Slammin’ some Haitian meatballs @ Rhum Corner

Dude, this is body by meatballs, bro! Whether it’s Italian meatballs, Japanese meatballs or pretty much any meatballs imaginable, you KNOW they’re heading straight down my piehole! So when I found out there’s this funky little Caribbean joint serving up Haitian style meatballs, well, you know I got my balls to the wall, man! This is Rhum Corner, and these are boulettes:

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OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got a rich, meaty, beef/pork mix, served with veggies and gravy…and a side of gravy. You know I used all that gravy, son! Comes with white rice and one crispy fried plantain. Dude, the crispy fried plantain is what makes it!!!

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Now, you can’t go to a place called Rhum Corner and order a Diet Coke. And this time I didn’t even get a beer–I know, it’s a supersized shocker in Flavourtown, bro! Instead I went with the national nectar of Jamaica, Wray & Ting:

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So, you take grapefruit soda, some 126-proof white rum, and you mix it all up! This drink is surprisingly refreshing–you get that citrus kick, but you can definitely still taste the booze. And it was only, like, seven bucks? Next time I’m on Island Time I would totally take this over rum and coke!!!

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Scaddabush has big balls, bro!!!

You know me, if there’s two things I like, it’s Italian food…and putting big round things in my face. The bigger the better, bro! So when I heard that Scaddabush, this funky local Italian chain, was serving up some massive meatballs, I knew I had to check it out. They call this one the Straight Up Meatball—and they’re definitely not kidding!

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So, you’ve got a great big pile of meat, served on a crostini, with tomato sauce, a three-cheese blend and some fresh basil? Shut the back door! I could probably pound half a dozen of these…but then I wouldn’t have room for pizza:

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This smoked bacon and egg pie is like breakfast, lunch and dinner…all rolled into one! You’ve got thick chunks of bacon, not one, but two fresh cracked eggs, some mushrooms, and these red hot chili peppers, cuz we prefer the shade. This is one messy pizza, with the egg running all over the place – but you know what I say, if it ain’t messy, it ain’t tasty!!!!

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Meatballs vs. risotto balls @ Pizzeria Libretto

Now, everybody knows that if you want real-deal Italian pizza in downtown Toronto, you gotta go to Pizzeria Libretto. Man, they’ve got all the meats–spicy salami, pepperoni, prosciutto di parma, nduja sausage…even their duck confit pie is too legit to quit!!!

But today, I’m not here for pizza–I’m about to chow down on some balls, bro! And at this funky joint, they’ve got both kinds…meatballs AND risotto balls, aka arancini. Dude, this is body by arancini!

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They actually bring out the rice balls first, which come three to an order, stuffed with stracciatella and smoked scamorza. Try saying that three times fast! But man, the cheese is what makes it, though. It’s ooey, gooey, about to go kablooey all over my face, bro!!!!

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Now, it’s time for some meaty magic. These Round Mounds of Flavourtown are served on a bed of tomato sauce and whipped ricotta, with some peccorino romano oozing out from the inside. That’s right, both kinds of balls are stuffed with cheese. It’s like you’ve got yer Balls Two the Wall, man!!!

This massive Persian meatball tastes like peace in the Middle East!

So, we’re hanging out at Tabriz Persian Cookhouse, this funky, modern Persian joint up around Bay and Wellesley. Now, you know I loves me some shawarma, but this place is a little more fancy than the shawarma shop across the street, bro. They’re serving up stuff like roast lamb shank, saffron chicken, and this Bomb.com Iranian delicacy, koofteh tabrizi:

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OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got a massive mound of meat, with fresh herbs, berries and walnuts, and a hunka-hunka burning plumb hidden in the middle. They serve it up in a bowl with a tomato-based broth, and a side of cucumber and tomato salad. Now, I think it mighta been better if you could pour the broth overtop, or maybe had some bread to soak it up…but still, I would put these big balls in my mouth any day, bro!!!!