Who needs ham & pineapple when you can have spam & pineapple?

Not gonna lie, I kinda like pineapple on pizza — whether it’s bacon and pineapple or the classic Hawaiian: ham and pineapple. But the other day, I stopped in at Dovercourt Village Pizza, this funky little joint at Dundas and Bathurst, where they’re funking it up a notch by putting spam and pineapple on pizza!

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They call this one “Thanks, Obama!” and it’s got BBQ spam, some tangy pineapple and a streak of BBQ sauce, with some added chili flakes from yours truly. Now, I’m not sure what they do to the spam, but it almost tastes more like bacon than something that comes in a can. And then that BBQ sauce gives it a little extra kick… Man, even if it spams my inbox from now till next November, I would still vote for this slice of pizza in 2020, bro!!!

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Funky four-course feast in Kensington Market

Now, when the weather’s actually nice outside, I like to head down to Kensington Market. You’ve got a buncha killer craft beer joints, some of the best tacos in Toronto — they’re even serving ’em up First Nations style! — and a Tom Cruise-themed burger joint. If it’s funky, you’ll find it here. I mean, where else are you gonna get real-deal Salvadorean pupusas in this city???

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This pupusa revuelta is stuffed with pork, beans and cheese — a true triple threat in Flavourtown! You’ve got some coleslaw on the side, and a not-so-mild sauce on top… all for just $3.65 at the Emporium Latino??? Shut the puerta de entrada!!!

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Now, we ain’t about to wash down that Salvadorean speciality with a Bud Light! Instead, I reached into the fridge and pulled out a Tepachito, this funky pineapple cider from Mexico. It’s like Pineapples Gone Wild, bro!!!

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But you KNOW that a pineapple soda isn’t gonna be the only beverage on this adventure! We’re busting out the German beer, along with a massive veal and lamb sammich at Otto’s Berlin Doner. The craft beer selection at this place kicks the crap outta Supermarket next door, and this meaty, saucy sammy is more than a light snack in Flavourtown. I went with a Hacker-Pschorr Weiss, a nice wheat beer from the old country that they actually have on tap, for $7.50. (Pretty sure the last time I went to Supermarket, I had a Corona…)

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Now, that doner might have been enough food for some skinny-pantsed hipster, but you KNOW I ain’t full yet, bro! So we’re heading over to Blackbird Baking Co, this funky bakery on Baldwin that makes everything fresh in-house…including this Roman-style mushroom pizza. Normally, I’m allergic to any pizza that doesn’t have meat on it, but when you’ve got the fresh mushrooms, black olives, poblanos and red peppers, I don’t think it needs anything else. One of the best vegetarian dishes I’ve had this year!

At this point I probably don’t have room for dessert…but I can always still cram a two-dollar churro down my piehole:

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Launching Lord Simcoe 1791 Lager (well ahead of Lord Simcoe Day…)

Now, I’ve always thought that Lord Simcoe Day was the weirdest holiday in Canada. It’s a random day off at the beginning of August celebrating some dude who died in like the 1800’s. But now that he’s got a beer named after him, I’ve got a reason to start celebrating Simcoe Day early this year!!!

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So, we’re hanging out at the Berkeley Bicycle Club for the launch of Lord Simcoe 1791 Lager, which happens to be the year Toronto was founded. This light, crisp beer would go good in the summer — it’s pretty much perfect for celebrating Simcoe Day on the dock of the bay, bro! It’s pretty easy drinking, but still has some flavour — more Steamwhistle than Molson Canadian. Oh, and it goes pretty good with Canadian food like pizza and poutine:

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Any party with a poutine station is my kinda place to be! And they’ve got the real-deal cheese curds here, too — none of that shredded cheddar garbage! Now, the first time I went up, they only had veggie pizza, so I had to go back for a couple slices of this culinary creation. I don’t know who thought putting zucchini on top of prosciutto was a good idea…but I don’t think you’d see me eating zucchini otherwise:

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Now, somehow this event was also sponsored by Jack Daniels, which meant I got to fire away with a 1791 Depth Charge — a shot of Jack and a pint of lager, son!!!

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Wait, did somebody say “Fire Away?” Cuz the Greg Williams Band was playing everything from Chris Stapleton and Kip Moore to Chuck Berry and The Band. You know there’s something bout a truck and a beer and a shot and a poutine, and some good ol’ rock ‘n roll, bro!!!

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Scaddabush has big balls, bro!!!

