We’re getting loaded on Drunken Chicken, bro!!!

Now, if I was to add a couple more letters to the name of this website, it would be Triple BFC. Or maybe Triple BBQFC. Cuz man, if there’s one thing I like almost as much as Burgers, Bacon and Beer, it’s fried chicken. And there’s a whole buncha funky joints from the South — we’re talkin’ South Korea, son — waaay up North, up around Yonge and Finch, that do it up right. But when I heard about this joint called Drunken Chicken, you KNOW I had to check it out. Pass me an ice-cold Sapporo, bro!!!

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Now, the deal with this place is that you can order a “half” or a “whole” chicken, either with bones or boneless, and then there’s seven different sauces and flavours to choose from. Or you can do what I did, which was get half and half — you save four bucks per order, and you get to choose two different kinds.

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So, we started with the Honey Gangjeong, which was a little underwhelming. Don’t get me wrong, this chicken was crispier than a frisky biscuit, but it just didn’t have that much sweetness to it. I was kinda expecting more from something with “honey” in the name…

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I definitely liked the Spicy Peanut more, doused in a Thai-style peanut sauce…but it was so not spicy. Normally, when I see something with a pepper next to it on the menu, it means I’ll be hitching a ride home on the Pepto-Copter, but that was definitely not the case here. Still pretty tasty though…

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Now, you KNOW I finished off two full baskets of Korean fried chicken, and still had room for dessert…if by dessert, you mean onion rings:

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I don’t always eat shit, but when I do… I prefer Poop Cafe!

Now, these funky little Asian dessert joints are popping up all over this city, whether it’s in Chinatown, Little Tokyo or right in the heart of Koreatown, like this joint, Poop Cafe. You know this place is the shit when their seats are made of toilets, bro!!!

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And lemme tell ya, you might wanna pop a squat after eating here! They’ve got all kinds of funky, outta-bounds desserts like milkshakes, waffles and this chocolately take on a Korean classic, Bing Poo:

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Dude, this toilet bowl is overflowing with shaved ice, almonds, brownie bites, and a great big scoop of Nutella gelato, with a shit-shaped hard candy on top. You might need a courtesy flush after finishing this one, especially when you wash it down with a Unicorn Hot Chocolate:

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Dude, this drink is the shiznit — and shiznit is good! You’ve got a toilet-shaped mug, with a swirl of chocolate and Fruit Loops stuck to the bowl. And then on top, you’ve got enough cotton candy to feed a family of four at a fun fair!!! Once you get past all that, then it’s right down to the chocolately, marshmallowy goodness:

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Now, I’d hate to be the guy who has to do this dishes here… But hey, it probably beats cleaning toilets?

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Seoul Shakers’ got my soul shakin’ with some funky Korean fusion!

So, we’re hanging out at Seoul Shakers, this funky little Bloordale Village dive where they’re mixing up Mexican, Korean and comfort food classics, like kimchi cheeseburgers and gojuchang tacos al pastor in an old dingy diner that’s so outta bounds, it’s got Tom Jones above the Wu Tang on the jukebox!

Now, you may NOT play the Travis Tritt right above the 2Pac here, but you CAN chow down on some sweet ‘n spicy soy-glazed deep-fried eggplant…so I guess that’s good enough???

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Now, I don’t always eat eggplant, but if you do it up like this, I would eat it every day. You’ve got sweetness, you’ve got spicy, you’ve got crispy and crunchy, with a side of bell peppers, scallions, and a little chili oil for that extra kick. Kick out the Korean jams, bro!!!!

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Now, these signature Seoul Shakers wings definitely kick the heat up a notch. You’ve got a crispy onion batter and a Thai-style chili/garlic/soy glaze, with some sesame seeds, hot peppers and cilantro. And it’s not just spicy hot–I almost burned my digits when I picked this one up!!!

