Tag Archives: octopus

PATIO LIT EATS: Peruvian lamb, sea and air combo!!!

Now, I’m not drunk or anything, but this one time, after band camp, I went to McDonald’s and ordered a Land, Sea and Air Burger. It was not very good. But on the other hand, if you combine lamb, sea and air, that would probably be pretty tasty!

So, we’re hanging out at Chotto Matte, this funky Japanese/Peruvian fusion joint at Bay and Front. These guys are serving up all kinds of Peruvian style barbecue, and they’re all small plates, so I figured I could eat at least three of them…

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We’re starting off with lamb, which was probably the star of the show. These smoked lamb chops were marinated in a spicy BBQ sauce and grilled to perfection, son!

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From the sea, we’ve got grilled octopus on a bed of purple potatoes with splashes of yuzu/blueberry sauce, for that extra burst of purple. This was another well-cooked dish, with a texture more like steak or chicken than the rubbery chewiness you’d expect from octopus.

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And then from the air, there’s this pollo picante — some nice chunks of chicken served up skewer style with a little green onions on top. Nothing wrong with that at all!

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Now, since I’m eating octopus, I gotta go for an Octopus Wants to Fight, this hoppy, juicy IPA from Great Lakes Brewery. That’ll take some of the heat off those lamb chops, son!

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After all that eating back there, you’re probably wondering, “Did he still have room for dessert?” Well, I wasn’t gonna order it, but when they told me about the Peruvian chocolate crema, I had to check it out!!!

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Dude, this has got to be the best dessert I’ve had all month! It’s kinda like a chocolate mousse, but made with rum — and you can really taste the rum, bro! Then they top it with honeycomb, chocolate sauce and these crunchy little dulce de leche bites — man, I could slam, like, three of these!!!

4 crazy rich sandwiches (+squid on a stick!) @ Waterfront Night Market

Dude, you KNOW I’ve got a smile on my face, cuz I’m taking my fat ass to Ontario Place! Last weekend, the happiest place in Ontario played host to the Waterfront Night Market, a culinary pan-Asian invasion of epic proportions! Now, since both Burgermania and the Mac ‘n Cheese Fest moved off the island, I haven’t had much reason to come here, but when I heard about some of the stuff they were serving up, I knew I had to check it out!!!

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Now, I don’t always go out looking for bacon, but it always seems to find me. This sweet, sweet bacon slider from the Filipino bros at Tocino Boys is served on a milk bun with mustard, mayo, garlic butter…and no veggies whatsoever, just the way I like it!!!

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Yeah, it comes on a bun, but this ain’t no hot dog, bro! This bulgogi beef buldog is topped with cabbage, onions, scallions — and for two dollars more I added kim chi and torched cheese… Dude, this is body by torched cheese!!!!!

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This next dish definitely kicks the funkaliciousness up a notch! This Filipino soul food classic from my kamayan kingdom Platito combines plump ‘n juicy fried chicken with a super savoury ube waffle for this crazy take on chicken ‘n waffles — and the best part is, you can eat it with your hands!

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Now, those sandwiches were all magically delicious, but I swear the longest lines at the whole damn festival were for grilled octopus on a stick! Dude, I would eat anything you gotta bite off a big piece of wood, and when they brush it with chili sauce and add some peanuts for garnish, I totally don’t regret not getting the lamb sticks instead…

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Now, the one thing that was pretty messed about this fest is you gotta pay 20 bucks just to enter the beer garden. So, instead I’m slurping down some grapefruit green tea — don’t knock it till you try it, bro!!!

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We’ve also got some Thai iced tea, served in a plastic bag full of ice…cuz that’s even more unfriendly to the environment??

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But even after that decadent meat extravaganza, you KNOW I’ve still got room for dessert, bro! This Hong Kong bubble waffle joint had the longest lines for anything NOT served on a stick, and this s’mores ice cream waffle sandwich was so tasty, even the Tyrannosaurus Rex wants it!!!!

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Just another righteous feast in the Flavourzoac era, dino bro!!!

SUMMERLICIOUS 2019: Real-deal lamb dinner @ Volos

So, Summerlicious ends on Sunday, and we’re going out in style at this fancy Greek joint, Estiatorio Volos, just a Rob Ford backpedal away from City Hall. Now, you KNOW I love lamb, bro, so when I saw they had lamb shank, I was all over that like a Fun Guy on the Greek Freak!!! But Greece is also known for seafood, so we’re starting off with some grilled octopus:

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This crunchy creature of the sea is the one that I want, do-do-do! (Wait, wrong Grease…) Nice, lemony chew to the octopus, with a bit of bite from the black olives, a couple pieces of red pepper and some arugula. Hey, if you put arugula underneath an octopus, I guess I’ll eat it…

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But now it’s time for the main event. Dude, this was probably the most tender lamb I’ve ever had — it falls off the bone, pulls apart with a fork AND melts in your mouth, bro! You’ve got a nice bed of mashed potatoes, some braised greens, and then these crispy leeks on top…man, I could eat that for breakfast, lunch and dinner!!!!

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For dessert, we’ve got an Ouzo chocolate mousse, with strawberries, blueberries and Ouzo-infused Chantilly cream. Now, this little mousse scoop was quite tasty, but after that massive chocolate cake at Piano Piano, it felt like I was ordering off the kid’s menu!

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Washed it all down with a Volkan Blonde, this Greek wheat beer that they’ve got on tap. I guess they’re not pros at pouring beer, cuz that’s a whole lotta head for such a small glass, bro!!!

Holy octopus balls, Batman!

Lately, Dundas Street has been turning Japanese. You’ve got ramen, izakaya, curry, sushi burritos, green tea ice cream…oh, and that overhyped cheesecake. Now, I loves me some sushi, and just about anything katsu, but when it comes to takoyaki, I’m all like that sounds wacky—until I put these balls in my mouth, bro:

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I know what you’re thinking—tacowhatty? This Japanese snacky is made from wheat flour, cooked in a pan, and stuffed with some good old Doc Oc; diced, minced octopi. You know this is heading straight down my piehole, so let’s break it down. You’ve got a buncha nice, hot balls, crispy on the outside and soft on the inside, with a good chew from our octofarian friends. Topped with spicy mayo and a sesame vinaigrette, green onions and Japanese chilis, all on a bed of purple rice, purple rice. I only want to see you lapping up some purple rice…

Now, this dish gets an F for funkaliciousness. And that’s the same grade I got in Home Ec, son!