I’ll be chopping my troubles away with this veal chop!!!

Who needs a SlapChop when you can have a veal chop, bro? We’re hanging out at Blu Ristorante, this funky Italian joint on Yorkville, within stumbling distance of Bloor-Yonge Station. Now, this place is serving up linguine, martinis and bikinis, but when I saw the 14 ounce veal chop, I knew I was riding it right down to downtown Flavourtown!!!

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Man, this veal was funktastic, cooked a perfect medium rare with a red beetroot risotto. Not the biggest steak I’ve ever eaten, but maybe the biggest piece of baby cow. I also paid extra for truffled roasted mushrooms, cuz dude, this is body by truffled roasted mushrooms!!!

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Now, even after slaughtering that small animal, you KNOW I still had room for dessert, bro! And when I heard they were baking chocolate cake to order, I wasn’t gonna NOT order it…

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OK, so this isn’t really a cake — it’s more like a five-bite brownie in Flavourtown. But you’ve still got that warm, gooey, chocolately centre, and it comes with a scoop of vanilla gelato — cuz you gotta have cake ‘n ice cream, bro! It’s not quite the hot chocolate cake at Morton’s, but I still believe in miracles!!!

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Dessert with a side of dessert @ Demetres

So, we’re hanging out at Demetres Desserts, this funky dessert cafe on The Kingsway. Man, this place has everything — crepes, cakes, waffles, sundaes, milkshakes, smoothies, iced coffees… With so many great eats to choose from, it’s hard to pick just one — so you gotta order at least two, son!!!

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This here’s the Cocoa Ono: a chocolate fudge cake with a whole lotta ice cream — honey vanilla ice cream — and some Belgian milk chocolate sauce on top. Imagine all this sweet treat heading straight down my piehole, bro!!!

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But now we’re about to funk it up another notch. This Bohemian Raspberry sundae features two kinds of sorbet — raspberry lychee AND mango — with sliced bananas and a strawberry coulis on top. And believe it or not, but this entire thing is vegan…which makes it the best vegan dish I’ve ever had! Now get on your bikes and ride, son!!!!

SUMMERLICIOUS 2019: Sweet Sicilian pizza pie @ Piano Piano

Now, I gotta take my trucker hat off to Piano Piano — where some places only give you 3-4 choices for Summerlicious, this place gives you a full menu, including pizza, pasta, meat and fish — not to mention six different starters and five different desserts to choose from! It’s hard to pick a favourite from so much great grub, but when it came to the apps, I knew I had to go with the garlic cheese bread. Dude, this is body by garlic cheese bread!!!

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Now, when I went with the garlic cheese bread, I figured I’d be getting a couple of garlic toasts — not a full freakin’ pizza! You’ve got mozza, you’ve got parma, rosemary and oregano all on a thin, chewy crust that even comes with its own scissors! Man, if I knew I’d be eating this much garlic bread, I wouldn’t have ordered a pizza as the main course:

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Now, this Sweet Sicilian was a little more on the savoury side, with fennel sausage, red onions, basil, oregano and flor di latte. The cheese wasn’t evenly spread out, so you just got these big mouthfuls here and there…not that I’m complaining. And yes, I did eat two full pizzas — and I still had room for a whole lotta dessert:

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Don’t let that giant glass plate fool ya — this chocolate layer cake was freakin’ huge! This dessert was supposed to be for two people, and it could probably feed a family of four, but once I showed them my Flavourtown citizenship, they knew it would be just a light snack for me. You’ve got all kinds of chocolate, including chocolate chunks and chocolate icing, some caramel sauce, and then a waffle cone full of vanilla ice cream — that’s at least two scoops, right there:

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But hey, even though that was the most chocolate I’ve shoved down my cakehole since that one time, at Wildfire Steakhouse, you KNOW I ate the whole thing, o solo mio, bro!!!

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SUMMERLICIOUS 2019: East Coast meets Far East @ Aviv

So, we’re hanging out at Aviv, this funky little joint on Dupont, right next to the Psycho Therapy Training Centre. Gimme gimme shock treatment, bro!!! Now, this place mixes Italian with Middle Eastern, with some crazy dishes that will blow your mind…like these PEI mussels with kimchi, gochujang and Chinese sausage:

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OK, now let’s break it down. The mussels are nicely steamed, you’ve got a bit of kick from the jalapeno, a little funk from the sausage, some crunchy bean sprouts…but what makes it is the kimchi. That’s some killer kimchi, dude!!!

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Now, for the main event, we’ve got some tender pork tenderloin swimming in a mango-lime sauce, with sweet potatoes, collard greens and french fries. OK, so the fries aren’t normally part of this dish, but this is body by french fried potaters, bro!!!

