Tag Archives: dessert

Peruvian pulled beef & grilled shrimp @ Chotto Matte

Happy Day of the Dead, bro! We’re hanging out at Chotto Matte, this funky Peruvian joint in the Financial District, where they’re serving up some scary cocktail and dessert specials for Dia de los muertos. Now, last time I was here, I had the lamb, chicken AND octopus…but the one thing missing was the beef, bro! So when I saw they were serving up a slow-cooked beef short rib, asado de tiro, I was all over that like Machu on Picchu!!!!

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Ain’t got no beef with this beef, bro! Slow-cooked till you can pull it apart with a fork, with a teriyaki au jus and purple mashed potatoes — I’d put that on a flip-flop!!!

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And we’re pairing that with some grilled shrimp — gambas a la parilla, Bobby Bonilla! — they don’t skimp on the shrimp here, bro! These succulent sea creatures are seasoned with cilantro, and served with a mushroom slaw-sa. Plus, you get at least 8 to an order…although I kinda wasn’t counting.

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The only thing I didn’t like about these yuca fries is that they didn’t come at the same time as my meat. Deep-fried, hot and crispy, with a side of Peruvian pepper sauce — I’m pretty sure you could deep-fry a flip-flop, and put it on a flip-flop, and it would still taste good!!!!!

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Now, because this blog isn’t Burgers, Bacon and Yellow Chartreuse Grand Marnier, I did not order one of their fancy Day of the Dead cocktails, which cost anywhere from 18 to 24 dollars. Instead, I went with a freshly poured pint of Burst NEIPA from Great Lakes Brewery. I got a little more hops here than when I drank it from a can the last time — and it’s safe to say Chotto Matte is a lot classier than the last place I had this beer, too…

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But I did still have room for dessert, and here’s where they funk it up, oh, about six of seven notches. This national historic site in Flavourtown is called Machu Picchu Mountain and it’s one of the most elevated desserts I’ve ever had. What we’ve got here is black cherry ice cream inside a ball of caramelized popcorn with a fruity mango coulis poured overtop. Usually, I’m all about chocolate for dessert, but man, that black cherry ice cream was so good, you could mix it with a flip-flop, freeze it into a flip-flop and serve it on a bed of flip-flop…and I’d still eat it off a flip-flop, bro!!!!!!!!!

PATIO LIT EATS: French Onion Wagyu Beef Short Rib? Don’t mind if I do…

Welp, I think patio season in Toronto is officially over now. But just the other day, the temperature hit 19 degrees, and it was still nice enough to eat outside in the evening. So we’re ending patio season in style at a really fancy steakhouse — The Butcher Chef on Harbour Street, just a few Raptors missed 3-pointers away from Scotiabank Arena. This place is serving up Wagyu and Japanese Kobe beef that costs up to $1,020…so when I saw the French Onion Wagyu Short Rib for $75, I figured that probably wasn’t such a bad deal.

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But first, we’re starting off with an old-school steakhouse Caesar salad, I know, I know, you don’t win friends with salad, bro — but when we’re talkin’ massive crispy croutons, chunks of Parmesan and entire strips of bacon, dude, you could put that on an Air Jordan, and it would still taste good!!!!

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But now it’s time for the main event. What we’ve got here is some braised Snake River Farms short rib, topped with Cipollini onions, served underneath a piece of brioche, where they pour a buncha Gruyère fondue on top. This dish is cheesy, crunchy, big and beefy, bro! I probably couldda used a little more meat, though…

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But you KNOW we still had room for dessert, bro! And not just one dessert, but four desserts! (This mighta meant they screwed up more than one person’s order, but hey…) We’ve got white chocolate cheesecake with pistachio crumbs, pavlova with mangoes and coconut sorbet, sticky toffee pudding topped with vanilla crème brûlée and burnt orange caramel, and a plate of assorted macaroons, truffles, chocolates and berries. Everything but the kitchen sink, son!!!!!

GRAND OPENING: This dry-aged duck definitely doesn’t suck!!!

Now, we don’t always do fine dining here on Triple B, but when we do, you KNOW it’s gonna be honky-tonk redonkadonk, bro! So, we’re hanging out at Joni, this new joint that just opened up in the Park Hyatt on Bloor Street. This place is serving up breakfast, lunch AND dinner, and while I dunno if I’d pay 32 bucks for a Classic Canadian Breakfast, bro, I don’t mind dishing out that much for some bees wax poached lobster:

Now, obviously you’re not getting a whole lobster at that price — pretty sure I’ve seen shrimp that were bigger than this, son! And it doesn’t even take up half of the plate… But while you can totally pig out on two (for one) Typhoon Crispy Lobster Mountains for about as much money, this here lobster is much, much tastier.