You know me, if there’s two things I like, it’s Italian food…and putting big round things in my face. The bigger the better, bro! So when I heard that Scaddabush, this funky local Italian chain, was serving up some massive meatballs, I knew I had to check it out. They call this one the Straight Up Meatball—and they’re definitely not kidding!

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So, you’ve got a great big pile of meat, served on a crostini, with tomato sauce, a three-cheese blend and some fresh basil? Shut the back door! I could probably pound half a dozen of these…but then I wouldn’t have room for pizza:

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This smoked bacon and egg pie is like breakfast, lunch and dinner…all rolled into one! You’ve got thick chunks of bacon, not one, but two fresh cracked eggs, some mushrooms, and these red hot chili peppers, cuz we prefer the shade. This is one messy pizza, with the egg running all over the place – but you know what I say, if it ain’t messy, it ain’t tasty!!!!

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Italian Christmas feast @ Salto Restaurant & Bar

Now, I’ve never been to Christmas dinner in Italy, but I’ve heard Italians like to eat…so we’re hanging out at Salto Restaurant & Bar, this funky little joint right at the end of Ossington, where they’re serving up a righteous Italian spread for the Triple B Kristmas Krew. You’ve got pizza, you’ve got pasta, you’ve got roast potatoes, chicken, and even salad…not that I saved any room for salad, though!!!!

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They call this paisano pizza pie Christopher, and you can call me not late for dinner! You’ve got sausage, meatballs, and two kinds of peppers — red and banana! Hey bada-boom, bada-bing!!!

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Of course, you can’t expect me to eat only one piece of pizza, so I had to dive head first into this meat lover’s paradise, El Tomasso. Italian sausage, soppressata AND pepperoni!? Shut the back door, bro!!!

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Speaking of meat, this rigatoni & meatballs had such massive mounds of meat that I had to cut some of them in half! What is this, Boston Pizza???

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Now, here’s another Italian classico — fettuccine alfredo! Super-creamy pasta in my mouth-o, bro!!!

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Now, I don’t normally eat chicken unless it’s battered and fried, but this mushroom chicken was super tender, creamy, goes good with a nice bite of roasted potatoes… Man, I could eat this all day. In fact, I already went back for a second plate:

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Dude, I had to get the pizza with bacon on it… Pizza with bacon on it was my nickname in gym class–don’t ask, bro!!!

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Of course, you KNOW I still had room for dessert, though… This house-made tiramisu hit the spot like Rocky knocking out Ivan Drago!!!!

Pineapple on a pizza? Don’t mind if I do…

Now, I’ve never understood the hatred for Hawaiian pizza. OK, so it might be kinda weird to put fruit on a pizza pie…but how else am I gonna get six servings of fruit a day, bro???

So, we’re hanging out at General Assembly Pizza, this funky little joint where they don’t just put pineapple on a pizza–they pair it with jalapenos and double smoked bacon. This is the Porky Pine:

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OK, now let’s break it down. You’re got the crispness of the bacon, a little sweetness from the pineapple, some great big globs of ricotta cheese, along with aged mozzarella…but it’s the jalapenos that really kick it up a notch. This ‘za is super-spicy, bro! I pretty much had to chug seven tallboys just to beat the heat!!! But when their tallboys of Mascot Pilsner are only seven bucks, I just mighta chugged seven tallboys anyways.

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Focu Meu, that’s some tasty pizza!!!!

So, we’re hanging out at Terroni, this funky fresh Italian joint on Yonge St, just a tallboy’s toss from the big ol’ train station LCBO. This place has got three floors serving up hand-made pasta and real-deal pizza — they’ve got no less than 29 pizza pies to pick from! Now, it’s hard to choose between so many great pies, but this one, the Focu Meu (pronounced pretty much how you’d think), was practically calling my name:

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OK, now let’s break it down. You’ve got tomato sauce and mozzarella, with some spicy nduja sausage, fried eggplant and then a whole buncha shaved parma on top. Cuz what pizza doesn’t need more cheese, please? You definitely get a nice kick from the sausage, but that fried eggplant is what makes it, bro!!!

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Now, I slay pizza the same way I crush potato chips–you bet yer ass I don’t eat just one, son! So, say hello to my little friend San Giorgio, an old school pie topped with hot calabrese salami and mushrooms. Dude, Hot Calabrese Salami was my stripper name in college…although I’d rather be shoving this pizza straight down my piehole!!!!