili with big bites of kidney beans, and then a shredded blend of mozza-cheddar on top. And yes, this is real cheese–no queso, bro! Dude, this place is just a Kenny Loggins soundtrack short of sensational. I think we can fix that, though:

FINAL FOUR FOOD: Double cheeseburger, chili cheese fries…and a Diet Coke

I told you Gonzaga was going all the way, bro!!! Well, OK, they lost to Carolina in the NCAA Final, so I probably owe Eric Church a cold one or two. But as soon as the Zags punched their ticket to Phoenix for the Final Four, so did the Triple B Crew. And you know we’re not (just) loading up on carbs before the game, dude! So, over the next few days, we’re rolling out the Final Four of funky fresh Phoenician eateries…can you smell what the desert is cookin’?

So, after watching the Zags beat the Cocks in an epic game on Saturday, I went to grab some grub, bro. But there were so many people on the concourse, that I could only go as far as the closest concession stand–the Gridiron Grill.

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By this point I hadn’t eaten anything since airport food at 8 am, so you know I went BIG. Why have a burger when you can get a double cheeseburger, bro? And why settle for fries when chilli cheese fries are on the menu? Of course, I washed it all down with an extra large Diet Coke, cuz I’m counting my calories…still counting…OK, so maybe I can’t count that high.

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OK, let’s break it down. The burger patties are nice and meaty, although they’re well beyond medium well. The pickles add some freshness, and the cheese is as processed as a clinical procedure. The fries are thick ‘n crispy, but when you pour concession stand chilli on em and put concession stand cheese on top, this dish is a hot mess and a half, dudeson!!!

I survived the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (more calories than you can milkshake a cheese fry at!)

Right now, The Burger’s Priest has 12 Ontario locations, which means they won’t hafta add calorie counts to their menus next year—the law only kicks in for chains with 20 spots in the province. And that’s probably just as well, cuz I don’t even wanna know how many calories I consumed today:

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The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is available on The Priest’s secret menu, and costs $25.29. What you’ve got here are two cheeseburgers and two cheese-stuffed mushrooms served between two grilled-cheese sandwiches. Dude, this burger is cheesier than a Poison reunion tour with Enuff Z’Nuff and Firehouse opening!

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But the cheese doesn’t stop there, son! These chili cheese fries are covered in a rich, meaty chili, topped with shredded cheddar. Just warm enough that the cheese melts on top, and just enough heat that I had to reach for a Riggs and Murtaugh milkshake:

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This lethal weapon goes down smooth and creamy, equal parts ebony and ivory. If Danny Glover were to drink this, he’d revoke its diplomatic immunity!