Tag Archives: onion rings

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: This really nice burger needs some really big rings!!!

Now that Toronto is into State of Emergency No. 3 like a bad Lou Bega number, let’s just say I’m not getting a lot of exercise these days. So when I saw that The Irv, this funky little joint in Cabbagetown, was serving up a Dad Bod Burger, I was all over that like a fat dad on a Smartie, son!!!

These are a few of my favourite things, right here. You’ve got blue cheese, bacon strips, caramelized onions and a whisky-glazed BBQ sauce, all on top of a thick, juicy patty. This burger is sooo outta bounds, it almost held a gathering of more than 10 people, bro!!!

The only thing that brings it down a bit is the thin, weak bun that was completely soggy by the time I opened the box. So instead of a 10/10, it’s maybe like a 9…

Now, when I saw you could upgrade from fries to house-cut onion rings for just two dollars more, I was all over that like a fat dad in a Speedo, bro! And man, these were like, seriously, some of the best onion rings in Toronto. They give you about a full onion’s worth, with a thick, doughy batter that really kicks things up a notch! I mean, like there are 3-4 bites of onion ring for every bite of burger in this takeout box…not that I’m complaining!!!

Man, the last time I had rings this good was in Buffalo…but who knows when I’ll even be allowed to go to Buffalo again, bro??? 😦 😦 😦

TORONTO’S TOP TAKEOUT: Cow Tipper with One Ring to Rule Them All…

Dude, Clerks II was my second-favourite Clerks movie, so when I found out that Kevin Smith was bringing Mooby’s to Toronto as a pop-up, you KNOW I had to check it out, bro! Of course, I couldn’t actually go there, cuz we’re in Lockdown II, so I put on my Canadian tuxedo and ordered from Skip the Dishes, son!

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I wouldda just ordered a Skinny Calf with Cheese and a Diet Coke, but I didn’t see it on the menu… so instead I went for their classic double cheeseburger, the Cow Tipper. This was like a donkey show in my mouth, bro!

What we’ve got here are two well-done beef patties with American cheese, pickles and just a little bit of lettuce, along with Mooby’s sauce, which tastes a lot like mustard. Bun was not toasted, so it kinda melted into the meat. Still a pretty decent double cheeseburger, but I was almost looking forward more to the sides…

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Now, the Cow Tipper Burger Meal comes with your choice of sides — but I HAD to go with the Pickle Fuckers, bro! These deep-fried pickles were hot ‘n juicy, and you could finish them in less than four bites!!!

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But because this is body by deep fried things, I ordered another side, some Onion Rings to Rule Them All. Dude, this burning ring of onion looks even better than the one from that scene in the movie! Now, there is only one return — and it’s not of the King, it’s of the Jedi! — but I would eat these at least five times, Bil-bro Baggins!!!!

I’m soooo gonna Tap That Cask, bro!!!!

Now, since Doug Ford shut down large gatherings in Ontario (even tailgate parties serving Buck-a-Beer!), it meant that there weren’t too many folks at Duke’s Refresher for their Tap That Cask Festival yesterday. Which just means more craft beer for me, bro!

This awesome event brought over a dozen cask beers from breweries all over Ontario, and sample cups were just two bucks. Let’s just say I did my part to support the provincial economy…

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My first flight, from left to right:

  • Nickel Brook Gold & Glory Cuvee — barrel bourbon aged, very sour, definitely a bit of tang, also a bit of a pruney Farmhouse taste
  • Innocente Irish Red Ale brewed with Lucky Charms — solid red ale with a bit of sweetness, but doesn’t taste like Lucky Charms
  • Halo Event Horizon Stout with lactose — milkier Guinness with a bit of a kick, chocolately notes a la Lions Winter Ale, but a bit smoother
  • Black Lab APA with lemon, grapefruit & orange — very fruity, citrusy, crushable
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Flight number two, coming right through…
  • Muddy York Best Bitter — English pub style beer, right combo of malt and bitter
  • Elora Raspberry Lodestar Sour — very fruity, definitely taste the raspberry
  • Blood Brothers Fruity DIPA — very citrusy, grapefruit or passion fruit flavour, not super hoppy
  • Beau’s Wag the Wolf White IPA — nice hoppy, citrusy flavour. Solid IPA

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Flight number three still tastes good to me!!!

  • Left Field Rally Cap Hibiscus Pale Ale — Not as tart or as sour as Side Launch, a more balanced, refreshing fruity beer
  • Skeleton Brew Crew Knucklebone IPA — another typical IPA, nothing more, nothing less
  • Rorschach Hawaiian Punch Reverie DIPA — definitely get the fruit punch, tanginess
  • Collingwood Downhill Pale Ale — Pretty standard IPA, nothing wrong with that

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Of course, you KNOW I couldn’t crush all those cask beers on an empty stomach, son! Now, the best onion rings I’ve ever had were at this funky burger bar in Buffalo, but this tall tower of super-crispiness, with a nice side of chipotle donkey sauce, might just be second best!

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Holy guacamole, bro! This guac rocks with big, creamy chunks of avocado goodness, to go with some nice, lightly seasoned chips…and they even throw in a tin of salsa roja for that double-dipping action!

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Now, it’s hard to pick a favourite among so many great brews, but if I had to choose, it would be Halo’s Event Horizon Stout — I liked it so much, I ordered a full pint! Dude, this is like Stouts Gone Wild — super-creamy, with the lactose adding an extra richness that you don’t get with Guinness. And since St. Patty’s Day is probably cancelled, this might be the only stout I slam until April, bro!!! 😦 😦 😦 😦

Holy peanut butter jalapeno bacon cheeseburger, Batman!!!

