You know me, this is body by steak, bro!!! We’re hanging out at Morton’s The Steakhouse, right in downtown Toronto at the Park Hyatt Hotel. Now, they might doing all kinds of construction next door, but they’re still serving up steaks inside…like this bad boy, the 22 oz bone-in ribeye:
In case you’re wondering what 1,360 calories of primo beef looks like, you’re looking at it bro!!! This cow’s so country, it’s practically mooing on the plate! And then you’ve got sides of seasonal wild mushrooms and horseradish mash — dude, horseradish mash was my favourite dance in gym class!!!
Of course, you KNOW I ate everything on that plate, cept for the bone…
…and I still had room for dessert!!!
Feast your eyes on this big ol’ piece of hot chocolate cake, son! It’s rich on the outside, gooey on the inside, with a scoop of vanilla, some caramel drizzle and a couple of raspberries on top. After scarfing down this sexy thing, you KNOW I believe in miracles, bro!!!
Have you ever had a knuckle sandwich, bro? I don’t mean the kind where you get punched in the kisser… We’re talkin’ pork knuckle, son! They may not put it between bread, but at Biff’s Bistro, this funky French joint on Front Street, they’re frying up and dishing out the best part of the pig, and its hors de la chaine, mec!!!
OK, now let’s break it down. The pork falls off the bone – they don’t give you a steak knife cuz you don’t even need one! You’ve got some new potatoes, green beans, and sauerkraut, giving it a little saltiness. But man, the crispy pork skin is what makes it, bro! You could put this stuff on a flip-flop (or on top of bad poutine), and it would still taste good!!!
Of course, after eating every single bite of this pig fist, you KNOW I still had room for dessert! Last time I was here, I had a Bomb.fr slice of chocolate cake, so I had to get an instant replay on that one. This gateau is super-rich, with a toffee sauce, and a whole lotta peanut butter mousse on the side… It’s like Paris by Night in Flavourtown!!!
Welp, that’s another Winterlicious in the books, and this year might have been the best one yet. Over the past two weeks, we chowed down on Brazilian BBQ, deep-dish pizza, beef brisket pie and a winner, winner steak dinner. But I just might be saving the best for last with one of my favourite comfort-food classics. I’m talking chicken ‘n waffles, son!
So, we’re hanging out at Insomnia, this funky little date night/brunch spot in The Annex. Man, I used to slam some pulled pork benedicts when I lived in this hood, bro! But since I’ve been gone, they’ve started putting it on a taco:
Now, I can’t say this was the best taco I’ve ever had. It wasn’t even the best pulled pork taco I’ve ever had. I’m a little hot and cold on this dish…because the dish was a little hot and cold. The pork was warm, but the slaw, and some of the toppings were cold as ice, ice baby. I’m not willing to sacrifice our love over this one, son!
But lemme tell ya, they more than made up for it with the main course. The boneless chicken thighs were plump ‘n juicy, you’ve got just the right amount of purple slaw, some sweetness from the honey maple butter, and a little bit of hot sauce. The waffles were the perfect vessel to guide this dish straight down my piehole, bro! You KNOW I scarfed it all down, and still had room for dessert!
Now, this piece of chocolate cake wasn’t quite as impressive as the one at Wildfire Steakhouse, but it was still a pretty decent-sized slice. There’s gotta be at least three layers of chocolate here, and then you’ve got some chocolate sauce on the plate and white chocolate swirls on top… There is nothing wrong with that, at all!
So, we’re hanging out at Wildfire Steakhouse, this upscale cow palace on Yonge Street, a few blocks north of Lawrence. This place might not look like much from the outside, but once you walk in, it’s pretty fancy-schmancy. And their Winterlicious menu is massive, bro–you get to pick from eight apps, eight mains and four desserts, all for 43 bucks!
So, I started with a six pack of shrimp, broiled in butter and garlic with a buncha panko breadcrumbs. The scampi were cooked perfectly, nice and juicy. Just a light snack in Flavourtown!
Now, while the ribs and the lamb shank both seemed like solid choices, if I’m gonna go to a steakhouse, you KNOW I’m having the steak. So I went with the seven-ounce filet mignon, cooked to a perfect medium rare. This meat melts in your mouth like butter, bro! But man, I gotta say, I did not taste any garlic in the garlic mashed potatoes…
Now, I’ve been complaining about some of the teeny-tiny desserts these other restaurants are serving for Winterlicious, but when it comes to Wildfire, I’ve got no beef whatsoever. Dude, this slice of chocolate cake is big enough for three people–but you KNOW I scarfed it all down, bro!!!!
So, we’re hanging out at Jump, this uptown funky joint in the financial district. Man, this place must be like chilling in Manhattan in the 80’s—and I don’t mean at CBGB’s, cuz it’s pretty fancy-shmancy. But they’re serving up some real deal comfort food for Winterlicious, stuff like Waldorf salad, beef dip sammies and a devil’s chocolate cake. Dude, this is body by devil’s chocolate cake, bro!!!
So, we started off with the black-eyed pea soup, which is like southern comfort in semi-liquid form. You’ve got some smoked ham hock, bits of collard greens, and a whole buncha black-eyed peas. But what really makes it is the chive sour cream. I could eat this stuff off a flip-flop!
Now, I’ve got nothing against seafood chowder or chicken scallopini, but I think you probably knew I was going for the beef dip. We’ve got whiskey-soaked braised beef, sautéed onions and a whole lotta horseradish on a bakery roll, bro! And you know I dipped this in the au jus—I could eat that stuff off a flip-flop…if it wasn’t already covered in sour cream, son!
And then I totally went chocolate cake for dessert. It was kinda dry, and the frosting didn’t knock my socks off, but the sea of crème anglaise definitely kicked things up a notch. Pretty sure I could eat this stuff off a flip-flop…except I don’t have three feet, dudebro!!!
So, we’re hanging out at Biff’s Bistro, this funky French joint on Front St. E. Normally, this place is pretty fancy-schmancy, but for Winterlicious, they’re serving up three course for just 38 bucks—about the same price as an entrée on their regular menu.
Now, I gotta say, I did not know that velouté was a soup when I saw it on the menu. But hey, when you throw in some Yukon gold potatoes, raclette cheese and a baby gerkin on top, I could eat that off a flip-flop!
On the other hand, I was pretty sure I knew what boudin is—a blood sausage stuffed with rice. But this here is boudin blanc, and they make it with turkey instead. You’ve got a nice, crispy char on the meat, a tasty potato mash, some sauerkraut, green beans and a couple caramelized apples, for a little sugar. Shut the back door!
Of course I still had room for dessert, and I know you’re thinking this is probably the smallest slice of chocolate cake you’ve ever seen. But man, this thing is richer than some of the guys in Trump’s cabinet, with a thick layer of caramel, some toasted oats, and a couple buckthorn berries, for that extra kick. I still couldda eaten a bigger piece though, bro!!!