This Drake Burger betta be coming with no strings!!!!

So, we’re hanging out at the Drake One Fifty, this funky joint in downtown T-dot-O. Now, I’ve already tried the venison, and we’ve even been here for brunch, but this time I’m here for one reason only — the Drake Burger.

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This is one badass piece of beef, bro! Patty is cooked to a perfect medium, with chewy bacon, aged cheddar, lettuce, red onion and Russian dressing, all served up on a milk bun. It started from the bottom, and it’s heading straight down my piehole, bro!!!!!!!!

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Washed it all down with a UPA — that’s a Union Pearson Ale from the righteous bros at Henderson Brewing…the hops are strong with this one, son! Man, I chugged this brewski faster than you can get to the airport!!!!!!!!!

Double the bacon, double the cheese & triple the beer @ The Aviary

So, we’re hanging out at The Aviary, this funky little brewpub and sports bar in the Canary District. This place is brewing up their own beer and serving up all kinds of killer sammies, like this funkalicious version of an old-school diner classic, the Banquet Burger:

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OK, now let’s break it down. This baby’s got lettuce, it’s got tomato, onions and pickles, with not one but two kinds of bacon — bacon strips AND peameal, bro! And this thing’s just covered in cheese. It comes with American already on it, but I paid extra to add provolone…and it was soooo worth it — cheese explosion on Aisle Piehole, son!!!

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Now, when it comes to side dishes, the guy asked me if I wanted chili cheese fries. Dude, this is body by chili cheese fries!!!!! These spuds are smothered in queso, with a meaty chili that comes with some big ol’ kidney beans. I’d put that on a flip-flop!

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Of course, we can’t go to a place that brews its own beer and order a strawberry mint kombucha! This here’s Aloha Friday, a hibiscus pale ale from their in-house Longslice Brewery. This brew is nice and refreshing, with 40 IBUs, and a nice fruity kick at the end. Not a bad way to start a weekend!

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For dessert, we’re tapping into one of their guest taps and chug-a-lugging an Anderson Pumpkin Ale. This ain’t no PSL, bro! This warm, hearty brewski has a nice cinnamon-stick kick at the end… I definitely wouldn’t throw it in the trash!!!

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But that’s not all, folks! We’re ending the evening with Hopsta la Vista, a strong (6.5%), hoppy (69 IBU) IPA from Longslice. Think I might hafta call it a night after this one…but you KNOW I’ll be back, bro!!!!!!

These ain’t yer grandpappy’s Buffalo wings, bro!

So we’re hanging out at Big Ditch Brewing Company, this funky craft brewpub in the city that put the Buffalo in Buffalo wings. But at this joint, they don’t just toss ‘em in Frank’s Red Hot and butter – they’ve got a secret ingredient, their Hayburner IPA.

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Now, these wings are super-crispy, straight outta fryer and very lightly sauced, with a side of blue cheese – dude, this is body by blue cheese! I went with mine medium, after the server said the only guy who likes ‘em hot is a fireman who burned off all the nerves in his tongue. I gotta say, there was not a whole lotta heat here…but I still hosed ‘em down with a couple beers, bro!

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This is a pint of Lemon-Lime Pineapple Breeze, a seasonal special from their not-quite-winter menu. You’ve got a light, fruity, crushable wheat ale with pineapple juice, lemon zest and dry hops, for that little extra kick.

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Now, after pounding that plate of wings, I still had room for some liquid dessert! This Cinnamon Apple Amber Ale is brewed with apple cider, cinnamon, allspice, oatmeal and brown sugar, and tastes pretty much the way it sounds. Still better than last year’s Mill St. Christmas beer, though!

Cutting down a pound of ribs @ Woodlot

So, we’re hanging out at Woodlot, this funky little joint on Palmerston, just offa College Street. This place specializes in honest, simple, handmade food, with both a meat eater and a vegetarian menu. Yeah, so I didn’t even look at the second one…

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Man, these ribs are fall-off-the-bone tender, with a Memphis-style dry rub and a side of crunchy slaw — so I guess I did get one serving of veggies. But you know I’m all about that meat, bro! Normally, I like sauce on my ribs, but that little dusting of dry rub really gave the swine a chance to shine!!!