So, we’re hanging out at Allen Burger Venture, this funky little joint on Allen St, right in the heart of the cool part of Buffalo. If your favourite craft beer dive bar only played punk rock and new wave and had 14 different burgers – without counting the non-beef ones – on the menu, it would be this place. And you know me, I had to go with the funkiest of the funky bunch…this is burger number five, Lou Bro-ga!

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Now, this has gotta be the most outta-bounds burger I’ve had since I ordered the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup burger, and made mine a double! You’ve got the salty creaminess of the peanut butter, some heat from the hot peppers, a nice chewy bacon, and a thick and juicy patty – and then you throw down some white cheddar!? Shut the back door!!!

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But the funk train don’t stop there, son! These are some of the biggest, breadiest, crunchiest onion rings I’ve ever seen – and they’re beer-batted in Olde English 800, maybe the one beer I might not drink over Molson Canadian. It sure tastes good on some rings though, bro!!!!

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And when it comes to beer, there ain’t no Canadian here! (They do have Labatt Blue Light though, for some reason.) Instead, you’ve got 24 taps of local craft beer, and even more in cans! This here is Nosferatu, a bloody red ale from Great Lakes Brewing – not the one from Etobicoke, but the one in Cleveland. And rather than the bitter taste of a Crazy Canuck, this brew actually reminds me more of Arch Brewing’s Dinner Jacket O’Red IPA, which used to be my Ottawa Redblacks beer…except that they don’t make it anymore. 😦

We’re getting loaded on Drunken Chicken, bro!!!

Now, if I was to add a couple more letters to the name of this website, it would be Triple BFC. Or maybe Triple BBQFC. Cuz man, if there’s one thing I like almost as much as Burgers, Bacon and Beer, it’s fried chicken. And there’s a whole buncha funky joints from the South — we’re talkin’ South Korea, son — waaay up North, up around Yonge and Finch, that do it up right. But when I heard about this joint called Drunken Chicken, you KNOW I had to check it out. Pass me an ice-cold Sapporo, bro!!!

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Now, the deal with this place is that you can order a “half” or a “whole” chicken, either with bones or boneless, and then there’s seven different sauces and flavours to choose from. Or you can do what I did, which was get half and half — you save four bucks per order, and you get to choose two different kinds.

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So, we started with the Honey Gangjeong, which was a little underwhelming. Don’t get me wrong, this chicken was crispier than a frisky biscuit, but it just didn’t have that much sweetness to it. I was kinda expecting more from something with “honey” in the name…

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I definitely liked the Spicy Peanut more, doused in a Thai-style peanut sauce…but it was so not spicy. Normally, when I see something with a pepper next to it on the menu, it means I’ll be hitching a ride home on the Pepto-Copter, but that was definitely not the case here. Still pretty tasty though…

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Now, you KNOW I finished off two full baskets of Korean fried chicken, and still had room for dessert…if by dessert, you mean onion rings:

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This Duck Dynasty burger is cookin’ with peanut oil!

So, we’re hanging out at The Burger Cellar up on Yonge St north of Lawrence. This place is cookin’ up most of the animal kingdom, bro—you’ve got lamb burgers, bison burgers, turkey burgers…and this tribute to my favourite reality TV show, the Duck Dynasty burger:


OK, let’s break it down. What you’ve got here is a thick, juicy, AAA Angus beef patty, with some BBQ duck confit on top. Throw down some melty cheddar cheese, crispy onions and chipotle mayo, and now you’re cookin’ with peanut oil, son! This burger is supposed to come with coleslaw on top, but coleslaw and duck go together like peanut butter and chili oil, so I got ‘em to put some crispy, deep-fried jalapenos on mine instead. I do not regret this decision…


Now, if you’re ordering a Duck Dynasty burger, you gotta have a killer side, like crawfish gumbo, or some deep-fried boudin balls or something. But you can’t get that shit up in Toronto, so I settled for some beer-battered onion rings. Can’t say I’m disappointed—these rings are super-crispy, fried-to-perfection, shut-the-back-door, bro! Next time, I might go for the duck poutine, though…

Wahlburgers’ turkey club is a wicked hahd slapshaat to the taste buds!

So, I haven’t really been watching much hockey this month cuz no Canadian teams are in the playoffs. You know who else isn’t in the playoffs this year? Boston. Mark Wahlberg would surely be disappointed if he wasn’t busy filming Transformers 7 somewhere deep in the heart of Hamilton.

OK, so I don’t think they’ve started filming that one yet. But a few of Marky Mark’s funky films were made in TO, which is why we’ve also got the only Wahlburgers outside of America. There’s even one at Pearson airport now, but I ain’t flying to the Stanley Cup Finals this year… so I took off to the one downtown, where I had this massive slab of Milan Lucic-approved turkey:

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Doesn’t it look just like him? You’ve got not one, but two patties of lean ground turkey, topped with bacon, white cheddar, lettuce, tomato and both salsa and guacamole. It’s like a fiesta in a bun, bro! Only thing is, there was nothing holding the two patties together, so they were slip-sliding all over the place. I needed like eleventy napkins when I was eating this! But wait, that’s not all…

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These super-stringy onion ringies are Chuck Swirsky approved. All that’s missing is the salami and cheese. Which would actually make a nice appetizer, dontcha think?