You call THAT a dinosaur rib, bro???

You know me, I loves me some beef ribs, bro! I once ate two beef ribs in three days, all in the name of friendly competition. So when I heard there was this new BBQ joint in the east end with Dinosaur Beef Ribs on the menu, I knew I had to come check it out. It turns out the dishes at Blackjack BBQ weren’t exactly as advertised, though…

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Now, I never ate a dinosaur before — I’m still waiting for someone to come up with a real-deal Hot Tub Time Machine — but I would definitely expect it to have bigger ribs. Even in the world of beef ribs, these are really not that big. And there’s a big fat lie right on the menu, where it says you get two to an order…they actually gave you three. But at least that wasn’t a bad lie.

On the other hand, I do not believe them when they say these puppies were hickory smoked. I did not taste any smokiness, nor was there any kind of smoke ring. These tasted more like they were boiled in a pot, and maybe finished in the oven — and I would know, because I tried that once, and it didn’t go that great. But I still think my hometown heroes were a bit better than this?

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Now, you mighta caught a glimpse of some green stuff on my plate. Do not adjust your set, I actually did order a side salad. But that’s only because I also went for some Texas Supreme Fries–what, you thought this was Burgers, Bacon and Greens or something???

Now, this was actually a pretty decent take on chili fries…but what killed it, and not in the way that my Bro-man from another Maman Johnny Gaudreau has been killing it for the Flames this season, was the sour cream. The coldness did not mix well with the hot fries and chili, and there was kind of a salty bitterness to it???

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I dunno bro, but next time I’m hangin’ with my homies in Gerrones, we’ll be chillin’ at Poor Romeo instead!!!

 

 

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Real-deal three-course meal @ Barque Smokehouse

So, we’re hanging out at Barque Smokehouse, this cozy neighbourhood joint on Roncesvalles in the west end. Now, I’ve had a whole buncha funkalicious, bananas, shut-the-back-door BBQ in this city, but they say Barque is too legit to quit, so I had to hammerdance on over to check it out.

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I gotta say bro, they had me at “Nice throat.” Belle Gueule is one of my favourite Quebec beers, but you never ever see it over here. Not only did Barque have it on tap, it even came in its own glass! They hit that one so far outta bounds it took out a popcorn vendor, dude!

Now, it’s hard to pick a favourite among so many great meats, but if you get the Smoker’s Choice platter, they’ll give you some of everything: pulled pork, beef brisket, baby back ribs—all that and a chicken thigh, son! But that’s not all; it even comes with appetizers, side dishes and desserts. Now, I had something similar at Carbon Bar a little while back, and there was nothing going on but the meat. But while you end up paying nine dollars more, Barque gives you enough food for a family of four…as long as one of them has a small appetite and lets me eat the rest. (I ate about six ribs alone, son!)

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But we ain’t even close to the main course yet, homeslice! We’re kicking things off with this crunchalicious salad. Man, this salad has got everything: napa cabbage, red peppers, carrots, cucumbers and crushed cashews—crikey! As far as salads go, this is pretty legit. All that’s missing is some bacon, or some tater tots or something…

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Ain’t no thang but a chicken wing, mang! These smoked wings are super-legit. They’ve got a really great five-spice dry rub and come with a creamy curry dip that’s money like Steph Curry at the three-point line. Whoever came up with that one is like my saucy saviour, son!

Here comes the meat, all dressed in heat…

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So not only do we get some superhero, rockstar smoked meat, but you know every superhero needs a sidekick, and this one comes with two of them. Say hello to my little friend Barque Fries Deluxe:

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Dude, this is like Taco Bell’s Fries Supreme, except you don’t hafta yell “Fire in the hole!” before eating. You’ve got nacho cheese, sour cream, tomatoes and green onions. Now what would really take this dish to the next level is if they put some beef brisket on top—I would eat that off a flip-flop, hombre!

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The second sidekick is a shady character by the name of crispy cauliflower. Now, I guess that cauliflower doesn’t cost, like, 200 bucks a head anymore, cuz it feels like I’ve eaten a fuckton of funky cauli lately. But unlike some of its cauliflower cousins, this dish wasn’t deep-fried, but it came with a nice combination of cashews, chilies and cilantro for that extra crunch.

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Put it all together, and that’s quite a bit of food. Of course, I still went back for seconds, and even thirds. And you don’t even hafta ask if there’s still room for dessert…because dessert is actually included!!!!

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Dude, this is one of the best food deals I’ve had in this city since that time I ate at Trump Restaurant for Winterlicious. They don’t make ‘em much greater than this, bro!!!!!!!!11111