Speaking of tasty, it’s time for the main event! This dry-aged duck breast is cooked to a nice medium-rare, with super-crispy skin. Plus, you’ve got pickled cherries, confit turnip and some licorice crumble — definitely my first time eating any of those things!!!!

But you KNOW we’ve still got room for dessert, bro! And all the desserts here have one-word names, like cacao, apple or citrus — of course, I went for the chocolate. Basically, you’ve got some chocolate sponge cake, with two kinds of ice cream — chocolate and lemon! Nothing wrong with that at all, although I think I still had room for another dessert…

Build your own steak dinner @ The Shore Club

Now, I’ve had a lotta great steaks all over this city, but I had never been to The Shore Club, this fancy steakhouse next to The Ritz-Carlton on Wellington. You KNOW this is body by steak bro, so I had to check it out…even if I had just destroyed a giant steak the other night!

Now, the deal at this place is they’ve got a buncha different cuts of meat — striploin, filet mignon, rib steak, short rib and bone-in ribeye, then you can choose to add seafood, like shrimp, lobster, scallops or crab legs. They also have five different sauces and butters, for that extra kick. Plus, there’s no less than 12 different sides to choose from, son!

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Me, I went with an 18 oz rib steak, instead of the 24, but I added scallops and a Bearnaise sauce, plus steakhouse fries and wild mushrooms. Now, this wasn’t quite as good as the steak I had the other night — which is one of my top five steak dishes ever — and I think I’ve even had a better rib steak at Barberian’s, at Morton’s and maybe even Ruth Chris. But the scallops were super-tasty, nicely seared, and melt-in-your-mouth tender. This is the perfect bite, right here:

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Oh, and word to the wild mushrooms, which were sauteed in garlic and herb butter. Wild mushrooms could not drag me away from you, Mick Bro-gger!!!!

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Of course, even after eating all that steak back there, you KNOW I still had room for dessert. Dude, that was more like a steak snack in Flavourtown, bro!!!

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Man, this Old-Fashioned Chocolate Brownie had pretty much everything I want in a dessert. You’ve got marshmallows, pecans, chocolate sauce AND caramel, with a scoop of ice cream on top??? Shut the front, back and side doors, son!!!!

Slamming legit lamb…and one of the funkiest desserts ever @ Mira

Now, I’m no stranger to Peruvian food, whether it’s lomo saltado, funky fusion ceviche or a small plates combo of lamb, sea and air. So when I heard that Mira, this Peruvian joint down a back alley near the Shopify office, was serving up Peruvian plates that are big enough to share, I was all over that like lime on raw fish, son!

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We’re starting off with some crispy pork belly bites, served up with a sizable side of chicharron. This dish isn’t even on their regular menu, but dude, Pork Belly was my nickname in gym class, bro! Flavours were on point, but it barely tided me over until the main event…

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Dude, this dish was lamb-tastic! You’ve got a fork-tender braised lamb shoulder in a smokey ají panca sauce, with amaranth grains and chili peppers, plus I ordered a side of yucca fries, cuz I’m all about that meat and potatoes, bro! This dish was meant to share, but I ate it all myself…and still had room for dessert!!!

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Now, this had to be the funkiest dessert I’ve seen all year! It’s called El Huevo Malo, and it comes to the table inside a giant chocolate egg, which you smash with a spoon. On the inside, you’ve got coffee ice cream, chocolate bread pudding, honeycomb, yuzu marmalade and raspberries! And you KNOW I left no crumb behind, bro!!!

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This double cheeseburger isn’t quite a slam dunk…

So, we’re hanging out at Dunk Burgers & Chocolate, this funky little joint that just opened up on Queen St, a couple blocks west of Bathurst. Dude, this body is 50% burgers and 50% chocolate, so you KNOW I had to come check it out — and everything on the menu was 50% off for the first two weeks!!!!!!!!!

Now, this place has got 10 different burgers and chicken sammies to choose from — not even counting the Beyond Meat burger. This was the hardest decision I had to make all week, but I ended up going with the Got Cheddar, with its deep-fried pickles, over The O, which is topped with onion rings. I just don’t think I can get a better onion ring than the ones I had in Buffalo a couple weeks ago, bro!!!

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Now, they definitely don’t shortchange ya on the cheese — and they also go pretty heavy on the BBQ sauce. But I was expecting some crispy, crunchy, pickle spears…and instead I got a couple pickle chips, which did not seem to have come Straight Outta Fryer. And hey, I get that they’re new, but they broke the First Rule of Flavourtown — when I asked to add (beef) bacon, they told me they were all out!!! 😮 😮 😮

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Also, it’s probably worth mentioning that you can’t order any regular French-fried potaters here — they either had sweet potato waffle fries or home fries, which were described to me as “potato wedges” but are clearly more like your friendly neighbourhood hash browns. Don’t get me wrong, I would eat hash browns for breakfast, brunch, and post-Van-Halen-concert snack…but this might be the first time I’ve ever had ’em for dinner?