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These Roast Kimchi Chopped Cheese sliders might be this joint’s signature dish, and it’s totally funkalicious. You’ve got a chopped ground beef patty topped with roast kimchi, lettuce, pickles, onions, cheese and special sauce. And they’re serving ’em up in two sizes: Biggie (four to an order) and Smalls (two per order). Man, can I do like a Big Pun and get seven of these????

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But the hip to the hop don’t stop there, bro! The hits keep coming with this cast-iron roasted Cornish hen served on Korean sweet rice porridge, with sides of pickles, onions and potatoes. And believe it or not, but this chicken’s so tender you can slice right through it with chopsticks — they won’t even give you a knife if you ask for one!

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Now, you might be sippin’ on soju and juice at a joint like this, but this is body by craft beer, bro, so I’m going straight for an ice cold Blood Light, an evil pale ale from my Satan-hailing homeboys at Blood Brothers Brewing. Dunno the IBUs on this one, but it’s definitely not too hoppy. Why make it a Bud Light when you can make it a Blood Light???

FLAVOURTOWN OLYMPICS: Wicked awesome underground Korean chicken, bro!

Dude, you KNOW I love the Olympics, bro! You’ve got curling, you’ve got two-man luge–and my personal favourite, the ice dance. So now that the Olympics are underway in PyeongChang, I’m gonna be chowing down on delicious dishes from every country that should win at least a few medals. (No Olympic Mad Eats from Russia, bro!!!) Starting off with this funky chicken from the host country:

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Now, if you’ve ever walked down the yellow brick road also known as the PATH in Downtown Toronto, you may or may not have seen this place. Right as you’re about to head out of 121 King Street, there’s this funky little Korean stand on the corner called Hoga–you might notice the lineup. People go nuts for this stuff! Man, they’re serving up all kinds of Korean and Asian eats, from bulgogi to katsu, kimchi to japchae. But my personal favourite is this kickin’ Korean chicken.

It’s got enough heat to wake you up in time for the short-track speedskating semi-finals, but it won’t wipe you out–unlike certain Korean short-track speedskaters. And dude, all this food is still only about seven bucks after tax. You won’t get that kinda screamin’ deal at the athletes’ village!

READ MORE: I found this underground Korean food joint in the PATH, and it’s pretty amazing

Five funky food pairings from the Roundhouse Craft Beer Fest

I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Old Style Pilsner. Or gimme six Bud Light Strawberry Daiquiris and the bill, bro. I won’t go outta my way to buy craft beer unless I’m stuck at some hipster dive bar on Ossington where I’ve never heard of anything on tap. Then maybe I’ll order a Steamwhistle, or something…

But when I heard that there was gonna be all kinds of funky food trucks at the Roundhouse Craft Beer Festival, I knew I had to come check it out. It’s 20 bucks to get in, but then the drinks are super-cheap–they’ll fill up your cup for just two beer tokens:

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Now they don’t take craft beer tokens at the local food trucks, so you still gotta have some cash on hand. But with most culinary offerings selling for 10 bucks or less, I really can’t complain. So I started off by hitting up the FeasTO food truck. These cats are known for dumplings, but when I saw they were serving up some popcorn chicken, I knew they’d be kickin’ it up a notch:

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The chicken is crunchalicious, straight from the fryer, and they’ve got a nice sriracha mayo on top. I paired this with a Righteous Rockwell Pilsner, which is so underground, you can’t even Google it, bro! The beer had a nice, rich flavour, with even more bite than Saskatchewan’s national brew. It deserves to be called righteous, for sure!

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Now, I dunno about you, but whenever I see a sign for Bloomin’ Bacon, I always give them my money. This funky Hungarian food truck Chimney Stax makes this crusty, doughy, mass of goodness, then puts a buncha bacon on top. What could possibly be bad about that? And then you’ve got this Forgotten Lake Blueberry Ale beside it. This stuff’s super-strong–7.5 per cent, son! And it’s got a nice tartness from the blueberries, too. I’ve never had a purple beer before, but I gotta say, this shit’s super legit!

