Scaddabush has big balls, bro!!!

You know me, if there’s two things I like, it’s Italian food…and putting big round things in my face. The bigger the better, bro! So when I heard that Scaddabush, this funky local Italian chain, was serving up some massive meatballs, I knew I had to check it out. They call this one the Straight Up Meatball—and they’re definitely not kidding!

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So, you’ve got a great big pile of meat, served on a crostini, with tomato sauce, a three-cheese blend and some fresh basil? Shut the back door! I could probably pound half a dozen of these…but then I wouldn’t have room for pizza:

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This smoked bacon and egg pie is like breakfast, lunch and dinner…all rolled into one! You’ve got thick chunks of bacon, not one, but two fresh cracked eggs, some mushrooms, and these red hot chili peppers, cuz we prefer the shade. This is one messy pizza, with the egg running all over the place – but you know what I say, if it ain’t messy, it ain’t tasty!!!!

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Italian Christmas feast @ Salto Restaurant & Bar

Now, I’ve never been to Christmas dinner in Italy, but I’ve heard Italians like to eat…so we’re hanging out at Salto Restaurant & Bar, this funky little joint right at the end of Ossington, where they’re serving up a righteous Italian spread for the Triple B Kristmas Krew. You’ve got pizza, you’ve got pasta, you’ve got roast potatoes, chicken, and even salad…not that I saved any room for salad, though!!!!

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They call this paisano pizza pie Christopher, and you can call me not late for dinner! You’ve got sausage, meatballs, and two kinds of peppers — red and banana! Hey bada-boom, bada-bing!!!

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Of course, you can’t expect me to eat only one piece of pizza, so I had to dive head first into this meat lover’s paradise, El Tomasso. Italian sausage, soppressata AND pepperoni!? Shut the back door, bro!!!

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Speaking of meat, this rigatoni & meatballs had such massive mounds of meat that I had to cut some of them in half! What is this, Boston Pizza???

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Now, here’s another Italian classico — fettuccine alfredo! Super-creamy pasta in my mouth-o, bro!!!

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Now, I don’t normally eat chicken unless it’s battered and fried, but this mushroom chicken was super tender, creamy, goes good with a nice bite of roasted potatoes… Man, I could eat this all day. In fact, I already went back for a second plate:

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Dude, I had to get the pizza with bacon on it… Pizza with bacon on it was my nickname in gym class–don’t ask, bro!!!

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Of course, you KNOW I still had room for dessert, though… This house-made tiramisu hit the spot like Rocky knocking out Ivan Drago!!!!

Meatballs vs. risotto balls @ Pizzeria Libretto

Now, everybody knows that if you want real-deal Italian pizza in downtown Toronto, you gotta go to Pizzeria Libretto. Man, they’ve got all the meats–spicy salami, pepperoni, prosciutto di parma, nduja sausage…even their duck confit pie is too legit to quit!!!

But today, I’m not here for pizza–I’m about to chow down on some balls, bro! And at this funky joint, they’ve got both kinds…meatballs AND risotto balls, aka arancini. Dude, this is body by arancini!

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They actually bring out the rice balls first, which come three to an order, stuffed with stracciatella and smoked scamorza. Try saying that three times fast! But man, the cheese is what makes it, though. It’s ooey, gooey, about to go kablooey all over my face, bro!!!!

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Now, it’s time for some meaty magic. These Round Mounds of Flavourtown are served on a bed of tomato sauce and whipped ricotta, with some peccorino romano oozing out from the inside. That’s right, both kinds of balls are stuffed with cheese. It’s like you’ve got yer Balls Two the Wall, man!!!

Focu Meu, that’s some tasty pizza!!!!

So, we’re hanging out at Terroni, this funky fresh Italian joint on Yonge St, just a tallboy’s toss from the big ol’ train station LCBO. This place has got three floors serving up hand-made pasta and real-deal pizza — they’ve got no less than 29 pizza pies to pick from! Now, it’s hard to choose between so many great pies, but this one, the Focu Meu (pronounced pretty much how you’d think), was practically calling my name:

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OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got tomato sauce and mozzarella, with some spicy nduja sausage, fried eggplant and then a whole buncha shaved parma on top. Cuz what pizza doesn’t need more cheese, please? You definitely get a nice kick from the sausage, but that fried eggplant is what makes it, bro!!!

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Now, I slay pizza the same way I crush potato chips–you bet yer ass I don’t eat just one, son! So, say hello to my little friend San Giorgio, an old school pie topped with hot calabrese salami and mushrooms. Dude, Hot Calabrese Salami was my stripper name in college…although I’d rather be shoving this pizza straight down my piehole!!!!

Me gusto esto steak, bro!!!

So, we’re hanging out at Gusto 101, this funky fresh Italian joint just off King West on Portland St. This place has got an amazing rooftop patio, buck an ounce wines…and a pretty nice steak:

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OK, let’s break it down. You’ve got a nicely seasoned piece of dry aged centre cut striploin, with cherry tomatoes, red onions, garlic croutons and a lemon vinaigrette. And did I mention the side of Tuscan Fries?

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These spuds were hot n crispy, served up with a nice garlic aioli. I’d put that on a flip-flop!!!

Seafood linguine en estie @ Estia

Now, I might eat a lot of pasta–dude, this is body by mac ‘n cheese, bro!–but I don’t eat seafood all that often. Don’t get me wrong, I loves me some crispy calamari just as much as the next Guy, but when it comes to shellfish, like clams and mussels and shrimp (oh my!), I definitely don’t do those every day. But now we’re hanging out at Estia, this uptown funky Italian/Greek joint at Av & Dav, and I’m about to dive face first into a big pile of seafood linguine:

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Dude, this is like a culinary pool party in Flavourtown! And the gang’s all here–you’ve got baby clams, mussels of love and some nice ‘n juicy shrimp, on a bed of noodles with tomato sauce. There is nothing wrong with that at all, bro! But what makes it is the squid:

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Dude, if you thought that squid only came in rings, battered and deep-fried, you’re all wrong, Pete Tong! These tasty little tentacles are nice and chewy, swimming in sauce and headed straight down my piehole. Surf’s up, bro!!!!

Pizza slice and Italian beer @ Sud Forno

So, we’re hanging out at Sud Forno, this funky Italian cafeteria on Yonge St. This place has counters stocked with soup, salads, sammies and desserts…but you know me, I headed straight down to the pizza aisle, bro!!!

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This here’s the Spicy Cacciafore, with some hot soppressata and mushrooms on a crispy crust. I don’t like how they sliced it so that you get soppressata on one side and mushrooms on the other, making me take one bite out of each piece instead of scarfing a whole slice at once. But other than that, it was pretty tasty. At six bucks a slice, it’s a step up from Pizza Pizza, that’s for sure!

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Now, you KNOW if I’m eating pizza, then I’m also drinking beer. And this Italian cafeteria is serving up Italian beer from Birra Menabrea, straight outta Italy. Their Bionda is light and crisp, with a slightly malty finish. Pretty sure I could pound six or seven of these…but then I’d hafta polish off a whole pie!!!