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OK, so that burger might not have been as baller as Kawhi throwing down on Giannis, but they’re definitely kicking it up a notch for dessert. This here’s the Cookie Monster, and it’s yummy, yummy, yummy in my tummy, son! You’ve got cookies, you’ve got brownies, you’ve got ice cream topped with not one, not two, but three kinds of Belgian chocolate drizzle!? Shut the front, back AND side doors, bro! Next time I’m coming here, I think I might skip right to dessert…

Dessert with a side of dessert @ Demetres

So, we’re hanging out at Demetres Desserts, this funky dessert cafe on The Kingsway. Man, this place has everything — crepes, cakes, waffles, sundaes, milkshakes, smoothies, iced coffees… With so many great eats to choose from, it’s hard to pick just one — so you gotta order at least two, son!!!

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This here’s the Cocoa Ono: a chocolate fudge cake with a whole lotta ice cream — honey vanilla ice cream — and some Belgian milk chocolate sauce on top. Imagine all this sweet treat heading straight down my piehole, bro!!!

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But now we’re about to funk it up another notch. This Bohemian Raspberry sundae features two kinds of sorbet — raspberry lychee AND mango — with sliced bananas and a strawberry coulis on top. And believe it or not, but this entire thing is vegan…which makes it the best vegan dish I’ve ever had! Now get on your bikes and ride, son!!!!

This waffle should be illegal, cuz nobody should feel this good!!!

So, we’re hanging out at Cacao 70, this funky little dessert chain that’s all over Toronto, Vancouver, Montreal, Edmonton, Calgary… they’ve even got one in Kingston! But right now we’re on Queen St W, just a projectile vomit’s spray away from the worst McDonald’s in western civilization. Only we ain’t after-gaming it, bro — it’s the middle of the afternoon, and we’re here for dessert!!!

Now, they call this the Illegal Chocolate Waffle, and I’m pretty sure Lee Aaron wrote a song about it or something. You’ve got a fluffy Belgian waffle, topped with milk chocolate and caramelized bananas. Then on the side, you’ve got more chocolate — crunchy chocolate cereal, melted chocolate for dipping…and oh yeah, some ice cream with chocolate on top!

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This is pretty much the perfect bite right here. You’ve got that waffle swimming in chocolate sauce, with a big piece of banana on top…and some ice cream on the knife coming right up. Dude, ice cream on the knife was like my favourite Helix song, bro!!!!

(Oh, wait…)

I don’t always eat shit, but when I do… I prefer Poop Cafe!

Now, these funky little Asian dessert joints are popping up all over this city, whether it’s in Chinatown, Little Tokyo or right in the heart of Koreatown, like this joint, Poop Cafe. You know this place is the shit when their seats are made of toilets, bro!!!

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And lemme tell ya, you might wanna pop a squat after eating here! They’ve got all kinds of funky, outta-bounds desserts like milkshakes, waffles and this chocolately take on a Korean classic, Bing Poo:

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Dude, this toilet bowl is overflowing with shaved ice, almonds, brownie bites, and a great big scoop of Nutella gelato, with a shit-shaped hard candy on top. You might need a courtesy flush after finishing this one, especially when you wash it down with a Unicorn Hot Chocolate:

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Dude, this drink is the shiznit — and shiznit is good! You’ve got a toilet-shaped mug, with a swirl of chocolate and Fruit Loops stuck to the bowl. And then on top, you’ve got enough cotton candy to feed a family of four at a fun fair!!! Once you get past all that, then it’s right down to the chocolately, marshmallowy goodness:

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Now, I’d hate to be the guy who has to do this dishes here… But hey, it probably beats cleaning toilets?

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I’ve got a candy crush on this super-sweet waffle!

So, we’re hanging out at Junked Food Co, this funky little joint on Queen W that served up the most totally awesome taco at Tacofest 2016. They actually don’t have tacos on the menu, but you can get mac ‘n cheese, deep-dish pizza, Dorito-bag nachos…oh, and save room for dessert, cuz they’re serving up these funky waffles with all kinds of junk on top!

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OK, let’s break it down. You’ve got a Belgian-style waffle, with Froot Loops, vanilla fluff, Swedish Berries, sour gummies and icing sugar. Eating this in one sitting will leave you wired for hours! You can’t buy this sugar high anywhere else, bro!!!