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Washed ’em all down with a Janky IPA, a slightly hoppy beer from Matron Brewing. Dude, this brewski is like Fred Van Vleet’s defence on Steph Curry in the Finals, bro!!!

Taming the Beast Burger @ Northern Maverick

So, we’re hanging out at Northern Maverick, this funky microbrewery on Bathurst, just a short stumbling distance from Queen Street. Last time I was here, I slayed not one, but two Gosezillas… but this time, I’ve got an even bigger monster in my sights: the Beast Burger!

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OK, now let’s break it down. What you’ve got is a dry-aged, ground chuck burger topped with braised beef brisket — dude, this is body by braised beef brisket! — a nice smoked cheese, some chipotle BBQ…and a couple pieces of kale, for that one serving of veggies. Man, this burger is so baller, you can get it medium rare and it won’t even give you Mad Cow Disease, bro!!!!

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Of course, if we’re hanging out at a craft brewery, then you KNOW I ain’t drinkin’ hard seltzer, bro! This here’s their Festbier, an easy-drinking German Oktoberfest lager that’ll rock you like a hurricane. All that’s missing is Klaus Meine singing “Still Loving You,” son!!!

Holy peanut butter jalapeno bacon cheeseburger, Batman!!!

So, we’re hanging out at Allen Burger Venture, this funky little joint on Allen St, right in the heart of the cool part of Buffalo. If your favourite craft beer dive bar only played punk rock and new wave and had 14 different burgers – without counting the non-beef ones – on the menu, it would be this place. And you know me, I had to go with the funkiest of the funky bunch…this is burger number five, Lou Bro-ga!

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Now, this has gotta be the most outta-bounds burger I’ve had since I ordered the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup burger, and made mine a double! You’ve got the salty creaminess of the peanut butter, some heat from the hot peppers, a nice chewy bacon, and a thick and juicy patty – and then you throw down some white cheddar!? Shut the back door!!!

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But the funk train don’t stop there, son! These are some of the biggest, breadiest, crunchiest onion rings I’ve ever seen – and they’re beer-batted in Olde English 800, maybe the one beer I might not drink over Molson Canadian. It sure tastes good on some rings though, bro!!!!

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And when it comes to beer, there ain’t no Canadian here! (They do have Labatt Blue Light though, for some reason.) Instead, you’ve got 24 taps of local craft beer, and even more in cans! This here is Nosferatu, a bloody red ale from Great Lakes Brewing – not the one from Etobicoke, but the one in Cleveland. And rather than the bitter taste of a Crazy Canuck, this brew actually reminds me more of Arch Brewing’s Dinner Jacket O’Red IPA, which used to be my Ottawa Redblacks beer…except that they don’t make it anymore. 😦

Finally tried the famous Richmond Station burger…

Now, I’m not really sure if there is a best burger in Toronto, one that’s so iconic that makes it a must-see in this city… But one burger that gets brought up a lot is the one at Richmond Station – it’s stuffed with beef short ribs, son! I’ve only had half a slider at Taste of Toronto a couple years ago, but now, it’s time for the real thing:

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OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got a medium-rare burger, with aged cheddar, dill pickle, a beet chutney and garlic donkey sauce, all on a milk bun. What it lacks in size, it makes up in flavour – the short rib/ground beef combo is outta bounds, bro! And they don’t short-change ya on the fries, either…

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These warm ‘n tasty spuds are served with a side of lemon donkey sauce. It’s a donkey sauce double-down in Flavourtown!!!

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Of course, even after polishing off all those taters, you KNOW we’ve still got room for dessert. This chocolate pie was the dessert of the day – dude, this is body by chocolate pie! – so I totally had to try it. But it’s really not much of a pie, though. More of a chocolate pudding, with this crunchy crust ring around the rosie. Man, I dunno how I feel about deconstructed desserts, bro…

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On the other hand, their signature beer was TheBomb.ca, son! This Richmond Station Brown Ale is brewed by Niagara College Teaching Brewery, and it’s got just the roasty, toasty taste I’m looking for. I could totally pound a ton of these!!!