Tag Archives: dessert

This double cheeseburger isn’t quite a slam dunk…

So, we’re hanging out at Dunk Burgers & Chocolate, this funky little joint that just opened up on Queen St, a couple blocks west of Bathurst. Dude, this body is 50% burgers and 50% chocolate, so you KNOW I had to come check it out — and everything on the menu was 50% off for the first two weeks!!!!!!!!!

Now, this place has got 10 different burgers and chicken sammies to choose from — not even counting the Beyond Meat burger. This was the hardest decision I had to make all week, but I ended up going with the Got Cheddar, with its deep-fried pickles, over The O, which is topped with onion rings. I just don’t think I can get a better onion ring than the ones I had in Buffalo a couple weeks ago, bro!!!

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Now, they definitely don’t shortchange ya on the cheese — and they also go pretty heavy on the BBQ sauce. But I was expecting some crispy, crunchy, pickle spears…and instead I got a couple pickle chips, which did not seem to have come Straight Outta Fryer. And hey, I get that they’re new, but they broke the First Rule of Flavourtown — when I asked to add (beef) bacon, they told me they were all out!!! 😮 😮 😮

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Also, it’s probably worth mentioning that you can’t order any regular French-fried potaters here — they either had sweet potato waffle fries or home fries, which were described to me as “potato wedges” but are clearly more like your friendly neighbourhood hash browns. Don’t get me wrong, I would eat hash browns for breakfast, brunch, and post-Van-Halen-concert snack…but this might be the first time I’ve ever had ’em for dinner?

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OK, so that burger might not have been as baller as Kawhi throwing down on Giannis, but they’re definitely kicking it up a notch for dessert. This here’s the Cookie Monster, and it’s yummy, yummy, yummy in my tummy, son! You’ve got cookies, you’ve got brownies, you’ve got ice cream topped with not one, not two, but three kinds of Belgian chocolate drizzle!? Shut the front, back AND side doors, bro! Next time I’m coming here, I think I might skip right to dessert…

Dessert with a side of dessert @ Demetres

So, we’re hanging out at Demetres Desserts, this funky dessert cafe on The Kingsway. Man, this place has everything — crepes, cakes, waffles, sundaes, milkshakes, smoothies, iced coffees… With so many great eats to choose from, it’s hard to pick just one — so you gotta order at least two, son!!!

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This here’s the Cocoa Ono: a chocolate fudge cake with a whole lotta ice cream — honey vanilla ice cream — and some Belgian milk chocolate sauce on top. Imagine all this sweet treat heading straight down my piehole, bro!!!

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But now we’re about to funk it up another notch. This Bohemian Raspberry sundae features two kinds of sorbet — raspberry lychee AND mango — with sliced bananas and a strawberry coulis on top. And believe it or not, but this entire thing is vegan…which makes it the best vegan dish I’ve ever had! Now get on your bikes and ride, son!!!!

This waffle should be illegal, cuz nobody should feel this good!!!

So, we’re hanging out at Cacao 70, this funky little dessert chain that’s all over Toronto, Vancouver, Montreal, Edmonton, Calgary… they’ve even got one in Kingston! But right now we’re on Queen St W, just a projectile vomit’s spray away from the worst McDonald’s in western civilization. Only we ain’t after-gaming it, bro — it’s the middle of the afternoon, and we’re here for dessert!!!

Now, they call this the Illegal Chocolate Waffle, and I’m pretty sure Lee Aaron wrote a song about it or something. You’ve got a fluffy Belgian waffle, topped with milk chocolate and caramelized bananas. Then on the side, you’ve got more chocolate — crunchy chocolate cereal, melted chocolate for dipping…and oh yeah, some ice cream with chocolate on top!

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This is pretty much the perfect bite right here. You’ve got that waffle swimming in chocolate sauce, with a big piece of banana on top…and some ice cream on the knife coming right up. Dude, ice cream on the knife was like my favourite Helix song, bro!!!!

(Oh, wait…)

I don’t always eat shit, but when I do… I prefer Poop Cafe!

Now, these funky little Asian dessert joints are popping up all over this city, whether it’s in Chinatown, Little Tokyo or right in the heart of Koreatown, like this joint, Poop Cafe. You know this place is the shit when their seats are made of toilets, bro!!!

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And lemme tell ya, you might wanna pop a squat after eating here! They’ve got all kinds of funky, outta-bounds desserts like milkshakes, waffles and this chocolately take on a Korean classic, Bing Poo:

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Dude, this toilet bowl is overflowing with shaved ice, almonds, brownie bites, and a great big scoop of Nutella gelato, with a shit-shaped hard candy on top. You might need a courtesy flush after finishing this one, especially when you wash it down with a Unicorn Hot Chocolate:

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Dude, this drink is the shiznit — and shiznit is good! You’ve got a toilet-shaped mug, with a swirl of chocolate and Fruit Loops stuck to the bowl. And then on top, you’ve got enough cotton candy to feed a family of four at a fun fair!!! Once you get past all that, then it’s right down to the chocolately, marshmallowy goodness:

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Now, I’d hate to be the guy who has to do this dishes here… But hey, it probably beats cleaning toilets?

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I’ve got a candy crush on this super-sweet waffle!

So, we’re hanging out at Junked Food Co, this funky little joint on Queen W that served up the most totally awesome taco at Tacofest 2016. They actually don’t have tacos on the menu, but you can get mac ‘n cheese, deep-dish pizza, Dorito-bag nachos…oh, and save room for dessert, cuz they’re serving up these funky waffles with all kinds of junk on top!

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OK, let’s break it down. You’ve got a Belgian-style waffle, with Froot Loops, vanilla fluff, Swedish Berries, sour gummies and icing sugar. Eating this in one sitting will leave you wired for hours! You can’t buy this sugar high anywhere else, bro!!!

 

It’s like Bubble Waffles Gone Wild, bro!!!!

So, we’re hanging out at Sugar Marmalade, this funky little Asian dessert joint in the Dragon City Mall in downtown Chinatown. Dude, the menu at this place has more pages than The Cheesecake Factory’s–and it’s almost all desserts, too! You’ve got parfaits, you’ve got panna cotta, you’ve got crepes, you’ve got puddings, you’ve got jellies, you’ve got dumplings, you’ve got cheesecakes and shaved ice and smoothies and bubble teas…and the list goes on.

There is so much stuff here that it’s hard to decide what to get, but when I saw the Hong Kong style bubble waffles, I was all over that like Jackie Chan, bro! And this ain’t yer average waffle, either:

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OK, let’s break it down. You’ve got a chocholic’s paradise right here. Chocolate waffle, covered in powdered sugar, chocolate sauce, chocolate chips, a ring of bananas, a scoop of chocolate ice cream–and yes, that is a full Oreo on the other side! Man, this dessert was so rich, it’s like Martin Shkreli on a sundae! This is the $2-million bite right here, pharma bro:

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