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Sadly, their desserts were so small that I had to eat two of them. The lemon cheesecake was pretty tasty, but as for the flourless chocolate cake…let’s just say it needs flour!!!

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I washed this all down with a Moroccan Brown Ale from Spearhead Brewing, which they’ve got on tap. Just look at that creamy head — mmm, creamy head…

Greedo goes to Canoe…hilarity ensues!

Now, in all my years of eating in this city, I had never been to Canoe. I did have sex in a canoe once–it tasted like Bud Light. But I’d never been to the restaurant at the top of the TD Tower with the majestic views of the city skyline…until now.

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So, I figured if I’m gonna be way up high, I’d better be drinking Life in the Clouds, this strong, hazy, double dry-hopped IPA from Collective Arts. If you’re a fan of unfiltered citrus beers, then this one’s for you. And hey, some of the wines here were like 90 bucks for a thimble…so I figured I’d better stick to beer.

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So we’re starting off with this dish of smoked boudin noir sausage, Kentucky-fried sweetbreads with risotto, walnuts and morel mushrooms. I knew I had to order this when I saw ’em bring it to another table under a glass dome with all the smoke. Now, I don’t always eat sweetbreads, but if you Kentucky fry that shit, I could slam, like, seven of these…and still have room for some shrooms:

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Now, for the main course, I was torn between the Tamarack Lamb and the Quebec Red Stag. But dude, how often do you get deer…from Quebec???

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This baaaad, baaaad venison was like a Bon Jovi keyboard solo in Flavourtown! Deer was cooked to a perfect medium rare, you’ve got like one or two potatoes, a small sausage roll, some peanut-butter jelly sauce…and a lot of cabbage. Like, a whole lotta cabbage–enough that you almost need a third piece of meat to go with it. Dude, I did not come here for the cabbage…but of course, I still ate it all, anyways:

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Of course, even after all that cabbage, you KNOW I still had room for dessert, bro! But I gotta say, when I ordered the Chocolate Forest Stout Cake, this is NOT what I was expecting. I guess you’ve got some cake crumbles in there, with some marshmallow, chocolate pudding, chocolate chunks and then this chestnut/gingerbread ice cream. But I’d much rather have a great big piece of real man’s cake, the way they do at Wildfire Steakhouse, son!!!

Now, I gotta say, I know a couple people who’ve been to Canoe before, and they told me that I’d hafta stop for a burger on the way home cuz I’d still be hungry. But I can tell ya that after an appetizer, main course and a dessert…I did not have room for an after-dinner burger. Maybe it’s because I filled up on the free bread and butter, though?

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Bonin’ a 22 oz bone-in ribeye @Morton’s The Steakhouse

You know me, this is body by steak, bro!!! We’re hanging out at Morton’s The Steakhouse, right in downtown Toronto at the Park Hyatt Hotel. Now, they might doing all kinds of construction next door, but they’re still serving up steaks inside…like this bad boy, the 22 oz bone-in ribeye:

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In case you’re wondering what 1,360 calories of primo beef looks like, you’re looking at it bro!!! This cow’s so country, it’s practically mooing on the plate! And then you’ve got sides of seasonal wild mushrooms and horseradish mash — dude, horseradish mash was my favourite dance in gym class!!!

Of course, you KNOW I ate everything on that plate, cept for the bone…

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…and I still had room for dessert!!!

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Feast your eyes on this big ol’ piece of hot chocolate cake, son! It’s rich on the outside, gooey on the inside, with a scoop of vanilla, some caramel drizzle and a couple of raspberries on top. After scarfing down this sexy thing, you KNOW I believe in miracles, bro!!!

Pounding crispy pork knuckles @ Biff’s Bistro

Have you ever had a knuckle sandwich, bro? I don’t mean the kind where you get punched in the kisser… We’re talkin’ pork knuckle, son! They may not put it between bread, but at Biff’s Bistro, this funky French joint on Front Street, they’re frying up and dishing out the best part of the pig, and its hors de la chaine, mec!!!

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OK, now let’s break it down. The pork falls off the bone – they don’t give you a steak knife cuz you don’t even need one! You’ve got some new potatoes, green beans, and sauerkraut, giving it a little saltiness. But man, the crispy pork skin is what makes it, bro! You could put this stuff on a flip-flop (or on top of bad poutine), and it would still taste good!!!

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Of course, after eating every single bite of this pig fist, you KNOW I still had room for dessert! Last time I was here, I had a Bomb.fr slice of chocolate cake, so I had to get an instant replay on that one. This gateau is super-rich, with a toffee sauce, and a whole lotta peanut butter mousse on the side… It’s like Paris by Night in Flavourtown!!!