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Now, the last time I went to The Pie Commission, I had an outta-bounds beef ‘n beer pie. This time, I switched it up with some smokey steak ‘n cheese…and a side of beer. This pastry is equal parts flaky and steaky, with super-tender beef that just melts in your face. And you gotta have a dark beer with such a rich dish, so I went with Wellington’s Imperial Russian Stout, which tips the scales at 8 per cent. Just three beers in, and I’m already all tipsy like Jon Montgomery after winning a medal in Whistler… Oh, wait!

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So now I’m heading past Dobro Jesti, my favourite Slovenian food truck, when this guy says to me, “Hey buddy, do you want a garlic donut?” Do I want a garlic donut!? Dude, Garlic Donut is my middle name! After devouring his doughy offering, I immediately went and bought more. Can you believe they give you this many for just six bucks?

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These bite-sized garlic bites are outta bounds, bro! You’ve got a hot, puffy pastry, deep-fried to perfection, with enough garlicy goodness to make Guy Fieri cry. Paired with a Little Norway pale lager from Sawdust Brewing Co, which is crisp and refreshing, with just enough hops so you know you’re not drinking Coors Light. Werd to ya mora!

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Now, at this point I was getting pretty full, but when I saw the Koi Gourmet food truck serving up some real-deal Korean meals, you know I had to make room for bulgogi, son! This funkalicious sandwich is served open faced on a scallion pancake wrap, with pickled carrots, mango, daikon, cucumber and cilantro, sorta like an outta-bounds bahn mi. The best way to attack this monstrosity is to fold it up and shove it down like an oversized taco, all while chugging a refreshing Radicle Wheat Beer from Henderson Brewing Co. The citrusy flavours go nicely with the pickled veggies to make this a righteous Korean-German experience, kinda like Psy jamming with Kraftwerk. All that’s missing are the pistachios, bro!

FRONT STREET FOODS: Korean fried chicken is even crunchier than KFC!

OK, so check it out. Over the weekend, they pulled a big switcharoonie over at Front Street Foods, and brought in a whole buncha new stalls, including this real-deal, cruncharrifc, gluten-free KFC. No, this ain’t chicken fried in Kentucky, bro—it’s straight outta Korea!

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So, what’s Korean fried chicken, you ask? Well, instead of flour, they use starch, for that extra crispness. Then, they top it with this wicked awesome chili sauce that’s not too sweet, not too spicy. And the crunch doesn’t end there—this dish also comes with crinkle-cut chips, and American-style coleslaw…cuz eating kimchi with fried chicken would be a little weird.

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All this and a can of Coke for just 12 bucks, bro!         

I found this underground Korean food joint in the PATH, and it’s pretty amazing

Now, when I lived in The Annex, there was this funky Korean joint called Yummy BBQ that served up this spicy stir-fry special for less than five bucks. It’s not there anymore—I think it’s an Ali Baba’s now, or a Popeye’s Chicken. They actually had another location around Yonge and Wellesley, but I’m pretty sure that space is now occupied by Signs Restaurant, and that’s probably an upgrade.

But since those two joints shut down, I haven’t been able to satisfy my craving for Korean. Until the other day, when I’m walking through the PATH, I turn the corner, and BAM—Holy Korean chicken, Batman!

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Now, I can’t even remember what this place is called, but if you walk past the Wendy’s, go through the next food court, and hang a right, you’ll see it on your left, just before you hit Aroma Café. And this place is pretty legit, dude. I mean, they give you enough food for three people—or, in my case, a pretty decent-sized lunch.

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OK, let’s break it down. You’ve got some spicy, chunky chicken that almost looks like Indian, but packs a lot more heat. Steamed rice and a choice of two sides—and this was only like seven bucks with a drink, bro! I went with the noodles for some coolness and then the kimchi for more Korean kick. Maybe shouldda gone with the creamy coleslaw, cuz the chicken was spicy enough on its own. But hey, there’s always next time, right?